Anyone but Alex (The English Brothers Book 3) (24 page)

“He has,” said Emily quietly without mincing words. “Can you handle it?”

“I
don’t—Yes. I can,” said Jess with more confidence than she felt. Inside she felt young and confused and unaccustomed to so much high emotion. But, one feeling overshadowed the rest and she shared it with Emily. “I have to. I love him.”

Emily smiled at her, taking the paper towel from Jessie’s hands and tossing it in the trash. “
Talk to him about it. I know he’ll reassure you.”

Jessie sighed, running a hand through her hair
, wondering—for the first time—if Alex’s reassurances would be enough. She believed Emily, and she felt certain that Alex didn’t cheat on her with Hope, but the whole episode was so upsetting, and there’s no way Alex could ensure that it didn’t happen again.

“Ready to go back?”

Jessie nodded, putting her hand on Emily’s arm. “Emily, thank you. So much.”

“You never know,” said Emily, grinning at her. “We could be sisters someday.”

Jessie laughed softly and followed her friend out of the bathroom only to have her arm grabbed immediately upon exiting.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked,
holding her tightly like she might run away from him, his concerned eyes searching hers.

Jessie looked at Emily, who gave Jessie a thumb’s up and mouthed “Good luck” before
returning to the table.

“Jess?”

Taking a deep breath, she looked up at Alex. His eyes were dark and worried in the dim light of the corridor.

“You have lipstick on your collar.”

“What?” He let go of her arm, pulling his collar away from his neck and looking down awkwardly. His eyes flared as he looked back up at her. “Jess, I swear, it’s not what it looks like, baby, I—”

“
Shhhh.” She put her palm against Alex’s cheek, smiling at him gently. “I know. I already know. Emily told me. She walked in on you pushing Hope Atwell away and telling her that you didn’t want to see her anymore.”

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. “It’s true.”

“She…she, um, she called me today. Hope. Left me a pretty ugly message about how you two get together on Thursdays.”

“We don’t anymore,” he said gravely, searching her eyes and tightening his grip around her.

“I believe you. I believe that she’s in your past.”

“
And you’re my future,” he whispered into her ear, dropping his forehead to hers. “God, Jess, I’m sorry.”

“You
didn’t do anything wrong, Alex. I’ll get better at this. I promise.”

“
I’m yours, remember? I can’t change my past, but you’re the
only
girl for me.” He kissed her lips gently. “I hate it that you got upset, Jess. I hate that you can’t completely trust me.”

“
I do. I do, Alex,” she said, pulling back to look at him. “I handled the phone call okay. But the lipstick… I just—”

“
I know. I know how it must have looked. And I’m sorry that she called you,” he said, his breath warm on her face. “This has been the worst day. Ever.”

“
I heard about squash. Doesn’t sound like it went so well.”

“Understatement of the year.”

“They’re just being protective. They don’t understand what’s going on between us, but I promise they’ll come around,” she said, cocking her head to the side and smiling at him. She couldn’t bear to see him looking so defeated and tired. “Hey, today’s not done yet. What could we do to make it better?”

“
I can think of a few things,” he said, leaning forward to press his lips to the side of her neck. “Home. Bed. You. Forget the rest of today ever happened.”

She wetted her lips, muscles deep inside her body clenching in anticipation. “Deal.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead before taking her hand and pulling her out of the corridor, into the crowd.

“We’re going to head home,” said Alex,
stopping at their table and pulling Jess close to his side.

Emily grinned, her eyes questioning. Jessie winked at her in thanks.

“Yeah, we’re not far behind,” said Fitz, whose shoulder was occupied by a sleepy-looking Daisy.

“Join us
again next week?” asked Emily, and Jessie was about to answer when a low, sexy voice over her shoulder stole her attention.

“Hey,
Hotstuff,” it purred.

***

GODDAMN IT.

This had to be the worst—the
very
worst—day of Alex’s life.

He turned his head to find Alyssa-from-the-bar standing behind him.
First Hope, now Alyssa. He would be lucky if Jessie didn’t smack his face off his neck and run from him like her hair was on fire.

“Aly
ssa, right?’ he asked through an uninviting sigh.

“
Oh! You remember me!” Alyssa reached out to trail a finger down his arm. “We met at the—”

“I’m so sorry,” said Jessie
, taking Alyssa’s finger off Alex’s arm and using both of her hands to shake Alyssa’s hello. “We haven’t met. I’m Jessica Winslow.”

Alyssa gave Jess a thin
, annoyed smile, pulling her hand away. “Good for you.” Then, turning back to Alex, she continued, “Polo ’14 fundraiser in—”

“I’m sorry, again
,” said Jess, flashing a bright smile at Alyssa. “
Love
polo, but we can’t chat right now. We were just on our way out.”

Alex looked at Jess, and his heart just about exploded.
He
belonged
to her and she was staking her claim. It was so unexpected and so hot, he chuckled lightly through shallow breaths, pulling her closer. Her eyes were fiery and bright, but her expression was so intense, no sane woman would be wise to tangle with her.

Clearly Alyssa was
in
sane.

“I wasn’t
really talking to you.” She turned back to Alex. “So, Al—”

“
I know you weren’t. You were hitting on my boyfriend right in front of me… my boyfriend who can’t even remember where he met you.”

“I was about to remind him.”

“Don’t.” Jessie took a step closer to Alyssa and lowered her voice. “I know he’s beyond gorgeous, and I’m sure he gave you orgasms that you have been reliving for months. Is that about right?”

