Apache Heart (10 page)

             
“You know it’s normal to feel like this when you’re under a lot of stress.  I’m glad you felt like you could come to me.”  Randi poured water into the coffeemaker. 

             
“My whole family is torn up over this thing with Maggie and Joe, and I can’t have them worrying about me too.  And I don’t want anyone at work to find out, and you know…”

             
Randi cut him off, “No secrets on the rez.”

             
“Not many,” Lee confirmed.  “ But me falling off the wagon is about the worst thing that could happen right now.  I’m sorry Randi. You’ve already got one drunk Indian making your life miserable, but I didn’t know where else to go.”

             
“Well you’re not drunk, and you’re not going to be.  I don’t care if we have to sit here all night drinking coffee.   Tell me about your sobriety.  How long since you quit?”

             
“Five years, four months, nine days,” he glanced at his watch, “And fifteen hours.”

             
“That’s a real accomplishment.  Did you do a twelve step program?”

             
He shook his head, “Not exactly, I let the elders help me, devoted myself to the spiritual path.  I fasted and prayed and danced and ran.  I learned about herbs and about healing, and that helped me decide to go train as a paramedic, and then as a firefighter to protect our community and the land.  Some burn is natural, but too much—that’s human interference.  Anyway, I’ve devoted myself to my culture and my family and my community.”

             
The passion in his words drew Randi in, that spiritual connection to everything around him, that was what she felt whenever they connected.  “That’s good Lee,” she said simply.

             
“The thing is, in shutting down the booze, I shut down a lot of other desires too.”  He got up and opened a window, letting the cool night breeze roll through the little cabin.  He stared out the window into the night.  “Until I saw you changing that tire.”  He turned and looked across to Randi, as he half sat on the windowsill.  “Saturday was…the nicest day I’ve had in a long time.”

             
Wordlessly, Randi got up and went to Lee, sliding her arms around him, and cradling his head against her, letting him think his own thoughts.  Lee let out a soft sigh, and just wrapped his arms around her.  They stayed that way for a few moments, and then Randi gently slipped away, “The coffee is ready.”

             
They sat back at her little kitchen table, “Lee, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to you, but…”

             
“Elan?” he said.

             
“Well, yes Elan, and Maggie, and Joe, and Russell and soon, half the rez.  I want to be here. I want to live here and be accepted in this community, and hell yes, I want a lover.  But everything is happening so fast, and I can’t get involved with anyone until things settle down and I have a chance to really get to know someone.  I don’t want someone wanting to be with me just because I’m new and different.  I want someone to be with me because they want to be with me—and because I want to be with them.”

             
Lee voice was thick, but he tried to laugh, “That’s not really what I was wanting to hear right now.”

             
“You know that alcoholics need tough love more than anybody.  How could you ever respect me if I wasn’t honest with you?  I’m not saying never, I’m just saying not yet, because we’ve got to know it’s the real thing.”

             
“That speech sounds like maybe you’ve said it before.”

             
“Maybe I have.  Let’s—let’s just go to sleep Lee.  Come curl up with me, and let’s go to sleep.  I know one thing, I feel safe with you.”

             
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself.”  Lee looked dubious.  “I’m not really used to sleeping in my clothes.”

             
Randi gave him a push toward the bedroom.  “You can take your shirt off, but the pants are staying on.”

             
“Kind of bossy, aren’t you?”  Lee smiled a real, genuine smile.

             
“Yep.  If you’re going to hang out with me, you better get used to it.”  They flopped down on the bed, and Randi turned the light out.  “Goodnight Lee, I’m glad you’re here.”

             
Lee spooned around her, but he left his shirt on.

###

              The next morning, Randi woke up with the feel of an arm slung over her hip.  The weight of it was comforting, and it seemed as if everything about their bodies was in harmony as they lay there intertwined, even their hearts and breath seemed to move as one.  She glanced at the bedside clock.  It was time to get up and go to work, but she wanted to savor the moment just a bit longer.  Then Lee stirred next to her.

             
“Good morning,” he mumbled in a sleepy voice.  “I guess we have to get up and join the real world.”

             
Randi kissed his hand before scooting away, “Yes, and we have to figure out what to do about your sister.  That’s got to be everyone’s priority right now.”

             
Lee pushed his hair back, and as he watched Randi get out of the bed, his heart leapt like a trout in a fresh mountain stream.  “Yes, you’re absolutely right,” he said, but he knew that he was right about their bond.

             
“So what is your day like today?” Randi called from the kitchen as she started coffee. 

             
“Like most days—waiting around and hoping nothing terrible happens to anyone, then working with the dancers for the coming of age ceremonies.  What about you?”  Lee made his way to the doorway of the kitchen where he stood, watching her.

             
“I have clinic, and then I’m supposed to have dinner with Lozen and her family.”

             
“That’s good—it means she likes you.  Apache won’t invite you in their home unless they are pretty sure they want to have an on-going relationship.”

             
“Anything I should know about etiquette?” 

             
“When they answer the door, ask if you can come in.  Don’t crowd anyone, I mean, physically.  We like a little space, and I guess, don’t wear out your welcome after the meal is over.”

             
“Thanks.  I’ll try to keep all that in mind.”

