As Time Goes By (The Californians 2) (21 page)

"Yes, you have asked, Cleve," Bobble said softly, "and I felt it was important to answer you in person."

"I'm pretty sure I know what you're going to say." Bobbie was quiet for a moment then. How did a woman tell a man that she was afraid she would someday regret marrying him? Bobbie was searching for the right words when Cleve spoke again.

"It's because I don't pray that much or read my Bible, isn't it?"

Bobbie thanked God for the opening.
"'I
think," she answered carefully, "that people need to enter marriage with their eyes open. I mean, if there's something that makes a person uncomfortable, then he or she needs to understand that before the vows are spoken and not plan on changing that person once the wedding is over. Am I

making any sense?"

"Yes."

"We've always been very honest with each other, Cleve, and I don't want that to change now. I'm not comfortable with the fact that you talk about love as though it's not important. I mean, getting married with the assumption that someday we'll love each other is not enough for me. But that's the way you believe, and I wouldn't try to change that.

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"But the reason I can't say yes to you, Cleve, is much more serious. It's the exact reason you just mentioned." Bobbie's voice grew very tender and tears stung the back of her eyes. "God doesn't seem important enough to you, Cleve, and I just can't live with that; I know I didn't explain myself very well in the letter, but I had a reason. If you change spiritually, Cleve, it needs to be because of God, and not because you want to marry me."

Bobbie held her breath. The words were all spoken kindly and without judgment, but they were words that

Bobbie was sure would make him angry. She was wrong. "Thanks for telling me, Robbie."

Bobbie didn't know what to say. In fact, all she wanted to do was burst into tears. She had just hurt a man she cared for and also turned down the only proposal she was sure she would ever get.

youokay?"

"I should be asking you that, Cleve." Tears streamed down her face as she answered. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't, and the truth is, I haven't been completely honest with you." Bobbie looked surprised and he continued. "You see, I deliberately stayed away from Santa Rosa to see if you'd come back because you missed me. In fact, there wasn't a day that the stage came in that I wasn't there to meet it, always hoping you'd be on board." Cleve's voice was quiet, almost resigned.

Bobbie cried in earnest then. She took off her glasses and buried her face in her hands. Cleve watched help lessly.

"Robbie, please don't do this."

Bobbie tried to contain herself so she could talk with him, but the tears kept coming.

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"I was really hoping you'd let me stay. I haven't had a vacation for a long time and I won't push you or any thing---"

"What?" His words surprised Bobbie out of her tears. "Well," Cleve continued, "it's just that maybe your parents would rather I didn't stay here, since we're not going to be---"

"You mean you'll stay all week, you'll really stay like

you originally planned?"

"I'd like to."

"Oh Cleve, I was so hoping you would. But I was sure that as soon as we talked you'd want to leave. In fact I was afraid you'd even move to the hotel tonight and leave on the morning stage."

"I'd like to stay, and," he held up his hand as though making a solemn vow, "I promise we'll be friends. No hinting about your coming to Jenner."

"Oh Cleve," Bobbie said again, wanting to tell him she thought he was wonderful, but no words would come.

Bobble had put her glasses back on and they smiled at each other in understanding. Cleve confessed to being very tired a little while later, and then took himself off to Troy's room, where he would sleep in the extra bed. Bobbie stayed downstairs for awhile to talk with her parents.

"He's awfully nice, Bobbie," her mother commented.

"Yes, he is," she said with soft conviction. 'nd he'll make some girl a good husband."

"But not you," her father interjected.

"No, not me."

The three were silent for a minute and Bobble was glad that Troy was out with Carla.

'.re you all right?" Maryanne asked her daughter.

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"I've been better. You don't mind if Cleve stays, do you? I mean, even though we're just friends?"

"You know better than to even ask, Bobbie." Her father's gentle voice was her undoing.

"I'm
going to bed now." Bobbie stood and more tears fell. She was almost out of the room when Jake came up behind her.

"Oh Dad," was all Bobbie could say as she was en folded in her father's embrace.

"You did the right thing, didn't you, Bobbie?" "Yes."

'ad you have peace."

"Yes, but I
hurt."

"I know you do. God knows too."

Bobbie let herself cry against her father's shirt. When she pulled away he offered her his handkerchief. Bobbie shook her head and reached into her skirt pocket. Her own was so damp from her cry on the porch that she giggled.

Jake recognized the signs of exhaustion and turned her toward the stairs.

"Good night, honey."

"'Good
night, Dad."

Jake turned back to the living room, reaching as he walked to put his handkerchief into his pocket. His wife's face stayed the movement. He joined her on the couch, handed her the cloth in his hand, and pulled her against his chest.

He didn't ask Maryanne why she was crying, since he was sure she wouldn't be able to answer. But he sus pected that it might have something to do with the light they saw in Troy's eyes in the last weeks and whether or not Bobbie's eyes would ever have that gleam.

thirty

Well-rested and ready to take Santa Rosa by storm the next morning, Cleve and Bobble borrowed one of the Taylors' wagons. Bobbie took Cleve over every square inch of her hometown. Cleve was truly impressed.

"No wonder you missed living hereDit's a great city." "I think so," Bobble said with a smile. "I'm going to miss that smile, Robbie."

'Cand I'm going to miss being called Robbie."

They looked at each other for a moment and Bobble silently praised God with a sense of wonder in her heart. It was miraculous thatthey couldbe friends aftertheyhad talked of marriage.

