Anything You Want (21 page)

But it had to be obvious, to Luke and everyone else, that she and Marc were getting along better than they ever had. They weren’t making out in public by any stretch. In fact, Marc hadn’t done more than touch her—every chance he got—in ways that would seem totally casual to any onlookers. But surely Luke was curious about why they seemed to be spending a lot of time talking. And standing closer to one another than they needed to.

“I asked you a question two weeks ago and you owe me an answer.”

That wasn’t at all what she’d been mentally preparing for. Of course, she didn’t think that Luke was going to let her go without making a decision forever. But for some reason she’d thought he would let her come to him. That was usually how it worked between them.

She swallowed. “Tonight?”

“Right now.”

Her thoughts flickered to Marc. Which was probably not a good thing when Luke was essentially asking her if she would marry him. Again.

She really didn’t know what to say. She should say yes. That was the smart, responsible thing to do. But she wanted to say no.

Instead of saying anything, she went with another approach.

“Kiss me, Luke.”

It was like déjà vu and she saw it in his eyes as he hesitated. Then he made his decision, cupped her chin with one hand, tipped her head up and kissed her. Slow and sweet. Just like before.

She leaned into him, walking him backward until the backs of his legs hit the edge of the chair in front of his desk. She pushed him down and climbed onto his lap, straddling his thighs.

His hands gripped her hips and she ran her hands over his chest and encircled his neck. She wanted this to be good. Better than with Marc, because that would be so much easier. Better than anything, because that would make sense. It should be better. It shouldn’t be Marc who—

She shouldn’t be thinking about Marc while Luke was kissing her.

She definitely didn’t think about Luke when Marc was kissing her.

What the hell was she doing kissing two guys anyway?

Pulling back she took a deep breath. “Dammit. This is so complicated.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

No, she supposed he was right. If she just stayed far away from Marc… But her heart actually twinged painfully at that thought.

“Let’s have hot, crazy sex right here in your office,” she blurted out.

Maybe he could make everything else disappear. Maybe he could make her forget about Marc. Maybe she was exactly where she was supposed to be and just needed something to validate it. Like the best sex of her life.

She started to loosen his tie.

“Sabrina, let’s just—”

“Stop talking.”

His hands stopped her. “Not like this.”

“Why?”

“This happened once before if you remember. We made love and I thought it meant something different than what you thought it meant.”

She sat back and brushed her hair away from her cheek. She wasn’t going to get hot, crazy sex from Luke.

And she should be more disappointed about that than she was.

“So you don’t want to do this?”

He sighed. “Of course I do. But I don’t want just one night. I want it all. I want to take care of you, protect you, give you everything you and the baby will ever need. Say yes, put my ring on your finger and I’ll take you to bed right now. And never let you leave.”

Push had just come to shove.

Dammit. She pushed herself off his lap and wiped her palms on the front of her skirt. This was impossible.

Luke was sweet. He was sincere. He wanted to give her a life that any
sane
person would do anything to have.

Marc wanted her—hard and fast. And temporary. He wasn’t showing up with any diamonds. Or diapers.

Two of the things she needed, that Luke wanted to give her.

Maybe Nashville wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Sure she wouldn’t know anyone, would have to work three jobs to afford baby food and she’d have to depend on Kat calling friends of friends of friends from med school to find a good doctor. But her heart wouldn’t be in knots. And she’d
know
if she was making poor decisions. That was what she was used to. Here in Justice there was simply too much gray area.

But one thing was pretty black and white—she wanted someone more than she wanted her fiancé.

She’d had sex with Luke and had still left town. For four years.

She hadn’t even seen Marc naked and she felt torn up just thinking about not seeing him for twelve consecutive hours.

Marc was right—Luke deserved someone who loved him more than she did.

She took a deep breath and looked at the best friend she’d ever had. “Luke, I can’t…”
Hurt you, tell you the truth, marry you, lie to you—give you what you really want.

“You’re taking prenatal vitamins?”

Sabrina swung toward her father as he stepped into Luke’s office.

