Apples (18 page)

In the end I didn’t kill my dad. Instead he got hospitalised for a week, and it was a pain in the arse going with my mum to look at him in a coma. He was boring. Mum didn’t report me to the police or anything like that (after all the guitar accidentally fell off the top of my wardrobe), but she kept going on about disowning me and now and then in the house she had crying fits. I did what I could to get out of her way. Abi was still mothering me after the disco inferno, and we went out quite a lot though I didn’t tell her about smashing my dad’s face in. There was no good way to put it. Every so often we went to the Viking or the Grove with her mum and dad – they always bought us drinks and evenings are a lot funner when you’re getting tipsy topsy. Me and Abi could sit and talk about anything, and the nights and days always went by dead fast when she was around. I hadn’t been thinking about Eve so much recently, but there was always a little part of me that wished it was her and not Abi. I saw her again at Rachel Shannon’s party. In the evening I met Abi near the lane on Saltersgill field, and it was that dark sky with odd sun rays coming through like aliens trying to beam you up. Abi was shivering quite a bit in a turquoisey jumper with her arms across her boobs, and the first thing she said to me was, ‘Where you been? I felt like a pro standing there.’

I smiled, but I would’ve felt shit if something happened to her. The lateness was on account of me getting my hair right – I knew there’d be mint lasses at Rachel’s party, and I had to look dashing. I think the trick is to scruff your hair in one single motion – the more you touch it, the shittier it gets. I came out with a head like a treetop. I stroked out a crease in my blue-stripe sweater, then me and Abi carved holes in the frost on our way through Gleneagles. After a bit the sun started to squadge across the council flats, glinting the shiny street and we had to walk with our hands over our eyes. We were well and truly deep in a dodgy estate. When we got to Fremantle Crescent the sky suddenly got darker and more sinisterish, and I had the willies – for all I knew Rachel was about to tell me to fuck off. Through school I’d never really talked to Rachel, but she was the sort of girl even if she slapped you in the head you’d thank her for it. We knocked, and it was actually Dan Williams who answered.

‘Now. Howay in,’ he said. Apparently he was shagging Rachel, and I imagined if I was in the same position I’d be twenty-four-hour smiles and heartbeat. He was just solemn though, and he passed me a can of Harp as we took off our shoes. It was nippy, and when we got in the front room I hardly recognised anyone. I figured the best medicine would be to neck the lager as quick as possible. Me and Abi plonked ourselves on the carpet but no one really acknowledged us. My feet were totally numb, and I held on to them between sips of Harp. Rachel’s house had the smell of stale cigs and there were loads of people sat about passing fags and probably joints, but I never wanted to smoke again. I woke up after the Royal Ex that night with grotty fingers, and it took about 150 washes to get the smell off. I forced a couple of smiles out of Debbie Forrester and Gracie as I rocked on the ground – there was some terrible house music playing, and the vibrations were getting to me. The noise was all bum-bum-bum. I couldn’t see Eve anywhere. All the way through Beechwood I was wondering what I’d say to her – probably something dead shy and daft, and she’d never talk to me again. She’d been acting weird since I saw her out, and I wondered how the hell I was going to redeem myself. I felt like every time I opened my mouth there was a shotgun in there and I triggered it off.

‘Hey you,’ Rachel said suddenly, coming into the room and hugging Abi’s neck off. She completely blanked me but I smiled up as the cousins kissed and got up to date – Rachel seemed pretty drunk, but I made sure not to gaze down her bra especially with all those lads around I didn’t know. She had on a red cheerleader-type coat, with the zip down, and all I could think of was her and Dan fucking each other’s faces off. She was like a Tinseltown goddess, although I never heard of anyone from Beechwood or Easterside getting famous.

While Rachel and Abi talked, I decided to down the rest of the Harp and loosen up then look for more drinks. I had a few pounds spare from dinner that week, but in the kitchen there was a big stock of booze everyone was just helping themselves to. I found Debbie and Jenni Farrell and someone else in there – they were arguing about something or other. I stopped to have an eavesdrop.

‘What’s up?’ I asked after a bit. I scratched my face but I didn’t really have scabs any more, just little pink blisters from my dad and Gary Clinton. Debbie looked, then did a screwy smile and said, ‘These two won’t come to the shop with me.’

‘It’s fucking freezing,’ Jenni went, though she had on a yellow Puffa jacket. She was a slice of toast. ‘She’s going to Palladium and all. She won’t go to Saltersgill cos these jealous girls want to boot her face in.’

