As Autumn Leaves (3 page)

Kayla shook her head. “No, not yet.”

“You should,” Althea said. “Seriously, you… you can cheer on your school team, even if it’s not with pom-poms.”

Kayla laughed. She wasn’t sure she wanted to go sit alone in the stands, and sports weren’t Hannah and Ernie’s cup of tea, but maybe she could convince her friends to join her. “Okay, point. I’ll consider it.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah, cool,” Kayla echoed. “See you later.”

She smiled at Althea, and turned to leave the building. At the door, Althea called out, stopping her.

“You were brilliant in there.”

Kayla’s head tilted questioningly.

“Dancing,” Althea clarified. Scuffing the ground with the toe of her shoe, she glanced up through her eyelashes. Her eye shadow was bright pink today. “I saw the last routine. You… I didn’t know you danced. You’re awesome.”

“Thank you!” Kayla said, as enthusiastically as Althea when they’d been talking sports. “I love it, I really do.”

“I can see why.”

“You know, I have class Fridays. You should stop in any time you’re here for your brother. Maybe join in! It’s fun.”

“Oh no.” Althea put up her hands defensively. “I might have some moves on the court, but I don’t dance. At all. Ever. But maybe… I mean, maybe I’ll watch. If that’s okay.”

“Sure, if you want. I’d like that. Only if you want.”

“Cool.”

That seemed to be Althea’s indication that she was done talking about it, the simple cut-off word
cool
. A nice note to end on, simple and pleased and a mutual understanding, so Kayla didn’t mind.

Kayla smiled wide. “I’ll see you later.”

“For sure.”

Kayla turned away again, adjusting her scarf and pulling on her bright orange mini gloves. Even though she stepped into the chilly autumn air, warmth radiated from inside her.

“HI, MOM,
I’m home,” Kayla called one evening as she opened the door to their apartment. She pulled the keys from the lock, closed the door behind her, and relocked it. “You here?”

“Yes, honey,” her mom called back. With the confirmation, Kayla also slid in the chain-lock. They’d be settled in for the night. Kayla had gone to Hannah’s after school to study for an upcoming biology test and had eaten dinner with Hannah’s cute family. Her brother was hilarious. Kayla’s mother had been at a booster’s meeting anyway, but it would be nice to say hello to her before heading to bed.

Kayla dropped her backpack on the floor by the door and hung her jacket. Slow in her movements, like trying to swim through molasses, she went into the kitchen. She was tired—not physically, though she was desperate for a decent sleep—but the school day had been rough. Jason and the others sought her out in the cafeteria and sat at the table near her, Hannah, and Ernie, being obnoxiously loud in their teasing. Of course, they fell into polite conversation when a teacher walked by, but it’d start as soon as any adult was out of earshot.

Kayla did her best not to let her facade crack, not to let them get to her or let them know when they did. It would only fuel their fire, and it would show Hannah self-doubt too. Deleting her social media accounts over summer had been Kayla’s most brilliant idea because at least she didn’t get an onslaught by those means. With all the blocked numbers, only Hannah or Ernie texted her anyway.

So at least the bullying happened while at school and not full-on in all aspects of her life, but it was hard to take. Some days, like today, it exhausted her.

Opening the fridge door, she rummaged around for a light snack. “Hi,” she said when her mother came into the kitchen, leaning against the counter.

“Can we talk?”

Kayla pulled back from the fridge, taking an apple with her, and closed the door. “Sure. What’s up?”

Her mother frowned and crossed her arms. “Kayla, I’m concerned. I heard…. Are you having trouble at school?”

“I like my classes,” she said neutrally. “My marks are high.”

“Excellent to hear, considering.”

“Considering what?” Kayla crossed her arms, a mirror image of her mother, but tilted her chin defensively. “Spit it out, Mom, what’s going on?”

“Don’t take that tone with me, young lady, I’m concerned for you.”

“Why?”

“I heard some things today, from other booster mothers.”

“I’m not a cheerleader anymore!” Kayla said, throwing her hands up in exasperation, but gripping the apple so it didn’t go flying. “What are you doing there?”

“I know you left the team, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to support them.”

“I chose to put my focus somewhere else!”

