Read APOCALYCIOUS: Satire of the Dead Online
Authors: K Helms
The two escaped prisoners faced each other. “What have we got to lose?” asked Bodie.
“Alright, brother,” Daniel acquiesced. “Looks like we’re going…” he was cut off by a thunderous roar from the suit of armor. The knight unsheathed his blade and ran at where they stood. They hit the ground when they heard the shot ring out from the distance. The knight ran past them still screaming bloody murder as more shots rang out. The two escaped prisoners rolled over to their rifles and tried to focus on the action. A large horde of zombies had turned a blind corner and were converging on their position.
“Dude, there must be a hundred of them. Let’s get the hell outa here!” yelled Daniel. Bodie sighted his rifle and fired a shot, shattering a rotted face as the round blew out the back side of the skull. The zombie dropped to its knees then fell backwards. “We might as well stick around and help these guys out,” he hollered to Daniel taking a bead on another zombie.
“C’mon, 47 the dude is crazy. Look at him!”
“I am looking at him! He’s a freakin’ madman,” Bodie said in amazement and respect. Daniel turned and saw the knight cleave three heads in one swing. The blade of the sword seemed to glow red as the sun glinted from the gore and viscera slathered blade, as he hacked and slashed through the undead. The zombies clawed and batted at him, their jaws snapping open and shut, but they had no chance of getting through the plate armor that covered the chain mail and padding beneath it. More shots rang out as Mick picked off one after another with well-placed shots to the head. Daniel regained his composure and started firing as well. Within a matter of minutes the entire mass of zombies lay strewn across the parking lot of Wal-Mart.
The knight returned to the two prisoners who were smacking fresh magazines into their rifles. The knight slammed his long sword into its metal sheath and clapped a metal gauntlet on each of their shoulders. “By the God of all heavens… well done! Now, shall we retire to a hot meal and clean clothing?”
“That doesn’t sound bad,” Bodie admitted.
“Excellent! Follow me, lads.”
“Can we take the Escalade?” asked Daniel.
The knight laughed. “I don’t see why not. Meet me over by the old Penney’s building across the street. Look for a van with a mural on the side.”
Bodie and Daniel piled into the Cadillac. “That crazy bastard is a freakin’ stud,” said Daniel smiling.
“That’s for damn sure,” agreed Bodie.
Death Wagon watched the duo cruise across the parking lot as the knight waited for Mick to descend from the roof of the Penney’s building. He removed the robe and affectionately rubbed the stock of his rifle as if it were a pet. He had witnessed what the knight had done to those kids in Parkersburg and now he was with Mick…with Nan. He placed his Scythe back in the casket, slid the burial box back inside and shut the back door. For the first time since he had met Nan, his mind was preoccupied with someone else. He climbed back behind the wheel and fired up the engine.
Chapter 37 - Gigantopithecus
Date: Unknown
Location: Unknown
The two Grays, had taught Arlington Neff many things, and with the assistance of the chip they had implanted in his brain, he had absorbed every fact and mastered all their lessons in virtually no time at all. Arlington found that he enjoyed this knew found education, and looked forward to waking and starting something new every morning.
Noah and Shem were of a race called the Anunnaki. They were not extra-terrestrial, but extra-dimensional, they had explained to him. Before the Biblical flood of Noah and Shem’s namesakes, the Anunnaki had gathered the remnants of species that had grown into myth and legend. These beings were taken to a dimension of Earth called The Ark, to be separated from man, but not destroyed.
His first day on board the ship, Arlington had been given an introduction to the pilot of a captured ship that sat in a sub-basement of Wright Patterson Air force Base in Dayton, Ohio. The introduction had not been in person but via a live stream video. The pilot had not been one of the Grays but had been, of all things, a one eyed Anubis.
Arlington studied the Anubis that filled the display; it was jet black and covered in very short fine fur that lent
it a sleek coat that shone in hues of blue beneath the lights. He had a regal look. One eye glinted bright red and seemed to almost glow with its own luminescence.
His name is Basil,
explained Noah.
“He only has one eye and
that
is not very a good recipe for depth perception when operating motor vehicles,” joked Arlington
.
In his mind he heard Noah reprimand him for teasing the Anubis and explained that the animal was very smart, but also very temperamental.
Arlington didn’t want to hurt the Anubis’ feelings and the Grays sensed that guilt with approval.
“And don’t be making fun of the patch, there Captain Hook, it doesn’t look like you have much room to talk,” muttered the Anubis.
Arlington spun toward Noah his eyes wide, in amazement “He heard me?” he exclaimed then it struck him even more amazingly, “That dog just talked!”
Noah tipped his head down slightly, and reiterated.
Yes, he is very bright, but also very temperamental.
He is able to speak telepathically as we do.
“I guess so,” agreed
Arlington.
Due to the chip in your head, you and Basil have a direct telepathic link. His ship will be your ship.
“Basil is kinda a weird name for a dog, isn't it?”
He is partial to old Sherlock Holmes movies and considers only one actor to give a suitable performance.
Therefore he chose that name for himself.
“So he's a dog that likes mysteries, eh? Maybe he should have
gone with Scooby instead.”
