April Loves Black Coffee: First Impressions (49 page)

“Oh my god! You killed it! You killed it!” Misun was screeching at the top of her lungs. Misun screamed loud enough to wake our parents.

“What happened? What’s going on?” The bedroom door opened and light flooded into the room.

“May!”

“Oh my god! What have you done?!”

Blood. Blood was everywhere. From my bed to my own hands, I was covered in blood. The kitten I had accidentally fallen on was flattened to death. It was a traumatic sight–one I don’t wish to describe.

Misun was sobbing in our parents’ arms. No matter how I tried explaining that it was an accident, my parents didn’t listen. Misun told them that I had done it on purpose. She told them I deliberately sat on the kitten during our argument. It was a measure of how much power Misun had over me that I didn’t tell them she had been sneaking out at night.

From then on, I was considered the passive-aggressive and dangerous child. My parents sent me to therapy after that. I had to spend countless hours discussing why I was angry and upset inside. The therapist concluded that along with the terrible shock of my mother’s death, I was very distressed about the new environment as well. Everything was correct, except for the fact that I did not intend to harm the kitten. After that, I looked at Misun in a completely different light. I became scared of her. I was terrified of my half-sister and her ability to deceive and manipulate.

My father and Eunhye grew distant. I rarely left my room and rarely spoke to them. That’s why they believed Misun and viewed me as the perpetual liar. However, Misun stopped making my life a living hell when she started dating. On her good days, it was as though we were best friends.

“He is the love of my life.” Misun swooned over her first boyfriend one afternoon. Whenever she got ready for date night with him, I had to endure her recollections. “You see, he belongs to a group named Crist. I think I really like him. Choi Sangwoo!” Misun gushed about him right from the beginning.

Misun lowered herself in front me so that we were eye-to-eye at one point. “I’m going out with him tonight. Remember to let me in okay?”

Pretty soon, Misun got heavily involved with her boyfriend. She snuck out every night with him and didn’t return home until dawn. I kept her little secret until one night where it all fell apart.

“Do you know how to kiss May?” Misun was applying her make-up, drawing dark lines underneath her eyes. It was six months into the relationship and Misun was into deep. Misun wanted to run away with this Choi Sangwoo.

I was in the middle of brushing my hair before bed so I didn’t answer her. I learned not to talk to Misun.

“Of course you don’t,” Misun went on, running her hands through her long tresses. “Sangwoo and I kissed last night. It was the most beautiful thing! His lips are incredibly soft. I love him so much. He’s the perfect gentleman. I think he’s the one. I want to marry him one day.”

I was shocked by the way she talked. “You’re dirty going around letting boys kiss you.” I couldn’t keep my elementary mouth shut. I blurted out my feelings without a second thought.

Misun whirled around to face me. “I’m dirty? I’m not the one who came from a whore.”

My jaw dropped open. Anger sparked inside of me like fireworks.

“Girls?” My father knocked on the door. 

“Shit. I can’t let him see me like this!” Misun quickly ran into the closet.

“May?” My father entered the bedroom. “Where’s Misun?”

I was so angry at Misun’s comment. Completely forgetting what kind of person Misun was and what she was capable of, I didn’t lie for her. Instead, I pointed to the closet. “She’s hiding in the there.”

“What? Why?” My father opened the closet door.

I could see Misun eyes sending daggers at me. Thinking she was going to get a good spanking, I smiled genuinely for the first time. She deserved it. I was tired of listening to her degrade my mother. For once, I wanted my father to see his oldest daughter for who she really was.

“Eunhye, come in here and see your daughter!” My father called for his wife.

When Eunhye entered the room, she was beside herself. “Misun, what are you wearing?”

“She sneaks out every night to see her boyfriend!” I volunteered the information. I was on a high and never coming down from it.

“Boyfriend? Misun!”

“What is going on? What are you doing?!”

