Apocalypse Crucible (51 page)

“Mrs. Gander, I don’t think you—”

“That was a yes-or-no question,” Megan said. Again, it was as though someone else were talking through her. A feeling of righteousness pervaded her. For the moment she felt entirely vindicated in her approach to this man and in the tenacity with which she clung to it.

“What do you want from me, Mrs. Gander?”

“I want you to teach the children,” Megan said.

Her answer surprised Trimble so much that he was quiet for a time. “Teach them what?”

“About the Rapture and the Tribulation,” Megan replied. “I want you to tell them about the rise of the Antichrist and about the seven years—of course, it’s a few days less than that now—that will pass before Jesus returns to gather those who have reconciled their belief in Him. They need to know what’s going to happen, how they’re supposed to survive, and what they’re supposed to do to serve God.”

Trimble heaved a great sigh. “Do you know what would happen if I were to announce publicly that the Rapture had occurred?”

“Yes, I do. People would have some of the answers they need to make plans for the future. And they’d have a motive to discover the rest of those answers.”

“Really? You think that’s what would happen?”

“Yes.”

Leaning forward again, Trimble placed his elbows on the desk and fitted his hands together in front of him. He spoke in a low voice. “Mrs. Gander, the Rapture
has
occurred.”

Despite the chaplain’s compliance, Megan was wary. The man’s eyes were hard as flint.

“The Rapture has occurred,” Trimble repeated. “Your son was taken from you by God. He’s up in heaven now. And you’re not.”

Before she knew it, Megan was crying. The man was right. Tears ran down her face. Her lips quivered and her jaw shook. She tried to control the pain that coiled inside her. She felt all alone now, shorn of the Presence that had so recently seemed to fill her. She had been left behind. God had found her wanting.

“Don’t you feel better knowing that, Mrs. Gander?” Trimble asked in a voice that made a travesty of any real sympathy on his part.

Megan didn’t know what to say.

“Come on now, Mrs. Gander. As you told me, that’s a simple yes-or-no question. Don’t you feel better knowing that God took your son away from you and lifted him on high to heaven? That you failed Him somehow and got stranded here to face the Tribulation?

No,
Megan admitted to herself. It was all she could do to keep from screaming that answer. The emotions she’d had bottled up inside threatened to break loose.

“What’s wrong, Mrs. Gander?” Trimble asked. He was relentless in his attack. “Isn’t that what you wanted to hear? Isn’t that what you want me to tell all those children who have lost parents and younger siblings? Isn’t that what you’re asking me to tell other parents like yourself, parents who have suffered losses? Isn’t that going to make everything all better for them?”

Megan closed her eyes to the man’s cruel face. She wished she could block out his words as well as the sight of him.

“You want to know what will happen if I start telling people that?” Trimble asked. “Aside from the fact that I’ll be relieved of my command pending a psychological evaluation?”

Megan wrapped her arms around herself and felt hopeless.

“People,” Trimble stated in a calm, matter-of-fact tone, “will turn away from God in droves. Whatever chance I or any other man of God would have had of instructing them in the salvation of their souls would be exhausted. Quite possibly forever.”

Trembling, her hand to her mouth because she was afraid she was going to throw up, Megan forced her eyes open to meet the chaplain’s harsh gaze. Tears blurred her vision.

“One of the first things those people are going to feel,” Trimble said, “is betrayal. ‘Why did God leave me behind?’ they’ll want to know. ‘Wasn’t I good enough for God?’ Or, ‘Why did God have to take my child?’ or ‘my spouse, or my parents, or my friend?’”

Megan grew scared and the pain in her heart threatened to consume her. She hadn’t expected Chaplain Trimble to attack her with the truth, to pound her using the exact words she’d hoped he would say.

“Your son is gone, Mrs. Gander. If the Rapture truly has happened, you have no chance of seeing him again. Not as the child you knew. He will be changed in the eyes of the Lord. He will be in his new body. He will no longer truly be your son.” Trimble was quiet for a moment. “That’s what you’re asking me to tell those kids you’re so worried about.” He paused. “I won’t do that.”

Megan struggled for control. She didn’t know how everything could have skidded so far out of her control. She didn’t know how she could lose everything. Or even why she was picked to lose it all. She hadn’t been a bad person. She didn’t deserve to still be here.

“I don’t mean to sound rude or callous, Mrs. Gander,” Trimble said, picking up his pencil and turning his attention to the legal pad on his desk. “It’s just that I’m a very busy man. I made time to see you this morning because I thought I could help you. Obviously your problems are beyond my ability to deal with. I suggest you seek emotional help to learn to cope with everything you’re going through.” He paused. “The mistakes you made in the Fletcher and Hollister cases are indicative of how far you’ve let your grasp of your abilities become eroded.” He flicked his eyes up to meet hers. “I just want you to know that I’m going to recommend that you be temporarily relieved of your job assignment. Until you get yourself together. I really feel you need some time to work on your own problems. I hope one day you’ll thank me for that.” He glanced down again at his desk, making notations on the legal pad. “Please find your own way out.”

Dismissed, not knowing what else to do, Megan stood on legs that trembled so badly she knew they weren’t going to hold her. Finally, without a word, she turned and walked away from the big desk.

She paused at the door and took a deep breath in an effort to calm herself.
God, please help me know what to do. Give me the wisdom and the strength to do whatever it is. I’ve got nothing left. No energy, no hope. All I’ve got are these tears. I give myself to You because I no longer know what I’m supposed to do. You are my Savior. Help me. Whatever You need from me is Yours.

