Answered Prayers (30 page)

“Sure I do,” he answered her honestly. “But what I have is what I have. I don't think about it much.” That wasn't entirely true.

“Maybe you should, while you are still reasonably young. What if she does what Alex did, ten years from now maybe? Won't you feel like you wasted your whole life, when you could have been with someone you were happy with? Maybe it's worth some thought.”

“It's too big a risk,” he said, looking straight at Faith. “I know what I've got, however damaged it is. I'm not going to throw it away for a dream that might never come true. Life doesn't work like that. Movies do. Real lives don't. Most people do what you and I have done. They settle for what almost works, and put up with it as best they can. You know that yourself.”

“Yeah, I do. I just wonder about it now. Maybe Alex was right to do what he did. I hate it for me. But maybe he finally had the guts to do what we should have done years ago. He did it in a hurtful way, but he's reaching for the brass ring.”

“And in his case, I think he'll fall flat on his face, because he did it by hurting you. I don't think you win much that way. You lose. He's chasing some girl in a thong, and kicked you in the teeth on the way out. That comes back to haunt you eventually. If he stays with her, maybe she'll do it to him one day.”

“Now there's a cheering thought,” Faith said with a small smile. “I don't know what the answers are,” she said with a sigh, as snowflakes settled on her eyelashes and stuck to her hair.

He had never seen anyone as beautiful, and as he looked at her, it made his heart ache. He would have loved to turn the clock back about thirty years. But he knew with perfect clarity what he couldn't have. What he couldn't have, and never would, was Faith. And she had no idea the thought had even crossed his mind. She would have been shocked if she had. She had no idea that he even looked at her that way. And he hadn't in a long time, since they were kids. But he did now, when he allowed himself to. Just standing next to her in Central Park, with his arm around her, made him dream of more. But Brad knew better than anyone that it was only a dream.

“You're looking very serious,” Faith whispered, and snuggled closer to him. It was getting cold and the wind had come up. “Are you okay?” He nodded and smiled. He loved everything he did with her. Making breakfast for her, talking for hours, going to church, taking walks, even eating the banana split the night before. She had been a golden child, and was even more luminous now.

“I was thinking we should go back to your house and make a fire. And actually, I was thinking about lunch.”

“All I do is eat when I'm with you,” she complained. But she loved being with him too. And she had been getting hungry while they walked. “We need to stop and get some food. I don't have much in the house. I've been starving myself ever since Alex left.”

“That's not going to help,” he said practically, taking her hand in his.

They stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and he made her buy enough food to tide her over for the week, and then insisted on paying for it, which she said wasn't fair.

“You're not going to be here to eat all this. Why should you pay for it?”

“Then I'll come back for dinner tomorrow night,” he said, as they handed him his change.

“I wish you could stay. It's a shame we don't live in the same town.” He thought so too, but he also knew it would eventually create an unbearable challenge for him. He was beginning to feel things for her he had never felt before. And as long as she wasn't aware of it, and there were three thousand miles separating them, he knew he was safe, and so was she.

He carried the groceries for her, and half an hour later, she was making lunch, while he started the fire. Outside, the snow continued to fall.

She made soup and sandwiches, and she had insisted on buying marshmallows and graham crackers and Hershey bars, so she could make s'mores, which they had both loved as kids. Being with him was like a pilgrimage to the past. It made her wish at times that they had never had to grow up. If that were true, life would still be simple for all of them, and Jack would still be alive.

It was nearly four o'clock when they finished lunch, and Brad laughed when he looked at her. They had made the s'mores in the fire. “What are you laughing at?” Faith looked incensed.

“You've got marshmallows and chocolate all over your face. You're a mess.” She used her napkin to try and clean it up, and only made it worse. And instead, he took the napkin from her, and wiped her mouth and her chin and the tip of her nose as she gazed up at him with innocent eyes. And as he looked down at her, it took everything he had not to abandon himself to the moment and all he felt for her. “There, now you've got a clean face.” Nothing in his demeanor even remotely hinted at the undercurrents he felt.

