Anywhere But Here (30 page)

He kissed me before I could finish my sentence and my free hand darted to his shoulder instinctively.  His lips massaged mine tenderly at first but grew more demanding and I happily gave into him.  He raised a hand to my hair, tangling his fingers in it as I leaned closer to him, hungering to feel his chest pressed into mine.  How I wished we were somewhere a little more private so I could give into the wild, uninhibited urges that blazed inside my body.

“Rena,” he whispered against my mouth.  My heart trilled.  “Rena, you better go.”

He didn’t sound too convincing and my blissful mind wanted to argue, but I reluctantly drew back with a sigh.  “I know,” I said, my lips still tingling.  He kissed them once more and opened the door.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I drove home numbly, my mind racing, turning over different scenarios and reasons for my father’s apparently impromptu visit.  It took a total of seven minutes to reach Aunt Franki’s house and as I parked my car behind my father's, my hands began trembling again.  My legs were like lead as I lifted them out of the car and forced them to the door.  The warm lights seeping through the drawn blinds did nothing to reassure me but I trudged on, entering the house and hanging my coat.  I kicked off my wet boots and padded in my socks to the kitchen where Aunt Franki sat at the table with my father, both of them nursing cups of coffee.

“Rena!” Dad cried as he
jumped to his feet.  As he gathered me in his arms, that burning sensation behind my eyes returned.  His scent was so familiar and so…safe.  This was what I needed – my father, my protector.

“Hi, Dad,” I mumbled into his s
trong chest. Releasing me, he held me at arm’s length to gaze fondly, like he hadn’t seen me in ages.  “What’s up?”

The joyful air of reunion abruptly ended as Dad’s shoulders slumped.  He took my hand and led me to the table, gesturing for me to take a seat.  I did, my nerves jumping all ove
r. I folded my hands on the table.  “Okay, you’ve got me a wreck here,” I said.  “Please, just tell me what’s going on.  Is it…Camille?”

“No,” Dad said, a fleeting smile sweeping his face.  “No.  Nothing new there.”  He ducked his head, apparently to control his emotions, and then lifted his head to me.  “Um, Rena, this isn’t easy to tell you – that’s why I wanted to come here and do it face to face.”

He was dragging his feet – stalling – and it scared me.  I knew it wasn’t good but just how not good, I did not know.

“Please, Dad, just say it.”

He deflated a little more, ran his hands through his thinning hair, shot a quick glance at Aunt Franki, and then flashed a pathetic smile.  “Okay, honey, here it is.  I, um, moved out.  I don’t live at home anymore.”

I blinked rapidly as his words rang in my ears, working their way slowly to my brain.  I tried to process it as I continued to look stupidly at my father.  “You mean, you’re moving in here?”

He chuckled but it was fake.  “No, not at all.  I still have to work and it’s too much of a commute.”  He drew a long breath and straightened his spine.  “I’m staying at a hotel for a while.”

I dug the heels of my hands in my eyes as my head slowly shook back and forth.  “I don’t understand.  I … why?  When did all this happen?”

“Well, um, actually just a day or two after your last, um, visit,” he stammered.

My head jerked up and my jaw dropped.  I gaped at him, my mouth drying in an instant.  “After what happened between me and Mom?”  The truth flashed through his eyes and I groaned, dropping my head to my hands.  “Dad, no, don’t.  Don’t do this.  You know this will, um, blow over … or something.”

“Honey,” he said, holding up his hands.  “It’s not your fault at all.”  He reached across the table to pat my hand.  “It has been building and building since…well…since Camille.  The disagreement between you and your mother was just the last straw.”

My head sank to the table as this newest development washed over me.  How much more could my family be ripped apart?  Were there any remaining strands?  Was there anything left to hold us together?

“This can’t be happening,” I mumbled into the wood surface, resisting the urge to bang my head.  “This just cannot be happening.”

“Rena,” Aunt Franki said, finally speaking.  “Honey, this is just a temporary arrangement and it’s definitely not your fault.”

