Annie's Song (45 page)

From girl to woman... Annie felt as though she’d made the journey almost overnight. But, oh, it was wonderful. Sleepily, she traced the handsome lines of Alex’s dark face with her gaze. Then she looked
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down at her son. The warmth of his tiny body pressed against her breast was the most wondrous feeling she’d ever experienced. He resembled his papa, she decided. A good thing. It would be a shame if he were to grow up and look like her.

On that thought, she closed her eyes, losing the battle against exhaustion. As she drifted off to sleep, she was filled with a sense of purpose. For years, she had slipped away to the attic to pretend she was somebody. From now on, there would be no need to pretend. Through this man and child, she had found definition.

Annie Montgomery ... wife and mother.

* * *

“Never again. I never want her to go through that again.”

Daniel smiled to himself and leaned a shoulder against the rock face of the fireplace. “I don’t mean to be the voice of doom, my man, but what if you aren’t?”

“Castrate me.”

Daniel threw back his head and laughed. Alex shot him a glare. “I don’t know what you think is so damned funny. That poor girl. My God, I’ve never seen anything like it.” His eyes darkened with worry.

“Will she heal? Back like she was, I mean?”

Daniel considered the question. “Well, a certain amount of stretching has occurred. A woman can never provide as tight a fit for her husband after the babies start coming along.”

A fiery glint entered Alex’s eyes. “Jesus Christ, Daniel! I don’t care if I have to tie a two-by-four to my ass to keep from falling in. That wasn’t what I was asking. I want to know if she’s going to be all right inside. Has this caused any permanent injury?’’

“Of course not. She’ll be right as rain in four weeks. If you’re truly dead set against putting any more bread in her oven, come see me before the time has elapsed and I’ll advise you on precautionary measures. You needn’t worry about it now.”

Alex sank into a chair and sighed. “I don’t need to worry about it, period.’’

“If you don’t want more children, I suggest you take precautions, nonetheless. True, you had the mumps and there were complications. But I’ve seen men recover from worse cases and go on to sire children.”

“Not me. I’m sterile, I tell you.”

“You’ve been associating only with prostitutes, Alex. That kind of woman protects herself. How the hell can you possibly know if you’re sterile?”

“How do you know what kind of women I’ve associated with?’’

“Gossip.”

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“Gossip?”

Muir smiled slightly. “You’re a very eligible bachelor and not given to promiscuous behavior. On those rare occasions when you went into town, tongues wagged about it for a month. I presumed you were patronizing Kate’s place. Was I wrong?”

Alex ran a hand over his face. “No, you weren’t wrong.” Now that he thought about it, Alex supposed Kate’s girls did take precautions to prevent pregnancy. “And your point is well-taken, Daniel. I suppose there is a minute possibility that I’m not sterile.” He flashed the doctor a stricken look. “God help me, if I get that girl pregnant again, I’ll shoot myself.”

Daniel couldn’t help chuckling at his horrified expression. “The next time will be easier on her, son. Trust me, she’s perfectly made to deliver a dozen healthy babies.”

“A dozen? Jesus Christ!” Alex shot up from his chair and started to pace. “That’s it then. I’m not touching her. Maybe it’s a damned good thing I’m sending her away to school, after all.”

Daniel pushed away from the fireplace and thrust his hands in his pockets. He’d heard many a man make the same vow directly after his wife delivered their first child. “You’ll begin to feel differently as time wears on.”

Alex shook his head. “No. She is not going to suffer like that again. Not if I can help it, and there’s no question there. It’s a simple matter of abstinence.”

Highly amused, Daniel asked, “What will you do? Go into town every Saturday night? Annie may have something to say about that.”

“My nights in town are over. I’m married, for God’s sake.”

Daniel grinned. “We’ll see how things go. As I said, there are some precautions you can take. When Annie comes home for visits or you go to Albany to see her, abstinence may be rather—constraining.”

Alex glanced back over his shoulder. “Are the precautions absolutely safe?”

