Arrows (12 page)

Peyton helped me unlatch my bra. “I thought Danny was doing the dance.”

“He doesn’t want to.” Why had I worded it like that? Why did it feel like those words belonged on the cons list? I shimmied into my shorts.

“He’s not weirded out by some other guy dancing with you?”

“This is what dancers do. I’ll dance with tons of guys. It’s not like we’re going on a romantic date. We’re going to rehearse.”

“I
know.
”

The changing stall curtain scraped open. In unison, we said: “I’m changing!”

“She’s changing!”

Peyton jumped in front of me.

“He needs to get in there. You girls can talk later.” Juliette was holding a pair of sweatpants. “Don’t worry, he can’t see.”

I snapped my tank top on and meandered into the studio, fixing the edge of my shorts more than once. Aaryn was surrounded, Monique telling him something about her history with ballet. Svetlana stood the closest.

“Are you a really good dancer?” she asked him. She had her ankle pulled up to her head.

“I guess we’ll find out.”

“I thought you said you’d taken a class,” I said. With my heel planted on the floor, I squatted back to stretch.

Aaryn paused. “I’ve danced.”

“You don’t know the first thing about dancing, do you?”

“Did Danny?”

Monique and Sofia looked at each other. I stopped stretching. “You’ll have to practice a lot.”

“I know. I can do this,” he said. “I want to do this for you.”

He looked so serious, and really out of place surrounded by a bunch of dancers. I kind of felt like a jerk for grilling him. Juliette waved the sweatpants in his direction before I could apologize, and as soon as he turned around, Svetlana pretended to faint.

“Oh my God, Karma, you’re so lucky,” she said.

“Yeah—you know me, so lucky.” I gave a sarcastic half laugh.

“We all know you’re going to win yours.” Her tone wasn’t harsh, but it wasn’t friendly, either. I
was
lucky, she meant, and I should be able to admit it.

My stomach felt unsettled. “You guys all have a really good chance at getting the scholarships you applied for. I’ll still help you with your allegro steps if you want.”

She shrugged. “That’s okay. I’d rather watch TV.”

Aaryn sauntered out, acting cool, but he kept wiping his hands on his sweatpants.

“Let me think—three weeks,” Juliette said. She thought out loud a lot. “I’ll have to add another room to the hotel reservation. Shining Waters will cover all your fees.”

“Okay,” Aaryn said.

Heat rushed to my face. Right. Of course he wouldn’t be staying in the same room as me and Juliette, like Danny would have. That’s the thing about teen pregnancy—no one in your family tries to pretend you’re still a virgin or that you and your boyfriend aren’t sexually active. Embarrassing as it was to admit, we
hadn’t
been intimate since Nell was born due to me being unbelievably busy all the time—but family and friends just assumed, I guess.

“We’ll start every rehearsal with a short class.” Juliette killed the music. “Girls, take a break at Kindred for now. I’ll be in soon with some interval training.”

When the girls left, the room felt really big, just the three of us now.

“Karma, why don’t you start?” Juliette said. “Show Aaryn the piece.” She stood next to him. “Don’t worry, I’ve choreographed it with a nondancer in mind. Watch this dance—and then we’ll discuss more about the pas de deux.”

She wanted me to perform for him. Just like that. “Right now?” I said.

“Yes.” She pressed play on my performance music.

Day 17

I crossed my arms as Karma strolled to the center of the studio. All I had to do was help her secure a scholarship that would fund her lifetime dream.

No wonder Danny had bailed.

Organ music, something really girly, was playing over the loudspeaker. The room seemed huge as Karma sank to the floor with her eyes closed. She sat there. A woman started singing. The first lyrics:
Kiss me hard,
and then the drums picked up.

Karma stood.

A dramatic curl of her entire body.

Her feet followed the beat until she arched, one knee down, toe to the sky, arms in perfect curves. She leapt forward, turning, turning, turning across the floor, her body a blur until it became perfectly still, then blurred some more. Watching her dance was almost like watching…a goddess.

Juliette stepped forward. “One, two, three, four.” She clapped the beat, her voice strong and commanding.

Karma traced the ground in time to the music, rolled, then jumped up with a series of tight pirouettes. Juliette had a small smile on her face. She knew.

She knew this girl didn’t belong in Lakefield. She didn’t belong with Danny or in a life she couldn’t control. She didn’t have a “little dance hobby.”

The music cut just in time to hear her gasp for the last move, a deep backbend that finished the song, and with that sound in my ears—her breathing—I felt the trouble I was in.

Aaryn’s gaze was gentle when we locked eyes, and there was a hint of a smile pulling his mouth, this nervous, kind of shocked smile.

“Wow,” he said. “That was really good. Really, really good.”

I bowed as a burst of happiness filled me, then hurried to stop the music, which had started over, and got my pointe shoes. “Ready to learn your parts?”

“I have no idea.”

Juliette stood before him and held out her arms. “In the beginning you’ll stand like this. Karma will dance her parts around you. You’ll go”—she moved his arm position twice—“and then she’ll stand here.” She glanced over her shoulder and waved me into his arms. There was just enough space for me to fit between his hands and chest, like we were at a middle school dance, leaving the exact amount of inches between our bodies. His hands hovered along the sides of my hips.

Juliette tipped me forward, supporting my weight with her hand in the center of my chest. “The pirouette will only work if you lean forward while he holds you steady.”

