Anywhere But Here (18 page)

When the warning bell rang, Fin pecked my cheek and dashed away to his class as I entered my own. I settled in my seat, preparing for the lesson as my classmates dropped into the desks around me.

"...heard she went to class drunk several times."

"I heard she got drunk, stole her parents' car, and wrecked it - smashed it into a minivan full of kids."

I drew a breath and held it.

"Fin better drop her if he hopes to get a scholarship. She's bad news and will only get him in trouble."

I slowly released the air in my lungs as the teacher entered the class. The low hum of conversation died abruptly as the teacher cracked open a textbook and turned to the board. I did the best I could to copy notes but, even though the talking had stopped, I was aware of curious stares and rapid texting, not to mention stifled giggles. I glared at the clock, commanding it to move faster so I could escape the off-white walls that were threatening to close in on me.

It was the same thing in all my morning classes. I spent most of the time gnawing on the inside of my cheek to keep from lashing out. When lunchtime finally arrived, I was at the end of my rope and ready to snap. I hurried through the halls, lowering my head as I pushed through people. The whispers had grown louder and more exaggerated as students grew bolder, not afraid to hide what they were saying.

I avoided the lunch line when I entered the cafeteria, instead dashing straight to my usual table. No one was there yet but it was only a matter of time. Sure enough, Reg plopped across from me, dropping a crumpled sack lunch on the table. "Hey," she said as she opened the sack, peering inside, and avoiding my eyes. "How's it going?"

"Wonderful," I drawled, watching her curiously. "I suppose you've already heard all the wonderful rumors."

She nodded as she unwrapped what smelled suspiciously like a tuna salad sandwich. She took a huge bite, eyeing me as she chewed, finally offering a weak shrug. "Ignore it. It will die down as soon as they find something else to gossip about - that's just the way it works around here."

"Sure," I said without much enthusiasm. "I'll just sit back and wait."

"Hey," Damon greeted as he and Shane joined us. "You okay? I heard a couple of Cam's buddies threatened you this morning."

Reg paused mid-chew to gawk at me, alarm all over her face. "They did?"

"No, not really," I snorted. "They had the impression that I'm dealing now. Lovely, huh?"

"You're kidding!" Shane exclaimed as he eyed me in awe. "You're not, are you?"

"Of course not," I snapped, turning my head in time to see Fin stroll purposely toward us. He sat next to me and took my hand under the table.

"You're not eating?"

"Not much of an appetite," I said as my stomach rolled. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

"Have people been giving you trouble today?"

"No," I said. "Just a bunch of whispering and stuff. It's just words, Fin," I said as his face paled. I squeezed his hand in an effort to appear nonchalant and he squeezed back, but he wasn't convinced.

Dropping my hand, he stood. "I'm going to grab something to eat. Do you want anything?" I shook my head, causing a frown of disapproval to appear on his face, but he didn't press.

Damon struck up a conversation regarding his plans for the weekend with his long distance girlfriend. He informed me that things were better but they still needed to talk. I nodded, trying to focus on him and not the curious, knowing looks I was getting from the kids at nearby tables. Two rows away, Gina held court, laughing loudly, no doubt reveling in the latest rumors about me. I tried not to care but it was starting to eat at the hard exterior I'd attempted to erect around myself. I couldn't wait to get out of the school even if it meant I had to sit behind the counter at the convenience store for hours tonight. Anywhere was better than here.

Creative Writing was the only class I felt comfortable in – mainly because Fin was there with me. None of the quiet chatter took place, making it possible to relax and listen to the lecture and work effectively on my assignment. But when the bell rang, the tension returned - and increased tenfold when I strolled into Study Hall. I waited for Gina
to waltz into the room, approaching my table with smug righteousness, throwing everything in my face.

But she didn't spare me a single glance as she breezed past my desk. She took her seat and removed a notebook. When she opened it, she started scribbling furiously.
With a shrug, I started on my Spanish homework, effectively blocking out the chatter around me. When the bell rang, I escaped quickly and met Fin in the parking lot near his car. He wrapped me in his arms and kissed the top of my head before releasing me.

"How was the rest of your day?"

"Not horrible," I admitted. "And now I have to work. Will you call me after practice?"

"I'll stop in and see you," he said as Grant sauntered over to us. He smiled sympathetically at me and leaned against Fin's car.

"How are you doing, Rena?" he asked.

"Peachy and you?"

He grinned, folding his arms over his chest. "Perfect in comparison. I hope you're not paying any attention to those stupid rumors."

"Trying not to," I said with a forced smile. "I have to run. Have fun at practice tonight."

Fin pecked my lips quickly before I got in my car and took off.

***

The rest of the week pretty much followed the same pattern. Just as soon as I thought the rumors were dying down, another sprouted in its place - all proclaiming me to be some sort of wild party animal who had no morals whatsoever. By the time Thursday rolled around, I was pretty frazzled and not looking forward to meeting with Roberta in the least. But as I sat in her cozy waiting room, I wondered if venting to her would help. I'd avoided telling Aunt Franki about any of it - not wanting to worry her - and every time one of my friends mentioned it, I changed the subject.

"Hey, Rena," Roberta smiled as she appeared in front of me. "How are you today?"

"Just wonderful," I mumbled as I stumbled to my feet. "Shall we?"

"Of course," she said as a tiny line formed on her forehead. She led me to her office and shut the door softly as I took my usual seat.
Picking up her legal pad, sat across from me, resting the pad on her lap. "So, anything interesting happen this week?"

"Just the usual," I replied with a careless wave of my hand. "Rumors running rampant about my supposed wild ways."