I watched with glee as our parents lectured her. They shouted at Misun and ultimately grounded her. A sense of satisfaction rushed through me as I watched our parents berate her. I felt a sense of justice and liberation.

“Go to sleep. We’ll continue this in the morning.” My father walked out of the bedroom in frustration. Eunhye, upset and on the brink of tears, left in disappointment too.

As soon as the door closed, Misun turned to me. She had been crying. All of her makeup smeared black across her beautiful features. “Why did you do that?” she asked through gritted teeth as she advanced towards me. “Why did you do that? Answer me, you whore’s daughter.” And that was the last straw.

I stood up. “My mother is not a whore!” I jumped.

“I’m glad she’s dead! But why did she leave you? Get out of my house! You don’t belong in my family!” Misun’s words shocked me. As if someone had stunned me with a gun, I froze at her cruel words. Up until then I endured all I could, but Misun’s words seared through my heart.

“How can you say something like that?” I asked her, my eyes brimmed with tears. My heart started to race and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “What have I ever done to you?!”

Misun glared at me. “Do you have any idea how much I hate the fact that all of a sudden you exist? You’re just a stupid kid. You don’t know how many fights my parents have had over you! They almost broke up because of your whorish mother and you!” Misun’s accusing eyes pinned me. “Get out of my house!”

I was stunned by Misun’s revelation. But I refused to back down. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s about time I stand up to you. You think you run this place? You think you’re so bad? Does that boyfriend of yours know who you are?!” I screamed.

“Don’t you dare talk about Sangwoo!” Misun snapped back at me. “Daughter of a whore!”

“I hate you!” All hell broke loose as I ran at her. All the anger and hate unleashed. The fury inside of me lashed out at Misun. The first thing I did when I got to Misun was slap her across the face. The sting felt cathartic.

“Ahh!” Misun’s arms intensely tightened on my shoulder blade. She dug her nails into my skin. The pain exploded and blinded me for a split second.

“I hate you!” I screamed as we both fell to the ground. I pinned her down to the floor and with all my might pressed my hands against her face. I scratched it as hard as I could and saw the slashes thicken with redness . . . blood . . . .

Misun struggled as she screamed. Our bodies became rigid, but somehow Misun managed to slip out from under me. Before I knew it, I was the one on the floor. I braced myself for her fingers to claw at me, but I heard the crash of something breaking.

Glass . . . Misun smashed the glass pencil holder she kept under the bed. She held it up to my face as she breathed heavily.

“I hate the fact you look like me. I’ll ruin that face of yours tonight!” Misun lowered it near my cheek.

“What is going on in there?!” Voices ring outside of our bedroom.

Quickly, Misun got off me. She crawled five inches away to bring the glass against her own face. With a clean swipe, she braced for the pain before she cut herself. Blood seeped through her skin, and Misun bawled like a little child when she tossed the glass fragments near me. I watched in horror as I realized Misun had done it to herself.

“What is going on?!” Our parents entered the bedroom.

“Sh-she attacked me! The glass! She–” Misun screamed in pain as tears ran down her cheeks.

“No I didn’t! She did it herself!” I got up from the floor, watching my father’s facial expression with panic. My insides were screaming, tearing apart.

Misun cried at the top of her lungs. Her body shook violently as she emphasized the blood on her face. “First the kitten and now me? Why can’t you stop May! Can’t we just get along? Why do you hate me so much?”

“Daddy, you’re not falling for her act, are you? I didn’t do it daddy! Don’t believe her please! She’s been nothing but mean to me!” I screamed, searching his face desperately.

“Misun! Your beautiful face!” Eunhye rushed over and gathered Misun in her arms. Eunhye started to rock Misun back and forth in her arms. Eunhye stared at me with a horrified expression. I was nothing more than a wild animal to her.

“May . . . let’s go.” My father grabbed my arm, jerking me forward.

“Daddy, you don’t believe her, do you? Daddy! Where are you taking me? Daddy! Please! You have to believe me!” I screamed as he dragged me out of the bedroom. I clung to him as much as I could– trying to make him understand, trying to make him believe me, trying to make him be on my side.