I lifted my head, cocking a questioning brow at my father.  “Temporary?  How temporary?”

“I don’t know,” Dad said as he wrapped his hands around his mug.  “Your mother and I need a little space right now.  Things are just – well, they’re strained, sweetheart.  We need to spend a little time apart.”

“But,” I said, frantically grasping at straws.  “How is Mom supposed to get along alone?  Who’s going to remind her to eat and stuff?”

“She’s an adult, Rena,” my father reminded me.  “She can take care of herself.”

His words were bitter and I realized that maybe he’d grown tired of trying to get her to do something that didn’t involve Camille.  But still, how could he abandon her?”

“Your mother will be fine,” Aunt Franki reassured me.  “Jared promised to look in on her frequently.”

“Jared?!” I exclaimed.  “Jared knows about all this?”

“Yes,” Dad said slowly, throwing worried looks at Aunt Franki.  “I called him the night I moved out.  I wanted him to check on your mother.”

“So, how come I’m just finding out now?” I demanded.

“I thought that we would have worked things out by now,” Dad explained. “I didn’t want to worry you – I know you have enough on your hands.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering about his last statement.  “I have enough on my hands?  What do you mean?”

“I know that you’ve taken Camille’s…disappearance rather hard,” Dad explained.

“I am handling it just fine,” I said, my teeth clenched. “I don’t need to be coddled.  What I do need is to be told what is going on with my family.”

“Rena,” Dad said sternly. “Don’t get angry.  You’re right, of course.”

He was humoring me, I could tell.  And I didn’t like it in the least.  Anger was swirling in my stomach and I figured it’d only be a short time before my anger-demon joined me.  I had to escape before I opened my mouth and let hateful words out – words that I would never be able to take back.  My family was screwed up enough without me contributing to it.

“Okay, fine,” I said, grimacing.  “I’m just going to go to bed.  I’m really tired.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Dad said, relaxing.  He even offered me a smile.  “I’m crashing on the sofa so we can talk more tomorrow if you’d like.”

I didn’t want to talk anymore because I didn’t think it would help.  I mean, what could I possibly say that would convince my father to go home where he belonged?  And even though I hated that he’d left my mother to fend for herself, I could almost see his point.  She was a ghost of her former self – obsessed with her chat rooms and lost posters.  Her life revolved around my sister’s disappearance and I was beginning to think that she’d forgotten she had a husband and two other children that still needed her.

But, I thought later as  I flopped on the bed and stared at my ceiling, wondering how to stop my rapidly deteriorating life, I knew firsthand how difficult it was to live in that environment.  I remembered only too well what it was like to tiptoe through the house, walking on eggshells and minding my words.  Saying the wrong thing meant an emotional breakdown that affected everyone within close proximity.

Another thought crossed my mind – one just as terrifying as the demise of my family: What was I going to tell Fin?  He was going to want answers when he called me Sunday afternoon and I needed to tell him something.  Everything was just so crazy – my life, my family, even me.  Why would Fin want to be involved?

No, I couldn’t tell him the truth.  I couldn’t take the look in his eyes whether it be sympathetic or cautious.  Maybe he’d rethink his decision to pursue me until I agreed to date him.  Maybe he’d regret the little scene on the sofa in his basement – maybe even be disgusted by it.

“And maybe not,” I muttered, draping an arm over my eyes.  “Maybe I ought to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

I frowned as I nodded, not caring that I was talking to myself.  Hell, I was already going crazy, why not start jabbering aloud to no one in particular?

I sighed as I flopped to my side.  I’d tell him that my parents separated – that was the truth – but I wouldn’t tell him the real reason – not yet anyway.  I’d feed him information in small doses to see how well he digested it.

And if he didn’t take it well?

“Then I’ll just have to end it – spare him that task,” I sighed.  He’d been so good to me, it was the least I could do.

Having settled one small facet of my life, I drifted off to sleep.

Dad was gone, naturally, when I woke the next morning.  I shrugged it off, convincing myself that I really didn’t care, and slumped over a bowl of cereal. Aunt Franki tip
toed into the kitchen to pour coffee from the maker into a shocking pink mug.  I watched her carefully from beneath my lashes and could tell she was fretting.

