Arizona Pastor (3 page)

Pushing her own troubles to the back of her mind, Kristy walked inside, wrapped her sister in a quick hug, then scooped up her wailing nephew from the bassinet. “How can I help?”

Carrie's body shook with sobs. “He's hungry and my milk came in and I'm too full. He can't latch on. And he won't stop crying. And…”

Kristy gently jostled Noah in her arms to calm him. “Where's Michael?”

Carrie pulled at the front of her shirt. “There was a
double homicide and they called him into work and he said he'd hurry but…”

Kristy touched her sister's arm with her free hand. “It's okay. I'm here now. Go change your shirt. Do you remember me showing you how to use the breast pump?”

Carrie nodded. “I've been trying, but Noah's crying has me crying and I can't stop shaking long enough to…”

“It's okay. I've got Noah. Pump a bit. Then I'll help.”

Carrie started down the hall, then turned back around. She wiped her swollen eyes with the back of her hand. “I was praying God would send you.”

“And He did. Now hurry on back there so we can feed my little nephew.”

Kristy turned her attention back to the baby. Noah squirmed in her arms. She grabbed the pacifier from the bassinet and held it in his mouth. Her little sister was twenty-six and had been praying and preparing for a baby for three years, but tonight it was just too much for Carrie to handle.

How could Mel handle this?

A memory Kristy hadn't thought of in years flooded her mind. Mel was only five days old. Kristy had already nursed her, had already changed her diaper, had done everything she knew to do to make Mel content. But she would not stop crying. Exhaustion had made Kristy irrational. The baby would just not settle down. In an instant, less than a second, Kristy had hefted Mel into the air above her head and screamed, “Why won't you stop crying?”

A powerful urge to shake the tears out of Mel had washed in and out of her. The feeling had scared Kristy to her core. She'd gently brought Mel close to her chest as tears had spilled down her cheeks and onto Mel's head. Kristy had never understood how someone could get so
angry with a baby, and yet this wretched, horrible feeling had come over her. Kristy had almost shaken Mel…

“But I didn't,” she whispered to Noah, then looked up at the ceiling. “Oh, dear Jesus, Mel's too young for this.”

* * *

With a heavy heart, Wade drove to the small two-bedroom home he'd leased for a year. He'd selected the residence because of the older neighborhood with its large backyards. After parking in the drive, he opened the front door. Bo, his eighty-pound dalmatian, greeted him with a playful bark and wagging tail. Wade bent down and scratched behind the dog's ears, then petted his back. “How you doing, big guy?”

Bo whined, then barked a response as he ran toward the back door. Wade tossed the car keys on the counter, grabbed a water bottle out of the refrigerator, then let him out. He sat on a lounge chair as Bo raced around the yard. Leaning back, he closed his eyes and allowed the sun to warm his face. He prayed for Mel and Joel, but especially for Kristy.

Why had Mel and Joel told her that way? In front of Tim and Leah and their sons? Wade had thought that the couple might have wanted moral support as they told the whole family, but he'd soon discovered that Kristy alone had been the one to receive the graduation surprise.

He scrunched his nose as he tried to imagine how he would feel. Ironically, his sermon the next day was about communication with our Christian brothers and sisters. He trailed his hand down the front of his face. He'd need to look over the scriptures once more before going to bed.

Sitting forward in the chair, he released a long sigh. He'd forgotten to stop by the church and pick up his laptop after the graduation party. He stood and whistled to Bo. “You wanna go for a ride?”

Bo barked and jumped. He loved to go anywhere Wade would take him. Once in the car, Wade rolled down the passenger window and Bo stuck out his head. The dog seemed to smile against the wind as Wade drove to the church. He powered up all the windows halfway, then raced into his office, grabbed his laptop and made it back to the car in less than a few minutes.

Knowing Bo would enjoy a walk around the church's extensive property, he hooked the leash to Bo's collar and opened the car door. Between the early-morning sermon preparations, the graduation ceremony and the party, Wade needed a walk, as well.

