Any Way You Want It (16 page)

“Maggie, you aren’t the same as the other women, because I like you. I like you a lot. And that scares the shit out of me. And frankly, it should scare you too.”

Maggie stared at Ren, trying to decipher what the heck he was talking about. “I don’t find you scary at all. I do find you moody and more than a little hard to understand at times.”

He considered that, then made a face that said he could accept that. “That’s a start, I guess.”

Maggie frowned. A start to what? He was doing it again. Being very difficult to understand. Hadn’t he basically told her to leave? Now he was talking about a start? God, this man was confusing.

“Why should I be scared of you?” she couldn’t help asking, even though that was the least of what confused her.

Ren pulled in a deep breath, his expression showing his struggle to find the right words.

“Maggie, I can’t ever love you. And I can’t let you love me.”

She gaped at him. Was he serious? All she’d expected was that he would be nice the morning after. She hadn’t even worked her way up to love, for heaven’s sake.

“Well, I’m not sure I would want to be in love with someone like you anyway.”

He opened his mouth as if to speak, then he snapped it shut, only to say, “Okay.”

She took a step toward him, bringing them practically chest to chest. “Believe it or not, I really just want a fling, too. I’m attracted to you. I like you—sometimes. And I’m on vacation.” She stopped, realizing her voice had risen into a yell. Good God, what was she doing?

He stared at her as if he didn’t know quite what to make of her outburst either. Then slowly a smile uncurled across his lips.

“Maybe we need to discuss all this a little more.”

She blinked. This man really was mad.

Before she could respond, he took her hand and dragged her back toward his place.

“Ren, what are we doing?”

He glanced at her over his shoulder. “We are going to discuss exactly what we want from this arrangement of ours.”

“What arrangement?”

“The arrangement we started last night.”

“I thought that was a one-night stand.”

“Well, it was a one-night stand,” he said as he opened the door and pulled her inside. “Now it’s an arrangement.”

Ren knew he’d lost it, but he just couldn’t let her go. After all, if it truly was just a fling she wanted, then a fling could last longer than just one night, and that still made him just the man for that position. Far be it from him not to share with her the one thing he’d been perfecting for over a hundred years.

She seemed pretty adamant that she wanted nothing more from him. Maybe a little too adamant when she’d mentioned that she wasn’t sure she would want to be in love with someone like him.

That actually stung a bit—as if he had any right to feel bad about it. He’d essentially said the same thing to her. Not to mention that he should be viewing her announcement as a good thing.

She didn’t even think she would want to love him. That was perfect, really.

He stopped by the sofa and waited for her to sit. Instead, she walked around behind it, as if she needed to have something tangible between them.

He let her go and remained standing too. He shifted from one leg to the other. Now that he had her back in his house, he didn’t know what to say. What would the arrangement be?

Maggie appeared just as uncertain, crossing her arms over her chest, another unconscious attempt to put up a barrier. But she did regard him directly, not shying away from his gaze as she sometimes did.

Just when the room had become almost unbearably quiet, she spoke. “So why are relationships so hard for you?”

That question wasn’t what he expected and certainly didn’t lessen the tension, at least not inside him.

“I…” What did he say about that? “Would you believe I’m cursed?”

Maggie frowned, indicating that she didn’t appreciate his attempt at humor. Of course, he hadn’t actually been trying to be funny.

So much for the truth.

“Do you feel that way?” she finally asked. “Cursed?”

Oh, yeah. No feeling involved. It was just a fact.

When he didn’t answer, she said, “I actually get that.”

It was his turn to frown. He didn’t ask her why. He just waited.

She strolled around the sofa, heading away from him, still keeping that distance between them established.

“I definitely feel a little cursed when it comes to love. Or when it comes to men in general.”

Her admission didn’t exactly surprise him. Although he hadn’t realized it until she said the words, that was the vibe she gave off. He’d only sensed it as uncertainty, insecurity. But it had been more than that. Maggie was wary of men. All men. That truth seemed so obvious now.

