Anne Douglas (26 page)

‘And what about Brigid?’ Shona asked. ‘You haven’t told her yet, have you, that you’re putting her in charge at Morningside?’

‘Not yet, but it’s on the agenda. Think I’ve been a bit hard on her so far?’

‘Maybe. She is very efficient.’

‘Yes, well, she’ll get her chance now. And then, of course, we’ll need more junior staff, plus, maybe, Mrs Henderson, as we said before. If she fancies a return to work.’

‘It’d be grand to have Willa back, but being married she might no’ want to come.’

‘You persuade her, eh? You’re good at persuading.’ For the first time there was a slight edge to Fraser’s voice. Halting at Mrs Gow’s, he glanced at Shona and said casually, ‘By the way, you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve decided to give your cousin a temporary job. Mr MacNay said he was good, thought we should take him. He was going to write to him today.’

Shona caught her breath, her heavy heart lightening. ‘Fraser, that’s wonderful! He’ll be so thrilled. Thank you.’

‘I’m taking him on because I think he’ll be an asset. He’ll have to prove that he is.’

‘Oh, he will, he will! It’s so good of you to help him. And you’ve been good to me, too. I’ve – well, I’ve been amazed how good. How understanding. I do appreciate it.’ She leaned across and kissed his cheek. ‘Thank you again.’

‘Goodnight, Shona,’ was all he managed then.

Driving away, not waiting to see her into the house, his jaw was set, his lips had tightened. ‘So good?’ he whispered. ‘So understanding? God! But what else can I be? I’ve always known I wasn’t “the one” and I don’t want to lose her – anything but that. And now I’ve given the cousin a job . . . What happens next? She mustn’t know how I feel. Thank God for work, for making money. Maybe I’ll get over her . . . sometime, maybe . . .’

Staring at the shadowy road ahead, he couldn’t picture it.

The next few weeks were some of the happiest Shona had known. Having someone of her own family working so close, becoming a part of her life, and for that someone to be Brett she felt as if a dream had been answered. Surely the future could only add more to what she already had?

Brett had slipped so easily into the little world of Maybel’s, always looking so well turned out, so amazingly handsome, so easy in manner, it was clear enough that he was the asset Fraser had said he wanted him to be. Of course, Fraser hadn’t been thinking of charm or looks, but his ability in the office, and seemingly Brett scored there, too, for Mr MacNay reported him to be quick to learn and very professional. So Fraser told Shona this rather grudgingly, and her heart sang with relief. She felt, after all, a certain responsibility in bringing Brett into the business. If he was doing so well at work, she could relax and think about her own relationship with him, and how it might progress.

After she’d told him of how Fraser had accepted her refusal, she and Brett had seemed drawn together even more closely. They had taken to going out after work two or three times a week, having meals in the city or going to the pictures, while at the weekend they would brave more severe weather in the countryside, for Brett now had a little car.

At first, Shona had been worried. Buying a car, even a second-hand one – how could he afford it?

‘Easy,’ he’d told her. ‘Bought it on the never-never.’

She’d been shocked. ‘That means you pay more in the end, Brett; it’s never a good idea to do that. Mrs Gow’s just bought a wireless on the HP and she’s really sick about how much extra she’ll be paying.’

‘Well, I’m not Mrs Gow – I’m an accountant and I know how much I have to pay, but it’s worth it because this way I get the car now and don’t have to wait. Look, don’t worry about it; I know what I’m doing.’

Shona still wasn’t happy about it but she had to admit that, even on a winter afternoon, it was pleasant, driving out, to show Brett the sights of Scotland. The Forth Bridge, the beaches of Fife beyond, St Andrews, Perth and the serene beauty of the lochs with the hills in the distance – which Brett said reminded him a little of Canada, only on a much smaller scale.

‘You’ve no idea,’ he told Shona, ‘of the size of the lakes we have – all so quiet, so empty, except for birds, or occasionally an Indian in a canoe. Sometimes the vastness can be frightening.’

‘You have Indians?’ Shona asked fearfully. ‘Oh, heavens, they’re not like in the westerns, are they? Riding around with tomahawks?’

