Apt [Running to Love 6] (Siren Publishing Classic) (3 page)

“Coward you are?”

“Goddamn it, Meredith! Can you just quit poking? Yes, I’m a coward. I thought I was back to normal Dave, but I’m still a coward. I was never a coward before Afghanistan.” He sucked in air and rubbed his hands over his face, trying to compose himself.

“Just to be clear, you consider yourself a coward…”

He took a deep breath. “I was a good guy before I went over there. And then I wasn’t anymore. I tried to kill myself with excess! And she saw past the shit to who I used to be.

“But I got scared. I thought I’d hurt her in the end. So I chickened out and ran, a coward.”

“So you consider yourself a coward for walking out on someone who loves you?”

“Exactly right.” Dave heard the words and slumped against the truth in them. He
was
back to himself again, essentially. No one in their right mind would call him a coward. But he owed Fiona and her parents. He needed to make it right. Fiona was misguided, thinking she loved him, and he didn’t want her to waste another minute of her time, hoping for something that would never come to pass.

“I sent a note just so she’d know I was ok, and told her good-bye. But I need to go and see her and her folks and tell them myself. It’ll be hard, but it’s gotta be done because you just don’t walk out on folks who’ve been good to you.”

“And if she still loves you?”

“It isn’t love, but I’ll let her down easy, face-to-face. It’s something I need to do.”

Dr. Massey didn’t respond, just raised one eyebrow ever so slightly. It was unsettling, but Dave made his escape. He just hoped the good doctor didn’t take it out on his ass later.

* * * *

Fiona Lambert stared up at the large brick building and checked the address once again against the return address on the envelope in her hand, although she had it memorized, emblazoned on her brain. This was it. It looked more like a warehouse, but maybe it was like a treatment center or something. Dave had been much better before he snuck out like a thief in the night, but he still had some healing to do. He thought she wasn’t aware of how troubled he was and how that war impacted him, but she knew. Fiona thought he was mending because of what they shared and figured he’d run away because of that very thing. It had scared him.
Idiot
. She knew he loved her and probably thought to spare her because he was still a mess sometimes.
The fool
. Fiona believed she knew the man behind the behavior, and she certainly knew her own heart. She’d been devastated to find him gone, and if he hadn’t written when he did, she’d thought she might’ve gone insane with worry and fear. His pathetic note had satisfied her parents but not her. She had finished her secretarial training, so there was nothing stopping her from finding a job in Tulsa. Her first impulse was to track Dave down as soon as she arrived, but with her usual attention to detail, she’d found a small apartment for herself first. She started work at the medical supply company next week, and now that she had a base, she could find him and convince him to come back to her.

Fiona knew that Dave might not be happy that she had moved to Tulsa, nor pleased that she’d found him, if indeed he was still here. He might still be trying to keep her at arm’s length, and he got kind of bossy sometimes. But she couldn’t stay back in Lansdown, not without him, and it was time she left home and made it on her own anyway. At twenty-three she was a veritable spinster in her small town because she didn’t want anyone other than Dave. He thought he knew her, thought she was a sweet, gentle, obedient girl, and indeed she was, for the most part. But Fiona had a will of iron when she believed in something, had a cause, and she didn’t give up easily. She squared her shoulders and walked up the broad steps. She grasped the enormous door knocker, allowing it to crash down on the wooden panels. It sounded like one of those death knells she’d read about. Her superstitious side suggested she flee, but Fiona was made of sterner stuff.

“Yes?” A handsome blond man looked down his nose at her. It would have been effective if he hadn’t seemed to be hiding his lower body behind the door.

“I’m looking for Dave Cutticio. My name is Fiona Lambert.”

Green eyes narrowed and looked her over with intensity and something else. Fiona didn’t want to know what the something else was, but it gave her the shivers. In a good way. She held onto her manners and smiled politely, avoiding his stare.

“Is he here?”

“Not at the moment.” The man hesitated and then smiled, and all of Fiona’s reservations melted away. She was a fair judge of character despite the fact she was small-town, and while his initial appraisal had been a tad, well, a tad something, he’d figured something out. Maybe Dave had talked about her.

“I’m Alistair Frayne. I’m Dave’s brother-in-law and his, uh, boss, you could say. Come in.”