Their last stop on the way home was the shipping office so they could collect Bobbie's pay for the week. Bill, Gilbert, and Cleve became involved in a discussion as soon as they walked in the door, and Jeff, offering a ridiculous excuse, nearly dragged Bobble to the back room.

"How's it going?" He whispered close to her ear as soon as they were at the back of the room.

"How is what going?"

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"You know, with Cleve."

"'It's fine," Bobbie answered, a bit puzzled. "We've had a lovely day."

"So it's going all right between you two?"

"Yes."

"When do you leave for Jenner?"

In the shadowy room Bobbie didn't catch the pained look on Jeff's face, but his voice told her something was

wrong. She knew it was time to explain. "Jeff, I'm not going to Jenner." "You're not?" "No." "Why not?"

Bobbie brought her hands up to frame Jeff's face. He was bent over her and Bobbie spoke while holding his face very close to her own, thinking as she did that he was such a dear friend.

"Jeffrey, Cleve and I are not going to be married. But we are still friends, and he's going to stay the week because this is a break from work for him." .

Even after Bobbie dropped her hands it took a moment for Jeff to respond. "How long have you known you

weren't going to marry Cleve?"

"For a while now."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Jeff," Bobbie's voice was kind but very logical, "if you asked a girl to marry you, wouldn't you appreciate her

giving you an answer before she talked to anyone else?" "Yeah, I guess I would."

Bobbie looked away from him then, and Jeff realized

how insensitive he had been in the last few minutes. 're you okay?"

"Yes." Bobbie's voice was nearly inaudible.

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Jeff was not convinced. His hand came up to gently grasp Bobbie's jaw. He held her lightly and looked into her eyes. He saw pain there and something he couldn't quite interpret. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before freeing her.

As Jeff straightened he saw that Gilbert was rushing toward them. He appeared to be very upset.

"Honestly, Jeff, Bobbie's fianc is in the next room and you're in here kissing her!"

"It's all right, Gilbert---" Bobbie began.

"How can you say that, Bobble?"

"'Oh
Gilbert," she chuckled softly, "you're so sweet. Please explain to him, Jeff. I've got to be going."

The men watched her leave, and then Jeff explained to his brother, who promptly apologized for jumping to conclusions. They talked for a few minutes longer, and Gilbert admitted that he was relieved over Bobbie's de cision. Jeff agreed, but kept some of his thoughts to himself. Mainly his worry over the expression he had seen in Bobbie's eyes--the one he couldn't quite define.

"You better keep an eye on him, Mom. He'll make it so spicy that we'll all have tears in our eyes."

"Don't listen to her, Mrs. Bradford," Cleve broke in. "You'll love this chili."

Maryanne smiled to herself. She had never met a man who loved to cook. Jake and Troy were both quite capable in the kitchen, but they always preferred to have her or Bobbie do the work.

"Okay, Robbie, I'm ready for that pot."

Bobbie and Cleve worked well together in the kitchen, and Maryanne felt a twinge of regret that he wouldn't be

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a permanent part of the family. She quickly reminded herself that her daughter was a grown woman who had prayed long and hard about this man. She was not about to be an interfering mother!

The meal was wonderful. Cleve met Carla, who was over for the evening, and after the dishes were washed and put away, the four young people played a game.

When Troy walked Carla home, Cleve and Bobbie headed outside to sit under the tree in the front yard. It was another warm night, and the air was fresh and inviting.

"I've been thinking all day about what you said last night."

"What was that exactly?"

"That God doesn't seem that important to me." "Cleve---"

"No, Robbie, don't say anything. I needed to hear that." He was silent for a moment, and then went on in a contemplative voice.

"You seem to have something that I don't. God seems to be very special to you, and I can't help but wonder why I don't feel the same way. In fact, I wonder if I'm even saved."

Bobbie opened her mouth to deny Cleve's words, but shut it again. She had no business telling Cleve that she was sure he was saved; that was between him and God.

"Is there a time that stands out in your mind as to when you accepted Jesus Christ?" Cleve asked the woman beside him.

"Yes, there is, a very definite time. It was after I came to live with Aunt Joanne and Uncle Jasper. Suddenly one night I was very afraid that I would die. My parents were sure of their eternity, but I wasn't and I wanted to be.

Uncle Jasper talked with me for a long time. I found out later that Aunt Jo was praying her heart out in the next room.

"It was that night that I knew I needed a Savior, and I turned to Jesus Christ."

"I don't have anything like that to look back on," Cleve admitted quietly.

"It doesn't happen the same for everyone, Cleve." "I'm sure you're right, but that's not what I mean." He was quiet for a moment, and Bobbie wanted to ask him what he did mean, but she stayed silent and prayer ful.

"I've just always gone to church," Cleve began. "I've spent time with the people who attended church and I've tried to read my Bible and pray, but I'm not sure I've ever made that step. I'm not sure that if I died right now, I would spend eternity with God."

"You can be sure, Cleve. Right now, even."

Cleve turned his head to look at her. "I think you're right, Robbie, but after all this time, thinking everything was fine, it feels awkward to try and talk to God about this."

"He's the only One you can talk to, Cleve. God alone can give you a peace about your eternity. If you're not sure, then be sure right now. Don't let pride stand in the way. Tell God you know you're a sinner, and that you believe His only Son died for those sins."

Cleve was again silent for a moment. "I think I'm going to go up to the bedroom now, Robbie. Troy isn't back yet and I need some time alone."