Noah's expression never changed but
Arlington felt more than saw the disapproval in those ink black sclera.
“Sorry,”
As eventful as his day had been, Arlington had yet to meet another species but the Grays weren’t finished with their tour. Noah and Shem led him into a large room covered in wooded foliage, tall grasses and a cluster of rocks that contained a large cave. Arlington asked “So…what’s this, Basil’s bathroom?” The Gray’s ignored his attempt at humor.
No, we have no Anubis on this ship.
This is where our Pedtu lives.
Arlington
shook his head in confusion as he fiddled with his Ranger bracelet. “What the heck is a Pedtu?”
His name is Laptu. He is our dimension’s version of a human’s dog, but much more adapted and intelligent. Do not be alarmed when you see him. We have instructed him that he is to be your companion.
“Just to be sure…he was cool with that right?” asked Arlington nervously.
There is no reason to be scared, he is very gentle.
Arlington heard in his head as Noah called the Pedtu by name.
From the faux-cave emerged a large hairy bi-ped that enthusiastically jogged to where the three of them stood with a thunderous and heavy-heeled gait. The beast towered over Arlington and the two Grays. He guessed Laptu to stand about eight feet tall and immediately Arlington recognized the creature to be a Gigantopithecus also known as a Sasquatch. He stared in amazement up at the Pedtu’s face. It wasn’t quite as expressive as a man’s, but more so than an ape.
“He’s a Bigfoot,”
Arlington said, in awe. “I can’t believe this.”
He heard Noah speak in his mind,
Laptu this is your new friend, his name is Arlington Neff and you are to protect and serve him.
“Laptu,” said Arlington incredulously. The Yeti, hearing his name scooped Arlington up easily in his long hairy arms and gave him a surprisingly gentle hug along with a loud, happy hoot.
“Neff!” cried the Bigfoot enthusiastically.
“Did he just say my name?” Arlington asked, struggling to breath within the beast’s hairy arms.
Oh yes, he is very intelligent. He might not be able to beat you in a game of chess, but he could probably hold his own in a game of checkers.
Arlington felt that familiar humor, at his expense in his mind and smiled.
“Seriously?”
Arlington asked and Noah confirmed this. “I always thought there might be one of these guys running around the woods. How come we have never found one?”
Your authorities did come across the remains of one many years ago, but they kept that information from the public.
Arlington scowled. “Freakin’ government,” he said with disdain.
“Gummit!” agreed Laptu.
“Still, only one Gigantopithecus in all these years. There were all kinds of sightings, but no one ever caught or shot one” said Arlington, still doubtful even though he stood before one.
Laptu hooted enthusiastically.
Well, to be honest, we let the Pedtu out to do their business in the woods, also to pick berries and for exercise before we pick them back up.
“That explains why in all the films and pictures they are always storming off and looking disgruntled. I guess I wouldn’t want people bothering me when I’m trying to take a dump either,” agreed Arlington.
“Hoo! Dump!” exclaimed Laptu and Arlington already felt at ease and an immediate fondness and kinship with the big galoot.
Laptu, we will be back; Arlington, Shem and I need to talk for a while.
“Kay,” said the Pedtu rather sadly then turned and found a seat on a rock and began singing a child’s song, but Arlington supposed it might be a rap song as both genres had roughly the same intellectual equivalent.
The Grays led
Arlington to the bridge of the ship and pointed at something that Arlington couldn’t see until a large holographic display appeared to hang in mid-air. In the screen they motioned to a saucer shaped ship.
That is the ship that Basil pilots. We need you to recover our ship for us. We cannot exist outside this ship in your dimension. Laptu always did our outside work for us, but this is beyond his skill set. We need you and Laptu to rendezvous with Basil and take the ship someplace safe. Part of the ship is no longer functional; the Wormhole generator only works for a limited time. It is useless to us where it rests, and those that are studying it, intend to use it for evil purposes.
“Like that dude in the uniform?” Arlington gestured to the display and to the man with general stars on his shoulders. He felt them agree in his mind. “Not a big surprise there, you can never trust the government,” Arlington said. He thought for a moment and then asked, “So what do you want us to do with it after we get it to safety?”
That is up to you. You may use it to find other survivors, to use as a shelter or to transport goods and materials. We cannot influence you in your decisions one way or another but it must not reside in the hands of corrupt individuals that would use it for evil purposes.
“That doesn’t seem like much of a shelter” Arlington observed with a puzzled look, “I think I like my trailer better.”
The ship is a magnificent shelter; it will remain fully functional for another thousand years and is large enough to house ten humans comfortably.
“Well then, I guess it should be plenty big enough for Laptu and I.” replied Arlington.
You will find others. Although most of your race has been destroyed, there are still others.
Arlington felt a wave of uneasiness wash over him. The pirate had spent years alone or with his dog, Clayton and the idea of human companionship both thrilled and scared him. The grays responded to this.
Yah has seen that man needs a counterpart. Laptu is a good friend, but humans need other humans as well.
“Where am I going to find these other ‘survivors’?” asked Arlington, intrigued by the possibility of starting a new colony.