Artificial Love (The Goodbye Trilogy #2) (12 page)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Emily

Never had I seen someone want to get away from me so quickly. It made perfect sense to me. It had been a great day. Shopping with Johnny had been fun and I loved the looks that women gave him. He never paid them any attention because his sole purpose was to make me dress like a rocker chick. I was fine with whatever he wanted for me. It was nice to be taken care of rather than the other way around. When he said he listened to me and I put my head on his shoulder, I felt something I had never felt before and I was lost in it.

Then, of course, Grace had to come and spoil the moment. Excuse my brain for cussing but what a fucking bitch to continue using children as a way of sending me a message. Sometimes, when it had happened before, I felt like not only was I off my rocker but I broke the damn thing while falling out of it. It took me so much time to realize that I was alone. I was alone with a fucking ghost who had been haunting me for decades. I prayed her away. I tried meditation, acupuncture, hypnosis, and even muscle relaxers in case it was stress related. Neither family nor Michael ever knew about those secrets of mine.

To have Johnny realize, to actually see the shit I’ve had to deal with was more than overwhelming. It not only confirmed I wasn’t crazy but it also confirmed to him that I was. That was why he was gone now. He had a bogus jam session or band meeting and I had a hair appointment.

Alone again with my thoughts. How far had I come? I had changed outward appearances to rid myself of the nice outward woman. Yet, I hadn’t changed who I’d trained my inner self to be.

This time it really hurt. I had opened myself up to another person. I mean, I had really let it all hang out and he left. It made sense. I probably would have, too. I wasn’t a rocker chick. I wasn’t Jules. I was a desperate housewife who left her husband and found herself in an apartment with a rock God. Even though that doesn’t happen every day, I also imagined it didn’t last too long either.

I decided to wash my hair, as it would be one less thing the stylist would have to do. I cared about changing the style, since my hack job wasn’t all that amazing. The orange was settling down into a nice strawberry blond and with the right haircut, I might be able to pull off looking like a normal human being to the general public or maybe just to Johnny.

What did it matter anyways? He was going back on tour and after his disappearing act - I had the good sense to know that I was probably uninvited on tour. I had to accept that I didn’t have a place anywhere in this world. I didn’t belong with Michael. I sure as shit didn’t belong back with my parents. I had royally messed up a beautiful day with Johnny and well, there wasn’t anyone else.

“Screw it,” I muttered under my breath and picked up the phone.

It rang three times before my mother answered the phone.

“Mom, it’s me.”

“Oh my goodness, child. Your father and I have been so worried. Michael called and asked if you were here a week ago and I’ve been trying to contact him ever since. Where are you? Are you two having issues?”

For once in all of my life, my mother actually sounded genuinely worried about me. I sat and listened to her ramble on about what she had done to try to locate me, which included filling up my voicemail box with long, exaggerated messages about the importance of marriage and wouldn’t counseling be best?

“I walked in on Michael and his assistant, Mom. He was fucking her on his desk at work. I asked him if he loved me and he shook his head. Mom, Michael has been cheating on me since college and I’ve been living with that, just hoping one day he would find out that I was all that he needed.”

Silence entered our phone call and decided to stick around for a long time. No matter what she said next, I would not go back to a man that lied and cheated for so long. I couldn’t look at him the same. He was slimy and gross. He was pathetic.

“Do you need money, Emily?” she finally asked.

“Yes,” I whispered back. “I can pay you and Dad back but Michael cut me off completely. I’m staying with a friend in New York but I can’t…” I started to say when a ball of pain made its way to my vocal chords, up my neck, and into my words. “I can’t stay here forever. I have to find out where I belong.”

“I understand. That bastard!” she exclaimed, making me jump at her sudden outburst. “He made it sound like it was your entire fault that you left. He’s so manipulative and conniving. I should have known you were too nice not to leave if it hadn’t been a very good reason.”

“I need the money soon. I won’t ask for much. My car is wrecked and it looks like it may be towed soon. Gosh, Mom. It isn’t even my car. All of our possessions are in his name. Oh my God, what did I do?” I cried, putting my head in my hands. It finally hit me that he had been screwing me over in more ways than one this entire marriage. I wanted a baby so badly and he wouldn’t even give me that. I remember one night Mom and I begged him. I told him he didn’t even have to worry about anything related to the baby, but the sudden sadness of remembering that I settled for a man that didn’t care to look after his own child was despicable.

Johnny’s grin flashed in my mind and I wondered if he would be a good father. I got lost in the fantasy that was Johnny and me, living life like two normal people with a small family and a New England looking two stories, white with black shutters and a brick staircase in front. Carolers would sing to us at Christmas and he would kiss my head while wrestling his baby in his arms.

“Will twenty thousand be okay for now? We have more than that in our money market but I can’t see you needing all of it right now. Of course, we will help if you need more but…” She stopped when she heard the sounds of my bawling on the other end of the phone.

I sobbed in to the phone for minutes. I had made the right choice in calling my mother. I had always thought she was just like Michael and my father, expecting me to never fail, to never let people down. I couldn’t have been more wrong and when I settled, I would reconcile a better relationship with her.

“Twenty thousand sounds amazing, Mom. You don’t know how much this means to me,” I whispered.

“Don’t you worry; I’ll have it transferred anywhere you want. Also, your father and I will contact his lawyer connections and see if there’s anything they can do. If I know you, you have already arranged that but you should get a divorce in Massachusetts. It will make the courts easier.”

I nodded my head in agreement and smacked my forehead for not thinking of that sooner. I had to move back to Boston. I had to follow through with this divorce. I had to leave Johnny’s place soon.

I gave my mother the account details just as there was a loud knock at the door.

“Avon calling,” an obviously gay man said through the door. It had to be the hair dresser.

My mother must have heard him because she asked if people still did that. After telling her I was getting a trim, she ensured everything would be taken care of on Monday when the banks reopened. She also told me to rent a car when I came back into town.

“That man deserves to go to a tow yard in Manhattan and bail his wife’s car out of impound. I hope that he doesn’t find out for a year so it costs him dearly,” she angrily stated. I hadn’t heard her this furious since someone made fun of me for being a violinist in college. That flashback was funny now that I didn’t wear nerd glasses and practiced the violin everywhere I went.

“Ok, Mom. I have to get off the phone,” I said as I opened the door to a well-groomed man with a face covered in scruff, a body to die for, and a hairdresser’s bag slung over his side like a messenger bag. Gay. Gay. Gay. Why were all the hot ones gay?

Chapter Twenty-Three

Johnny

All I could think about was the disappointed expression on Emily’s face when I told her I had to leave. I was too close. She wasn’t just an easy lay. She was someone who made my worries and problems look like luxury issues. She was homeless, pliable – I could mold her into any person I wanted and to boot, she talked to a ghost. Okay, I talked to it, too, but
she
fucking started it. No one could know that I was living with one of the strangest and most vulnerable woman that ever existed. Fuck, I needed my friend.

I rapped on the metal gray door to the sound studio Dex and I played at when we could. It was our go-to refuge from the world. I knew he was here because his Harley was propped up with its normal cover on it. I rolled my eyes at how he never allowed even a smudge to appear on the damn thing. It was a Harley. They were made for wear and tear. After several more pounds, I dug out my keys and cursed him, under my breath for locking the door. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t expecting me. He always kept the door unlocked for deliveries or musicians if he was in the sound cave.

I walked in and noticed the place was pitch black. This day just got creepier with every turn. If I didn’t know that I was simply in Manhattan, I would have thought I was on a trip to the Twilight Zone. Everything felt off. Everything was weird.

The sounds of a male groan pointed me in the direction of Dex. It must be him and the new girl he said he was seeing seriously. Another groan came from the sound stage and I flicked on the light to find Dex embracing another large formed being. I looked over the person Dex was clearly making out with to find a tatted up, skinny guy. I had seen him before but where? What the hell? Was Dex kissing him? Oh…

What. The. Fuck. Never in a million years would I’ve thought I would ever walk in on my best friend kissing another dude. I stared at the two of them with baffled and confused eyes. Slowly I shook my head, not able to put any of the pieces together. Dex was…gay?

“Johnny Lennox,” the skinny guy breathed out as his eyes opened to see me standing there. Dex quickly stepped back from his um…partner? He started to say something to me but it was incomprehensible. I shook my head, trying to make out his words while I looked between the two of them.

I scowled a bit at the fact that Dex had been my best friend for years and never once hinted to the fact that he was into dudes. I turned on my heel and wanted out. This day couldn’t get more fucked. I almost wished I had a therapy appointment with Dr. Shit, what was his name? I needed to process this. I felt betrayed, amazed, and totally fucking uncomfortable.

“Johnny!”Dex firmly stated. “Johnny, not that it’s any of your fucking business but can I have a word?”

“No, man, I don’t think so. I just saw my best friends of more years than I have been alive sticking his tongue down another guy’s throat. I think I got the picture pretty clear.”

“Jesus, Johnny, stop. Let me explain,” Dex pleaded.

I shook my head and pushed on the level bar of the steel door to walk back out into a crisp, sunny day. I had nowhere to go. I was lost inside and out. Within minutes, my cell phone started buzzing rapidly. Before checking to be sure it wasn’t Emily, I shut off the phone. I needed time to figure out why Dex would keep such a large secret from me.

It was obvious when I found my elevator twenty minutes later that the only place I could go was home. If only Emily weren’t there for just a little while, I could breathe easier and fuck, I don’t know… drink a beer. It was dinner time and I wanted a cheeseburger, a beer, and bed.

I unlocked my apartment door to find the place was only illuminated by the small lamp in the hallway leading to the great room.

“Em?” I called out.

No answer.

I started to look in every room but she was gone. Her expression when I told her I had to leave. The expression when I told Dex that I couldn’t talk to him. They were both sincere looks of worry that I wouldn’t want them after what I knew about them. Why was I so damn important? I went to the window to see if Emily’s car was still there with its boot and tickets all over it.

Gone.

I scrambled around for a note or any sign that she would tell me she would be back. Maybe she had only gone out to the store but that couldn’t be right. She had shopped right before I got home from the tour.

Oh God, the tour. Dex, and Emily would be on the bus and the constricting, uncomfortable feeling came back full force. I tried to keep telling myself that I would be fine but it felt so artificial. I wasn’t okay. I was so fucking beyond not okay. My world had been tipped upside down and everything I thought was real was not. Everything I never suspected could happen - did.

I made my way down the hallway and noticed a small illumination underneath the bathroom door. I stopped still and listened. The faint sound of water pouring over water pulled me closer to the door and as I got to it, I realized that it hadn’t been fully closed. With a quick nudge, I inched the door open to see the most beautiful, most alluring scene in front of me.

Emily was taking a bath by candlelight. Her face was serene, far less worrisome than I had seen it in the few days we’d been together. Her hair, now a blond little pixie cut that was absolutely one hundred percent Emily, was amazing. She looked young and fucking beautiful. There were no freaky ghosts or children around her. She was a woman, naked, beautiful and enjoying her bath – like any other normal female on a dark and windy night.

She must have heard me because her head slowly turned into my direction and she gaped. Almost immediately, she tried to crawl into a ball to cover her breasts and the small line of hair that led down to where only people who were intimate with her could see. I wanted to be the one that could be intimate with her. The milky skin she tried to cover glistened in the water and the shadows from the candles made her look like an angel sent to me. She was exquisite and if I never saw the female form again, it didn’t matter because Emily was the vision of what I considered perfection. The sight of her in my bath had burned its place into my brain and I was transfixed – destroyed forever at looking at anyone else again.

“I thought you had left,” I whispered into the humidity of the room. “Oh, Emmy, your hair is so…it’s so
you
. I mean, you look beautiful. Really, it’s
seriously
hot.”

She nodded, looking slightly uncomfortable at my compliment or maybe just at my being back. “I like my hair, too. Thank you, I didn’t expect it to look so different. I’m sorry I didn’t leave a light on outside the bathroom. I… I didn’t think you were coming back. The way you left and the indecision of my being here was plain on your face. I thought I would take a bath and stay out of your way if you did decide to come home,” she answered quietly.

I smiled at her use of coming home. If only I could come home to the sight of Emily in the bathtub every night, I would forget about the freaky, fucked up darkness that followed her. She was all the light I needed.

“We have to talk,” we both said at nearly the same time. I was one syllable behind her and as I realized we had said the same thing, I ended my word with the letter k a little longer. Both of us looked apprehensively at the other.

“Give me five minutes to get dressed and I’ll meet you in the living room,” she said cautiously, still balled in the same stance. I wanted her to relax back into her lying position, to see the glow of contentment on her face. Was I the reason she put up the walls around her? I wanted to break down her walls and walk hand in hand through our fears. Did I just think that? Yes, I just did think that and I would think more about Emily and a life with her because she was so gorgeous. She was so sweet. She was mine.

I closed the door softly and started toward our bedroom to put on sweatpants. When I turned on a light, I saw that the mirror over my dresser had something written on it. ‘
Kiss her’
in what looked like red lipstick was clear as day but it had been written by a child. There was no way Emily had this type of lipstick and her handwriting was far more mature and elegant.

“Got it, Grace. I hear you loud and clear,” I said with a shaky voice. I picked up my sweatpants, threw them on, and whirled back around to figure out how to get rid of the message, but it was slowly dissolving away on its own. I watched as my mirror was cleaned and that was the spookiest, most fucked up thing I had seen since, well, since I saw my best friend kissing another guy. Why? Why was he gay? Was he? Why didn’t he tell me? I found myself getting angrier with each passing second at Dex. It wasn’t until I heard Emily pad her feet down the hallway that I remembered we had a talking date in the living room. I left the room shirtless and gave a quick prayer to Grace that I would re-enter the room with nothing on and Emily in my arms.