I could hear Misun wailing in Eunhye’s arms.

“Stop struggling May!” My father barked at me.

“Please! Listen to me! It’s Misun! Daddy, please believe me!” I started choking with tears. My eyes got extremely blurry and I felt so weak I couldn’t struggle anymore . . . .

They sent me away in the end. No more therapy and no more medication. They sent me straight to Seoul’s Psychiatric Center. There, I was placed in a room until an analyst came for me. The doctors evaluated me as a child-in-need. The term was used to describe a child who needed to be carefully evaluated and treated. I was considered abnormal and reckless.

They tried to visit me regularly, but the last time I saw Misun was the day she came with our parents. I had no choice but to see her.

“Don’t hate me May,” my father told me. He sat across from me with his hands clasped together. The small hospital room felt too big for him.

I looked away from my father. Why are my insides so twisted? I didn’t want to look at him. How could I look at my father when he didn’t believe me? He chose Misun over me. Wasn’t I his daughter too? Didn’t he love me too?

My father sighed and got up, no longer patient with my silent treatment. “Misun’s waiting outside. She wants to come in and talk to you. I just wish for you two to get along. Why can’t you just get along?”

For the first time, I saw my father’s tired face. I wanted to express my emotions to him, but I couldn’t. After all this time, I came to be this type of person. I wanted to talk, but the words could never meet my voice. Daddy waited for me to say something, but when I didn’t, he walked out of the door without another glance at me.

Misun entered the room next. She was different from the last time I had seen her. Her face still had a bandage on it, but she had cut her hair and dyed it a light brownish color. Lee Misun and Lee Maybelline did not look alike anymore . . . .

She walked slowly into the room, almost dragging her feet. “How is it here?” Misun finally asked; her voice soft and different. She looked around my desolate hospital room.

I scoffed, but didn’t reply. How is it supposed to be in here? She got what she wanted. I am out of the house and no longer competing for our parents’ attention anymore.

“My boyfriend and I are going on a trip soon,” Misun divulged brightly, as if we were having a normal conversation. Misun seemed to have forgotten who sent me here.

I stared out of the window. Why do I care about where she’s going with her boyfriend? Misun was also very egocentric. She only cared for herself. Her wicked ways knew no bounds.

“Oh, my boyfriend is such a badass!” Misun said as she leaned forward in her seat. “Did you know he just shot his rival’s little brother?”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to pay any attention to the rubbish Misun talked about. Why was she always pushing the topic of boyfriend on me?”

“I like the way he holds me May . . . his hugs are always nice,” Misun sighed. “And you know what else he told me? He says he would never love another girl the way he loves me. No one can ever take my place. He wants to marry me later on–”

“Shut up!” Surprised at my own voice for coming out so strong and clear, I locked eyes with Lee Misun. “Shut up. I-I don’t want to hear about you and your boyfriend. Will you please shut up? You shouldn’t have come here. I don’t want to see you. I hate you. I want you to die a painful death because that’s what you deserve!”

For the first time, Misun saw how angry I was. She got up quickly from her chair. Misun’s expression rapidly changed from soft to anger. Even if it surprised her to see me being aggressive, Misun never faltered. “I’m just trying to be nice.”

“Nice?” I sneered at her face, suddenly feeling the urge to call her every dirty name I knew. “You don’t think it’s a little too late?! Look where you’ve sent me to! They treat me like I’m crazy! But you’re the crazy one. I hate you!”

“I don’t hate you May.” Her voice changed once again. “You might think I hate you, but all I wanted is for you to get out of the house. And now that you’re out, we can be friends.”

I couldn’t believe it. Why isn’t she screaming back at me? Why isn’t she the Misun who sent me here? The Misun who mutilated herself to get me here? “You’re sicker than I am,” I concluded. “You’re the one who should be in here.”