"Wild ways?" Roberta said as the line on her forehead deepened. "Do you mean about why you were suspended?"

"Yeah," I said slowly, surprised she knew about it, though I shouldn't have been. I should have known that she had the lowdown on me – probably had a thick manila file loaded with information on me in one of her desk drawers.  I bet it made interesting bedtime reading. "I guess someone who works in the administration office seen my file and found out all about it. So, now the whole school knows, only the rumors sort of got out of hand and everyone thinks I'm some sort of...I don't know ... some sort of party person."

"And how does that make you feel?" she prodded.

"Not too hot," I admitted as I squirmed uneasily in my seat. "It sucks, actually. I try to ignore it and it helps that my friends don't believe it, but I still don't like it. I mean, what if my aunt hears about this? It's going to upset her."

"Maybe you should tell her," Roberta suggested.

"I don't think so," I said with a frown. "Why worry her? She doesn't need it."

"Rena, you can't carry this entire burden on your own."

"What burden?" I asked. "So a couple
of immature idiots think it's fun to talk about me? Who cares? Worse things happen in this world."

"Like what happened to your sister?"

"Yes."

Roberta's head bobbed slowly as she scribbled on her legal pad. I was tempted to lean over to try to read what she'd written but I didn’t. Instead, I sat there quietly and waited for her to talk. The silence hung over us like a thick cloud and I wriggled some more.

"Are you ready to talk about what happened the day she disappeared?"

Snorting, I
folded my arms over my chest as I scrunched down in my chair. "No. Not at all. There's not much to say."

"You blame yourself."

I shrugged. "Sure I do. It was my fault."

"How so?" She bent closer to me, crowding my space.

I shrank further into my chair. "It just was. End of discussion."

She fell back into her seat and propped a foot on her knee. "You're going to have to talk about this soon, you know."

"Why? I mean, what's there to say? Camille was walking home and just disappeared. Poof! Into thin air. Gone. Not a trace - not even a lock of hair."

"And you think you could have prevented it?"

I turned my head as tears burned behind my eyes and my chest tightened enough to slow air flow. "I know I could have."

"How?"

I sprang to my feet, knocking the chair over as I moved toward the window, sucking oxygen desperately. The office was closing in, suffocating me, and I needed to escape. The tears filling my eyes were making it difficult to see and I just wanted to go home. I wanted my mother.

"Rena," Roberta said right over my shoulder in a soft voice. "Rena, take slow breaths. Calm down, okay? We don't have to talk about it right now."

I nodded as I sniffed, wiping my eyes hastily. My heart rate slowed and the pressure on my chest loosened. "Okay," I mumbled, over and over again. "Okay." I returned to my chair and stared at my folded hands in my lap.

"What are you going to do about these rumors?" Roberta asked.

"Nothing. Ignore them. Keep my head up. I don't care what people think."

"That's not always the best way to deal with your problems. Ignoring them doesn't always make them go away."

"Not much else I can do."

She cleared her throat and picked up the pad she had dropped to the floor. "You can go to the administration - the principal."

I barked a sarcastic laugh. "No way. That won't do anything but prove to the student body that I'm weak. And the principal won't be able to do anything, anyway."

"You could tell him someone looked at your file. That's confidential information," she said.

"I have no proof," I pointed out. "Besides, there are several kids who work in the admin office."

Roberta pursed her lips as she studied me. I squirmed some more under her scrutiny, suddenly anxious to get away. "Rena,
we are making a little progress, but not as quickly as I'd like. I want you to consider coming more often."

"Can't," I said, horrified. What if someone from school found out I was seeing her? "I work three days a week and have to catch up on homework the other days."

"Think about it," she said sternly. "I could work you in somehow. And the school is good about working with me. I could get you out of a study period for a session."

I balked at the idea, wondering how I would explain to Fin or Damon where I went instead of going to Study Hall. "I'll think about it," I said as I scrambled to my feet. My head was starting to hurt and I just wanted to get home
so I could lock myself in my room. "I'll see you next week."

She walked me out to the reception area. I shrugged into my coat and nearly ran out of the door. I hurried to my car, hoping I wouldn't run into Fin again, and started the engine. I didn't notice his car in the parking lot and was grateful for that little favor. He’d caught me here once and I'd managed to worm my way out of that but I didn't know how I'd be able to do it again. I'd have to find a new place to park.

***

Friday morning dawned gloomy and cold. I dressed in a bulky sweater and a pair of faded jeans, throwing my hair in
to a ponytail. I couldn't force any enthusiasm in my appearance – not even for Fin. My heart wasn't in it.

I thought about my session with Roberta as I drove to school, contemplating her request for more sessions. I didn't want to do it in the least. She may have claimed we were making some sort of progress but I didn't believe her at all. It seemed as if I felt worse after every session, not better. And today was no different. The headache that had plagued me the night before hadn't abated in the least - in fact, it had increased.

My dour mood stuck with me all morning, drawing attention from Fin. He questioned me endlessly and even though I was touched by his concern, I was also a bit irritated. When lunch rolled around, the rich scent of garlic caused my stomach to roll so I avoided the line and headed for the table instead. Reg was already there, munching on carrot sticks. She greeted me but all I did was nod.

When Fin joined us, he plopped an overloaded tray on the table and pointed at it. "Pick whatever you want."

"Not hungry," I said.

"Try," he ordered, his face hard.

I cracked a tiny smile as I plucked an apple from the tray and took a bite. He grinned and dug in, watching me from the corner of his eye. The conversation swam around me but I didn't participate much, just listened, allowing the voices of the only people I liked at that school to blanket me in some sort of comfort.