“Let me guess – an urgent call from work?” I said as I chased the last few pieces of cereal around my bowl.

“Yes,” Aunt Franki said slowly.  “I’m sorry, honey.”

“Don’t worry
about it,” I said, rising to rinse my bowl in the sink.  I shook out the excess water and stacked it in the dishwasher before turning to face her.  “I didn’t actually think he’d still be here when I got up.”

“I know,” Aunt Franki said, desperation leaking into her voice.  She set her mug on the counter.  “But I know you really wanted to talk to him today.  I know you were too upset last night to continue your discussion.”

“What’s left to discuss?  There’s nothing I can say to change his mind.  His decision’s been made,” I explained, matter-of-factly.  I brushed past her before she could turn analytical or suggest that I call Roberta.  I didn’t need any of that.  I could deal with things myself.

She nodded.  “I have to meet Sean in an hour. Will you be all right by yourself?”

“Of course,” I said, rolling my eyes, making her smile.  Doubt lingered in her eyes but she disappeared to prepare for her meeting.

I returned to my room and booted up the laptop, ignoring the annoying reminder that it was a gift from my brother.  I didn’t want to think of my family at that moment.

“Oh, hell,” I muttered as I dropped my head to my desk.  “My family.  That stupid essay.”

I banged my head on the desk fo
r a couple more seconds, groaning. I got up and rooted through my backpack for the notes I’d scribbled Friday in Free Period.  I opened up a word processing program on the laptop and started forming generic sentences that in turn formed generic paragraphs.  I winced every single time I typed ‘great’, ‘wonderful’, and ‘happy’. 

I plowed through the essay, forcing myself to keep
plucking along, stopping only to answer my cell.

“Hey, beautiful,” Fin greeted, lifting my heart.

A tiny smile cracked the dour expression on my face.  “Hey yourself.  What’s up?”

“I’m stuck at my aunt’s place and I’m not sure when I’ll get back,” he said gravely.   “Sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be able to see you today.”

My stomach turned over and I couldn’t tell if it was relief or disappointment.  Maybe I needed the day off from him to figure out how much to tell him and when.  Maybe I needed to clear my head.

“So, um, what did your dad want?” he asked.

Need to know only,
I chanted inside my head.  “It’s sort of a long story,” I said, biting my lip.  I hoped he’d take the hint and let the matter drop but my hopes were in vain.  He was far too inquisitive for his own good.

“I’ve got time,” he said, inserting a touch of humor.  “My parents and my aunt and uncle just sat down to a rousing game of Parcheesi.”

“Par what?” I asked, temporarily distracted.

“It’s a board game,” he said with a chuckle.  “An old one.”  He cleared his throat and I prepared myself for the questions.  “So, tell me.”

I moved to my bed, crawling up to the headboard.  I plopped down and crossed my legs Indian style.  “Well, see, it’s like this,” I said, stalling.  I took a deep breath and bit the bullet.  “My parents are separating.”

A pregnant pause filled the phone lines as I waited for his response.  I knew his parents were older and probably didn’t approve of divorce.  Not that my parents were divorcing – they just couldn’t.  But still…

“I’m really sorry, Rena,” he said.  “Um, that sucks and well…er… I don’t really know what to say here.”

I laughed although there wasn’t anything remotely amusing about the entire situation.  But I couldn’t believe he was the one feeling a little awkward.

I stopped laughing, figuring I was probably confusing him.  “It’s okay, honestly.  I’ll deal.”

“Did this just happen suddenly or has it been, you know, coming on for
a while?”

My heart twitched.  “Um, well, things have been strained at home so I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise.  It just – like you said – it just sucks.”

Another pause – this one a bit longer. I tapped my fingertips on my knee, drumming a rhythm.  Maybe he didn’t want to get involved with all the drama of a girl whose family is falling apart.  It hurt my heart to believe that – to imagine Fin as that uncaring.  But then, maybe it was for the best.