Except that the vibe had definitely lessened last night. Lessened by being with him. There was something humbling about that.

“I’ve never had good luck with the men in my life,” she admitted. “Starting with my dad. He left when I was seven. He simply walked away from me and my mother. He married another woman and had three children with her. And by all accounts, he is a fabulous father to them. So for years, I wondered what was wrong with me.” She sighed. “It’s easy to feel that way. It’s easy to keep feeling that way.”

Ren remained still. Oh yeah, he understood that feeling. His father hadn’t wanted him either.

Dismissed him in much the same way. And there was no harder rejection than that. Denied by a parent.

“My life was much the same,” he heard himself saying, suddenly unable to not share some of his past with her. “Now add a mother who was self-centered, petty, and cruel, and you have…”

What was he doing? He shouldn’t tell her any of this. All she needed to understand was that he couldn’t get romantically involved. Physically, yes. That he could do, but anything else had to be off limits.

Maggie stepped closer to him. Still several feet away, but at least the sofa wasn’t like the Great Wall of China between them.

“I understand that can really mess you up.” He saw sympathy in her eyes. Her reaction unwound something twisted painfully tight inside him. Something that he hadn’t even realized was coiled so damned tight.

She took another step toward him. “So we are both rather messed up.”

He nodded. “So it would appear.” Although what with his being a vampire and cursed to boot, he sort of felt that he was ahead in the messed-up department. If he left her alone, Maggie would be fine. She’d find the right guy. She’d settle down. She’d have kids and a happy life.

But of course he wasn’t going to let her look for that just yet.

“So let’s discuss this arrangement,” he said.

That made Maggie smile. “What arrangement?”

“The one we are going to set up,” he stated, businesslike, determined. After all, that’s what this deal had to be. Like a business. No emotion.

“Okay, so what exactly do you want?” he asked. “The best-case scenario.”

She stared at him, her brows pulled nearly together. From her perplexed look, it was clear that she thought he’d lost his mind completely. And he sort of felt the same way.

She’d called him moody. He’d give her that. But the way he’d swayed back and forth on this particular topic—it was damned near bipolar.

“Okay,” she said slowly, as if she was mentally setting herself up for some serious negotiation.

She glanced toward the ceiling, thinking about the question. “Best-case scenario.”

She was quiet for a moment.

“I’d like to have fun with you. Hang out. Laugh. Listen to your band.” She paused, her cheeks reddening, as if she was ready to say more, but embarrassment stopped her.

“I want to keep hanging out with you, too,” he admitted.

She nodded.

“And I want to keep having sex with you.”

Her cheeks turned pink, but she maintained eye contact. “I want that, too.”

For some reason, even though he was relatively sure that was what she was going to say, he felt a rush of relief at hearing it.

This was where it got tricky. Tricky and still very dangerous. “But we do have to keep this fun and light, and not take it anywhere beyond a good time.”

Maggie pulled in a breath. That small hesitation worried him. But then she smiled. “Agreed.”

“And when next Sunday arrives, and you head back to D.C., we just let it end. A holiday fling.”

Again, Ren sensed hesitation in Maggie, but then she nodded. “Right. Sunday is where this story ends.”

This time, he stepped forward. She shifted slightly, but she didn’t back away. Instead she surprised him by offering her hand.

When he just stared at her outstretched palm, she said, “Shouldn’t we shake on it? Or something?”

He smiled, then took her hand, pulling her against him. “Oh, I think we should seal the deal, but I had something a little more binding than a handshake in mind.”

Maggie watched as Ren’s mouth came down to catch hers. Definitely sealing their bargain. And even as her rational mind told her that this whole situation was nuts, she reacted to him, her lips pressing against his, her arms coming up to encircle his neck.

And then her rational mind no longer had any say in things.

Her fingers tangled in his hair. His knotted into hers.