Fiona took his hand, and as he shook it, he used the contact to ease her inside a really nice meeting room. Maybe they did group counseling or something of the like here. But Alistair Frayne seemed dressed for a party. Maybe. His leather pants fit really well, and Fiona dragged her eyes away from his bottom half and looked into his eyes. They were full of that same look again, and she narrowed her own before dropping them. She found she couldn’t challenge him, needed to defer to him, just as she did to Dave more often than not.

“Who is it, ’Stair?” A pregnant young woman emerged through a green door at the back of the room, and Fiona was staggered by the resemblance. The drift of fine blonde hair, the violet eyes, and the smile. It was a lovely, miniature, female Dave. Well, hardly Dave, but this woman was clearly his sister. Fiona felt her lips lift, and she smiled widely without even thinking about it. This would be Jackie. Dave had talked about her a great deal.

“I’m Fiona Lambert. I know your brother Dave. He stayed with us a while ago.”

“Hello, Fiona! I’m Jackie Frayne. You’ve obviously met Alistair.” Jackie’s expressive face clouded for a moment. “You’re a friend of Dave’s?”

“A little more than a friend, I hope, Jackie. Will he soon be back?”

Jackie shuffled in place and looked to her husband who just smiled a little, although he moved to get close to her, his hand stroking her shoulder and down her upper arm. Fiona watched a faint flush climb up from the top of Jackie’s shirt to delicately dust her throat and color her cheeks. “He had a meeting, and then he had some stuff to pick up, but he’ll be back soon. Does he know you’re coming?”

Fiona picked up on the reticence clearly foreign to Jackie, who had positively bubbled with ebullience not a moment earlier. “He doesn’t know. And I take it he’s never mentioned me.”

Alistair came to Jackie’s rescue. “Not in so many words, Fiona, but I think those closest to him knew about you. It’ll be a surprise.”

She started to worry. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe she should just leave her name and number, and he could call her.

“Jackie? You locked Beau out, and he chewed up Alistair’s single tail in his upset!” A tall redhead pushed through the door, and a large white dog rushed ahead of her, only to halt directly in front of Jackie, who reached down to fondle its ears. The animal fixed unusual eyes on her and stalked forward. Fiona leaned over and offered a hand.

“Beau!” Alistair’s voice cracked. The dog gave him what Fiona could only term an eye roll and appeared to shrug. He sniffed her hand and then prostrated himself at her feet. She obligingly rubbed his belly, and he moaned with satisfaction.

“Well, that’s settled. She’s definitely one of us.” The redhead walked over to hold out her hand. “I’m Ashley Bell. The third in that combination.” She gestured to Jackie and Alistair.

Fiona was bewildered, but the rash of protests from both Alistair and Jackie took her attention.

“You’re not our third. And once the name change goes through, you’ll be a Frayne, too.” Jackie was indignant and looked like an angry little wet hen. Fiona bit her lip against a giggle as she tried to puzzle things out.

“Don’t minimize, Ash. I won’t have it.” The redhead winked at Alistair’s comment and then punched him in the upper arm. It was altogether very strange. Jackie then took pity on her.

“I’m married to both Ashley and Alistair, although it’s ’Stair’s baby, obviously.” Jackie giggled. “And Ashley will have a baby, too, in time.”

“For god’s sake, Jackie. Fiona, we are in a polyamorous relationship. Jackie and I are legally married, but she’s married to Ashley, too, for all intents and purposes.”

Fiona nodded and nodded again. This was something quite foreign to her, something she’d only read about in books or those magazines at the supermarket, and certainly not within widely accepted social mores. She’d been raised in a loving and tolerant Christian home, however, so she stretched her mind and managed to encompass this revelation, although it would take some getting used to. She saw the loving connection between the three people standing across from her, Jackie in the middle of their small group, and decided to just accept it.

“How did you find the Club?” Alistair’s question pulled her attention back to the matter at hand.

“Dave wrote me to say he was okay, and this was the return address on the envelope. It looked like the stationery of some kind of a business or social services place. What kind of club is this?” While she wondered at Jackie’s sudden snort of laughter and Alistair’s shocked expression, Fiona thought it best not to say that Dave had written to say good-bye, not to invite her here, although she felt guilty at withholding that piece of information.

