Arranged Love (6 page)

‘Honey, he is a venture capitalist. He wants to invest in my company,’ she explained slowly, like she was teaching addition to a first grader.

‘Along with a share in your company, you could also offer him a share in your life?’ I suggested doing simple logic. Her dream had come true at the hands of this good-looking guy. To my romantic mind, this seemed like the work of Cupid.

‘Never put all your eggs in one basket. I prefer not to mix business with pleasure.’

‘Why not pursue pleasure with this hunk and find another nerdy investor for your business?’ I tried to make her see my POV.

‘I don’t want to kiss the goose that lays golden eggs,’ she declared with finality.

There was not much point in arguing with a Taurean. If Tanu di had made up her mind to wear business attire for VC’s dinner, then he was not going to see her cleavage.

My phone burped. There was a message from Mom saying that they were waiting for me for dinner. In the process of reviving Tanu di’s love life, I had forgotten about the impending danger to mine. With butterflies, as large as bats, fluttering in my stomach, I trudged back home to face my parents. I couldn’t confront Jay about my desire to eat junk, my parents about my passion for painting, even the mail man about dropping junk in my mailbox. How was I going to tell them that I loved Jay and didn’t want to marry Deep?

‘Don’t listen to Tanu di. Check him out,’ encouraged Neha, rejecting Tanu di’s idea of Deep-freezing.

I was on my way back home, when I received her call, in response to the SOS SMS I had sent out earlier from office.

‘Go on a test drive. You can always say no later if you don’t like what you see,’ she wisecracked. I could almost see her shrugging her shoulders in her no-big-deal attitude.

‘You forget I already have my heart set on an American make,’ I quipped.

‘Most Americans keep two cars, one for every day, routine life and the other for an occasional fun drive,’ she remarked flippantly.

I wondered if Jay was having fun with another girl on the side, while he was formally dating me. The image of Denise snogging Jay flashed before my eyes and I contemplated flirting with Deep just to make Jay jealous. Immediately, Sharmaji’s ‘bhabhiji’ started reverberating in my head, attacking me from all directions, and I dropped the idea.

Unsure, I geared the conversation away from me. ‘What are you riding these days?’ I asked her playfully.

‘A brand new model,’ she said, moaning with excitement. ‘What power-packed performance! You got to experience it to believe it.’

‘Maybe you can bring him along when you visit Delhi next,’ I remarked casually.

‘You mean like a threesome,’ Neha laughed naughtily. ‘I have never tried that before!’

What could I expect when it was Neha I was talking to? Of course, Neha could never be serious about boys. They were like toys to her. I smiled at my own slip-up. ‘Shift, Del—forget what I said,’ I said emphatically.

Neha and I were bosom buddies ever since my first day at play school when she had shared her favourite cookie with me. Two little girls with little ponies bouncing on either side of our heads, we had experienced our first crush together on this cute little boy who would go all red whenever we smiled at him. We even made it together to the junior school student council—she, as the house captain, because she liked to wear the special badge, and me, as the vice-captain, to make my parents proud. A few years later, we tasted our first kiss, on the very same day, with the very same guy. But now, while I thought I would kiss a guy only after falling in love, she would make love to a guy and then decide if he was worth kissing.

‘How many more cars will you try before taking the final call?’ I demanded.

‘Only a couple of hundred more,’ she giggled.

‘Isn’t this exhausting—emotionally and physically?’ I was confused by her life’s philosophy and concerned for her well-being.

‘It might be exhausting but it is also exhilarating.’

Agreed that Neha was lucky to share the burden of parental expectations with her siblings. Also, I agree that you should explore unchartered territories. But that was not all there was to life. You also had to find that one person whom you loved and who loved you back unconditionally. That one soul with whom you wanted to share all your joys. The one face whose smile will brighten your
mornings and soothe your pain. ‘You do need to settle down some time!’ I insisted.

‘Watch out, Suhaani! You are beginning to sound like your mom,’ she warned. ‘What happened to the adventurous girl I knew?’

I stopped in my tracks, ruffled my hair, crumpled my kurta, applied some lipstick and reconsidered dating Deep. I couldn’t become prim and proper like Mom.

Sensing my discomfort, Neha offered an alternate approach. ‘Look, if you don’t want to play around with this boss of yours, it’s your choice. Why do you want to tell your parents about Jay yet?’

