As Meat Loves Salt (56 page)

Aunt could not restrain herself. 'He's not a widower. Are you, Jacob?'

I shook my head. 'She left our home under my protection, but we were separated, and I can come by no news of her since. I pray she escaped insult from the soldiers.'

Jonathan said to Hepsibah, 'Show them what was done to you.'

'O, no, Husband! They won't want to see that!'

Aunt said, 'I had rather - that is, I—'

'I mean nothing indecent,’ Jonathan urged. 'Go on, Hepsibah.'

Hepsibah lifted off her cap and for the first time I noticed that her hair was cropped beneath it, shorter than mine and almost as short as Ferris's. I had never seen a woman's head in such a condition. Aunt's eyes were wide with pity and horror.

'Was that apprentices?' I asked, fascinated to find that we shared a misfortune.

'Cavaliers,' her husband answered. 'Because she couldn't get them the wine cellar key. Did you ever see such senseless - such—!' He shook his head.

'Thank Providence it was no worse,' his wife reproached him. 'They debauch women for a joke. Maid, mother, no odds.'

'She's right,’ I said.
'That
would have come after the wine cellar.'

Ferris entered the room and found us all staring at the woman's despoiled head.

'The Cavaliers did to Hepsibah what the prentice lads did to me,' I told him.

Almost proudly, Hepsibah put back her cap.

'Your hair was cut?’ Jonathan asked me.

'He can't remember it,' said Ferris. 'We - the New Model - found him on the road, half dead, and some of the young lads cut his hair off.'

'But why?' asked Jonathan. 'How had he offended?'

'Do such fools as that need a reason? They said he was Samson to the Devil and must be shorn or he would rise and slay the camp. A good thing for them the corporal didn't hear their blasphemy.'

'You never told me this before,' I said.

'I wanted no revenges. What does it matter what they said? They cut your hair because it was black and shiny.'

I glowed within to know he had measured their envy.

'It will grow again, my dear,' said Aunt. I looked round eagerly but she was talking to Hepsibah.

'Let me see the list,' I said. Ferris passed it over. The Tunstalls had put down sickles, flails, seedlips, all the usual stuff; also a breast plough. This last made me sigh. There was no need for it, since we had oxen, but I suspected that once carried to the common, sooner or later it would be put into someone's hands. The thing took a strong worker and I had a good idea who that worker would be. With a man's sweat to oil it, it might take a week to turn as much earth as an ox team could plough in a day. I laid down the paper. 'Have we need of a breast plough?'

'It is a gift,' said Ferris. He turned to the Tunstalls. 'Will you bring these and put them on the cart?'

'When will you depart?' asked Jonathan.

'We thought the tenth of April. High time to be sowing,' said Ferris.

We thought.
I had not heard the date before.

'That's late. The ploughing should have been done in the winter,' said Jonathan, voicing one of the very doubts which tormented me also.

'And next year we will,' I answered, obediently singing Ferris's tune. 'But there we are, it is all unbroken. Not much manuring to do; we have that on our side.'

They agreed to bring round their implements a couple of days before the time, and to walk with us to the common on the tenth. Ferris went downstairs with them, clapping them on the back and calling out to them as they walked down the street. I stayed behind, looking over the hated list, aware of Aunt's inquisitive gaze on my face.

I was finding myself more and more in this position, promoting what I feared. Sometimes, in my sleep, I heard myself offering explanations to the Devil, who listened in mocking silence and then for answer turned to our precious crops, his fiery laughter scorching them up to withered gourds.

I should have been like the dead after all the packing and stacking that had gone on, but I was sleepless on the eve of departure, lonely even in beloved company. Ferris rolled about in bed; he muttered and laughed and once said
Joanna,
but still he slept. Dreading wakefulness, I had left the candle burning and brought another up with me. I passed my time in watching him, the candlelight being too dim for the Bible which still lived by the side of his bed. Besides, all such reading now frightened me, ever since I had opened the book at random and my eyes had at once fallen on:
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death.
Later it came to me that most likely Ferris — or Nathan — had halted at Leviticus before, and pressed the page open; but
then
it seemed an omen to strike terror into my soul.

