Ariel (22 page)

Ariel growled in frustration. Matt was possessive, jealous, and wanted the kind of relationship she’d vowed never to have again. He was also supportive, caring, and the most generous, loving man in bed she’d ever known.

What was she going to do? She could one day be the Black Wolf Alpha—if she didn’t end up the Gray Wolf Alpha’s mate. That had bad pack politics written all over it.

She was probably going to be hearing from Matt soon and still didn’t know what she wanted. No doubt Gareth would make a full report of the fight results before the day was over. If Reed didn’t do it first.

“When I think about my life two weeks ago compared to today, it makes my head feel like exploding. Two weeks ago I was doing boring lab research and today I won a werewolf fight to the death. Why aren’t you more freaked out about this shit?” Ariel asked.

Brandi shrugged. “Two weeks ago I was freezing my ass off in the Alaskan wilderness and watching Travis shoot Reed. The month before that I was sweltering in southern Florida helping take down a cocaine factory in one of the Keys. Frankly, getting turned into a kick-ass werewolf isn’t even near the top of my bad-shit-o-meter scale.”

“You’re telling me it’s all relative, aren’t you?” Ariel accused.

“No. Why would I do that? I don’t even know what the hell that statement means,” Brandi teased.

Ariel snorted and then sighed. “It means my biggest problem is that Matthew Gray Wolf wants me to make a commitment to him—and his pack—and I’m not sure I’m ready to make it.”

Brandi snorted in reply. “I hear Ryan’s pressuring Heidi for a commitment too. I’m starting to think I drew the lucky straw with Gareth. He’s being really decent and hasn’t said one word about any sort of long-term arrangement.”

“How can I even consider staying with him? Matt’s insistence on making our relationship permanent has blown away every theory I had about the callousness of men. Do you think it’s just werewolf males who take sex so seriously? I figured our female emotions would be a problem, not the guys wanting to mate us. That’s why I gave you both the warning about not getting attached. I didn’t want either of you to end up with a broken heart.”

“I don’t think I have a heart left to break, but thanks for looking out for me anyway,” Brandi joked, punching her new friend lightly on the arm. She was pleased when Ariel laughed softly.

“Fine hard-ass. What about Heidi?” Ariel asked.

“Heidi’s got a lot of experience and Ryan hasn’t said anything yet. She’s walking on eggshells right now. What about you?” Brandi asked back, lifting both eyebrows. “What are you going to do? You’re the one the alpha wants and I hear Matt’s pretty used to getting his way. I don’t think he’s going to be as easy to intimidate as Reed’s grandsons.”

“I know,” Ariel said quietly. “I know.”

Chapter 17

She had sent Brandi and Heidi back to Wasilla with the guys, but chose to stay a while longer with Reed. She met the rest of his family during that time, which by her rough estimate made up at least an eighth of the total Black Wolf pack population. It was also quite startling to see his appearance closely replicated in many of his children and grandchildren. Reed said his family had always been large, but stipulated that they were very careful in making sure the pack took in new members, and therefore new DNA, whenever possible.

Travis and Hanuk ended up being just two of Reed’s many male grandchildren. Amazingly, with them out of the pack picture, Reed’s family accepted her as kin without even so much as a strange look. They made her feel welcome despite the fact her blondeness stood out starkly among those with native Alaskan blood running through their veins. It surprised her how little Travis and Hanuk’s parents had grieved their sons’ betrayals, but then she was reminded about how cruelly those men had treated their fellow pack members. It didn’t take long to figure out Reed’s family had disowned them long before she and Reed had shown up to challenge the toxic situation.

She roamed the village, mostly on foot, but several times in wolf form. Heads bowed when she passed no matter how she appeared. It was strange to receive such unquestioned respect, but her wolf puffed up under the attention, growling in satisfaction.

Reed stayed close when he could and she appreciated his support. Despite his reservations of being the Black Wolf Alpha again, it was obvious a feeling of calm and ease had descended over the pack. She watched Reed easing back into the role of elder, judge, and teacher. People regularly commented on his renewed vigor, and his more youthful appearance, but thankfully no one probed for reasons.

She had been there almost an extra week now. Matt was probably growling and pacing because she hadn’t returned to him yet. She imagined him complaining to Gareth and the idea made her smile. It was the strangest thing to feel so close to a man in so short a time. After divorcing her ex, she hadn’t even wanted to date. Now she wanted to go back and be with Matt, but at the same time, she feared what he would ask of her.

“Do you think my burning time is over, Reed? I haven’t been desperate for sex in over a week.”

Reed smiled at her honesty and her lack of embarrassment in talking to him. “Are you trying to find a logical explanation for why you want to go back to Matt? Or just looking for an excuse to return that takes the choice out of your hands?”

Ariel laughed. “Okay. I’m busted. My inner geek scientist says my intense longing for him is too strong for the short time I’ve known him. I want to go back, but I think my human side is restraining me.”

“Well, I don’t know if it helps your rationalization process any, but instead of human menses, you will come into mating heat every three months for the rest of your life. Being in heat is a lot like the burning time, only less easy to satisfy. It’s part of the natural propagation cycle for werewolves and meant to lure a couple into making children. If you want to stay that long here in the pack, we can probably find you a male or two willing to help out when you get desperate. Females tend to abstain because even wolves have to take precautions to not accidentally conceive with someone other than their mates.”

She heard Reed laughing at her heavy sighing. “Matt wants me to be his mate. He told me flat out when he snuck here to see me.”

“Yes. I know he does. But what do you want?” Reed asked.

Ariel shrugged and sighed again. “A long relationship leash, no bite marks, and all the time I need to figure this out so I can make some clear decisions.”

