Any Man Of Mine (27 page)

“You can’t make that promise.”

He held out a hand. “Honey, just trust me.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know if I can.”

“This is about Vegas.” He dropped his hand. “Still.”

“It happened, Sam.”

“You’re right. It did, but we were different people then.” He pointed to himself. “I was different. I’m not asking you to forget what happened. I don’t believe that’s even possible for either of us. But if you can’t get past it, then how can we move forward with our lives?” How could they make a life together? Something he wanted as badly as he’d ever wanted anything in his life. More than winning the Stanley Cup, he wanted to win his family.

She shook her head, and the pain in her eyes tore at his heart even as it pissed him off. “I don’t know.” She picked up her tote and headed toward the door. “I have to go.”

Sam watched Autumn leave, and it was one of the hardest things he’d ever forced himself to do. Over the sound of Conner’s movie, he heard the garage door shut down the hall. He loved her. He wanted a life with her. But he didn’t know if it was going to happen, and he didn’t know what to do.

He moved up the stairs, past Conner lying on the couch with a remote in one hand. “Can you turn down that TV?” he asked as he moved into the kitchen

The sound faded, and he opened the refrigerator. “Thank you.” All of his life, he’d fought hard for everything. He’d fought and, most of the time, he’d eventually won. He was dogged that way, but he wasn’t so sure he could win Autumn. She was an immovable force. Stubborn as hell, and he didn’t know if he had enough fight left in him to change her mind.

He took out a bottle of water and twisted off the top. The telephone hooked to the wall rang until it went to voice mail. Maybe he should just walk away. He wanted a future with her, but maybe there was too much damage for her to ever get over it. Maybe he should just get out now before he sank himself even further. Until he choked and went under completely.

The telephone immediately rang again. He was angry. If he was a violent man, he’d go kick the living shit out of someone. If he hadn’t just returned from the injured list, he might ram his head through the wall. The telephone kept ringing, a nagging annoyance snapping his control. He walked across the floor and glanced at the caller identification. Normally, he would have just picked up the receiver and slammed it back down.

Instead he picked up. “Hello?”

“You have a collect call,” the automated voice said, “from…
Vince
. . . an inmate at Clark County Jail. Will you accept the charges?”

Shocks Me with Random Kindness

“D
o you think bailing me out is going to win points with my sister?”

Sam looked across his truck at Vince and the shiner closing one eye and the knot on his forehead. He didn’t think there was anything that was going to win points with Autumn. She was a hardheaded woman with an immovable heart. “I’m not going to tell Autumn. She doesn’t need to worry about you.”

“I’ll pay you back.”

Sam slowed and stopped at a red light. “I know you will.”

Vince had been charged with assault. Apparently, he’d kicked some ass in a biker bar. Sam didn’t hold kicking a little ass against a guy, but he didn’t like Vince any more than Vince liked him. “It probably wasn’t wise to take on a whole bar.”

Vince grunted. “Says the guy who takes on a bunch of hockey players almost every night.”

“That’s different. That’s my job. I don’t fight for free.” Not anymore. The light changed, and he stepped on the gas. “I have a really good lawyer. I’ll give you his card.”

“I don’t want your help.”

“I know, but you’re going to take it.” He was tired. Tired of fighting the past. There was no way to win with Autumn. He was probably better off knowing that before rather than later. Before he bought a big ring and made a fool out of himself. “I don’t want you upsetting her with your bullshit.”

“Me? Oh that’s rich. You’re the one who knocked her up and left her in a hotel.”

He looked across at the former Navy SEAL. At the man people thought was a hero. “We all know what happened six years ago. Autumn and I are working past it,” he lied.

Vince laughed. “You sure Autumn is working to get past it? I know my sister. She’s a Haven. Forgive and forget is not in our vocabulary.”

Yeah. He’d figured that out on his own. Received the message pretty clear. “Tell me something, frogman. Have you ever done something you regret so much that the guilt stays with you for years? Maybe the rest of your life?”

Vince was silent for several long moments, then said, “Once or twice.”