“Do you want another one?” she asked with a grin, and he groaned and stretched out on the floor near the fire. His legs looked endless to her, and his shoulders were as broad and powerful as they had been when he was a boy.

“No, I don't. I wonder if my plane is going to be delayed by the snow.” He was almost hoping it was, although he had to get back. But he would have liked nothing better than to get snowbound with her in New York. He was having feelings he had no idea what to do about. And he knew he had to get back, while he still could. It was so hard knowing she had hard times ahead, and he couldn't be there for her. All he could offer her was his voice on the phone, or e-mails. It didn't seem like enough. He wanted to protect her from the onslaught that he knew instinctively Alex was going to focus on her.

“I'll call and check on your flight,” she said helpfully, and walked to the phone in the hall. She was back five minutes later. “It's on time.”

“Too bad,” he said, with a sleepy smile.

And an hour later, he got up like a sleeping giant from the floor. It was time to go.

At five o'clock, he picked up his things, and Faith put on her coat.

“You don't have to come,” he said, watching her. She had no idea how beautiful she was, which had always been part of her charm.

“I know I don't. But I want to anyway. I've got nothing else to do.” She wanted to spend as much time with him as she could.

Brad hailed a cab and put his bags in the trunk, and then slid in next to her on the seat. It was snowing harder than it had been when they were in the park, and it was getting dark. But there was no traffic on Sunday afternoon, and they got to Kennedy in record time, in spite of the snow. The Department of Transportation kept the roads clear, and everything seemed normal at Kennedy. The flight was still listed as on time.

She went with him while he bought some magazines, and she bought him a book that she thought he'd like.

“Thank you for feeding me, and taking me out.” She smiled gratefully at him. “I had a wonderful time. I'm going to miss you a lot.”

“I'll be calling you. Just make sure you behave. Eat, go to school, don't work too hard. Don't let Alex drive you nuts. Do what your lawyer says… brush your teeth … wash your face … don't get marshmallows all over you … be good to yourself, Fred.”

“You too,” she said, looking like a lost child as he hugged her good-bye, and kissed the top of her head.

“I'll call you tomorrow. It'll be too late to call when I get home.” He wouldn't be at his house until two
A.M.
New York time, and he hoped she'd be asleep by then.

“Thanks for everything,” she said again, and clung to him. Saying good-bye to him was like feeling Jack slip away from her again. There was a moment of panic, and then a wave of sorrow and despair. She felt foolish hanging on to him, and then finally let go.

He gave her a last hug, and then followed the other passengers down the gangway to the plane, and as they turned the corner, he smiled and gave her one last wave. She stood in the terminal, watching the plane as it taxied away, and then walked outside with her head bowed, and hailed a cab.

The drive home seemed interminable, and the house was like a tomb when she got home. It was still snowing, and the house had never seemed as quiet. She didn't even eat dinner that night, she missed him so much. She just went upstairs and went to bed. And she was sound asleep when the phone rang at two
A.M.
For a minute, she didn't even know where she was.

It was Eloise calling from London, before she left for work. She sounded agitated, and Faith was still half asleep when she answered.

“… huh … what? … oh … Ellie … hi, sweetheart … no, no, I was awake.” She didn't know why she always lied when people woke her up, but she always did. It took her a minute to gather her wits, and then she realized it was early for Eloise. It was seven
A.M.
for her. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am,” she said angrily. It was obvious as soon as Faith came awake that her oldest daughter was enraged. “I spoke to Dad yesterday,” she said importantly. “He told me what you did.”

“What I did?” Faith looked blank, and then a tremor of fear ran over her like a cold hand. She wondered what he had said. “What did I do?”

“He told me that you decided you didn't want to be married and go to school.”

“He said that?” Faith looked horrified. How could he lie to their children that way? At least Zoe knew the truth.

“Yes, he did. Mom, how can you destroy our family that way, for a stupid law degree? Don't you care about us? Or about him, after all these years? How can you be so selfish and so disloyal?” Halfway through what she said, she had burst into tears, and at her end, Faith was crying too.