‘Good Lord, no, they’re all very peaceful. No trouble at all.’ He put his arm round her. ‘You know, I think Scotland is wonderful – a place of magic – but I wish you could see my home too. I mean, Toronto, it’s a great city. Full of life and action and all sorts of interests. Ice hockey, every kind of sport. terrific university, centre of industry – hey, do I sound like I’m trying to sell it?’

‘You sound like you’re homesick.’

‘Oh, no! No, I think of it, of course, and Mom and my brother – but I’m really enjoying myself here.’ He gave one of his beautiful smiles. ‘The work’s ideal, I like old Stuart MacNay, and best of all, I have you, my cousin, my guardian angel.’

She’d blushed, then, said she was no angel, and they’d both laughed and continued their drive.

They were so happy together, it seemed natural that they should exchange kisses when they could – sometimes while having a winter picnic by a loch, or after their Edinburgh evenings out, when Brett had taken Shona back to Baxter Row. They were sweet, tender kisses, not passionate, and it was hard to tell how much they meant.

Was Brett falling in love with her? Shona wondered. She hardly dared consider the question, although she knew what answer she’d give about her own feelings. Yes, of course she was in love, already deeply committed, and it seemed to her that he did feel the same. He was so often seeking her out at work, his eyes lighting up when he found her; always thinking of when they might meet, delighted when they did. Wasn’t that the behaviour of a man in love? She thought it was. Yet he never spoke of a future together. Even when he’d said he’d like her to see his home town, Toronto, he never suggested they might go there some time as a couple.

There came a day when he told her he had some exciting news and her heart beat faster, wondering what it could be. Nothing to do with her, she soon discovered, except maybe indirectly, for his news was that he’d rented an apartment, as he called it. An apartment. A flat. Not a bedsit? Once again, Shona was worried.

‘Oh, Brett, what’s it like? You’re no’ going to spend a fortune on rent?’

‘No cold water, please,’ he said quickly, his eyes glinting. ‘I have to get out of the Y, haven’t I? And I’m earning a reasonable salary, so I’ve found myself a nice little place in a block near that big hotel in the West End.’ He snapped his fingers. ‘What’s it called . . .?’

‘The Caledonian?’

‘That’s it. My place is on the first floor and fully furnished, with a living room, tiny kitchen, bedroom and bathroom, and I get the keys on Friday. When are you coming to see it?’

‘Soon as possible!’ she cried. ‘It sounds lovely. I only worry that you might be spending too much.’

‘Leave the cost to me. How about Sunday, then? Come in the afternoon and I’ll make you tea. I’ve seen a bakery in South Queensferry Street – might offer you some scones!’

‘Brett has got a flat?’ cried Mrs Gow, when Shona told her where she was going on that February Sunday. ‘And you’re going there – on your own?’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be quite safe,’ Shona replied sharply. ‘He’s my cousin, remember.’

Mrs Gow’s blue eyes remained concerned. ‘Oh, Shona, lassie,’ she said softly. ‘He’s more than that. You’re seeing him all the time, eh? Going to the pictures, having meals out, driving on a Sunday. Don’t tell me he’s just your cousin.’

‘I am seeing him a lot,’ Shona said reluctantly. ‘But we just like being together. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.’

‘So what’s he after? He’s a lovely young man, I really like him maself, but he’s no’ from Edinburgh, he’s no got family here. You’ve no idea what he’s really like, eh?’

‘I do know what he’s like! He’s a good man, and he has got family here, Mrs Gow: he’s got me! Now, I’ll have to go.’

He was waiting for her in his car when she ran out of the house, her face dark red, her eyes flashing, and as they drove away he asked in surprise what was wrong.

‘Oh, Mrs Gow’s fussing because I’m going to your flat all on my own! Honestly!’

‘She doesn’t trust me?’ he asked quietly.

‘I’m sure she does, really. It’s just not what girls do, in her eyes, to visit a fellow alone.’

‘Glad you’re not worried about it. All I’m offering is tea and scones.’

‘We’re cousins, Brett; I’ve a right to visit you.’