Now she was talking my language. I, too, was unconvinced about going public with Jay. While I wanted to be honest with my parents, I knew telling them about Jay would only fast track their groom hunt.

‘Well, Tanu di thought I should …’

‘Listen, I gotta go,’ she said cutting me short. ‘But here is something for you to mull over: to seek love, sex and marriage in one specimen is like looking for a car with luxury, speed and mileage. They don’t make those models any more. At best you can find a Toyota—it’s the world’s bestselling car and a compromise on all three parameters.’

Always the idealist, I was about to disagree, when I heard someone whisper her name.

‘My car needs oiling. I left the engine on,’ she offered by way of explanation, already sounding distant, before the line went dead.

Holy smokes! She was not alone. All the while she was talking to me, her new model was thumping and vibrating beside her!

My heart pined for Jay. Despite the video calls, long-distance romance sucked. You could see his face and hear him say he misses you, but you couldn’t smell his aftershave, savour his kiss or feel his warmth. I wondered if Jay could deliver good mileage under rough conditions on a long journey, or was he only fit to be a sports car.
What if Neha was correct and no single sperm source has it all?

Unconsciously, I found myself evaluating all the available blokes I knew on the LSM metrics. Damn! This was tough. How does one ever know if he is THE one for you? I wished there was a website where I could answer twenty simple questions and compare guys.
ScoreYourGuy.com
! Anyone looking for a SENSEX insensitive business idea to solve an unsolvable problem and mint money?

I pressed the button for the ninth floor. The elevator started moving up. I was still undecided about how to handle Deep and Jay. On one extreme was Tanu di, an epitome of commitment, who was faithful to her first love even in absentia. On the other end of the spectrum was Neha, a serial switcher, who was continuously off to new pastures. Tonight, in my mind, they were waging a tug of war. Should I keep my options open for a while and not shut the door on Deep or should I hit the DEAL button and reveal Jay? With Neha and Tanu di at loggerheads in my head, I reached home.

‘I feel terrible,’ I heard Pa say, as I entered the dining room.

‘Stop blaming yourself. You did nothing. It was meant to be,’ Mom consoled Dad, as she laid out the spread of his favourite dishes on the table.

‘You always say so,’ disagreed my father. ‘Even when you conceived Suhaani immediately after marriage, you said the same,’ he reminded her.

‘I mean, you did do something, but the outcome was unintentional,’ she said coyly, blushing at the memory.

‘Still, just like that time, I forgot to forewarn,’ insisted my dad, refusing to be redeemed of whatever wrong he had done.

‘How were you supposed to know what will happen?’ demanded Mom. ‘Yesterday I planted a crop before going to bed, and by the time I woke up it had ripened and gone to waste.’ It was hard to say whether she was blaming or comforting Dad.

‘It must have been such a shock,’ continued Dad.

‘Everything happens for a reason,’ said Mom, serving him an extra helping of butter.

Dad was on an unusual guilt trip, and Mom was as always contradicting him. Preoccupied with my private screening of the Neha vs Tanu di match, I didn’t even attempt to comprehend their bickering. I quickly washed my hands and attacked the food.

‘You think we can let the status quo continue?’ Dad was asking Mom.

‘For now, at least,’ she concurred, and then as if she realized that she had to compulsorily refute Dad, she added, ‘Although, something will need to be done once Suhaani is married.’

My ears perked up when I heard marriage and my name being mentioned in the same sentence.

‘What’s going on?’ I asked, disoriented. If this day got any more confusing, then I would have to implicate the cab driver for attacking me with the Confundus Charm in the morning.

‘I am so sorry, beta,’ said Dad, visibly disturbed.

If he was apologizing for not telling me that Deep works at iTrot. com, it was a little late. I had done the spreadsheet analysis again on my way back home, this time assigning a negative weight to iTrot for Deep’s presence. The dotcom had still emerged a winner. ‘It’s fine, Pa,’ I said, and was glad to see the worry wrinkles smoothen on his forehead. Instantly, I knew what I was going to do. Nothing. Don’t they say that if a little lie makes everyone happy, then it’s okay to see some happy faces around. Dad seemed upset about getting me in a fix so I reasoned that he wouldn’t bring up Deep for a while, and Jay could wait in the closet a little longer.

