Aria and Will (16 page)

There had to be a way, though, a balance between her
love for him and her duty to the soldiers who expected her to lead them to
safety. She looked down at the sword she held. She had cleaned the blood off,
and it shone bright under the harsh artificial light of the shop. Deadly and
beautiful, she couldn’t imagine anyone but Will wielding it.

* * * *

So much time has passed since then, we’ve fought so
many battles, that sometimes I feel as though I shouldn’t remember those three
days and three nights. I do, though. They’re engraved in my memory, etched
there by the fear and hope I felt during that battle. Hope about what would
happen afterwards now that Aria and I had made that first step and said those
words. Fear that one of us would die and leave the other with a world of
regrets.

Even after all this time, all these battles, they
are the same two feelings that tighten my chest every time the alarms sound
over the walls—every time I know blood will be shed, and some of it might be
hers. She’s been hurt, over the decades we spent together, sometimes very
badly, and it’s difficult, then, not to use my influence to demand faster care
for her wounds. Most of the time, thankfully, they’re superficial enough that I
can deal with them myself. I hate seeing her hurt, but those moments of quiet
comfort and careful gestures are… special. We’re fighters. Not only that, we’re
vampires as well. We can take care of ourselves. To take care of each other,
like I do for her, like she has learned to do for me, only brings us closer
together. After the stress of battle, we need that. We need each other.

So much time has passed… I need her, today, as much
as I did back then.

I love her more.

And I can only be thankful that, on the morning
after the fight, when the meeting was over and I was done ranting at her, she
stood up to me and gave me the ultimatum that changed both our lives.

Chapter 18

Aria had sat at the conference table, surrounded by
the other Heads of Squadron, more often than she cared to remember. Here, the
future of Newhaven was crafted, one decision at a time. Here, too often, they
mourned fallen comrades and, too rarely, celebrated the victories of the Guard.
This room had seen more arguments and compromises than any other place in town.
Rarely, though, had she felt that her own future was at stake along with the
town’s. Pulling her eyes away from Will, who had barely given her a second
glance since he had entered the room, she tried to focus on the discussion at
hand. She rubbed absently at her nose, trying to chase away the sour scent of
anger. She wondered if the others could guess just how angry Will was. She
doubted it; he had always been good at hiding his emotions.

“But his squadron doesn’t have anyone of his caliber
to take over,” Stephen was arguing. “It’s going to be difficult enough without
putting soldiers who aren’t ready to lead in charge of their comrades.”

“Then we need to look at other squadrons for a
leader,” Mary objected. “Reassigning Jonas’ soldiers to our squadrons would
break their morale. They’re a tight group.”

Aria nodded. “Not only that, but we have to plan
ahead. I hate to say it, but if Paolo doesn’t make it, we’ll have a second
headless squadron. We can’t break apart two squadrons. We would have to
reorganize the entire rotation system, and that would just mean more chaos.”

Her words were followed by a few seconds of grim
silence, until Lea finally asked, “Any news on Paolo’s condition?”

It was Will who answered, his voice as expressionless
as his features. “As of an hour ago, he was still stable.” He paused for a
second, then added, “If his condition deteriorates, I will turn him.”

Four pairs of eyes focused on him, all of them wide in
shock.

“You… you will… what?” Aria stammered.

He answered without looking at her directly. “It’s his
choice. He came to me when I took over the Guard. He asked that I turn him if
it ever looked as though he was going to die from battle wounds. I doubt he
thought it’d be so soon, though.”

“Does his wife know?” Mary asked.

“She does.”

Aria sat back in her chair, thinking of what it meant.
On one hand, Paolo’s squadron would have a leader, regardless of what happened
to him. On the other hand, she couldn’t help but be troubled by the idea of
Will siring him. She was afraid to scratch the surface of her feelings and
realize it was jealousy speaking, and so when Stephen raised an objection, she
clung to it as though it were what had troubled her.

“Wouldn’t it set a dangerous precedent?” he said, his
tone very cautious.

“Yes,” Aria agreed at once. “Blood is scarce enough as
it is. If all soldiers ask to be turned like this, the balance we have now
would be broken. It could mean the end of Newhaven.”

Will shook his head. “It has happened before. You’re
here today because of just such a situation. And you weren’t the first.”

Even now, he didn’t look toward Aria. She ground her
teeth rather than demand that he stop ignoring her.

“As to all soldiers asking for this… I doubt it would
happen.” He nodded toward Stephen. “Would you want to be turned?”

