Armed And Dangerous (The McKinnon Legends - The McKinnon American Men Book 2) (28 page)

“The ambulance is on the way,” Juan reassured him.

She closed her eyes.

“Barbara, stay with me!” He felt a surge of panic as she closed her eyes.

She opened them to see his face close to hers.

He could not fathom why she had placed herself between him and that bullet. “What were you thinking?” he asked as he began to hear the sirens coming closer in the distance.

“I didn’t think. I had your back. That’s what partners do.”

She closed her eyes again, and then it all went dark.

Dallas, Texas

Holding her hand, Mason stood by Barbara’s bed watching the monitors closely for any sign of her regaining consciousness. For the last twenty-four hours, she had been in a drug-induced coma, so it would make it easier to transport her to Baylor Medical in Dallas.

She was not out of danger and could still die. And just as in his dream, she took that bullet in the back. Only difference was that she took that bullet for him. He understood it, yet could not figure out why after the way he treated her. He was surprised that she had not pulled that trigger herself to shoot him. He felt terrible and guilt wracked him to the core.

They accomplished the objective they set out to do. Jesse was safe in the arms of her father, and both father and daughter were back in Texas. The Del Torres organization was finished, and he and Barbara were back on American soil, and the fact that neither one come home in a body bag was a miracle. It was close, but they were both still breathing. Not so for Agent Vega. He was sorry the guy lost his life. Some won and some lost. It was the game they played.

This time they were not exactly winners or losers. They were both, and they were neither. He did not feel this mission was a success. He had promised her that he would always have her back. He failed and had no excuses other than he got sloppy and he let his personal feelings get in the way of his objectivity. He had to admit Barbara had been right to insist he keep the vest. It was standard procedure. Yet, how could he know his desire to keep her safe would be the one act to nearly kill her.

He loved her but he was so wrong for her. It was something she already knew and had known all along. Right or wrong, it did not matter at this point.

Mason owed her a great debt, one he could never fully repay for saving his life. However, he admitted to himself that he lost his heart somewhere along an unmapped dirt road in that Panamanian jungle. Danger is not always physical, he supposed.

He closed his eyes, remembering the one passionate afternoon together. It was magic. Yet, he felt bad partly because he had no regrets and partly because he had intruded into a committed relationship. But by God she had been a sweet temptation. Since he could not resist her, the presented opportunity prodded him to seize the moment. It was not just sex with her. It was beyond sex, and he did not regret making love to her. Regrets were for amateurs, and it was never his style. He admitted freely the time he spent with her was special and what he felt for her confused him at the time. It was new and frightening and he had pushed her away because of it. He wondered about himself and what was wrong with him. He really did not need a relationship with Barbara. He did not need a relationship with anyone. After the disrespectful way he treated her, a woman he was in love with, what in God’s name did he think he would do to a woman he did not love?

Letting Barbara's friend know that she was alive was the least he could do for her. Maybe if Lula never knew about the fact he had made love to her in the jungle, the two could hold things together. Nine years was a long time not to try and work through things.

He somehow could not feel too bad that he was the cause of Barbara’s infidelity. They both deserved the comfort and gratification sex could grant. Yet, somehow it felt more than just a one-night-stand for him. He longed for more, yearned for more, yet he knew he could never have it. It was an impossibility.

The realization was stark and ugly for him and totally his own doing. He was bonded to her, and there was no going back. There was no going forward either. She was not his to claim and never had been. Besides, she obviously felt nothing for him beyond a casual lover, more like a friend. He would take that if that was all he could get.

“Maybe we should put in a call to Lula,” Mason said then tossed Robert his cell phone.

“Why?” Robert asked puzzled and catching the phone in mid-air.

“Because she would want to know Barbara’s condition. Didn’t you know about her?”

“Well, yeah, I know about Lula. Kate and I took care of her the last time Barbara went on vacation.” He tossed the phone back. Why Mason wanted to call and leave a message for a dog was beyond him.