Her mother closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “This isn’t what I wanted to fight about. I don’t want to fight at all. I want to get to the bottom of what I heard.”

“What did you hear?” Kayla had a suspicion. Not wanting her mother to worry, Kayla kept the troubles she’d been having at school from her, but it wouldn’t last forever. Not with how gossip tended to travel like wildfire through all of Greenville.

“Something about why you broke up with Jason. And quit the squad.”

“What something?” Kayla wasn’t going to say it out loud. If asked, she would tell as much of the truth as she could, but not until her mother chased for it.

“That… well.” Her mother stood up straight. “You didn’t want to sleep with him, but he tried to pressure you, so you broke up with him. And all the girls on the squad are mad at you for it, so you decided to quit.”

Kayla blinked. Gentler than what Kayla expected, she’d been waiting for Cold Fish and Ice Queen to come out—maybe her mother was censoring, but maybe she hadn’t heard that side of it.

“Who’d you hear that from?”

“Amy’s mother. She heard it from Amy, who’s upset to hear you quit the squad, but she’s heard some rumors about why.”

“Oh,” Kayla said, surprised.

Kayla wasn’t close to Amy—Amy was a year older than Kayla, and they had never been on the same squad at the same time, though they would’ve been this year. Kayla knew her from some of the combined JV and varsity functions from the year before. Popular at school, the head cheerleader with a hot hockey boyfriend, she was notorious for being sweet and accepting of all kinds of kids. Her best friend was the one openly gay guy at school.

“Is there any truth to this? Are the girls giving you trouble at school?”

Kayla licked her lips, trying to decide the best way to explain. Her mother wouldn’t get it—wouldn’t
really
get it—but Kayla didn’t expect her to let go of this line of questioning with the tidbit of gossip she’d received.

“Mom, the two are completely unrelated. I decided to break up with Jason for one reason, and I decided to leave cheerleading for another. They just happened to occur at the same time, sort of.”

“Okay. What are the reasons?”

Kayla refrained from rolling her eyes. Being hostile wouldn’t help this situation. “I’ve explained the cheerleading one repeatedly,” she said. “All summer. I don’t like that kind of competition anymore. I’d much rather dance than cheer.”

Her mom held up her hand. “All right. We won’t beat this dead horse any more. You won’t change your mind. And the rumors about Jason? You never told me the real reason. You said you decided to break up with him because you didn’t and I quote, ‘
like
like him’.”

“And it’s the truth. I don’t like him like that. Besides, he’s a dickbag.”

“Watch your language.”

“What, would it make it better if I said he was a dickbag who was trying to pressure me into sex and I didn’t want to, so I broke up with him?”

“He didn’t do anything, did he? Hurt you, or force himself—”

“Mom,
no
,” Kayla said. “I’m a virgin, okay? I will probably be one for a very long time, boys don’t interest me, and neither does sex! I don’t want it!”

The room fell silent, so quiet they’d be able to hear a pin drop as loud as a booming crash. They stared at each other, and Kayla’s cheeks warmed with embarrassment. She wished the floor would open and swallow her whole. This discussion was the last thing she wanted to have with her mother.

“I understand that you’re a late bloomer,” her mom started slowly. “And no mother in her right mind would have an issue with their daughter not rushing into sex. But I want to make sure you fully understand what it entails—”

“I’m sixteen! I know what sex is.”

“I’m sure you think you do, but at your age—”

“We had this talk when I was fourteen and it was the most embarrassing conversation on the planet, I’m not doing it again.”

“I want to make sure you’re prepared for womanhood,” her mother said. “If you don’t want to talk to me about it, I’m sure there are some educational and appropriate videos on the Internet.”

“Oh my God,” Kayla said, turning around and stalking from the kitchen to her room. “Not talking about this!”

“Get back here, young lady!”

Kayla didn’t turn back, instead going to her bedroom. She dropped onto the bed, and wasn’t surprised her mother followed her in.

“We’re not done talking about this.”

“I don’t want to talk,” Kayla replied. “Sex or not, I didn’t like Jason like that, so I broke up with him. I shouldn’t have started dating him in the first place. Apparently he liked me and everyone thought I should. So I did because….” Because maybe she’d seem normal, maybe no one would realize how different she was. “Because they expected me to. But it didn’t feel right, so I broke up with him. You should be proud of me for not being pressured into anything more!”

