Antebellum (24 page)

“Mmm...mmph...mmph...mmph...”

I sounded like a wounded horse. My lips would barely separate themselves, much less form any words. The screams in the air continued to set the ambiance. Defeated and exhausted, I let my
head fall back to the dirt. The excitement on the white man's face faded as I let my eyelids drop back down to half-open. I was in hell. There was no use in hoping for any sort of redemption.

“I don't know if you can hear me,” the white man began. “Or if you can understand me at all, but I'm Reverend Lewis. I'm new here in Charleston. I came straight down here from Massachusetts to spread the good news of Christ Jesus!”

He spoke with an excitement that I hadn't heard since encountering my last groupie. He sounded as if he was twelve and Jesus was his new toy.

“You seem to be a local superstition around these parts. People use the story of the ape-nigger to scare their children into behaving or going to bed on time. I heard so much about you that I had to come and see for myself.”

He looked at me critically again, trying to draw his own conclusions. Finally, he sighed and looked into my eye.

“Honestly, I don't know what you are. If you're a man, which you very well might be, then there's no excuse for them locking you up and treating you like an animal. If you are indeed human, then this is the most inhumane situation I've ever seen. But if you're something else...well then, I don't know. I don't know how the Lord feels about it...I've...” He paused and laughed incredulously. “I've only prayed for actual people before...never any animals, I'm sorry to say.”

I could see the conflict on Reverend Lewis' face. He had come to see if there was a man here that needed to be set free. But he'd heard so many stories, and my condition was so barbaric, that he must've had a hard time separating fact from fiction. How could he be sure that what he was looking at was a human being if it held the closest resemblance to a dying beast?

“Well,” he said as he prepared to leave, “everything on God's
green earth needs prayer, I suppose.” He stepped closer to the bars and bowed his head.

“Let us pray...Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come...”

I thought my heart would leap a hurdle over my rib cage and charge through my chest. Big Mama! Big Mama used to say the Lord's Prayer at least ten times a day. She'd make us say it at the table before any meal, and she was liable to break out with it at the most unlikely and random times. When she'd said it to herself, though, when she thought no one else was listening, that was when she made it feel as if God was using her words to step down from heaven. They would hover in the air, dipped in emotion, and it was not uncommon for someone to unknowingly walk into the room and stop mid-sentence, knowing that something was in the air..

The Lord's Prayer. Big Mama. Mama. Dad. SaTia. How had I managed to forget them? The times I'd spent using my mind to take me back to my old life, I'd sustained myself with images of voluptuous women and insanely expensive cars. But now, thinking of Big Mama saying the Lord's Prayer, I realized for the first time since I'd woke up in the field all that had been taken away from me. My God, I thought to myself, I'd almost forgotten them.

I felt a pain deeper than any physical ailment. I'd almost let them go. The people closest to me, the people who'd cared the most for my well-being, I'd almost let their memories die inside of my head and heart. I'd reduced my past life to a series of sex acts and blurry hip hop performances. I'd forgotten about the Lord's Prayer, and everything else that had happened in my life before I became Da Nigga.

The pain erupted before I could try and contain it.

“....die.....die....wheel...beedone...in...earf...asssseeeettttttiiiiiisssss...en....heben...”

A tiny little weight dropped in the bottom portion of Reverend Lewis' jaw. His eyebrows shot up, but this time they stayed up and refused to come down. He took one step back, then another, and then tripped over a tree root that had sprung up from the ground. He fell backward and hit the ground, his eyes on me and his mouth open the entire time. He scrambled back a few paces on his hands and feet, then flipped his body around so that he was on all fours and scrambled back up the hill like a squirrel.

I would never see Reverend Lewis again. The pale shade of his face after hearing me had convinced me of that. But I already owed him more than I could ever repay. I lay back down on the dirt floor and let memories flood my mind. I remembered the look on Mama's face after my dad's funeral, and how Big Mama acted as if nothing had ever happened, spending entire days in church every once in a while after that. I remembered Mama dropping me off for my first day of high school, and watching SaTia walk up the steps like a prom queen. How could I have forgotten these things? How could I have lost so much of myself?