“I don’t understand.” Mason was tired in body and soul. He was truly and deeply in love with her, and the last twelve hours had made him see even if he could not have her in his life, she deserved happiness.

And they were just simply wrong for each other.

“Well, that makes two of us who don’t understand. Lula is her dog, Mason.” Robert didn’t understand what was going on here and how Mason could be this confused about a dog.

Mason was shocked and deeply hurt, feeling the betrayal of her lies. She played him. She had led him on a merry ride.

“Her dog? Lula is a fucking dog?” His voice, though not raised, betrayed his anger.

“Yeah, her dog. Who or what did you think Lula is exactly,” Kate asked then looked at her husband.“I think we have missed something here, Robert.”

Boy, don’t I feel like a fool, Mason thought.

“She told me Lula was her girlfriend.” He was furious with her. What else did she lie about?

“No, I didn’t.” Barbara’s weak voice brought his attention back to her. “You assumed.”

“And you did not correct me. You let me believe you were not even the slightest bit interested in men.”

She shook her head. “Just not interested in you.” At the time that was correct.

God, she was in pain physically and more so emotionally, yet she had to push him away. They were so wrong for each other, and one disastrous marriage was enough for a lifetime. She wanted peace and quiet in her life. He would never be peaceful, and she was not sure he could ever be faithful given his track record. He had seduced her even though he thought she was in a committed relationship and that said volumes. Not to mention he had fooled around with Carmen on the trail, Miss Dessert Bar the first night they were in Panama, and then again after they returned from the jungle. If Jeff Bride had taught her anything, it was she was not going to live with a man who could not be faithful.

“You withheld from me, and that is the same as lying, Barbara. I thought we were partners.”

“I was truthful when it mattered. Can you say the same," she asked, just before losing the battle with the medication and dozing back into a deep sleep.

He was wondering if she was talking about the night she backed him into a corner in an effort to build their cover. He denied having sex with anyone since they launched the mission. He was being honest, but obviously there was no way she believed it. And he had given her no reason to think otherwise once they got back to Panama City. Holly was dead because of him, and Barbara had seen them together on the beach. No wonder she was so prepared to believe the worst about him. Who could blame her? She did not want him. The one woman in the entire world he fell hard for had no desire for him whatsoever, and that rejection had everything to do with what he stood for.

Mason stormed out feeling like a chump and wondering if he had blown his chance with her. Not that it mattered. If she had only been honest he might have played it a little differently. However, it really did not matter now that all the cards were on the table.

Robert found him in the small park across from the hospital with the leaves softly falling around him in gold, red, and orange. Sitting on the bench, Mason had his head tilted back, eyes closed. He heard the familiar footfall come closer.

It was Robert.

The only other person in the world he could do that with was Barbara. He always knew when she was close. He did not feel that closeness any longer. Maybe it was because she was unconscious, or maybe it was because he had tightly slammed shut the door to his heart.

Either way, he felt alone.

Get used to it, his mind mocked him.

“Mason,” Robert asked softly. His brother was a powder keg of volatility at the moment. Robert really did not want to startle him and set him off again.

“What the hell do you want?” Mason asked flatly, never opening his eyes.

“I don’t want anything. I’m just a messenger.”

“Then be glad I don’t shoot you.” He opened his eyes and sat up as Robert sat down. “All this shit is your fault, Robert. You knew didn’t you?” Mason questioned feeling played, betrayed, and deceived by the tune Robert and Barbara danced with him.

“Knew what, Mase?” Robert was fishing.

“Don’t play with me, Robert.” He did not know whether to be angry or not. “You’ve done that enough already. You knew going into this mission that you were putting me into a no-win situation. Fucking tell me you didn’t, and I’ll be damned before I believe you!” Mason stood forcefully and resisted the urge to punch the trunk of the tree. Alright, he thought, now I'm mad.

It was Robert’s turn to be angry. Mason was probably going to throw away his one and only chance at real contentment all because he felt he was played.