The Judas cry of hundreds of birds told me the sun was coming up outside. I turned down the sheets to gaze on Ferris, to commit him and the room to heart. He lay on his back, arms flung wide, as if in welcome: he was slender as a boy, only his scarred cheek to show he had borne arms. I stored up his grace, and his sleeping innocence, for old age.

Feeling the cold, he frowned and rolled towards me. I pulled the cover over us both. Every delight I ever tasted with him pierced me like a knife. I locked my arms about him, caught him between my

thighs, burrowed my face into his neck. He struggled and woke. I saw that he knew what day it was, for he said nothing but at once put his arms round me. We lay pressed together, unmoving.

Our loving neighbours were out to see the fanatics depart for their field. Some looked on with a discreet — very discreet — admiration, but on most faces I saw that hard completeness which has no time for
newfangled notions.
Mister Cooper need not have sold up after all,
said their eyes,
for the young madman has quit. Good riddance to him and his hulking ill-mannered friend.

Our companions were come and the fellow had brought round the oxen as promised. We all waited in the courtyard in the flat light as Harry fitted the yokes. The beasts stood quiet.

'This one is Reuben, and that Pharoah,' said the man. Elizabeth patted his snout. 'Pharoah, Pharoah.' Thomas, the eldest of the three Beste children, stared in awe at his hooves. The other two were called Diamond and Blackboy.

'Have we overloaded the cart?' Ferris asked nervously.

Harry made an inspection: it was hard, indeed, to see how more could go on there, or even how we had fitted on all that there was: rice, cheese, salted butter and beef, bacon, poor-john, dried beans, oil and beer, not to mention clothing, grain, seeds and implements. A plough lay on top of the pile, handles projecting from the back. Jonathan, Harry and the Domremys had smaller carts of their own, while the other colonists carried bulging packs.

When everything had been checked several times the terrible moment came. Aunt was still in the house, weeping. I hesitated, then realised that everyone apart from Ferris and myself had gone through this already. I looked round to see how well they had survived it. Botts seemed happy as a man just sat down to a roast goose. The women all had swollen eyes, but each smiled at me, while the men stood quietly acknowledging that it was a blow, a blow indeed. I knew too well how the married couples must have kissed and clung earlier on.

'Go say your farewells indoors,' I suggested to Ferris.

'You go first, then.'

At that moment Aunt came out, looking so pinched and old that I would not have known her. A dreary pleasure passed through the gaping neighbours, and one woman came and took her hand in sympathy. Aunt wrenched it away and threw both her arms violently about Ferris. I was reminded of our arrival in London; she heaved and moaned. He sent me a look of helpless misery over her shoulder, then buried his face in her neck. I looked away, surprised to find myself so pained. The woman who had offered her hand stood stiffly to one side.

Someone touched my sleeve. Becs. She jerked her head towards the house and I followed, oppressed by a faint dread. Once in the kitchen she stopped and turned to face me. I could find nothing to say or do but wait.

She had on her best gown, dark and close-fitting; her wet cheeks showed very fresh over the brilliant white collar. It was a shame, after all, for her not to have had the man she wanted. I was about to beg forgiveness, when the girl rapped out in a strange, fierce voice: 'She'll never know what I saw.'

'O—!'That was my breath going out, the breath I had not known I was holding. My thanks were still unspoken when she went on, 'Take care of him, he's her life.'

'He's mine also.'

We stared at one another. Then she stepped up to me and raised her face, imperious, as if I were the servant.
Very well, a truce.
I touched my mouth to hers. It was a dry, brotherly kiss and we did not cease staring. I made to raise my head, when suddenly her arms coiled round my neck, pulling me down; she closed her eyes and the tip of her tongue pushed between my lips, soft, coaxing. I held back, refusing to join her in it, but then came a treacherous excitement. Panicking, I again tried to raise my head and she at once hung with all her weight on me, pushing right into my mouth, her blind, wilful eyelids shutting out my fear. To my horror, I felt a springing in the loins. She must be stopped at once. Praying Ferris would not come back into the house, I slowly but firmly prised her arms from my neck.