             
“Call me when you’re leaving Lozen’s place, will you?”  Lee asked.   “That’s a favor to me, in case I’m feeling stressed and—because you should be concerned about Joe.”

             
“Okay,” Randi felt her stomach flip a little in anticipation.  “Do you want to take a shower or anything before you go to work?”

             
“You in the habit of inviting every man that comes through that door to take a shower?”  Lee looked at her in a way that kept Randi from knowing whether he was kidding or not.

             
“You and Elan are the only men…the only people who have crossed that threshold.”  She grabbed the coffeepot and poured.  “I’m not really in the habit of having
anyone
in my home,” she said meaningfully.

             
“I don’t suppose I could persuade you to take a shower
with
me, now could I?”  Lee tilted his head in the direction of the bathroom.

             
Randi sighed.  The thought of getting naked with Lee was…stimulating, to say the least.  “As enticing as that sounds, Lee, I think…
for now…
we better stay focused on the problems in front of us.”

             
“Can’t blame a guy for trying, though, right?”  His dark eyes looked a little sad.

             
Randi reached up and touched his cheek, “I’m not necessarily opposed to the idea, just the timing.”  But in the back of her mind, the idea of Lee being in jail and the reason for it, nagged at her.

             
Lee covered her hand with his, and pushed his face into her palm.  “Yeah, you’re right, there is definitely some business I need to take care of.”

###

              Randi stepped into the staff restroom to freshen up at the end of the day.  She combed her hair and caught in back in a headband as Lozen popped through the door.  She looked at Lozen in the mirror and smiled, “Hey, you never told me what time I should come over this evening.”

             
“Why don’t you just follow me home?  I like company when I cook.”  Lozen swirled some lip balm on her lips, smacking them together.  “My husband usually comes in from work around 6:30.” 

             
“Sounds good, maybe you can teach me some new tricks in the kitchen.”

             
“You like to cook?” Lozen asked as she turned around and leaned against the sink.

             
“Yeah, I do, except lately I’ve been really distracted.  I made this tuna noodle casserole the other night that was awful!”  They both laughed.

             
“You have got the craziest hair,” Lozen said.  “It’s beautiful—the color, and those waves.”

             
“Well, I grew up wanting hair like yours.  In high school I used to iron it to get it perfectly straight.”

             
“The things women do, huh?” Lozen said, a shadow crossing her face. Randi knew Lozen was thinking about more than beauty regimens.  The nurse straightened up and smiled, “I need to pee before we hit the road.  Give me a second and we can get going.”

             
Randi wheeled her loaner car out of the parking lot and followed Lozen’s small SUV.   Twenty minutes later, they pulled in at a neat, frame house.  It had a long porch across the front with some potted flowers and an attached garage.  To one side there were some raised garden beds with beans, tomatoes, peppers, and squash.  Randi parked behind Lozen, so her husband could pull in.

             
“Your garden looks amazing,” Randi said.  “We used to always have gardens at home, but since I’ve been in school, you know,” she shrugged, “No time or place.”

             
“Gardening in Arizona takes a little know how, but you know, next spring I could help you get some beds in, if you want.”  Lozen looked mischievous, “We can sucker my husband into helping.  You just have to let him think that everything is his idea.”

             
The idea of a future, and a friend to do a project with made Randi smile.  “That would be fantastic!” 

             
Randi stood on the porch as Lozen pushed through the door, calling out to her daughters. 

             
“May I come in?”  Randi asked, and Lozen smiled. 

             
“Yes, please.  Girls, come here, I want you to meet our new doctor.”

             
Two energetic girls in colorful summer shorts and t-shirts came bouncing out of the family room, their braids swinging.

             
“Hi!”  The girls giggled.

             
Lozen looked at them proudly, “Marianne is thirteen—she’s doing the coming of age ceremony this year, and Marta is ten.  Girls, this is Dr. Randi.”

             
“Nice to meet you,” Randi smiled.

             
“Why don’t you girls pour your mom and Dr. Randi a glass of lemonade?”

             
“Sure!” They said, as they bounced on to the kitchen.

             
Randi laughed, “If you could bottle that energy and sell it, you’d make a fortune.”

             
“Yeah, I know,’ Lozen laughed.  “You just have to make sure it gets channeled the right way.  The boys are already sniffing around Marianne and it makes me crazy!”

             
“Do you worry about them?  I mean with the boys?”  Randi asked.

             
Lozen hung her purse up on peg by the door and gestured to Randi to do the same, then led her into the kitchen where two, tall, glasses of lemonade waited.  “Have you girls done your chores?” Lozen asked.  “Or have you been messing around online?”

             
They looked a little sheepish and Lozen pointed to the garden, “The weeds await,” she said with a smile, and the girls slipped into some pink crocs lined up by the back door and grabbed some gardening gloves from the counter.  “Thirty minutes, you’ll be done in no time,” Lozen called, as they headed out the back door.

             
“Do I worry?  Heck yes, I worry.”  Lozen took a sip of her lemonade as she started pulling things from the cupboard and fridge.  “The rate of sexual assault of Native American girls and women is way higher than with any other group in the US, and almost 90% of the rapes are committed by non-native men.”