“Dad. What are you doing here?”

“Trying to find you.”

Well, that was a first. She’d seen her father almost every night at The Camelot since coming home, but their conversations had been in public, at the bar, with either Marc or Luke—not a coincidence she was sure—present. They’d been civil, friendly even. He had asked exactly zero questions about Seattle and the past four years. They’d talked only about the present, as if the past four years hadn’t happened.

He hadn’t sought her out anywhere but at The Camelot, hadn’t called, hadn’t stopped by Kat’s.

And it was a relief. She simply didn’t have the energy to deal with Bill along with the other men who were making her nuts.

“You found me,” she said with a forced smile. She hadn’t missed the prenatal vitamin comment, but she was really going to try to ignore it.

“Sheila Thompson wished me congratulations when I stopped in for my blood pressure pills today. Of course I assumed that she’d heard we’re having a wedding. Imagine my surprise when she called me ‘grandpa’.”

It wasn’t the perfect way for him to find out, but there wasn’t a perfect way so Sabrina just sighed. “Surprise.”

“So it’s true?” Bill demanded. “You got yourself knocked up?”

Luke moved in closer to her, as was customary when Bill got riled up. “Take it easy, Bill. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Of course it is. The baby’s yours.”

“The baby is
not
Luke’s.” Sabrina corrected quickly.

“As far as I’m concerned it is,” Bill said with a deep scowl. “And as far as anyone else in this town is concerned. Is that clear?”

Sabrina frowned right back at him. “Of course that’s not clear. That’s ridiculous. The baby isn’t Luke’s. Period.”

“As soon as you’re married it won’t matter.”

“That isn’t—hasn’t—” She glanced at Luke. She had to say no and end this, but not like this, not in front of her father. She had to try to help Luke understand that she was saying no for his own good.

“Are you trying to tell me that you moved back here, to Justice, to my town, knocked up, unwed, to have and raise this baby by yourself?” Bill asked. “You don’t think I should get a say in this?”

Sabrina wanted to roll her eyes. This was all so typical. It was about his image, about what people would think, about it somehow reflecting badly on him that she really liked rum and was attracted to con artists with good sperm motility.

“I’m here to—”

“How could you let this happen?”

It took Sabrina a moment to realize that Bill was talking to Luke, not her. She looked at Luke. He looked pissed off and frustrated.

“I can’t force her, Bill.”

“You still haven’t said yes?”

Sabrina blinked, realized Bill was addressing her again and said, “No. This is a big decision. I can’t just—”

“I thought you were going to fix it this time,” he said to Luke. “I thought you’d—”

“Just tell her, Bill,” Luke said quietly but firmly. “Before you say something you’ll regret, just tell her the truth.”

Sabrina didn’t want to hear it. Whatever it was. She could tell by Luke’s tone of voice and the strained lines around his eyes that it was something intense. And she just couldn’t do any more intense.

“Forget it. All of it. I’m having this baby and I’m—”

“Do you remember when you were in fourth grade and I had to come pick you up from school because you were so upset you couldn’t stop crying?”

Sabrina froze, half turned toward the door, as her father spoke. She did remember. But she didn’t have to say anything. He knew she knew exactly what he was talking about.

Bill went on. “The rest of your class was painting glass vases for their moms for Mother’s Day. And you didn’t have a mom to give yours to. You threw yours on the floor and ran out of the room.”

Sabrina closed her eyes. Of course her teacher thought it was an accident and her tears were because of the broken vase, but she could still remember how satisfying smashing that glass had been.

It wasn’t like she was the only kid without a mom in the entire history of Justice. But in her class of twenty-five students, she was the only one with no one to give a vase to. One boy lived with his grandmother, two others had step-moms and another at least had his dad’s girlfriend to give something to.

In retrospect she could have mailed the vase. Or waited until she saw her mom for the next visit. But she never knew when that would be, and at the moment, when everyone else was painting hearts and flowers and writing
I love you
it had hit Sabrina that she didn’t have the mom she wanted. And needed.