“Nothing is absolutely safe.”

“Then I’ll suffer.”

It was a promise Alex meant to keep.

During the first month of his life, Bartholomew Alexander Montgomery, named after Alex’s father, grew at an impressive rate, thriving on his mother’s milk and the limitless love that was showered upon him by all the adults in his world. But even with his added inches, at the end of four weeks, he still wasn’t as long as his name. What he lacked in length, however, he compensated for with lung power. When he cried,
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everyone in the house but his mother heard him and came running.

Little Bart, Alex called him. It was a name that underwent subtle changes when he woke up Alex at three o’clock in the morning. As he scooped his son from the cradle to pace the floor with him, Alex would whisper, “You little fart. It’s the middle of the night.” Bart, like his mother, seemed to have no concept of time and was a creature of impulse. Predawn socializing had never been one of Alex’s favorite activities. But, after four weeks, he had to admit that the habit was beginning to grow on him. A little too much for his peace of mind. It was already the tenth of February and the first of March was only three weeks away.

For several different reasons, Alex had waited to tell Annie that he meant to send her away to school.

For one, he wanted what little time they had left together untarnished by sadness, and the minute he told Annie, they were both going to feel sad. For another, he fully expected her to take the news badly, and he couldn’t see much point in upsetting her weeks before it was necessary. For fourteen years, she’d been forced to live in veritable seclusion. To suddenly be thrust into the world, to be expected to attend classes and socialize, would not be easy for her.

There was also the inescapable fact that Alex had discovered a very broad yellow streak running up his spine. The long and short of it was, he didn’t look forward to telling Annie of his decision because he knew she was going to hate him for it. Attending school in Albany was the best thing for her. Alex was convinced of that, and eventually Annie would realize it as well. But, like bitter medicine, what was best for a person wasn’t always very palatable.

Well in advance, Alex thought of a dozen different ways he might break the news to her, but when the moment finally arrived, all his well-rehearsed speeches went the way of dandelion fluff on the wind. They were in the study, a checkerboard unfolded on the game table between them, the baby well-bundled and asleep on the horsehair sofa nearby. Gathering his courage, Alex looked into his wife’s beautiful blue eyes and said, “I have a wonderful surprise for you, Annie. It’s something I’ve been waiting to tell you about for weeks now.”

In the flickering light from the fire, her smile seemed even more radiant than usual. Looking at her, Alex knew he’d never seen anyone more beautiful. Two days ago, the dressmaker had completed her postnatal wardrobe, and she was absolutely stunning in a deep rose skirt and pale pink cotton blouse with ruffled cap sleeves. The outfit conformed to her figure, revealing her now slender waist and gently flaring hips.

“A surprise? What is it? A puppy?”

Alex’s throat went tight. He hadn’t forgotten her yearning for a dog. Before deciding to send her away, he’d planned to buy her one for Christmas. Now that would have to wait until she finished school. “No, not a dog, sweetheart.” He forced a smile. “It’s something better than that.” Leaning forward over the checkerboard, he looked deeply into her eyes. “I’ve decided to send you to school, Annie. A school for the deaf.”

Her eyes darkened, and a bewildered expression came across her small face. “School?” She smiled hesitantly. “When?”

“In three weeks,” Alex said huskily. “Oh, Annie, you’re going to love it. The students there put on their own plays. You’ll be very good at that. You’ve been dressing up and putting on plays in the attic for years! And they have dances there. Real dances. You’ll get to wear pretty dresses and waltz until you drop. Won’t that be fun?”

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The darkness left her eyes to be replaced by a sparkle of excitement. “Dances?”

“Absolutely. With music and everything.” As he watched her, Alex sent up a quick, heartfelt prayer that his facial expressions weren’t as revealing as hers, that she would never guess that with every word he spoke, his heart was breaking. “You’ll make friends there, Annie. With deaf people just like you. People who know how to speak in sign. Before you know it, you’ll be able to read and write. Won’t that be grand?”