“I know you enjoy his company. What are your concerns? Are you afraid of Matt?”

She started to laugh at the question, but saw Reed was serious. Was she afraid of Matt? She could feel her wolf shaking her head.

“No. I’m not afraid of Matt. I’m afraid of myself. What if I can’t be the perfect female he expects me to be? What if I need to do something important and he disapproves? I don’t like the idea of having to fight him for control of every decision for the rest of my life. Last time I fought a guy for that kind of control, I ended up divorced and in Alaska being turned into a werewolf. I suck at rebelling.”

When Reed put out his hand, Ariel snorted and curled her fingers around his.

“Now look at me,” he ordered softly, and waited until she did. “At my age, I see into the heart of everyone I meet. Matt is a good man and he will never really control you, not even if you become his mate. He might use pleasure to entice you to stay with him. He might be kind and supportive and generous to influence your willingness to love him. But no matter what he says or does, you will always, always be a rebellious alpha on the inside. If your wolf decides you need to do something, and your human side agrees, Matt will not be able to stop you. You are mentally assigning him a power over you that I promise you he will never, ever have in reality.”

“That’s not how every werewolf I’ve met talks about mating. Even you said you forced your mates to accept you,” Ariel said.

Reed laughed. “Now I am busted,” he admitted.

“And this is why I’m so confused,” she complained, looking away.

Reed belly laughed before defending himself. “I do have an explanation for you, Dr. Jones, but you might not like it. None of my mates were alphas. They did not feel threatened by the idea of being controlled the way you do. Most wolves are born to follow instead of lead, so they look for a leader, whether it is for their pack or their intimate relationship. This is not the case with you, Ariel. But you will have to learn this for yourself.”

Reed paused until she met his gaze clearly.

“If Matt makes you unhappy in your relationship with him, your wolf will ruthlessly sever your mating bond to save you both. As unfair as it seems to your human ideas about marital commitment, only animals at the top of the food chain get to make those kind of choices. But you will have that choice because you are at the top. Despite your reluctance to lead, you have proven you are worthy—you know this—or at least your wolf does. These doubts you have about mating Matt are because you’re adjusting to having a high level of personal power for the first time in your life.”

“I want to be with him and yet I’m a little afraid of him. I keep going back and forth and the indecision I feel is maddening. But even though I’ve been fighting going back to Wasilla, I don’t really think I have any choice. I’m only worried because Matt’s warned me what’s going to happen when I do. Next time I see him, I’ll be getting more than a werewolf hickey. I don’t know if I’m ready for that next step.”

“You need to remember Matt says all that because he has grown up exercising his alpha side whenever it suited him. Your human upbringing trained you to be polite…and accommodating. Show him your wolf and your alpha side with no fear of reprisal. Let him earn his way into your heart the old fashioned way. Your concern is the very reason two alphas so seldom mate. A constant battle for control can make for a tiring relationship, especially when you begin to raise a family. But I have faith you will use that logical mind of yours to figure out compromises as you two go along.”

Ariel snorted. She hoped Reed was right, but more importantly, she wished she could feel it was true. “If it wasn’t for Brandi and Heidi, I would just stay here and be your beta.”

Reed belly laughed. “Then you and I would argue about everything. I’m too old to do that with you. Go argue with a younger man about life. I want a beta like Gareth, but two hundred year olds don’t usually want to serve their pack. Matt got lucky.”

Ariel gaped. “
Gareth is two hundred years old?
”

Reed nodded. “Yes. Matt is very fortunate to have someone so wise at his side.”

Ariel ran a hand over her face and laughed around it. “I wonder if Brandi knows how old Gareth is.”

Reed shrugged. “What does his age matter?”

A grin split her face. “I guess it doesn’t if you’re a werewolf.”

They were quiet for a few minutes and then Reed let go of her hand.

“Stay one more night,” he said. “Decisions are best carried out in the full light of day. Also, I need to get my mind wrapped around sending you away from me. I don’t want you to go, but that’s a selfishness neither of us can indulge in and be happy.”

Ariel nodded. “I’ll come back and visit often. And I’ll bring the others. We’ll come so long as we are welcome. You—where you are is home to us now. We talked about that while we were here. Brandi is the only one of us with anything to go back to in her old life, and even for her it’s just a job. None of us really had family…until this happened. We’re still a bit shocked that now we have each other and you.”

“I think that’s why you three mean so much to me. On some level I felt our link to each other the moment each of you went through your change,” Reed said, rising from his seat. “Come. Let’s get’s something to eat. There’s always someone willing to feed a hungry alpha…or two. I’m in the mood for some ham carved off the bone. Doesn’t that sound delicious? It’s one of my favorite meals.”

Laughing about the possibility that she had inherited Reed’s meat preferences, Ariel rose and trailed after him.

Chapter 18

Somehow lingering to chat after a late breakfast the next morning turned into staying for lunch. By the time she actually started the drive back to Wasilla, it was mid-afternoon. Full of food and missing Reed, it was a very lonely drive alone for all those hours. It was made worse by her thoughts bouncing to Matt and away every ten miles or so.

It took her half of the drive to admit to herself how much she had missed Matt while they’d been apart. And not just for the outstanding sex. Making the long trip back in his truck, she realized what it had cost him in time and effort just to come see her for those few precious hours before the fight. He had pleasured her, bared his feelings and then tucked her with well wishes before he left. That was more than being a lover—it was being a friend.

Maybe he was possessive and demanding and had many other trying personalities traits that she’d learn about as they got to know each other better. Was his collection of faults any worse than discovering over time that her human husband was petulant and selfish and petty? No man was perfect, but the plus column for Matt was full of good character qualities.