As much as he really hated to admit it, in that moment he saw a bit of himself in Vince. “I regret what I did to Autumn, and I’ve been trying like hell to make it up to her.” He slowed and took an exit to Kent.

“Huh.” Vince took a pair of aviator sunglasses out of his breast pocket and slid them onto his swollen face. “How’s that working out so far?”

Not so well. After that morning, he wasn’t so sure it would. He’d told her he’d never hurt her again, and she’d hadn’t believed him. Hadn’t trusted him and the more he thought about it, the more it pissed him off.

“I guess I should thank you for bailing me out,” Vince said, as if the mere words caused him added pain.

It was Sam’s turn to grunt. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

Vince crossed his arms over his chest. “And don’t go thinking this makes us square. I’m still going to kick your ass someday.”

Sam smiled. “You’re gonna
try
and kick my ass someday. You might know a hundred ways to kill a man, but I know a hundred ways to make a man wish he were dead.”

Vince chuckled. “If it weren’t for you being a colossal dickweed, I might actually like you.”

S
am didn’t call. He didn’t call the night before he left town, nor for the next two days. Finally, on the third day, he called and asked for Conner. Just the sound of his voice lifted Autumn’s heart even as it plunged to her stomach. She could hardly breathe past the pleasurable ache. When he was through talking with his son, he hung up. Clearly, he didn’t want to talk to her that day. Nor the day after, when he called and only spoke with his son.

It was for the best, she told herself. Best for Conner and her. The backs of her eyes stung, and she could not hold back the tears that splashed down her cheeks. She’d never thought the heart she’d carefully pieced back together could break even more, but it did. She was miserable and didn’t know what to do.

Just after noon, Vince pulled his big black truck into the parking space outside her office window. She wasn’t in the mood to see her brother, but maybe he’d take her to lunch and help take her mind off her troubles. Maybe he had a really great Christmas present for her that would cheer her up.

“Wow. You look like shit,” he said as he walked into her office.

Autumn blew her nose. “Thanks.” She pointed to his black eye. “So do you. What happened?”

Of course he didn’t answer. “Why are you crying?”

She shook her head. If he could keep a secret, so could she. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Normally, he would have pressed and worn her down until she told him. Instead, he asked, “Is Sam in town?”

Sam?
Autumn couldn’t remember a time when Vince hadn’t referred to Sam as “the idiot” or worse. Something was very wrong. Like maybe Vince had fallen and hit his head really hard and not only given himself a black eye, but brain damage as well. “He’s in L.A. Why?”

“I wanted to talk to him. When will he be back?”

“Tomorrow night sometime.”

“That’s too late. I won’t be here.”

“Why?” She rose from behind her desk. “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving town.”

“No!” Her jaw dropped. “Why?” Why was her life turning to crap all at the same time?

“I have to do something.”

“What?” She moved around the desk toward her brother.

“Nothing I can talk about.”

“Are you running from the law?”

“No.”

“An angry girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Boyfriend?”

“NO!”

She placed her hand on her chest, and concern for her brother pushed her own troubles aside. “I’m your sister. You can tell me anything, and I’ll always love you. No matter what.”

“I love you, too, but there are just some things it’s best you don’t know.” He put up one palm. “I’m not going to talk about it. So don’t ask.”

Sometimes he was so secretive, it drove her crazy. “When will you be back?”

“Soon.” He pulled out a thick envelope. “Give this to Sam.”

The envelope was filled with money, and she gasped. “When did Sam loan you this much money?”

“Just tell him thanks.”

“What did you do?” She looked at the envelope in her hand and wondered why her brother would need so much money. Had he gotten kicked out of his apartment or gambled or hired a soldier of fortune from the back of one of his magazines? No, Vince wouldn’t hire someone to do his dirty work.

“Sam bailed me out of jail Monday.”

“What?” The possibility of jail hadn’t entered her head. Sam hated Vince. Why would he bail him out? “What happened? Are you okay?” she asked through a haze of stunned disbelief. Then she listened as Vince told her about getting into a fight with a bunch of bikers and getting arrested.

“Why didn’t you run away?”

He frowned. “I don’t run.”

