Read APOCALYCIOUS: Satire of the Dead Online
Authors: K Helms
“What did you have in mind?” he managed to ask as he unsuccessfully tried to shake certain thoughts from his mind. He noticed that his black Levis were feeling a little snug, regardless of his efforts.
“I’d like to see that hotel that Daniel was talking about,” she said as she adjusted the seat belt between her breasts. Death’s jeans may have split a seam. It seemed that everything she did looked so sensual, no matter how innocent the action. Death noticed how the nylon belt curved around her right breast. He jerked his head forward and tried to concentrate on the road.
“The Greenbrier?” he asked, forcing himself to focus on the conversation.
“Uh-huh. I’ve read about it and its history and it sounds very interesting.”
“Didn’t he also say that the place was covered with zombie gore?” asked Death, only slightly exaggerating.
She looked over at him her eyes dancing with mischief. “You’ll protect me, won’t you?” she teased, leaning over to him to kiss him on the cheek. Death felt his face flush. He had been with quite a few girls in his time before the apocalypse, but they hadn’t really cared about him, just the idea of banging a guy in the band. They had all worn too much makeup, too much hairspray, too much cheap perfume and they were all too vapid for anything other than a one-nighter. Nan, on the other hand, had a way of making him feel important, yet somehow like a stumbling school boy, all at the same time.
“Hey!” She play punched him in the arm. “Won’t you?”
Death stammered around, he wanted to say something suave, but all he could manage was a big goofy grin and an “Uhh…yeah…”
She kissed him quickly on the mouth and slid back to her captain’s chair. “Good,” she said closing her eyes. She smiled, her own face growing red now. “Then you’d better step on it, we have some unfinished business to take care of when we get back home.” Though she was smiling she seemed to labor for breath. Death thought that there was a distinct possibility that his balls might detonate.
“You mean…” he trailed off hopefully.
“You know exactly what I mean,” she said and gave a long cat-like stretch, arching her back with her arms over her head. This movement only showcased the youthful roundness of her breasts and the tiny circumference of her waist.
Death Wagon mashed the accelerator and Nan giggled nervously.
Chapter 56 - Through the haze
Plane of the Ark
“Ha! You’re a midget!” exclaimed Daniel, guffawing and looking directly at Bodie Barnes. “…and your face is covered in tattoos. You look like a short, white and hairy Mike Tyson.”
Bodie looked down at himself. He was covered in studded leather armor, his exposed arms a ruddy pink color, thickly muscled, but he noticed to his chagrin, with a very short reach. He looked around him and he had to look up at everyone, especially Regeliel who towered over all at the height of 8’2”, other than that fact he looked the same as he did on the other side. The next thing he noticed was Mia. He almost could not take his eyes off of her. She had been beautiful before and still was, but her dark complexion had changed from that light cocoa color to a charcoal gray, she was still just as tiny and her hair was still long and jet black, but was twisted into a bun at the top of her head and held in place by two long needle-sharp pins of steel. But it was her eyes that belied the beauty; the sclera was completely covered in black with no whites to be seen. Just black pools and he couldn’t tell at who she was looking. Her man Mick still held her protectively with one arm, but Bodie was sure that this incarnation of Mia needed no protection. Mick, himself had not changed except the fact that he was covered in a worn brown leather tunic that matched his breeches and boots and he now carried what looked to be a metal spiked baseball bat but as far as Bodie could tell there was no Louisville Slugger burnt into the side. He turned back to his friend Daniel and looked him directly in the eyes and said “And you, my friend, are a dog.”
“Wha…?” asked Daniel, looking over to Mia who bent toward him and patted the front of her thigh.
“He’s a cute little guy, yes he is,” she said in a sing song voice.
Daniel looked up at Mick who raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Sorry, man, although I think you might actually be a wolf.”
“Lycanthrope,” interjected the giant Regeliel.
“Gesundheit,” said Bodie wryly.
Regeliel laughed “No, he is a Lycan.”
“Thanks, Regeliel, that sounds disgusting, like I should be growing in a peat swamp,” said Daniel the wolf. “Just what exactly does that entail, if you’ll pardon the pun?”
“According to the lads in
Parkersburg, it is most closely related to what you would call a werewolf. The difference is that when not in that form you are a wolf, not human,” Regeliel said then added, “…for now anyway. If you are here long enough then you will mature into a true Lycan.”
“And that is…” Daniel asked
“Lycan form during full lunar phases and man at all other times. There are actually a lot of them here.”
“Great,” muttered Daniel
“Maybe I can find you a nice flea collar, baby,” said Bodie giggling merrily.
“Or maybe I can just eat your midget ass!”
“You’re gonna eat my ass? Gay.”
“Eat shit.”
“Isn’t that what dogs do?” asked Bodie, smiling through his thick beard.
“I think he makes a cute puppy,” said Mia sweetly. Daniel wagged his tail appreciatively, when he noticed his tail from the corner of his eye Daniel tried to make his tail stop but to no avail.
Mick looked at Regeliel. “Well where to big man?”