‘Kissing cousins,’ he said with a grin. ‘So, maybe I’ll make it tea, scones and kisses.’

But the kisses this time were different.

Before tea, of course, Brett showed Shona round his new flat, part of a handsome block in Rutland Street, and she admired everything: the fine living room, the modern bathroom and wee kitchen, even his small bedroom with narrow single bed at which they both gazed for a moment, before moving away.

‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ said Brett and as he organized the tea, setting out a tray with cups and saucers and a plate of large, thickly buttered scones, Shona looked on, smiling to see him seeming so domesticated.

‘Can I help?’ she asked.

‘No, you sit in the living room and be waited on.’

‘I can’t believe how tidy it all is when you’ve just moved in.’

‘That’s because I’ve so few possessions.’ Brett made the tea and carried in the tray. ‘Wait till I get more stuff and you’ll see the real me at home. Now, do you want to pour out?’

Shona, looking round as she ate her scone, was admiring the living room afresh. So spacious, with a high moulded ceiling and fine cornices, good armchairs and mahogany table, pictures with gilt frames. It was, as Brett himself described it, a ‘classy joint’ and she couldn’t help wondering how much it was costing.

‘That’s for me to know and you not to know,’ he said lightly. ‘The thing is, as you’ve gathered, I like the best. Good restaurants, good clothes, a good place to live. Can’t always achieve them, but I do what I can.’

‘You have to keep within your limits, Brett.’

‘True, and I know what they are.’

He stood up and gave her his hand to join him. ‘We’ve had the tea and scones. Now it’s time for the kisses.’

For some time they stood together, their faces close, their eyes meeting, then suddenly began to kiss, hard and furiously, Shona returning passion with passion, her hands on his body, his on hers, until they had to stop to draw breath and gazed at each other with shining wonder.

’Oh, God, Shona, I’m up there in the clouds,’ Brett murmured.

Leaning against him, she whispered, ‘Me, too. I’m up there with you.’

‘Did you expect this to happen?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe. Did you?’

‘I guess I thought it would. Sometime.’ He drew her to an armchair, setting her on his knee. ‘I’ve been holding back for quite a while. Maybe you knew?’

‘I wondered. But why, Brett – why hold back?’

‘Well, things aren’t straightforward for us, are they? I mean, we’re cousins, for a start.’

‘That doesn’t matter!’

‘Does to some. Some say cousins should just be friends. Mom, I think, would be one. She’s got some old-fashioned ideas.’

‘You go by what your mom says?’ Shona asked a little coldly.

‘No, I’m just making the point. There are other difficulties for us, you see.’ He fondled her hand in his. ‘You probably think we should be engaged, but I’m not sure what my future is. My job here is only temporary. Do I want to stay on in Scotland? Do I go back home? Truth is, I don’t know what I can offer you.’

Himself, she thought. That would be all I’d want.

‘If we’re sure about each other, all those things you’ve said would make no difference,’ she said slowly. ‘They’d all be sorted out in the end.’

‘Maybe, but I’d like to be sure. I don’t like to ask you to wait, but couldn’t we have – you know – what they call an “understanding”?’

‘An understanding,’ she said softly, contemplating their engagement. ‘Brett, I’d like that.’

‘After all, you’ve your career to think about, haven’t you? Mr Kyle thinks highly of you. He wants you to do more for the business, doesn’t he? Even though you had to give him some bad news the other day.’

‘It’s true – I do want to do well. Fraser once said I might become a business partner, and that might still happen.’ She hesitated. ‘But I don’t quite know how that would fit in with our future, Brett.’

‘Just another of our difficulties?’

‘I suppose so.’ Impulsively she kissed him on the lips. ‘But I’d always put you first.’

‘If you couldn’t have both?’

‘It’s hard for women to have both,’ she said with a sigh.

After a while they went out for a walk around the West End, but the day soon began to close in and Brett said he’d drive her home. Shona still had some weekend chores to do and he had an account he’d brought home to check over; it was best they parted. In fact, they both felt so emotionally exhausted they had to come down from the clouds. