Arthur Rex (22 page)

“Nay, dear Launcelot,” said Gawaine, who now realized who his late foe was, “thou art my better, as is Sir Tristram, and I thank God ye are both my friends, so that I am that happy man who can love his superiors.” Then he took him to King Arthur.

“Well, Launcelot,” said Arthur, “thou didst have thy jest, which also had its serious significance, for given what we heard of thee from thy cousin Bors, methinks some opponents would have been overly wary of thee, and some overly eager to try themselves against the greatest of all. ’Twere better the way it happened, and the impersonal standards of quality have been maintained. We are sworn at the Round Table to fight for the Right, which is eternal, and not for the self, which is on temporary loan from Heaven.” And he then knighted him.

“Sire,” said Sir Launcelot, “I pray to God I shall never bring shame to the Round Table.”

“It is curious to me,” King Arthur said, “that thou, alone amongst my knights, and the greatest of them, doth have this worry. Modesty is a good, but methinks this goeth beyond that.”

And Launcelot asked to speak with the king apart, and Arthur granted this plea. “Sire,” then said Sir Launcelot, “I have an awful secret, the which I may impart only to you. And that is that I am invincible.”

“But for some place upon thy body, surely?” asked King Arthur. “Like unto Achilles with his heel or the German Siegfried who was made immune to wounds by dragon’s blood except for where the linden leaf stuck to his back.”

“Nay,” said Launcelot, “I am not invulnerable to wounds, nor am I immortal. I can and will die, but I can not be defeated by living knight.”

“I see,” said Arthur. “Therefore thou canst take no pleasure in fighting. Gawaine, with his human envy, is the happier for it, being constrained ever to strive. But I ask thee to consider this, that God hath given thee the privilege not to be vulgar. O lonely man! Well do I understand this situation, being a king. Arthur and Launcelot shall be friends, joined in a unity like unto that of the head with the arms. I am thy king, and thou art my champion.”

Then King Arthur took Sir Launcelot to meet Guinevere, little knowing that the common cause so lately identified was so quickly to be divided into parts.

But Queen Guinevere, who had fallen in love with Launcelot when she had heard Sir Bors’s account of him, did not at first recognize the subject of her fantasy in the living knight, and but coolly accepted his obeisance.

And as for Launcelot, who had never been a passionate man, he saw only queenly condescension and not the woman, and that she was the fairest in the world did not occur to him, except in the abstract, which is to say, without carnality.

Then they left her presence for to go have their meat at the Round Table, with all their company. And the contest of Sir Kay with young Tirre, who owing to the shield he then believed was Launcelot, hath not been forgotten here: the former was soon defeated by the latter, and his brother Lavaine also won his own match, and both became knights of the Round Table.

Now the knights had all but reached the end of their meal, and the lackeys were only just serving the treacle tart, when a huge knight rode into the hall on an enormous horse, and both man and animal were all green in every particular.

Not only was the knight wearing green armor, but also his face was green within the opened visor. And the hide of his horse was green, as was the mane. And the only weapon carried by the Green Knight was a great green battle-ax. Indeed he was a wondrous sight and caused much amazement, and all the company of the Round Table fell silent except for King Arthur, who performed as he was required by the laws of hospitality.

“Sir knight,” said he, “thou art welcome to sit down and eat, but I would fain have thine horse taken to the stables.”

“Nay, King Arthur,” cried the knight in a great voice appropriate to his size. “I come here not to feed but rather to find the knight who hath the courage to trade blows with me.”

“The tourney hath ended,” said King Arthur. “Prithee wait for the next, unless thy purpose be evil.”

“My purpose,” said the Green Knight, “is precisely that which you must determine by means of your own response, for I seek a knight with the heart for a peculiar adventure, the which he shall never understand unless he survives it.”

“Well,” said King Arthur, “that distinguishes it in no wise, for ’tis true of all adventures that deserve the name.”

“Yet I believe mine is unique,” said the Green Knight, “for what I propose is that one of your knights exchange blows with me. Now, he must strike me first, so powerfully as he will.”

“Thou art an huge man,” said the king, “and well armored, but methinks that Launcelot might well cut through thy steel and wound thee mortally.”