“Are you asking me if I knew that perhaps for the first time in your wild-playboy-think-only-of-yourself-life that you might actually have feelings for a woman lasting longer than the time it takes you to finish a roll in the sack?” He paused. “Yeah, I knew. Or at least I hoped. You are my brother, Mason. I want good things for you. Barbara is a very good thing for you.”

“Whatever, in God’s name, made you think a woman like her would go for someone like me? She hates what I stand for and has never made a secret of it. I can’t change who I am, Robert! You know that as well as anybody.”

“No, I don’t know you can’t change and neither do you!” he yelled. Taking a deep breath, Robert calmed himself. “Love changes people, Mason. It changes us even when we don’t realize it is happening. Tell me this mission has not changed you in some ways already.” He waited for some kind of reply.

It was met with stony silence.

He took a different approach. “Did you once screw around on her even knowing it was just a cover marriage?”

“No. It would not have been right. Besides, it could have potentially compromised the mission.” Mason looked back at the hospital knowing Barbara was in that bed because of him.

The two sat in silence. Robert was hoping Mason would calm down enough to come back to the room. Barbara was conscious again and asking for him. She had cried and confided to him and Kate that she was in love with Mason. She wanted to try to work through it.

“Damn it, Robbie. Screw you!” Mason stood.

Robert saw very quickly that Mason was really bent out of shape. He seldom cursed to this degree.

“You made me want something that I thought I couldn’t have. And worse, something that I don’t deserve.”

Robert was not about to tell him her confession until he could see if Mason would return her feelings. He wasn’t going to put Barbara through that emotional turmoil.

“Did you want her because you could not have her?”

“Sure, it was just a challenge for me at first. Barbara not wanting me just made her all the hotter. It was the game between us. I’d pursue and she'd counter. It all started out for show.”

“Was it now?” Robert eyed him. “Was it the thrill of the seduction of forbidden fruit? Or was it something else driving you?”

Mason shrugged. “Maybe both.”

“Let me ask you, Mason, did something happened along the way? Did you two actually connect on some deeper level?” Robert was curious.

“Yes. She became my friend. She could have stopped me, Robert. She didn’t and I couldn’t.”

“That’s such bull shit, Mase. Of course you could have stopped and should have kept it professional between the two of you. It was your responsibility to say no by never putting yourself into that position with her.”

Mason defended himself. “No, really I tried, but something was pushing me, and it had nothing to do with sex. I cannot explain it.”

“Did you share blood?” Robert asked surprised at this turn. It changed things dramatically if Mason answered in the affirmative.

Mason nodded. “We were sparring one morning and she cut me. I put that blood on her lips thinking to prove a point.”

“And that is not all? Is it?” Robert pushed.

Mason shook his head. “No. On impulse I kissed her, breaking the skin on her mouth and I mingled her blood with my own. After that I had to finish what we started.”

Robert pondered his words. So, Mason bonded with her. Could it be? Well, sure. After all, Mason was made up of the same genetic material as he was and it had been the very same with Katherine. The first time they had sex it was driving, primal and he, too could not have stopped. She was his mate in every sense of the word, and he felt the driving need to stake his permanent claim and mark on her.

“Did you hear the voice inside you yell ‘She is mine’?” Robert had to know.

“No, not at first, but I won’t deny it. I wanted to stake my claim to a woman I thought was in a committed relationship. What does that say about who I am as a man?” Mason forcefully tossed the stick he had been toying with to keep his hands busy.

It was a rhetorical question in Mason’s mind.

He had never before questioned his morals or behavior. Until this moment, he already knew what kind of man he was. He was in love with her, she was an available, quality woman. She was a decent woman in spite of the fact he thought it was poor form to let him believe the lies.

He believed her to be out of his league at best. He was a player and not the settling down kind. He had agreed to go to Aspen to have an affair with a married woman. Barbara was marriage material with happy-ever-after written all over her.