Shoving his keys into his pocket, he headed toward the bass pond at the edge of the church's property. Having ministered for seventeen years to a smaller congregation in a house of worship with little land, in a metropolitan area, Wade found the several acres his new church owned not only inviting but spiritually stimulating.

Though the land was dry, brown desert more than anything else, a man couldn't take in the oversize sycamore tree or look at the rolling majesty of the White Tanks Mountains and not give credit to his Maker. At the pond, Bo barked, then lapped up a drink of water. Wade sat on one of the few benches dotted around the perimeter. He tried to shake off his concern for Kristy and bask in the closing of the day.

“‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty, the whole earth is full of his glory.'” Wade quoted from Isaiah the words of the seraphim who circle God's throne. He gazed at the water, which had just an occasional bubble from the bouncing of some small insect. “How could anyone deny You, Lord?”

Taking a deep breath, he felt his heartbeat slow at the natural peace and tranquility of the place. He closed his eyes, lifting his face toward the heavens. “Thank You for
bringing me here. I've never felt more confirmed in Your calling.”

As quickly as the praise slipped from his lips, he felt a twist in his heart. Loneliness. His relationship with the Lord was good. At least, he thought it was good, but his body, his mind and his heart yearned for more. For years, he'd been content to throw himself into the lives of his flock, but lately, maybe it was because he'd just turned the big four-oh, Wade yearned for more. An image of Kristy slipped through his mind, and he pushed it away.

He thought he'd healed from the death of his father from congestive heart failure five years ago and his mom three years before that to cancer. He was faithful in visiting his sister and her family in Colorado whenever he had a chance, and though he wouldn't consider them close in the sense they didn't talk every night or even every week, he loved and prayed daily for his sibling and her family. Already, he'd been invited to dinner at several of the church members' homes, and there were a few men he knew would be excellent accountability partners. But he felt discontent.

He stood, stretching his arms over his head. Maybe he was just working too hard. Thinking too hard about young pregnant couples and beautiful single women. The land around him shouted of God's glory, and his mind and heart nearly burst with the excitement and peace he felt for his new flock, but he hadn't exercised as he should. He hadn't allowed himself to sleep or even rest as much as a body needed. Maybe that was the only thing wrong with him.

“With that in mind…” He picked up a small, smooth stone and skipped it across the top of the water. Bo barked and raced to the water's edge. “Bo, I think it's time we head home.”

He turned and walked the trail back toward the church. He frowned when he noticed a car in the parking lot. The
hour was late, and he didn't feel comfortable leaving someone alone. No doubt one of the members was doing last-minute Sunday-school preparations or something of the sort. As long as more than one person was there, he'd feel okay about moving on.

He hooked Bo's leash to the front steps' railing, then grabbed the doorknob and twisted. It was unlocked. He sighed, wishing people would be more careful. Possibly he was more paranoid than necessary, as the outskirts of Surprise were nothing like the heart of Phoenix, but crime still happened here. The fact that the church was a bit secluded, just under a mile from town, also made it an easy target.

“Hello,” he called as he walked through the foyer. Opening the sanctuary door, he watched as a familiar-looking woman kneeling in front of the altar jumped up and turned to face him. Wade's heart skipped as he stared at Kristy Phillips. He was a preacher, but he was still a man, a single man. The woman's soft shoulder-length brown hair shone, and her light blue eyes seemed to follow him everywhere. “I'm…I'm so sorry,” she stammered, and pressed the front of her skirt. “I thought I was… I didn't think anyone was here.”

Her anxious gestures touched him, and he again fought the urge to wrap her in his arms and assure her all was well. He lifted his hand instead. “It's not a problem. Tell you what. I'll wait outside until you're ready to go. I don't want you to be alone.”

Kristy gasped, and her entire countenance seemed to crumble. “I've never been so alone in my life.”

K
risty inwardly chastised her wayward emotions. Her eyes and lungs disobeyed her, and tears spilled down her cheeks and she heaved to catch her breath. It was too much. The day had been too much. And now, before the altar of her Heavenly Father and the pastor she'd spoken only a few words to, Kristy's entire being crumbled. The guilt was too heavy. The sadness too deep. The disappointment too maddening.