I figured that I'd never see Reverend Lewis again, but if I did, no matter how many years I'd have to wait, I'd try my best to open my mouth again and thank him for waking me up.

As it turns out, my chance came in the next half-hour.

I heard the pastor's voice before I actually saw him. The excitement that he had before was gone, replaced by a barely controlled rage. Mr. Talbert walked swiftly behind him, and Bradley walked in front of both of them with his arms outstretched on either side.

“Please! Please, Mista Talbert, you can't do this, sir! Think 'bout the business this nigger done brought in! We's becomin' rich folks!”

“You're becoming rich off of this nigger, Bradley,” Mr. Talbert responded matter-of-factly, very aware of Reverend Lewis' presence.
“I'm financing it, and you're able to put some spare change in my pocket. That is all.”

“I don't care who's making money off of this operation, sir!” Reverend Lewis' voice bellowed over his companions. “It stops now! This nigger is a human being! There's a human behind these bars!”

“It...it ain't no human, though. You mistaken, sir! You ain't been here long 'nough to know, but this here's an ape-nigger! I seen him...!”

“Shut up!” Reverend Lewis pointed a finger straight at Bradley. “You shut up! You've got this entire community thinking he's some kind of savage beast! This nigger knows the Lord's Prayer! The Lord's Prayer! Do you know the Lord's Prayer, Mr. Bradley?”

“Yes, sir...well...some a' the words escape me, but I knows I...”

“My point exactly! I know your type, Mr. Bradley. You torture these niggers because you know you're closer to them than you'll ever be to a civilized white man. I'd reduce your entire story to hogwash if Mr. Talbert hadn't verified how you found this nigger and what he looked like. Now I don't know where he came from, but I intend to find out from his mouth. You let him out of there now!”

The three men must have caused enough commotion coming from the plantation to draw the attention of the other slaves. A few of them were sneaking into the forest one by one, hiding behind trees that were close enough for them to hear the argument taking place. Aunt Sarah and Roka had gotten so close that I could make them out when they poked their heads around the tree. They looked at each other with wide eyes when they heard Reverend Lewis' command.

Bradley shook his head from side to side like a guilty four-year-old. When he spoke he sounded the same.

“Naw, sir...I can't do that. I can't let him out for nobody. People in this town, they expects me to keep 'em safe. They expects me to protect 'em by keepin' this ape-nigger at bay, sir, and that's what I plan to do.”

It was Mr. Talbert's turn to shake his head. “Bradley, my friend, I do believe you've fallen for your own trick...”

Bradley looked at Mr. Talbert with confusion, then back at Reverend Lewis with hate.

“You can't have him.”

Reverend Lewis turned his gaze from Bradley back to Mr. Talbert.

“I am a man of the cloth, sir. Therefore I will not threaten physical violence against your employee. However, Mr. Talbert, you know who my father is, and you know how much his business affects cotton crops like yours down here in the south. I'm afraid, Mr. Talbert, that if we cannot come to some sort of agreement with this situation...”

“You don't have to say any more.” Mr. Talbert no doubt felt the discomfort of having to play by someone else's rules. He looked back to Bradley with genuine sadness. “I'm sorry, Bradley. I know how much this nigger means to you, but you're going to have to let him go.”

By this time, enough of the slaves had snuck into the woods surrounding Bradley's operation that their reaction to Mr. Talbert's words was audible. Mr. Talbert looked around in confusion, but Bradley responded before he could say anything. “No! Naw, sir! No!”

“Bradley, don't make this a harder situation than it already is. Look, if the people ask you what happened, you tell them the truth. You tell them that it was Reverend Lewis' decision...” Mr. Talbert gestured toward Reverend Lewis, who shrugged uncaring shoulders.

“Tell them that he made you set the nigger free. Everyone knows that his father is H.P Lewis. Hell, anyone with any status in this town is wearing his daddy's clothes as we speak. They'll know you didn't have a choice, Bradley. But you have to be smart. You have to let him go.”

To everyone's surprise, including my own, Bradley broke down into a fistful of tears. He began mumbling through his sobbing.