Stephen let out a bark of joyless laughter. “No
offense, but I’ll pass.”

For the first time since the beginning of the meeting,
Will’s lips stretched into a thin smile. “I don’t think we have to worry about
that for now. As for Paolo, all we can do is wait and see. Jonas’ squadron is
different. We need a decision, and we need it before night falls. Who thinks we
should disband it?”

Both Stephen and Lea raised their hands.

“Two against three,” Will noted. “No disbandment,
then. Which means we need a new leader.” He consulted a list in front of him,
his finger sliding down a column of names. “The two highest ranked Guards under
his command were killed as well. Objections to promoting a leader from another
squadron?”

Nobody said anything.

“Suggestions on suitable candidates?”

“I have a very capable Lieutenant under me,” Mary
said. “Cliff Hille. I was going to name him to be promoted Captain after this
battle.”

“I know him,” Lea said with an approving nod. “He’d do
well.”

“That’s one candidate,” Will said, jotting down the
name on his notes. “Anyone else?”

“Ellen Manning,” Aria offered. “She’s my First
Captain. Exemplary in battle as well as away from the walls.”

“She’s a vampire, isn’t she?” Stephen asked with a
slight frown.

“She is. Does it matter?”

The pointed look she gave him seemed to quiet his
objections, but to Aria’s surprise, Will picked up on Ellen’s vampire status.

“It does matter. If Paolo ends up turned, that will be
three vampires in the highest ranks of the Guard. If we name another vamp as
Head of Squadron, that will be four out of seven. The last thing we need is for
humans to start resenting vampires for taking over.”

She stared at him, incredulous. His eyes were finally
on her, and they were cold, as though there had been nothing between them. What
shocked her the most, though, was how he could speak of vampires so casually
while he was one himself.

“How can you say that?” she asked, unable to understand
his point. “You’re a vamp—”

“Thank you for reminding us all of the obvious,
Captain Vanyard,” he interrupted her coldly. “But let me assure you I know
exactly what I am. Right now, I am in charge of keeping this army together. And
as much as it pains me to admit it, I do not believe that most humans are ready
to accept any more control being given to vampires. Objections to Cliff Hille
being promoted to the rank of Captain and Head of Squadron?”

Aria was too stunned to even think about whether to
vote for Hille or not, too off balance to consider Will’s argument when his
words faded behind his tone. He had never talked to her like this before, and
it stung to realize how deep his anger had to be. It only reinforced her
decision that things had to change between Will and her before they could go
forward.

A few more matters were discussed and settled, but she
was hard pressed to listen to any of it, let alone make any useful contribution
to the discussion. When the meeting finally ended, she didn’t move from her
seat as Mary, Stephen and Lea all stood. Across from her, Will remained seated
as well, and soon they were left alone, Lea having closed the door behind her
on her way out. Will’s eyes were glowing, and with the unmistakable sourness of
his scent, Aria knew it was from anger.

“Go ahead,” she said, settling back in her chair. “Let
it out.”

“Let it out?” he repeated, ending with a snort. “Let
what out, Aria? My disappointment that you can’t follow simple directions, or
my fear that you ruined your leg walking around like you did all night?”

“What about the anger?” she replied, keeping her voice
as level as she could.

“I’m not—” he started, almost shouting, but cut
himself short. He took in a deep breath and the volume of his voice returned to
normal when he started again. “I went back to the walls thinking you’d stay
safe and start healing. You didn’t say you wouldn’t. Not an hour later, I see
you there. How am I supposed to feel?”

“Proud,” she replied, without missing a beat. “Proud
that a flesh wound doesn’t keep me from my duties. Proud that I’m learning to
see the difference between the man I love being overprotective and my Commander
giving me an order.”

He stood so abruptly that his chair fell back with the
muted sound of leather hitting the carpeted floor. “They’re not two separate
men, Aria. I am who I am. As a matter of fact, you put me in this place.”

“I did,” she said as calmly as she could. “And I, for
one, am proud of the way you lead the Guard, even when I don’t agree with you.
But you were right. You being the Commander makes things more complicated.”

His shock was all too plain on his face, and she
hurried on before he could misinterpret her words.

“I love you. I want to be with you. There’s nothing I
want more than that.” She frowned suddenly, and shook her head. This wasn’t how
she had planned to say it all, and she was saying it wrong. “Wait. That’s not
true. There’s one thing I’ve always wanted more than anything else.”