‘You don’t understand the complications,’ Mom was telling me.

What complications? Had I missed something? I replayed my parents’ conversation in my head. Conceived, forewarn, shock, complications … No way! ‘Mom, you are not pregnant again? Are you?’ I squealed in delight.

‘Pregnant!’ Mom screamed out loud, her face horror-stricken like I had charged her with adultery, while Dad burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Unable to handle the joke, and not too pleased with Dad’s chuckles, Mom decided to get straight to the point. ‘Deepak’s mother called. She informed us that you are reporting to Deepak and she wanted us to persuade you to change your project.’

It was my turn to get horrified. I was not even engaged to this guy and his mother was already trying to rule my life. Mom was right. I didn’t understand the complications. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.

‘Well, his parents said office arguments could …’ Dad tried to explain but stopped midway. He could tell from the controlled pace of my breathing that I was about to blow my top off. ‘Don’t worry. We assured them that today’s kids are mature enough,’ he retracted.

‘And Deepak agrees with us,’ Mom butted in from the kitchen, as she stacked the dirty dishes in the sink. ‘He told his parents that he was not going to let his personal life undermine office work.’

Fuck Deepak! I thought to myself. He was only trying to save his own ass. He must need a resource for the project desperately.

‘Oh! But you must change the project if not the company, once a formal ceremony happens,’ advised Mom, misconstruing my silence for consent. She was back in the dining room cleaning the table.

‘I agree with your mom,’ nodded my father. ‘After marriage, you will be the real boss. It will be tough for the poor guy to pretend otherwise at work.’ Dad was back to his usual, jovial self.

It seemed like a whole family drama had transpired while I had been away at Tanu di’s. My present had been debated and my future nailed, without the need to ask for my opinion. This is why I hated arranged marriages.

And Neha thought I could fool around with Deep. She had no clue about arranged affairs. There was no question of flirting
with a prospective suitor. Here, I had barely joined the same office project and the two sets of parents were already advising me on its pros and cons. In all likelihood, mamas and mausis had been informed, and taujis and buas were being called. In a few hours, all living leaves of our combined family trees would be actively deliberating upon what I should wear to office, how I should sit in the cubicle, when I should say yes and when, if at all, say no, and how I should tactfully resist any physical advances from my to-be. If I was to listen to Neha and as much as accidentally brush my hands against this to-be, they will perhaps declare me married, grab the MakeMyTrip homemoon special deal, and start applying for our kids’ play school admissions. Neha was wrong and Tanu di was right. I had to put an end to this story immediately.

‘I am not getting married to Deepak,’ I said firmly, without raising my voice. If there was one thing I had learned from Ekta Kapoor’s protagonists, it was to stay calm during these emotional arguments.

‘C’mon. Don’t be ridiculous. You can always find another job,’ reprimanded Mom. She had finished wiping the table spotlessly clean and was now reviving her laptop. ‘It’s so hard to enter all the criteria in those forms and narrow down a suitable prospect.
Naukri.com
has more job listings in IT than the number of twenty something, vegetarian, baniya guys on
BharatMatrimony.com
.’ My mom might discredit the Internet for spoiling the current generation, but she was certainly tech-savvy.

‘I am not getting married to any guy, for the time being,’ I asserted, still keeping my volume down.

Mom’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped in shock. Pa also looked concerned.

‘You want to stay unmarried for life,’ scolded Mom, her voice shaking with angst and anger.

‘It must be that Tanu’s
lagai bujhai
,’ she cursed. ‘I told you so
many times that sinister spinster niece of yours was a bad influence on Suhaani.’ Mom was now directing her fury towards Dad.

I had more or less planned that I would not tell them about Jay yet, but I couldn’t let Tanu di get it in the neck.

‘Tanu di has nothing to do with my decision,’ I denied. This time I was a bit louder. ‘If at all, I have only learned to appreciate the value of true love from Di,’ I said, expunging Tanu di’s name.

‘Then what’s the problem, beta?’ asked Dad politely. Himself fond of Tanu di, he was not too happy with this unexpected blame game either.

‘I want …’ I paused briefly to find the right words, when Dad interrupted excitedly.

‘Let me guess.’ His eyes glowed like he had gone back in time to when I was a little girl and we were playing the
guess what I want
game.