“I...I...Dis...nig...nig...ger...I...cain't...cain't...wh...why...why...”

Obviously not expecting the show of emotion, Reverend Lewis and Mr. Talbert withdrew slightly and looked at each other with a shared discomfort. After a few seconds, Mr. Talbert gave a deep sigh and walked up to the basket case. “Look, Bradley...umm...it will be alright, okay? Why...umm...why don't you come into the house? I'll have some tea made for you, huh?”

Bradley continued to weep uncontrollably as Mr. Talbert gingerly placed a hand on his back and began to nudge him back up the hill. Reverend Lewis stopped them after three steps. “I'm sorry, but I'll need the key to this nigger's cage. I plan to have him loose before you return.”

Bradley turned toward Reverend Lewis, his face bright red and sopping wet. He had hate glaring out of his glassy eyes. “If I had me's a gun, you would be in the ground by now, sir...”

Reverend Lewis kept a slight smirk on his face. “Well then, Mr. Bradley, I'll thank my Lord above that you can't afford one.”

Bradley took the key to the cage out of his pocket and hurled it at Reverend Lewis. It struck the pastor on the side of the head, and his eyes burned with hellfire for five seconds before he calmed himself down enough to bend and pick up the key. When he looked back at Bradley, his smirk had come back, but the unholiness in his eyes still remained.

“You'll pay for that, Mr. Bradley. Sooner rather than later, I promise you.”

Mr. Talbert shoved Bradley forward before he could say or do anything else, and they proceeded up the hill to the house.

After they had gotten further up the hill, and Reverend Lewis had gotten the red flashes out of his brain, he walked up to the door of my cage. I was still lying there, like a carcass out in the sun, but I'd heard the entire conversation. When the pastor stuck the key in the lock and opened the door to my prison, he realized he wasn't fully prepared for what he would find. After coming close enough to see my pulsating sores, his body betrayed him and he vomited all over me. The chunky liquid splashed down on my skin and was welcome with all of the other impurities. Staggering, Reverend Lewis made his way back out of the cage and up the hill for some fresh air. When he got to the top, he turned and faced the woods.

“You niggers who came into the woods earlier,” he bellowed out into the brush. “Which one of you knows any nigger medicine?”

“I do, sah,” Aunt Sarah answered as she emerged from the woods. She, Roka, and the other slaves had been creeping their way back toward the plantation, hoping to return before they were caught. She kept her eyes focused on the fallen leaves as she spoke....

“Do you know that nigger down there in the cage?”

“Yassah.”

“Do you think he'll live?”

“Don't know, sah.”

“Well, go grab some other niggers and take him out of that cage. Fix him up, get him cleaned up and fed.”

“Yassah.”

As Reverend Lewis walked away, Roka signaled for four of the slaves. They came down the hill and entered my cage. Two
of them grabbed my armpits, two of them grabbed my thighs, and Roka lifted my head up by the chin. My eyes fluttered as he spoke.

“I knowed it be true...”

I had no idea what he was talking about, and I didn't care. My cage was empty. I was free.

11

“G
et on outta there, all you! Bennie, Liza, y'all get movin' and fetch all daroots I done laid 'round here! Nessie, gone head and throws all dastuff off the bed and on da floor! Roka, lays 'im down right here! Lawd, we's see a miracle if he make it through da night!”

People scurried around the little hut as though it was a third-world emergency room. Roka and the other men carried me like a treasure chest. If they saw and smelled the same thing Reverend Lewis did, they didn't show it. When they brought me inside the hut, everyone else's face turned a shade of dark green, and Nessie ran outside, along with three other girls. Seconds later, their vomit left pastel colors on the ground. When Nessie came back, Aunt Sarah snatched her up with her left hand while mixing three herbs in a bowl of water with her right.

“Is you done? I gots me a life need savin'...”

“Yessum,” Nessie answered with her face to the ground.

“Good. Go take these here buckets and find Bennie and Liza! Y'all head out to da creek and take up asmany leeches you c'find, hear?”

“Yessum.” She kept her face to the ground as she took the buckets and ran off out the hut. Aunt Sarah turned her attention back to me.