“Ellie, that's not how it is … or how it went. This is complicated. It's between Daddy and me.” Faith felt honor bound not to air their dirty laundry with the girls. No matter how rotten he'd been to her, and was being now, she didn't want to stoop to the same games as he. And she trusted her daughters to see the truth in the end. Faith clung to decency like a life preserver in the storm.

“Don't you think it affects us too? Don't you think it matters to us? We're not even going to have a place to live when we get home. He says you want to sell the house.” There was her answer about the house. And as usual, he was blaming it on her.

“We haven't even talked about the house. And no, I don't want to sell it. But maybe that's what he wants. I never wanted this divorce. He did.”

“That's a lie. He says you did. He says you forced his hand by going back to school.”

“I didn't force anything. I even offered to quit school.”

“I don't believe a word you say. Daddy says you've been planning this for a long time, and you told him a year ago that you wanted a divorce.” Listening to her, Faith felt sick, and she could see the game plan now. If he could convince them that she had told him that a year ago, it would make more sense once they knew he was seeing Leslie James, if they found out. It was a clever plot. And so far, it had worked. With Eloise at least. And the two vastly different stories would even set the two girls at each other's throats.

“Eloise,” Faith said, fighting to stay calm, “I don't want to say your father isn't being truthful with you, but he's not. I never asked him for a divorce. I never wanted to end our marriage. This has been his move, and what he wants. I don't. And I don't want to sell this house. He hasn't said a word to me about it.” She felt certain that if she stuck to the truth, without maligning him, in the end Ellie would understand. But Ellie wasn't making it easy for her.

“You're a liar, Mom. And I think it stinks that you're abandoning him. I hope you flunk the bar, and flunk out of school, because you've ruined my life!” And with that, she hung up, and Faith sat there, stunned, with tears rolling down her face. It had been a rotten thing for him to do, to poison Ellie against her. And it was bound to cause tremendous strife between the girls. Because Zoe knew the truth. At least about Alex walking out on her, she just didn't know why. Faith had wanted to protect them from that. And she knew the truth would destroy Alex in his daughters' eyes. And Faith felt that wasn't fair. But Alex knew nothing about fair. What he had done was the cruelest blow he could have dealt, to separate Eloise from her. And now Faith was worried about the house as well.

She lay wide awake in bed for an hour, and then, feeling guilty, she dialed Zoe. Faith knew she stayed up late, and she answered the phone on the first ring.

“Hi, Mom,” she said, sounding pleased to hear her mother's voice.

“Did I wake you?” Faith asked nervously.

“Of course not. I was up. Are you okay?”

“No,” Faith said honestly. “Ellie just called.”

“Did you tell her?” Zoe asked, sounding subdued. She had been upset about the changes in her parents' lives since she'd heard, and she'd had a brief conversation with her dad. But he hadn't said much, particularly after Zoe said she'd spent the weekend with her mom. He had given her the bum's rush off the phone after that.

“No, I didn't. Dad did,” Faith explained. She was seriously worried that her own stance for decency and playing fair was going to backfire and damage her relationship with Ellie forever.

“How was she?”

“Crazed. She hates me. Your father told her that I didn't want to be married and go to school, so I asked for the divorce. He even told her I asked for it a year ago,” Faith said, blowing her nose.

“Why would he say a thing like that? Is it true?” Zoe sounded surprised. But she was on her mom's team, and had always been.

“Of course not. I think I know why he did it, but that's beside the point. The point is that he made Ellie think that I wanted this, and I pushed him out. That's so unfair.” Fair was no longer in Alex's vocabulary and perhaps never had been, Faith realized now.

“So what else is new? Dad never plays fair.” Zoe said she had known for a long time that he lied. He had lied to her, about numerous small things. It mattered to her, and had contributed to her not trusting him. “She'll figure it out. You wouldn't be this upset if you were the one who wanted the divorce. That's just plain common sense.” But Faith was not reassured. Ellie was being completely manipulated by her father.

“She doesn't even know how upset I am. She never gave me a chance to talk. She just told me what a monster I am, and that I ruined her life.” She didn't tell Zoe about the house. She wanted to talk to Alex first. She wanted to know where he stood, because if he forced them to sell the house, it would upset everyone, not just her.