“North,” said the knight “… north toward
Graylocke Castle and to my Lady Mariel,” he said with tears of joy swimming in his eyes.
“I can’t wait to meet her Sir Regeliel,” said Mia.
“Fee fi fo humbug,” said Daniel then added, “Well come on, Shorty,” he said nudging Bodie in the chest with his muzzle.
It was already dark and the moon was high, round and large. Bodie watched as Daniel stared up at it with his eyes large, fascinated, while they marched.
“Are you alright? That moon looks pretty full,” said the muscular dwarf with a shiver. He knew all the stories of werewolves, or Lycans as they were called here, and he was well aware of what the diets were of said creatures.
From a remote voice Daniel answered ominously, “The moon is never full, it only hungers,” His voice had become deeper and heavier than his usual light tone. Bodie shivered again, but kept walking.
Chapter 57 - Death and Nan
White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia
“So what’s on the docket today?” asked Nan. She sat with her knees drawn up close to her chest, a sheet covering her while her arms encircled her knees. Her face was still flushed.
Death looked at her with a sly grin and she play slapped his shoulder. “Not that, you dog…we’ll do more of that later,” she promised and her face reddened a darker shade. Death had never seen her look more beautiful than she did now.
“I mean…there are a few places I want to explore.”
“Me too…” he said, and she beamed her thousand kilowatt smile at him and slapped his shoulder again.
“Would you stop? I’m trying to be serious. I’ve been stuck in that mine for so long…I need to do this.”
Death nodded. “Yeah, I know you do. What did you have in mind?”
“Daniel and Bodie told us about the Greenbrier. It sounded interesting and it’s pretty close. There’s a lot of history there too and we might even find more people,” she said, and saw Death visibly tense at her last remark.
“I was hoping you’d forgotten about that place,” he muttered.
“Death, we will need other people. Not for us, but for when we have sons and daughters, they will need husbands and wives to repopulate.”
“Sounds like you have been giving this a lot of thought,” he said.
“I have. It’s important,” she stated as if it were a matter of fact.
“How many sons and daughters are we talking about?”
“As many as possible…hundreds,” she said gleefully.
Death fell back on his pillow with a soft thump. “That’s a lot of diapers.”
“That’s also a lot of
you know what
.”
Death rolled on his side facing her. “I like that part, but maybe not a hundred kids; that’s a lot of screaming shit factories to take care of.”
“Don’t talk about our kids like that.”
“Sorry.”
“Tell you what…we go to the Greenbrier today and I’ll settle for three kids,” she said, and then added, “For now.”
She held out her hand to him and he took it in his, kissing its smooth surface.
“Deal,” he said.
Chapter 58 - Graylocke Castle
City of the Grays
Plane of the
Ark
The mighty men of valor, as described in Genesis, had evolved into a peaceful race that had long ago traded their swords for plowshares with the exception of the Nephilim nobles. The walled City of the Grays had once been a bastion of safety for its inhabitants and the families in the outer borough and although the counsel had been trying to have the walls removed, Regeliel had the last word and had vowed that the walls would remain until his reign was over, damning the counsel for fools.
The four of them strode toward the castle and as they approached, the iron barred portcullis rose while the four inch thick oak, planked drawbridge lowered for them to cross.
No sooner had they crossed through the gates than did the portcullis again lower as the drawbridge rose, once again fortifying the main entrance to the city. An envoy of six armored knights, the shortest being at least eight feet tall, awaited them as they crossed the grassy courtyard to the main inner parapet. Emblazoned upon his tunic was a bright rose of Sharon. As he came within two strides he knelt before Regeliel, his gauntleted hands upon the pommel of his great sword whose point pierced the dirt. As he did so, the five knights behind him bowed their knee, facing the ground.
Regeliel removed his helm and tucked it under his arm. “Micheliel…arise my friend.”
Micheliel raised his eyes to his king then rose to his feet. “M’Lord, thank Yah you have returned.”
Regeliel placed a hand upon his captain’s shoulder “Son of Rafael, what troubles you?”
Micheliel gave his King’s new companions a cursory glance then returned his gaze to Regeliel. “M’Lord an army of humans passed by Graylocke not five nights ago. Scouts have reported that they are not living humans, but the dead and the people are terrified. With you being gone so long and in their fear, the c
ounsel has sent an envoy to forge an alliance with the Lich Baliel, of Ba'al who leads that foul army.”
Regeliel countenance darkened in anger. “Nephilim have joined with rebel Nephilim?”
“Aye, M’Lord, they have.”
“How many have stayed true to the path?” Regeliel demanded.
Micheliel looked dismayed. “That is hard to determine, M’Lord. Since this army of the dead arrived we have been unable to penetrate into further lands. I can only speak of Graylocke and it is dire…there are only the knights you see, our families, maybe a hundred of the townsfolk and of course, Queen Mariel.”
“Where is my Queen?”
“She awaits you in the hall of heroes.”
Regeliel shook his head in apparent disgust. “What has become of our mighty race that they fear any, but Yah?” Regeliel composed himself and turned to his companions. With a sweeping gesture motioned toward them.