“Uh… Well,
I’m… I don’t—”

Jessica held up her hand. “I know. Really, I do. I sympathize, even. But, here’s the thing
… he’s not available anymore. He’s taken.”

Jessie turned to
Alex, her eyes heavy under their artificial brightness. “Isn’t that right?”

“That’s right,” he whispered,
seeing the conflict on her face, the discomfort despite her bravado. She was holding her own externally, but he sensed she wasn’t quite as confident inside.

S
he turned back to Alyssa. “We’re finished here. Have a nice evening.”

Then she
flashed her green eyes back at him. Dark, but committed. Shaken, but terribly in love. He saw it all, and his heart clenched with tenderness edged with fear.

The only thing he knew was that they needed some time alone, so he could remind her
of everything he offered her… his heart, his body, his very soul, if she asked for it.

Without giving Alyssa or
their wide-eyed friends another look, Alex slid his hand down until his fingers found hers, and without taking his eyes off her for a second, walked them out the front door to the safe haven of home.

The next two weeks
were full of conflict for Jess.

On one hand they were
full of Christmastime and Alex, two of her favorite things. Philadelphia was decked out in white lights, green trees, and red bows. Jessie marveled at her first American Christmas in over ten years. The decorations, the music, the constant good cheer—she soaked it up like the child she’d been when she’d last experienced a Philadelphia-style Christmas.

She
also basked in her love for Alex, because she was certain of it. He had quickly become her everything and nothing was more important than loving him, pleasing him, learning about him, spending every night tangled together, his body thrusting into hers until she fell asleep, limp and exhausted, in the familiar heaven of his arms. Alex had become her reason for breathing, and the moments she spent with him—completely alone in the perfect sanctuary of his apartment—were among the most precious of her life.

But
the other hand, on which sat every other aspect of her life, was increasingly heavy. The strain became more exhausting each day.

All but alienated from her family,
her brothers had given up on the texts and calls, and Jess had stopped visiting Westerly, tired of their lectures, disappointment, and disapproval. Her mother met her for lunch in the city every few days, but even her mother wasn’t championing her relationship with Alex very much anymore, the results of it too fractious to her family to support with any cheerfulness. Though she still defended Jessica’s right to make her own decisions, the price of losing her brothers was too high for her mother to countenance.

Not to mention, i
t had been four weeks since Jess left London, and she was desperately yearning for home. Alex had asked her to think about staying a few more weeks in Philadelphia, and though she told him she would consider it, the idea of staying longer, let alone relocating her life to the United States sum and total, upset her whenever she turned her mind to it.

Part of the problem was that Jessie
would be giving up her life in London for Alex’s life in Philadelphia, and the reality was that she didn’t love Alex’s life in Philadelphia. Not at all.

Though she had grown to care deeply for Emily and Daisy, and would always have a deep affection for the English family,
other old friends looked at her differently when they found out she was Alex’s “new girl.” Hope wasn’t the only ex of his who had been in contact with her. She’d received several devastating e-mails cloaked in  “well-meaning” advice that warned her about Alex’s history in lurid detail, and the two times she’d attended social events with Alex the weekend after the incident with Hope—once to the symphony and once to a party at the Union League Club—Jessie could sense the women with whom Alex had been intimate. Their eyes raked over his body with a familiarity she dreaded, shooting daggers of hatred at Jess, or snickering at her role as Alex’s latest conquest. After those two disastrous evenings, she’d declined further invitations, telling herself what she and Alex had was so perfect they didn’t need to attend flashy events for fun. They made their own fun with each other in the quiet of his apartment.

But, society events weren’t the only places where Alex attracted attention.
Once, during a picture-perfect day of Christmas shopping while they were having lunch alone at a little bistro, a woman who’d been with Alex approached their table to hit on him. Another time, while walking through the Japanese Gardens, a previous lover had given him her card, suggesting a time they could “get together” again. Every time, Jessie did her polite, but firm, job of pissing on Alex’s leg, but the experiences weren’t strengthening her. They were
exhausting
her. It made her feel shrewish and hostile, and she was losing her spirit and light-heartedness in the process. It didn’t make her love Alex any less, but it made his world infinitely less appealing than the one she left.

She’d known from the very beginning, of course, that loving Alex meant accepting his past, but she was ashamed to
learn that acceptance was far easier in theory than in application. Jessie—who was quite the social butterfly in London—now dreaded social engagements and even simple outings, cajoling Alex to stay home with her instead. And while she loved their evenings at home, eating Chinese and watching cheesy Christmas movies, she knew she was hiding like a coward. And even though Alex never protested, she sensed that they were both missing the vibrant social lives they were quickly leaving behind.

The answer to the question of “What comes next
?” wasn’t forthcoming, but cloudier every day, and Jessie, who was used to a happy, uncomplicated life in London, became increasingly weary of her life in Philadelphia.

A
few days before Christmas, she lay with Alex in his bed, sprawled across his chest as he stroked the bare skin of her back. He’d just made love to her for the second time that night, and her body was tired, even though her mind felt frenzied, jumbled with too many questions and not enough answers.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” said Alex.
“The last day or two, you’ve been so distracted, I’m starting to worry.”

“I’m thinking about u
s,” she answered. “We haven’t figured it out yet, and my ticket’s for the twenty-sixth.”

His hand stilled. “I hoped you were thinking about staying. Barrett called his contact at ICA and she said that
—”