She bit me, and as I pulled away she hit me a ringing blow in the face. I was too shocked even to strike back. There was a taste of blood and I knew she had split my lip. We stood quivering, Becs with clenched fists, I fingering my mouth. I almost said, 'What's the meaning of this?' but instead I bowed to her - bowed! - and stumbled out of the room, closing the door on her violent crying.

At the door I met Aunt, who did not look me in the eyes but seized my hands and muttered, 'May God take you to His care. This house is always open,' and then pushed past me, staggering, on her way upstairs. I stepped out into the sun to see our company waiting for me, Ferris very white.

'You've cut your lip,' said Hepsibah.

I wiped it on the back of my hand and took up my bundle. Harry, bearing Thomas on his shoulders, passed the handles of his cart to Jeremiah, then jerked the reins and clicked to Pharoah. Elizabeth carried the baby in her arms; her middle child, who looked to be about a year old, was held by Susannah Domremy. The carts squeaked on the cobbles and the onlookers parted to let us through. At the end of the street Ferris and I turned round, as one, to look back at the house. There was the window of his chamber, with the two women in it, waving. We waved back. I wondered if Becs could taste my blood. The neighbours stood motionless, watching us go.

PART IV

TWENTY-FOUR

Of Snares

That first day,
when we set down at the edge of the trees and Harry halted the beasts, we stood silent and still as those we had left behind. As soon as the cart stopped creaking I was struck by a mighty squawking of birds, and looking up, saw the spikes of a monstrous rookery in the top branches of the wood.

Then Hepsibah took the hands of the two sisters, one either side of her, showing we should all do likewise, and having made a circle each bowed the head at the great thing we were about. My lower lip was swollen. Some skin was come off and the raw place had been healing, then bursting open, all the day: a loving remembrance.

'Look with favour on our labours, Lord, and grant that they may be a sign unto the times.’ The rooks screamed through Hathersage's pleas; each of us echoed, 'Amen'. I remarked that Ferris closed his eyes in prayer to the God he disowned.

We all turned to the cart. Harry unyoked the oxen and tied them, allowing the creatures plenty of rope. I took the weight of the plough as Ferris, atop the cart, slid it down to me, while the others pulled away stuff from the sides. I saw Jonathan unload the hated breast plough and add it to the pile of implements he was building on a level piece of grass. The seeds and small items were in wooden chests. At the very bottom, lining the cart, was the tent, oiled against rain.

My coat and shirt were damp, and had been so throughout the walk from Cheapside. In my pack were some washballs and a cloth; I was already resolved to keep as clean as I might. There was spring water, which meant the battle was half won already, and should it prove too difficult to strip off in the wood, I would fill a bucket. City ways. We were to be peasants now, even my soldier-merchant who stood flushed with sun and with pride at the sight of his purchases all new and unused. He helped me put up the tent, while the rest, instructed by Jeremiah, went to mark out where our strips should be cut, or to fetch back water or timber from the wood.

'Your nose is burnt,' I said.

'Ah, no!' He rubbed at it crossly. 'Once the skin browns it is all right.'

I wondered how would he trench and sow under the sun. We got the tent up more easily than I expected and secured it with stakes, then ran back and forth carrying the chains of our bondage into it. I gave him some of the most awkward stuff to lug, seeing no reason to take it all on my own back. Standing in the printroom, he had said the New Jerusalem would be built of sweat: let him find out what that meant. When I loaded him up with a big pack, so heavy it gave me pause, he locked eyes with me and his jaw set. I watched him go slowly, painfully, to the tent, expecting him to sink to the ground. He did not, but when I followed him in I found him still standing, unable to cast his load without losing balance, and I took pity on him, supporting the load while he slipped his shoulders from under it.