“Indeed?” cried the Green Knight with much joviality, and he dismounted from his green charger and removed his helmet, and his hair was green as grass. “But to remove all possible obstruction I shall even bare my neck, and lie down prone. Now may I suggest that the weapon be mine own ax, for no sword has yet been made that can penetrate my skin.” And he lay down on the floor.

Now all the knights were in a state of wonderment, but Sir Kay, who had lately brought in a great cheese of Stilton for to serve after the pudding, saw here an opportunity to prove himself as knight, and he went to the great battle-ax which the green giant had dropped, and he strove to lift it, but he could not.

And King Arthur urged Sir Launcelot to undertake this adventure. But Launcelot was concerned for the pride of his friend Gawaine, who he could see greatly yearned to have at the Green Knight but was restrained by courtesy. Therefore Launcelot spake as follows.

“With respect, Sire, unless this be a command, methinks I am no match for this verdant giant,” he said, innocent of vanity and therefore never thinking this might make him seem a coward. “Pray let me defer to Sir Gawaine.”

King Arthur granted this request. Yet he did not, and would never, understand the modesty of Sir Launcelot, though he did love him for it. And all throughout their lives Arthur and Guinevere and Launcelot did love one another, though each pair in a different way, and men may be dear friends sans sodomy, as a lover and his cuckold be as brothers.

Therefore with great joy Gawaine did leap from his siege, take up the great ax, and with one blow strike off the head of the Green Knight, which went a-rolling the vast length of the great hall of Camelot, struck the far wall, and came rolling back unto the very feet of King Arthur. And the wondrous thing was that this head did roar with laughter throughout its journey to and fro! Then the green body rose and taking up the green head, placed it upon the green neck, and mounted the green horse.

“Well struck, Sir Gawaine,” cried the Green Knight. “And now that I have felt the strength of your arm, I shall test your moral mettle. One year from today, you must meet me at a place of my choosing, there to accept one blow from me, or else be damned as an arrant poltroon!” And guffawing he did prick his horse and gallop out of the castle.

Now Sir Gawaine said, “Obviously there is some magic in this adventure, but whether wicked or benign magic is to be proved: for green is neither white nor black.”

“’Tis the color of vegetable fecundity,” said King Arthur, “and this knight may well be of the druidical persuasion, his purpose being to challenge Christian principles.”

“I shall meet him one year hence,” said Gawaine, “and only God knows whether I shall keep my head after that meeting.” And with a jolly laugh very like that of the Green Knight, he sat him down once more at the table and fell to his pudding with hearty appetite, for Sir Gawaine had yet a great zest for life.

And Sir Kay now came with the wheel of cheese, and said enviously, “But for the grease on my fingers, I should have lifted the ax and done as well as thou, Gawaine.”

“Methinks,” said Gawaine, “that God arranges each adventure for a particular knight, that chance doth never come into play. Now, I am the special defender of women. No woman is yet evident, but no doubt one will appear a year hence.”

“And meanwhile,” said Kay, “thou shalt prepare by jousting with as many females as thou canst find.”

But Sir Kay could never provoke the greatest knights, who rather felt sympathy for him, and Sir Gawaine said now, “Thine adventure will come one day, and thou shalt perform thy role with courage and grace. Thou art a better knight than thou dost understand, my dear Kay.”

But Kay’s needs would have been better met by a malice which answered his own, and bitterly he went away, pushing the trolley which held the cheese.

“Now, blast him,” said King Pellinore, “where doth he go? I wanted a bit of that Stilton for to nullify the taste of that damned sweet, which else will pollute my tongue all day. The Froggies eat their pudding last, but damn me if I can see that bloody custom.”

And King Arthur chided him for his blasphemous oaths at the Round Table, for Pellinore though a devout knight was forgetfully foul-mouthed.

“I am concerned for Kay,” Arthur then said. “His standards are such that he will not allow the lackeys to do some of the jobs that should be theirs. Any varlet could wheel about that cheese and scoop out and serve the portions, but Kay doth insist that only he can do it properly, with an eye to the veining and the ripeness and whatnot, the which seemeth to me inconsequential rubbish, for cheese is so much clabbered milk at bottom, whatever its coloration when it begins to go rotten. Indeed, I have always found it filthy stuff and seldom touch it.” In such matters as this, Arthur confided only in Pellinore, the only fellow king at hand. “But look you, Kay insists on serving his brother knights, on the one hand, and on the other, he doth resent being in the situation of a servant.”