“But that was three days ago. Why didn’t either of you tell me?” Okay, so Sam wasn’t speaking to her but, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Sam doesn’t want you to know. I think he loves you and doesn’t want you to worry about me.”

She wasn’t so sure Sam loved her. Not after their last conversation. She wasn’t sure like her brother seemed to be.

“I don’t want you to worry about me either.”

She looked at him standing there, her big hard-nosed brother. The back of her throat hurt, and her eyes watered. Again. She didn’t want to make his life hard for him. Harder than it already was. “What will I do without my big brother?”

“Don’t cry.” He enfolded her in his big arms. “I’m not leaving forever.” He leaned back and looked into her face. “Maybe Sam isn’t as big an idiot these days.” He wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. “He’ll look out for you and Conner.”

She was confused and scared for Vince. “You like Sam now?”

“Hell no, but the bigger question is, do you like him?”

Of course she liked Sam. She loved him. She couldn’t help it. She loved the sound of his voice and the smell of him on her pillow. She loved that under all that muscle and enormous ego, there was a kind man with a giving heart. She nodded.

“Then you have to think about forgiving him, because sometimes a person needs to hear you forgive them so they can start to forgive themselves.”

She looked into her brother’s troubled green eyes and wondered if he was talking about Sam or himself.

S
am walked into his loft and knew something was different before he turned on the lights. It was 3:00 A.M., and Conner’s jacket was tossed across a barstool, and his door was ajar. He looked inside at his son curled up in his bed, asleep.

Sam was exhausted, and sore as hell. He’d played the shittiest games of his career consecutively because he hadn’t been able to clear his head of Autumn. He was living in a gray fog, but he was fairly certain it wasn’t his night to have Conner. Not unless Autumn needed someone to watch their son. Natalie’s door was shut, and he moved into his room and flipped on the light. In the middle of his dark blue quilt, Autumn lay curled up in his bed. Her red hair fanned out across his pillow. If he hadn’t been standing up, with his duffel in his hand, he might think he was dreaming the whole thing.

“Autumn?”

She stirred, and her green eyes fluttered open. A smile tilted up the corners of her mouth.

The duffel hit the floor. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you.”

“Why? What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to see you, and you’re obviously avoiding me.”

He looked around. “How did you get in here?”

“You have your ways. I have mine.” She stretched her arms, and it looked like she was wearing a white hockey jersey. “And aren’t you glad you didn’t come home with some other woman?”

“There is no other woman.”

“I know.” She sat up, and the quilt fell to her lap. She was wearing that damn Pittsburgh jersey. “Vince left town.”

He shrugged out of his blazer. “Why?”

“He said he had something to do. I’m very worried about him.”

“He’s a big boy.” Were they really talking about Vince? “He’ll be okay.”

“Why did you bail him out?” She swung her bare legs over the side of the bed. “You hate Vince.”

“But I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

His chest felt like he’d cracked a few ribs. Sore like someone caught him in the corner and punched the wind out of him. He pointed at her. “Then why are you wearing Crosby’s jersey?”

“ ’Cause the last time I wore it, you threatened to tear it off me if you ever saw it again.”

He smiled. “Is that what you want?”

She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“What else do you want, Autumn?”

“Me and you and Conner. I want us to be a family.” He sucked in a breath as she unbuttoned his shirt. “I want to always be here when you get home. I want to hear about your day. I want that for the rest of my life.” She kissed the hollow of his throat.

“If you want that for the rest of your life, you have it.” He grabbed her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist. “I want you to always be here when I get home. I want to hear about your day. I love you and I will love you for the rest of my life.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to choke up. He didn’t want the woman he loved to see him cry like a girl. “You and Conner, that’s all I’ll ever need.”

“No, that isn’t all.” She brushed his hair from his forehead. “I love you, Sam. I fell in love with you five years ago, and you broke my heart. For a long time, I couldn’t get past that, but I’ve fallen in love with you again. Only harder and deeper and more maturely this time. You don’t need my forgiveness for the past. Like you said, we were different people then, but if that’s what you want, if that’s what you need, then I forgive you.”