“Hold her steady where, exactly?” Aaryn asked.

Juliette reached around me and took Aaryn’s hands. One. Two.

She pressed them over my hips.

“Like this.”

His touch was gentle. Juliette pushed his wrists down, her mouth very straight, probably not so sure if this was going to work. His chest grazed my shoulder blades. The next second we were standing arm’s distance apart.

“Hold her tight, Aaryn. Do not be afraid to
hold her.
This pirouette is simple compared to the lift you’ll practice, and lifts can be dangerous.”

In the reflection of the windows, Aaryn squeezed my hips to show that he understood. My breathing was very, very shaky from the last piece.

Juliette walked backward and used a hand-rolling motion. “Karma, try the pirouette and I’ll see how your angles are.”

I rose onto the shoe boxes, though lifting my arms I accidentally bumped Aaryn’s nose.

“Oh my God, no.” Juliette shook her head. “Start over.”

Could she tell that my arms were trembling?

“Hey,” Aaryn said. “We’ve got this.” His mouth nearly touched my skin.

With a sharp inhale, I was up in an attitude en avant with my leg lifted and bent at the knee, as perfect as one of those glass ballerinas on a music box. Ready for the pirouette—the position I’d practiced since I was a little girl. Instead of his gaze, I met my own in the reflection and saw the fearless dancer I’d become over the years. Shining Waters was always the place I could shed being a mother and a student and a confused girlfriend. I could become the other part of me. I could be flawless.

“Lean her forward, Aaryn,” Juliette said. She seemed to be holding her breath. “Remember, you have to hold her. You are in control.”

He was strong. The ease he held me with was surprising, like maybe he understood more about dance than I thought, lies and all. He instinctively tilted my torso. I didn’t wait for Juliette’s cue. He had me, I could feel it, the way his fingertips dented the curve of my hip. My pointed toe sank toward the floor and with strong legs I pushed, hard.

He let go so I could spin, then took me back and held me, keeping us steady and sharp.

“That was good!” Juliette didn’t even try to hide her shock. Aaryn laughed a little, his arms falling to his sides.

“Well done,” I said, and coaxed his fingertips into mine, enjoying the way his grin faded as I placed his hands over my hips once again. Slowly I turned my back to him.

The reflection, that’s where I got his attention. A distant, ghostly image. I stretched my arms up with confidence. The trembling was gone.

“Again,” I said.

We did. Two times. Three.

Each pirouette helped our bodies understand each other—the callus on his palm, the slender shape of my hips as I spun. I was breathing heavily, but I didn’t feel tired. I wanted more.

I stumbled forward at the sound of rocks spraying in the driveway. A truck had pulled in. Aaryn grabbed me so I wouldn’t fall, my back pressing into his chest as he squeezed.

“I think Danny’s here,” I said, trying to sound cheerful. He’d never come to dance before.

“So he
wants
to do the pas de deux now?” Juliette said.

“I don’t think so. I’ll talk to him.” I untied my pointe shoes and went outside in bare feet.

Danny was leaning against his truck with his arms crossed. “Why are you so sweaty?”

“We were practicing.” I ran the back of my hand over my forehead.

“I tried calling like a hundred times.”

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t hear my phone.” I reached for his hand, melting as he squeezed back. “Is something wrong? Whatever it is, we can talk about it.”

He pulled his hand back. “Do you like this Aaryn guy or something?”

“What? No, Danny.” The gravel seemed very loud as I switched feet. “No. He’s just helping me. You said you were okay with this.”

Was he glaring at me? It was hard to tell what his look meant as he peered from beneath his baseball cap.

“Why’d you tell Ma you’re going to file for child support?”

“I never said that.”

“Yeah, okay, well, that’s not what Ma said. She told me all about your little phone call last week. How many times have I told you—keep Ma out of our business?

“Next thing I know, she’s blowing up at me about how she can’t afford to pay child support for Nell, since she’d be responsible, me being underage, and going ballistic about me getting papers signed and figuring out my life and—Christ.”

I pushed my bare feet against the driveway. “That’s not what we talked about, I swear. I only mentioned…” I swallowed to erase the ache in my throat. “I only said it would be nice if you helped. Got a job. You’re going to need money for college, aren’t you? Your mom told me about the scholarship.” I wavered, shivering from the air that seemed to be seeping into me. “Why didn’t you tell me it was only a thousand dollars? The way you said it…”

Danny’s eyes were shadowed beneath. “Is that all you care about? Money?”

“No!”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’m still happy for your scholarship, I am. Any money is better than none. But…it’s not easy to pay all the bills on my own. That’s why child support is there for single parents, to help out. With you moving to Louisiana, and me to Mississippi—”

He banged the metal. “So you
are
going to file papers, then?”

“No. I just mentioned needing help, especially with us graduating this spring and…” I watched for his reaction to what I’d said, my little clues.
With us moving. With us graduating.

“So this is more like a threat than an actual decision?”

My throat closed up. No, I wouldn’t cry. “I’d never threaten you. Your mom misunderstood what I was saying. Can we just forget this? Nothing’s going to change.”

“It better not.”

I snuggled against him and tried not to notice that he winced. The feel of him, safe. My everything. My head fell against his shoulder, needing him, the warmth of him holding us together.

“I want this plan to work,” I murmured. But my chest felt vacant, as if I could feel nothing in that moment, not even hope. “We can still see each other every weekend.”