They stood twined together, kissing for several seconds. Maybe minutes. She wasn’t sure; she was simply lost in Ren.

“Can you really do this?” he asked against her lips, his husky voice vibrating through her body.

The sensation was too good, too inviting. She couldn’t let this go.

Not yet. She wanted whatever time she could have with him, and she was willing to abide by his terms. After all, she hadn’t been lying when she’d told him that she didn’t think she would want to be in love with someone like him.

He was definitely fling material. He wasn’t love material. But that wasn’t going to stop her from going with this and enjoying every minute of it. Last night had shown her what sex could be like, and she felt like a kid with a new toy.

“Yes. I can do this. Can you?” she asked, even though she knew the answer.

To her surprise, Ren pulled away from her, staring into her eyes, his own eyes taking on that haunted quality.

“Yeah, I can.” His words sounded determined, as if he was trying to convince himself. Which made no sense to her, since he was the one who was unlikely to fall in love.

Least of all with her.

She caught herself. She wasn’t going to think like that. This wasn’t about being hard on herself.

This was about enjoying her time with Ren.

“Come on,” he said suddenly.

“Where?” Maggie allowed him to take her hand.

“I need to get ready for work.”

“And you need me to help you with that?”

He glanced over his shoulder at her, revealing one of his Cheshire cat smiles.

“I need someone to help me wash my back.”

H ow was it that Maggie could tell him what she wanted from him—a fling with good sex and fun

—yet now she stood in his bathroom looking for all the world as if she wanted to run?

Ren smiled slightly as she glanced at the closed door for the fourth time in half as many minutes.

He turned away from her, testing the warmth of the shower spray before he spoke. “I can’t believe I still have the ability to make you nervous.”

There was quiet behind him, and he half expected to glance over his shoulder and see the bathroom door open and Maggie gone. But when he did look, she remained right where she’d been, her arms still tightly crossed over her chest.

“I…” She pulled in a deep breath, something she did whenever she was agitated. He wondered if it was a natural coping mechanism or one that had been taught to her. He tried to picture her in yoga or therapy. He couldn’t quite see either one.

He opened his mouth to ask, then stopped. Asking about potential therapy of some sort wasn’t a good idea. That would be heading into “too much sharing” territory.

But then, they had already talked about their deficient fathers. That was definitely sharing.

“I’ve never showered with a man,” she blurted out, dragging all his attention back to her. Well, now that was sharing too.

“Never?”

She shook her head, looking embarrassed and miserable. Ren moved across the small bathroom, needing to disperse the energy around her. Her self-doubt tainted the wonderful quality of her aura. He didn’t want that.

“You have no reason to be nervous about this. After last night, you can’t doubt my attraction to you.”

She pulled in another breath, this one slowly, through her nose. He doubted she even knew she did it. It just happened he noticed everything about her.

“Somehow it seemed a little easier happening in the horizontal.” She cast a quick look up to the ceiling light, domed in opaque glass and illuminating the white tiles brightly. “And without so much light.”

Ren frowned. Light was good. He wanted to see all of her. Vertical was good too. But she obviously didn’t agree. And he didn’t want her so tense. That took away all the fun. He wanted wanton Maggie—or at least shyly wanton Maggie. He didn’t want her to hold anything back from him.

He reached for her, his hand touching the smooth skin of her face. He wanted all of her with no reservations. His fingers paused on the side of her neck.

No. He wanted everything she was willing to give him physically. He couldn’t want everything she had to give. Their relationship had to remain on a physical level.

Could they have friendship too?

He looked into her eyes. They already had that. Hell, he’d told her more than he’d told anyone in the last century about his family life. And while what he’d said was hardly an epic tale, he had talked about his parents. He tried not to think about them, much less talk about them.

So they were friends. That was allowable. Just like building up Maggie’s ego when it came to men was allowable. He was doing her a service, really, because she should believe that she was attractive and interesting to the opposite sex.

Hell, she’d had his full attention at first sight.