“Fighting,” Will said, sounding halfway between
resigned and amused.

She smiled, just barely. “Yes. Fighting. And fighting
well. I can’t do it halfway. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did.
And that means I can’t go around worrying about whether you’ll approve of my
choices or not. If my job requires me to go back to the walls and you tell me
to stay in bed because you know I’m tired, you’ve got to see it won’t even
occur to me to listen to you. Because it’s not my Commander speaking when you
tell me to rest. It’s your love for me. If you wouldn’t say the same thing to
Lea, or Stephen, or Mary, it means you’re not taking my job and me seriously.
And if you can’t do that…” She swallowed hard, and pressed the palms of her
hands against the wood of the table so they wouldn’t shake. “If you can’t do
that, on the battlefield and away from it, then I guess you were right. We
can’t be together.”

She reached beneath her chair for the wrapped bundle
she had placed there when she had arrived in the room and stood. Holding her
present in one hand and her cane in the other, she took slow steps around the
table until she was in front of Will. She placed the bundle on the table next
to him and looked straight at him.

“You know what I feel for you,” she said softly. “It’s
not going to change. But neither am I. You’ll have to take me as I am, or not
at all.”

She kissed him, just lips brushing against lips, and
left the room. She was glad she had managed to go through it all without
changing her mind or letting her emotions take over, but now she was scared and
she felt like crying. Had she just ruined everything between her and Will
before they had even started?

* * * *

It took me almost an hour, after she left me with
those crystal-clear words, to finally think of untying the fabric-wrapped
bundle she had left me. As soon as I put my hands on it, I knew what it was.
I’ve handled enough swords in my life to recognize one by touch.

When I had left her in my bed, hours earlier, I had
been certain I’d find her there again when I was done taking care of Guard
business. It hadn’t even occurred to me that she wouldn’t stay there as I had
asked her to, and so catching a glimpse of her by the walls, hearing that she
had been at the hospital as well and finally finding her in the meeting room
come morning had each only increased my annoyance, transforming it into pure
anger.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t upset because she had
done the exact opposite of what I had suggested. No, I was mad because I had
seen from up close the extent of her injury, and I knew, from first-hand
experience, that she had just extended her healing time by weeks, if not more.

Still, as much as I hate to admit it, she was
right. I wouldn’t have suggested to any other Head of Squadron that they ought
to sleep when there was so much work to prepare for the next night. For as long
as I had known her, my main concern had been to keep her safe. Could I change
that now? Could I accept that I wouldn’t be able to keep her from danger any
more now, as her lover, than I had been able to keep her from the fight since
she had first decided to join the Cadets?

I hate to admit that too, but the truth of the
matter was, Aria had always done what she wanted, despite all my planning and
scheming. She had tolerated my interventions until now, but I had found her
limits. Could I accept them?

The accompanying question was, could I live without
her? And that question wasn’t as hard to answer.

When I finally unwrapped the sword and found a
beautifully crafted blade and ornate hilt, I couldn’t help wondering why she
would offer such a thing to me. I had told her before that I didn’t carry a
specific sword like she did, picking instead a weapon in the armory on my way
to each fight. I understood the reason for the gift when I noticed the words
engraved just above the hilt.

to Will

from Aria

with love

She wanted me to remember, every time I fought,
that she loved me. It could be a way to welcome me in her life, or a parting
gift. It was up to me to decide which it was.

I went up to my apartment, keeping the sword in
hand the entire way and earning a few startled looks for it. Once I was there,
I fed, then took a quick shower. The cold water reminded me that Aria had been
there earlier. I started thinking that it would be nice to have her there,
waiting for me after long nights on the walls, but shook off the idea. It was
much more likely that we would come home together. I couldn’t help wishing it
had all been easier. I wished I had met her before the demons first started
invading our world. But then, she would have been different. The war had shaped
who she had become, and it was this Aria I loved, even if it wasn’t as easy as
I wished.

I dried myself, put on sleeping pants and a
t-shirt, and called down to the office to let them know where to find me if
they needed to. Then I went down three flights of steps to Aria’s apartment. I
was about to knock, but a hunch made me try the door first. It was unlocked. I
entered quietly, and tiptoed inside the quiet apartment to the bedroom. She was
asleep, lying on her side with her back to the door. I slipped in behind her,
as gently as I could. She hummed when I lay down behind her and she pulled my
arm close to her chest.