She clasped her hands and held them to her chest. “Oh, yes! In three weeks? How long is three weeks?”

“Not very long. About twenty days.” It wasn’t nearly long enough, not in his books. “You’ll leave on the twenty-eighth. That’ll give you plenty of time to get settled in before your classes start.”

Her excited smile became frozen. After staring at him for several long seconds, she said, “Leave?”

Alex swallowed. “Um, yes. The school is up in Albany. You’ll go by train. Maddy will be with you, though, so that won’t be a problem. While you’re at school during the day, she’ll take care of Bart.”

Annie continued to stare at him. “How long?”

Alex knew what she was asking, but he chose to pretend he didn’t. “How long? The train ride, you mean? Several hours. I’ll have to check the schedule. Albany is about two hundred miles from here.” He smiled again. “That’s five sets of forty, in case you’re wondering. It sounds like a long way, but it really isn’t, not in this day and age with modern modes of transportation.”

Her gaze clung to his. “No... I meant how long will I be at school?”

“Only as long as it takes for you to learn all you need to know. How to speak, how to read and write, how to do arithmetic.”

“A very long time.”

“No ... At the very most, Annie, it’ll be two or three years. Because you went deaf after acquiring language skills, you’re going to pass the other students as if they’re standing still. Before you know it, you’ll graduate. Meanwhile, we’ll visit back and forth. It won’t seem like a very long time at all.”

For an awful moment, Alex thought she might burst into tears. Then she brought her chin up, squared her shoulders and flashed a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “How exciting. I can hardly wait!”

With that, she pushed up from her chair, avoiding his gaze, but keeping her face turned toward him so he might read her lips. “I think I’m too excited to play checkers anymore. Please, excuse me.”

“Annie!” Alex called. “Honey, wait...” Quickly gathering up the baby, she headed for the door, never turning, never looking back. As she exited the study, Alex fell back in his chair and closed his eyes. Then, with a violent sweep of his arm, he sent the checkerboard flying.

Annie held Bartholomew snugly against her breast and stared sightlessly into the fire, the toes of her slippers touching the floor periodically to keep the rocking chair in motion. She didn’t look left or right, up or down, just stared straight ahead, the pain in her chest so intense that she found it difficult to
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breathe.

School... for two or three years. In Albany, where she would learn to speak, read and write, and do arithmetic. In Albany, where she would not be a part of Alex’s life until she was sufficiently accomplished to no longer be an embarrassment to him.

Annie the dummy ...

She closed her eyes, determined not to cry, no matter how much it hurt. She couldn’t blame him. Not really. From the first, she’d known she wasn’t good for him, that her deafness made her unsuitable as a wife. If she went away to school, she might learn to talk. That alone would help. When Alex took her into town, people wouldn’t be as likely to stare and whisper if she could speak. It would be better for Bartholomew as well. The last thing Annie wanted was for him to be teased and taunted because his mother was a dummy. She knew how it hurt to be constantly ridiculed.

Albany... A school for the deaf. Where she could make friends. A special place, where everyone else was a dummy, too. A place where the dummies put on plays and went to dances and pretended they were normal. A place where Alex could send her so people wouldn’t see her with him all the time and laugh at him.

Bartholomew began to squirm. Opening her eyes, Annie unfastened her bodice and put him to her breast. As he snuggled down to suckle, she ran her fingertips over his silken little head. Rocking, constantly rocking. Inside her head, the word Albany became a singsong. In three weeks, she would go there. In three years, if she learned quickly, she could come home. It was as simple and horrible as that.

Creak—creak—creak—creak. The sound was enough to drive Alex crazy. He sat on the edge of the bed, patiently waiting for Annie to finish feeding Bart so he could talk to her about going away to school.

From the look he’d seen in her eyes downstairs, he knew she believed he didn’t want her with him, that he was sending her away expressly to get her out of his way.

Nothing was farther from the truth. He loved her more than he’d ever loved anyone. Just the thought of spending a day without her was torture, let alone months at a time. He’d rather cut off his arm.