“You want your son or daughter to be able to make Father’s Day presents and have a date to Father-Daughter dances and a dad to go on Boy Scout camping trips with, don’t you?”

It was a low blow.

It was classic Bill Cassidy.

And he had a point. Not that her child would truly be without. Luke would go to dances whether they were married or not. Bill could fill his mantel with Father’s Day gifts from his grandchild. Sabrina herself could go camping.

But it wouldn’t be the same. No matter how good it was, it wouldn’t be the same thing as having a dad.

Lots of kids didn’t have dads. Dads died, dads left, moms made mistakes. And kids could turn out okay anyway.

But most, if not all of them would change it if they could.

Crap.

She swiped the tear from her cheek before turning to face her father.

“Dammit, Bill.” Luke pushed past the older man and came to stand beside her again. “You don’t have to be such an ass about it.”

Bill didn’t look offended. He just watched her.

“Tell her what you’re really worried about,” Luke said. “And stop making her cry.”

Luke never had handled her tears well. She straightened her spine. “I’m fine. I need to get home.”

Luke grabbed her arm and made her face her dad. “Tell her.”

Bill wouldn’t make eye contact with either of them.

“Tell her,” Luke said with a low growl. “Tell her that you never went after her in Seattle, never called, never returned her postcards, because it was a good excuse.”

Sabrina looked up at him, confused. “Excuse?”

“Tell her that you want her married to me because you think that’s the only way you’ll ever see her or spend time with her. Tell her that now there’s a baby too, you
really
want her with me or you might never see your only grandchild.”

She turned wide eyes on her dad. What the hell was Luke talking about? Her dad had written her off when she left. He couldn’t care less if he saw her—or her baby—now that she was back. In fact, she’d put money on the fact that he’d be just fine if she left again.

“Excuse?” she heard herself repeat.

Luke looked down at her. “When you left it was the perfect excuse. He could pretend that the reason you didn’t talk to him, the reason you didn’t share things with him, the reason you didn’t spend time with him was because you were so far away. He didn’t have to think about the fact that it might be because you didn’t want to.”

Bill scowled at him. “We were talking about her latest screw up. And how she could keep it from being a disaster.”

“Now that you’re back,” Luke went on. “He’ll have to face that not spending time with him is a choice you’re making.”

“He hasn’t tried to spend time with me,” she said, her voice rough.

“After Marc kicked him out of Kat’s he realized that seeing you at the restaurant would be easier. You wouldn’t be able to tell him to get lost here.”

Sabrina frowned at her father, but asked Luke, “He told you all of that?”

“I know him pretty well by now,” Luke said, affection obviously mixed with his frustration.

“We were talking about
you
and the latest problem you’ve caused.”

Which was exactly the kind of thing she was used to her father saying, but it suddenly didn’t stab at her like it usually did. There had been a reason her father hadn’t contacted her in four years other than not wanting to?

“I don’t know what to say,” Sabrina finally answered.

“Say you’ll marry Luke,” Bill said.

“Stop it,” Luke told him. “Just stop.” Then he looked down at her. “Sabrina—”

She frowned up at him. She had so many emotions whirling around and mixing with her hormones that she knew she couldn’t do this—or any
more
of this anyway—right now.

“I’m leaving. I have to process all of this. But Luke David Hamilton—” she nearly poked him in the eye with the finger she pointed at him, “—if I find out that you proposed to me because my father wanted you to or because it would make him happy or whatever, I’m never speaking to you again.”

Luke caught her finger and pulled her up close to him. He looked her directly in the eye when he said, “I proposed to you because this is what
I
want. Always have.”

He meant it. She’d known him long enough, well enough, to know that he was telling the truth.

She took a deep breath and gently pulled her finger away. Not able to deal with Luke at the moment, she turned to her father. “And if you want to talk to me or spend time with me you just have to ask. But,” she added as he started to speak. “If the conversation turns to anything I don’t like or you start giving me opinions I haven’t asked for, I’ll ask you to leave. And we’ll have to try again another time.”