‘I sprayed their car once,’ Debbie said, and she was smirking. She jumped up and down on the lino, then turned to me and asked, ‘You wanna come? I’m just going for more Coke and that, for the vodka. It’s a bit spicy on its own.’

I pretended to mull it over, but who was I kidding really. I nodded, then followed Debbie out the back door as she smiled and stuck her tongue out at the others. We squeezed past loads of bags of rubbish, then went down the back alley and ended up in the dark on Woodville Avenue. The trees were all swishing like white candy-floss on big Twiglets. We crossed over Keith Road, and as we skidded forwards Debbie went to me, ‘I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ I said, watching Debbie’s head bob across the green boarded-up flats. ‘Abi just phoned us up.’

‘Are youse two going out together?’

‘Naw, just mates, you know. We sort of clicked after the disco and that.’

‘Aw yeah, I forgot about that. Gary’s a total prick – don’t worry about him,’ Debbie said, pushing her dimples out then touching my arm. It was always nice hearing people say that about Gaz – I still hated him, but in a weird way if he hadn’t pounced on me Abi might not have introduced me to all this wonder. All the girls were Roman candles splashing joy across the estate. Debbie peered up at me in her cream Ellesse jacket, and for once in my life walking through Grove Hill was total bliss.

‘So you got your eyes on a girl, then?’ she asked, as we made it to the cracked Palladium buildings. I wasn’t sure if she was coming on to me, but I’d seen her necking a half-caste earlier on and I said, ‘Not really. I mean, have you seen Eve tonight?’

‘I knew you liked her!’ Debbie laughed, nudging me as we went through the newsagent door. All the kids were piled outside in technicolour tracksuits, laughing and pestering each other, but me and Debbie were completely invincible.

‘She doesn’t like me, though,’ I said bluntly, as we picked up the Cokes and Debbie couldn’t resist another one-ninety-nine Bellabrusco.

‘What makes you say that? She reckons you’re dead sweet,’ Debbie went, and we chased each other round the aisles, looking for a fag lighter for Jenni. It was like chiming bells hearing that come out of her mouth – I wanted to rush back to the party and see her, maybe express my total devotion to her or something like that. I seriously considered picking up some Durex, but she only said I was sweet not the statue of David.

‘So do you know where she is, then?’ I asked, blinking myself awake.

‘Yeah, it’s a secret though,’ Debbie said, smiling as we made our way to the counter. She held the side of my head, putting her lips on my ear and whispering, ‘She spewed in Rachel’s bathroom. She’s in bed now. She’s in a right state.’

‘Aww, god,’ I said, and because we were talking so much the shop assistant couldn’t be bothered IDing us. She bagged up the goods, then Debbie paid with a ten and I took the bottles into the biting wind. The streets out there were blue and grey and silver-blue, and we walked close together on the way back to Fremantle. The streetlights were whizzing cross-hairs and I squinted uncontrollably. Debbie talked a bit about her boyfriend as we scooted past the footprints we made on the way down, but I wasn’t that interested in niggers really. All I could think about was Eve. I always thought she was untouchable, but maybe everyone’s equal after all. I hoped she was okay.

‘So how long you been going out with him?’ I asked, meaning the boyfriend. Me and Debbie reached Saltersgill again, and you could just about feel the sleet restarting but we didn’t mind. Debbie had been seeing Brandon for about a year and a half, and like all older boys he had a habit of being a dick and spending time with other girls and not phoning her sometimes. We made our way through the frost and mist, and I decided right then my girlfriend would be treated like gold. And her name would be Eve.

‘I mean, one time me and Brandy were in Spensleys and these daft black bitches kept coming over,’ Debbie went, as we got to Rachel’s door. ‘He didn’t even introduce me as his girlfriend. And they kept trying to kiss him while I stood there.’

‘That’s shit,’ I said, clinking bottles. ‘What did you do?’

‘Nowt really. He’s always at it, though.’

‘Aw Debbie, sounds like you’re too good for him,’ I said, and even though it sounded corny she rubbed my arm and said I was dead lovely. I was still in that high mood like a Christmas tree, and once we got the Bellabrusco going we were giggling and I desperately wanted to find Eve. I felt bad about leaving Abigail in the front room, but when I popped my head in she was surrounded by boys and she seemed to be having an alright time. I left her to it – it was about ten or eleven, and I took a mug of the wine upstairs then realised I had to piss. It was a school night and my mum didn’t want me coming home late, but since my dad was in a coma I doubted there was much she could do about it. I was starting to understand there’s more to life than pleasing your parents. Going to a beautiful girl’s party was like getting a gold ticket for Willy Wonka’s factory thing, and I was in a white chocolatey dream as I surged upstairs. It almost didn’t register when Gary Clinton burst out of the bathroom door, doing up his jean fly. I hadn’t seen him since the disco attack, and I felt the hot freezes go up my spine as I stopped at the top of the landing. Our eyes connected, but all he said to me was, ‘Alright mate.’