Megan had her hand on the doorknob when a calm suddenly fell upon her. She felt the Spirit of the Lord fill her. The difference in her was like the difference between a summer day and a winter night. The pain in her heart healed and her weak knees strengthened. She was not alone in facing Trimble. She knew she’d never be all alone again.

And in that moment she experienced a clearer understanding of what had just happened. Not only that, she knew what God wanted her to do. And she would do it. She let go of the knob and walked back to Trimble’s desk.

Surprise twisted Trimble’s features as he looked up and saw her coming toward him.

“No,” Megan said defiantly. She wiped her tears. She no longer felt the need to cry. “You tried to make this all about me, Chaplain Trimble. You don’t even care about the other people I want to help. But I know why. And so does the God you profess to believe in. Your answer came from all the fear inside
you.
”

“How dare you!” Trimble exclaimed. “How dare you say that to me?”

“When you said other people would wonder why they were left behind,” Megan said, “you were referring to yourself.
You
want to know why you were left behind.
You
don’t want to admit that the Rapture has happened.
You
are the one in denial. I wasn’t taken, but I’m not alone in this room. You weren’t taken either. And you just can’t handle it.”

Trimble looked apoplectic. “Mrs. Gander—”

“Don’t speak,” Megan told him. “Don’t you
dare
interrupt me until I’m through, not after what you did to me just now. I failed God, yes. I could never let Him into my heart, not the way I should have. I was too proud, too sure of myself, too afraid. But I know I failed Him. And I know that the way back to Jesus is as simple as asking Him into my heart and life. And then listening to Him once I’ve asked Him to enter. I opened that door. Have you? ”

Trimble opened his mouth then closed it.

“You used my son’s loss against me,” Megan said. Once again words tumbled from her mouth like gifts from God. “You threatened me with the idea that I would never see him again. His name is Chris, Chaplain Trimble. Chris Gander. And I
know
I will meet him again.

He’s there in heaven now, waiting for me, and I
will
find out all I need to know to get my faith where it needs to be. I will find God’s plan for my soul. God keeps His promises. I’ve prayed for His grace to save me. I won’t be left behind again. Will you?”

Trimble stood, towering over her.

Megan leaned across the desk and invaded the chaplain’s personal space, making the man back into the bookcase behind him. “I have an older son. He’s no longer a baby. I watched him grow up, and I felt the loss of the small child that I held in my arms, that I fed and sang silly songs to, that I taught to brush his teeth and read and play basketball. Every day of his life, he changed. He’s no longer the baby that I can remember so easily. He’s a young man. And you know what?”

Trimble didn’t say anything, held at bay by the conviction in her words.

“He’s still my baby boy. No matter how much he’s changed, he will always be my child. I love my son,” Megan said. “I love
both
my sons, even though they’re not the babies I was first given. And I believe I will know them always. In this life briefly, and in the next forever.” She took a breath and stared him down. “You can make a difference, Chaplain Trimble. But it’s up to you to decide to act. I believe that I was put here today to convince you of that.”

“No,” Trimble said. “The only thing you’ve convinced me of is how desperately you need help.” He pressed the key on the intercom. “Margaret.”

“Yes, Chaplain?”

“Have a security detail come to my office and remove Mrs. Gander.”

“Of course, sir.”

“You’re making a mistake,” Megan said. “You need to let God into your heart. The very fact that you’re here proves it. And the way you’ve just treated me proves it even more. Remember Jesus saying, ‘If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown in the sea’? You’re tying that millstone around your neck right now. Please, think about what you’re doing. Don’t make another mistake.”

“The only mistake I made was in thinking I would be able to help you.”

“God help
you
then, Chaplain Trimble,” Megan said, still almost heady from being filled with the Spirit, “because I don’t think you can help yourself.” She turned and headed to the door.

By the time Megan had the door open, two MPs were in the waiting room. Margaret silently pointed an accusing finger at Megan.

“I’m going,” Megan told the two MPs.

“See that she leaves the building,” Trimble said from behind her. “And make certain that she isn’t allowed back in.”

Megan walked and kept her head up. The MPs fell in beside her. They escorted her to the main exit. The people standing in lines out in the hallway fell silent and gazed curiously after her.

Lieutenant Doug Benbow was coming through the front doors. Spotting her, he stopped and waited outside with his hat in his hands.

Megan went through the doors, flanked by the MPs.

“Stand down,” Benbow told the MPs.

“Sir,” one of the MPs said, “we were given orders to escort Mrs. Gander out of the building.”

“She’s out of the building. Now back off.”

The MPs hesitated as Megan came to a stop beside Benbow.

Benbow stepped forward, inserting himself between Megan and the military police. “Privates, do you see that bar on my collar?”

“Yes, sir,” one of the MPs said.

“Then acknowledge it.”

Both MPs snapped off salutes.

“And leave,” Benbow ordered.

Reluctantly, the MPs turned and reentered the building. They took up positions just inside the doors and stared through the glass, looking like two well-trained attack dogs.

Benbow turned to Megan. “Now I have to admit, the last thing I expected to see when I got here is you accessorized with MP bookends. Again. Especially after last night.”

Megan looked out at the sunshine, feeling more energy than she had any right to after the days she’d put in. Somehow, what had happened in that office had changed her forever. There was a lightness to her, a wellness she hadn’t felt in a long time. She was ready to get back to doing what she knew she needed to do.

Trimble’s referral, if the chaplain really followed through on the threat, would take days to get through channels. Even if he did carry out his threat, counseling services were severely strapped. Her supervisor wouldn’t like the idea of losing someone when he needed every person he could get his hands on.

It would work out. She knew this because she knew God was with her. Somehow, this had all happened to let His plan for the world move forward. She knew it as surely as she knew her own name.