Her mother relaxed. “I
am
proud of you. It’s a very mature decision. But if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. I will listen to what you have to say, and try to give you advice through it.”

Kayla rolled the apple between her hands, and bit on her lip. The phrase
late bloomer
stuck in her mind. Maybe her mom was right, maybe she was, but it didn’t sit true in Kayla’s heart. There was a different reality to Kayla, but she didn’t have the right words to explain. How could she tell her mother she was a weirdo? That she was broken? Kayla would probably grow up to be alone and lonely, because bodies and private parts and sex held no appeal to her. Kayla wasn’t sure she could live through her mother trying to fix her and being disappointed.

At this point, she was grateful her mother hadn’t heard the harsher version of the rumors, and she wasn’t about to tell them.

“I know, Mom,” she finally said, pulling off the sticker from the underside of the apple. “I got it covered.”

“Okay, sweetie.” She came over to the bed, and bent to plant a kiss on Kayla’s forehead. “And I am proud of you. You’re such a mature young lady.”

“Thanks,” Kayla said, trying to hold back tears.

She hated lying to her mom.

ENGLISH WAS
one of Kayla’s favorite subjects. She liked Mr. March. A young teacher who’d been at the school for two years, he was fresh-faced and enthusiastic about the subject and the classes. Some students made fun of him behind his back but Kayla appreciated his teaching methods. It made the subject more interesting, especially since she liked it so much.

When Kayla and Hannah walked into the English classroom one morning, and Mr. March had a particularly beaming smiling, Kayla suspected they were in for a new assignment.

He didn’t disappoint.

“Happy October!” Mr. March announced after the bell rang and the students had settled in their seats. He got up from behind his desk and walked to the whiteboard, dry marker in hand. “October is my favorite month, since my favorite holiday falls at the end of it. Halloween!”

“Do you like dressing up?” Jason called out, and then made a low remark under his breath to his friend in the seat next to him. They both laughed. Kayla didn’t hear it, but it was probably about Mr. March being gay. No one knew for certain if he was or not, but it was their preferred and wholly unintelligent insult.

Mr. March didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, he didn’t care. “I don’t mind it, but what I love is how it contributes to literature. The creepy, the morbid, the supernatural, the macabre, the despair. Spooky! Poems, short stories, novels, they don’t have to be about Halloween specifically, but there are plenty that use those elements for setting or atmosphere. That’s what we will be focusing on this month.”

He looked at the class as if expecting the same sort of enthusiasm. It didn’t deter him that it wasn’t there.

“Of course, there are mediums beyond the written word to tell stories—songs, television, films, comic books. I’m sure you’ve all experienced your share of these. Let’s name a few generic spooky creatures currently being used to tell us stories.”

He took suggestions from the class, writing them on the board—vampires, werewolves, zombies, ghosts, witches and warlocks, all the typical scary and supernatural. Then they gave examples of their favorite television shows, movies, comics, musicians or Broadway plays, and it surprised Kayla with how many there were. Dozens of examples were given; it was seeped into the media surrounding them.

“Excellent!” Mr. March said later in the lesson, when they’d exhausted the list. “As you can see, ideas and stories originally based around Halloween and the creepiness of it do serve as a constant source of entertainment, and have for a long time. The novel we will be focusing on this month will be Mary Shelley’s
Frankenstein
, which we will be beginning next week.”

Half the class groaned. Novel study wasn’t popular amongst them. Kayla liked it and knew Mr. March would teach it in an interesting way.

“This week, we will be looking at some short stories. Some you may have read before, but some may be new.”

“Mr. March,” Chantelle said, raising her hand. Kayla recognized her from being on the volleyball team with Althea and in band class with Hannah, but had never been friends with her. “We spent a month on poetry and short stories.”

Another student asked, “Can’t we get to the novel?”

Half the class groaned again.

“We will be taking what we learned over the last month regarding themes, settings, et cetera,” Mr. March began to explain, “and applying it with these creepily themed short stories for a major assignment due at the end of the month.” Mr. March paused gleefully and clapped his hands together. “For a group project.”