Hope had fled from her.

Reaching for the front pew, Kristy attempted to control the onslaught of sobs. Her legs shook as she turned herself around and sat down on the padded seat. She wiped her eyes and cheeks. Trying to straighten her shoulders, she found the effort was too much, and she stayed slumped over, staring at the carpet. “I apologize,” she mumbled as more tears fell. “I'll just be…a minute.”

She didn't look up, but she knew he was there. She could feel his closeness for several seconds before he sat beside
her, placed a tissue in one of her hands and grabbed and held on to the other. “How can I help? I'll pray.”

His voice was soft and tender but a bit shaky and unsure. He probably wasn't used to seeing grown women have complete meltdowns in front of him. But the comfort of his touch brought a new onset of emotion and renewed tears. Kristy shook her head, unable to say a word.

Embarrassment mingled with the utter defeat and disappointment that overwhelmed her. Her eyes, nose and chest hurt from the physical display of her inner torment.

But he never let go of her hand.

When the tears could no longer flow and her body seemed void of all ability to show emotion, she looked up at the pastor. His deep blue eyes spoke of sincere compassion and concern, causing a new wave of mortification. Noting the stubbles along the strong line of his jaw and the slight cleft in his chin, Kristy wondered if she'd lost her senses completely. “I'm sorry. I'll go now.”

Before she could get up, he squeezed her hand. “Is there any way I can help?”

Kristy stared at his hand, much bigger and stronger than hers. For an instant, she thought of God's hand and how He could hold all her troubles, if she'd allow Him. Whether because of a moment of weakness or a nudging from the Lord, Kristy didn't know, but she threw her pride behind her. “I don't know what to do.” She pulled her hand from his and smacked it down on the pew. “I've walked this road, and I wanted so much more for Mel. She's got so much potential.”

“I know. When she and Joel talked with me—”

“That boy is going to be a plumber, for crying out loud.” Kristy dipped her chin, knowing she sounded like a snob and feeling ashamed. His family had helped her on a few occasions. His parents were two of the sweetest people she
knew, and there was nothing dishonorable about the occupation. She shook her head at her words and thoughts.
Forgive me, Lord. I am being prideful and arrogant.

Kristy looked up at her pastor. “That was a terrible thing to say.”

“It's okay. You're hurt and venting.” He pointed to his chest and grinned. “I'm the right person to do that with.”

“Thank you, Wade.”

His gaze penetrated hers. Out of seemingly nowhere, an old children's tune flowed through Kristy's mind and she found herself “wading” through Jordan's waters. And, wow, how she could get lost in the blue current of his eyes. She pushed the thought away. “Wade, they're so young.”

“But they've made a very grown-up choice. And they were also adult enough to ask me to counsel them before they said their vows.”

“They did?” Kristy clasped her hands in her lap. That was good. A mature step in the right direction. She stood up. A small weight lifted, and she determined to cling to it with all she had. “Thanks so much.”

On impulse, she wrapped her arms around him. Having hugged her old pastor, a now retired eighty-year-old man, several times, she hadn't prepared herself for Wade's shoulders to be so wide and firm. She hadn't anticipated that he would smell of an intriguing musk. She hadn't expected a charge of electricity to shoot through her. Releasing him quickly, she dipped her head. Without making eye contact again, she turned and headed toward the door.

* * *

With the entrance shut firmly behind the woman, Wade scratched the side of his head. “So much for peace and serenity.”

He slammed his frame back down onto the pew and stared at the large wooden cross that hung on the wall behind the podium. “What have I gotten myself into, Lord? I was already wrestling with worry over counseling the young couple. And now Kristy…”

He allowed his words to taper off as he studied the dark wood of the cross, noting small places of imperfection where the stain was too dark or too light. He'd pastored a church for years. He knew his job—preach, encourage, guide, serve, minister—and he did all those things…just not the marriage counseling. Until now.

He growled. This time of year was already hard enough. With the resurrection of perennials, fruits and other foliage came the twenty-year-old memories of Zella. To most people, spring was a rejuvenating time of rebirth. To Wade, it was a time of renewed guilt.