But King Pellinore did merely roll his eyes and scratch at his louse-bites, for he had no patience with Sir Kay, not thinking him even a good seneschal so to take away the cheese before he could feed on it.

Now Guinevere though queen was a woman and therefore did not sit to meat with the assembled men of the Round Table, but she took her meals apart, with the ladies of the court, and providing for them was Sir Kay’s especial pleasure, for though women understood nothing of the preparation of food, their tastes were more delicate and sensitive than those of men, and instead of the roasts of beef, joints of mutton, and gammon from wild boars that inevitably appeared upon the Round Table, for the ladies Kay had his cooks prepare turbot poached in court-bouillon, fowls scented with juniper berries, and gâteaux St.-Honoré.

But on this day they were eating a mayonnaise of chicken, which had been preceded by poached eggs in jelly and was to be followed by wild strawberries and clotted cream, for the weather was so warm that beneath their robes they wore only two silk petticoats and the fires had been allowed to dwindle to coals, for it was August in Britain and the sun sometimes showed itself through the rain clouds.

It was to the ladies’ dining hall that Sir Kay now went though not with the Stilton, for that was a man’s robust cheese. Instead he had a chafing-dish upon his trolley, in the which he would sauté mushrooms for a savory.

But scarcely had he bowed to the queen, then put his butter in the copper basin and waited for it to froth over the charcoals, when a knight burst into the hall in full armor, except that he did not wear his helmet but rather grasped it in his left hand, so that his head could be seen, and it was to a degree handsome, but there was an ugliness in his smile, which was very like a sneer.

And Guinevere said to him, “Knowest thou not that it is a thing most lewd and villainous to come to where ladies are eating and look at them. O barbarous wretch!” For he was an alien knight and not of the Round Table, and all the ladies did gasp at his unnatural act.

But far from being ashamed, the strange knight did snigger contemptuously.

“Caitiff, defend thyself,” bravely cried Sir Kay, who confronted the knight with only a little paring knife, nor did he wear mail while frying mushrooms.

But this knight then feloniously knocked Kay senseless with a blow of his steel gauntlet, for he was a man in whom wickedness knew no limit.

Now Guinevere would not send to King Arthur for aid against this contumacious rogue, for she did despise him too much for his lack of courtesy to herself and her ladies and for his cowardly assault on Kay. Therefore when next he drew his sword and presented its sharp point to her white bosom, she but stared at him in the queenly contempt that would have withered a man less vile.

But this had no effect on him, for he was quite foreign to all decency.

“Know you that I am Sir Meliagrant,” said he, “and I am renowned for my beastliness to womankind. All my life I have mistreated females, for the reason that they are smaller and weaker than men and cannot defend themselves. Never will I fight a man unless the odds are vastly in my favor, as now with Sir Kay. Such injustice is my delight. I am in all things a thoroughgoing scoundrel, and by intention, never by accident. My sole pleasure is in being felonious.”

And having concluded his detestable boast he proceeded to commit the criminal act of not only touching the queen, but grasping her around the waist and throwing her over his shoulder and striding from the hall. At this, a great many of the ladies fainted dead away, for never had they seen anything so evil in all their lives.

Now when Sir Kay came to his senses and he saw that the queen had been stolen and he reflected on his public shaming, he swore to get his own back on the evil Sir Meliagrant, and believing that this was, as Sir Gawaine had foreseen, that adventure which God had arranged for him peculiarly, he went and armored himself and he rode out of Camelot without telling a soul as to his mission.

And the ladies of the court remained in confusion for ever so long, so that neither King Arthur nor any of his knights but Kay knew that Guinevere had been carried off, and perhaps they would have continued to sit unwittingly at their meat until this day, had not King Pellinore, who was still out of sorts owing to his failure to get any cheese, gone to the kitchens in search of Sir Kay, and there he was told by the cooks, who were all blackened and greasy from the fires, where the seneschal had last been seen going, which was to the ladies’ dining hall.