And things continued to get better and better. With all that shock I nearly forgot how to pee, but I managed a little bit standing in the bathroom and grinning in the mirror. Gaz wasn’t so bad. I didn’t look shite either – all the swells and bruises were gone, and even though me and Debbie braced the elements my hair was still in place. It was a black mountain topped with snow. I felt a little unstable though – my feelings were all soaring peaks and valleys, sometimes the sun shone and sometimes it rained rainbows. I struck a little kung fu in the mirror, feeling a bit stronger, then ran the cold tap and cupped some water in my mouth and face. I couldn’t work out if I was drunk from the drink or just drunk on love, but I was definitely beaming. I smothered my face in Rachel’s teddy-bear towel, then straightened it on the rail. I cleaned the mirror, scratched a bit of a scum-line out of the sink, then tried to finally compose myself in the falling light. It was getting late and there was a sleeping beauty knocking around somewhere. I left the bathroom looking serious, and I didn’t really have to shut the door many times. But you could tell I was sloshed, and I made a bit of noise searching round the bedrooms for Eveline. The first one had drooping flower wallpaper, and straight away I clocked a person sat in the bluey dark. There was Rachel knelt by this slim purple mound, and I felt suddenly embarrassed for being such a nosy cunt. She turned on the white carpet and blinked – it was like the sleet had come indoors, and I tried to smile shiny snowflakes.

‘Hi, Rachel,’ I said, all shaky and lost. ‘How is she? Do you want me to look after her for a bit? Don’t want you to miss your own party.’

‘Are you sure?’ she whispered, but she was already standing up. ‘She’s a bit boring.’

I laughed, and it was nice talking to Rachel too. All the girls were princesses. I glanced for a second at Eve – she had the covers pulled right up to her chin but I saw her blonde hair sprawled all over the bubblegum-light pillow and I felt my heart go bump. I crept past Rachel and her CDs and clothes and special things, and you could hear the heavy breaths. I said to Rachel, ‘Yeah, it’s fine. You go enjoy yourself. You can trust me – I won’t do owt to her.’

And I meant it too. If the Prick was in the same position he’d probably lift the covers, look at a bit of boob, perhaps inspect the knickers. But she meant more to me than just getting a stiffy. Boys were idiots if they just wanted to put their willies in a hole rather than care about someone. I regretted even thinking about those Durex. Rachel giggled and scruffed my hair up, and as she snuck out onto the landing she went, ‘She’d probably enjoy it anyway! You should’ve seen me and Gracie trying to undress her earlier on – pure lesbo.’

I cracked up, then said see you later and sat there with Eve, all gorgeous and quiet. Yawning, I watched the purple duvet rise as she breathed out, and she looked so cute with a strand of saliva across her lipstick. I wriggled on the ground then crossed my legs, wishing I could do something for her. It was our first time properly alone together, but it was an unusual situation – I could’ve asked her out if only she was alive. I sighed. She was beautiful, and I wanted to memorise every part of her in case we never ever saw each other again. Her hair was like a lightning-strike, eyes spiders, sweety lips, Bondi Beach cheeks and make-up. I scratched my chin then leaned a bit closer to the bedside, tingling as her breath tickled my chops. My heart was going whack-whack-whack and I was in love with her. I could’ve spent the whole night there, but as Eve’s eyes started to part and her blood started rushing round, I had no idea what I was going to say to her.

It felt like someone dropped a cartoon ton-weight on me. I must’ve been thinking about Majorca pretty hard – I wasn’t sure how long I’d been asleep, but my belly was still churning and my eyelashes were glued. I wiped my mouth then rolled about in the bed – I didn’t have a clue where I was, but I figured it was Rachel’s room and slowly the memories of the party started to jigsaw themselves together. My skull was absolutely exploding. It was hard to look through the dark, and I got the shock of my life seeing Adam’s head by the bedside. Where did he come from? I couldn’t remember him being at the party, and I couldn’t even speak when he shifted his weight and asked, You okay?