Jackie was laughing louder and so was Ashley, albeit less obviously. “Oh, boy, Fiona. You’re in for one shock after another, honey. Have a seat. We’ll give you the crash course, seeing as Dave works here now. You’re probably like me, even if you seem as innocent as, well, as a newborn.”

She was like Jackie? None of this made any sense.

Alistair was shaking his head. “I don’t think so, darlin’. We’ll let Dave talk with Fiona.”

“Trust me, ’Stair. Dave isn’t going to do a good job with this. Better I fill her in.”

Alistair gave Jackie a look that made Fiona shiver again, and Jackie immediately subsided, although she gave Fiona an approximation of the dog’s eye roll. Alistair then shrugged. “I’ve got some office work to tend to. I’ll be back in an hour or so. You take care, Jackie. Dave won’t thank you if you mess this up.”

Fiona looked between the two of them and noted how Ashley kept her own counsel although clearly was interested in the outcome. What was this? She let Jackie lead her to a love seat and sat down beside her. Jackie soothed a hand over her baby bulge and considered Fiona with a long look.

“This is a BDSM club of sorts. A place for people who practice some sexual things that most people don’t condone. It doesn’t have a name. We call it the Club or Alistair’s place. Do you know what BDSM is?” Ashley came to sit on the arm of the couch beside Jackie and played gently with the ends of Jackie’s hair.

Fiona watched the byplay and then tried to answer the question. “I think I know a little. I read a lot, and I’ve read some erotic romances online. Is, I mean, does that mean, is Alistair a Dom guy?”

“Indeed he is, Fiona, and I’m his submissive. And sometimes I’m Ash’s submissive, although she’s not really a Domme. More like an intern.”

Ashley laughed. “I have no interest in whips and chains and such, Fiona. But I have a deep interest in sexual stuff and making my girl happy. ’Stair keeps her in line, and I get the makeup sex.”

Fiona felt both overwhelmed and titillated. She wasn’t interested in other women, at least not that way, but the idea of being sexually kept in line, handled, made her hot. She was really curious and interested in sex. She could admit to that, and Dave’s big body and his casual, graceful strength had always intrigued her. While they hadn’t slept together, he had touched her body in ways no one had touched her before and taught her some things about how he liked to be touched. Fiona loved him. She ached for him and wanted more. And Jackie had said Fiona was like her. She cautiously asked, “Alistair said he’s Dave’s boss. Does that mean Dave is a Dom too?”

“He’s just about completed his training, sweetie.”

“Training? Like in school?”
Like secretarial training?

“All good Doms get trained, Fiona, so they don’t harm their subs.”

“Subs. Oh, submissives.” Her mind ticked over.
Was
she a sub? How could that be when Dave wasn’t even a Dom when she knew him? What if she’d made a mistake coming to look for him? What if he had changed and didn’t need her anymore?

“Don’t panic, Fiona.” Ashley’s calm voice penetrated her anxiety. “One thing I’ve learned is that you need to communicate, especially when the other person doesn’t do a good job of it.”

Jackie’s face flushed, and she looked at her hands, twisting them and rubbing the thumbs together. She looked up and nodded seriously. “Talk with Dave, Fiona. Ash’s right. I nearly messed things up with Alistair because I didn’t tell Ashley about him. She helped me by making me talk. And I’ll show you some reputable sites to visit on the Net about BDSM. It’ll help you make an informed decision.”

Ashley hustled off to retrieve Jackie’s laptop while Jackie used the bathroom, complaining about infants who trampled on her bladder. They huddled around the screen, Fiona jotting down some of the sites to look at later, occasionally exchanging a choked laugh with the other women at some of the more outrageous pictures of fetish wear. Leathers predominated for men, but the things the women wore, or didn’t…it so turned her on.

“Fiona?” She froze mid chuckle, and the notebook dropped from her nerveless fingers into her purse. She made herself turn and look. Dave stood just inside the big double doors in jeans and a button-down shirt, his blond hair now cut short, his face cleanly shaven. He positively radiated good health, even if his eyes were wide with shock. She managed to stand and wished she could run to him and throw herself into his arms, except his amethyst eyes were now narrowed and cold, holding her at bay. She thought at first to keep her distance, and her heart sank to her shoes before she grabbed her courage in both hands.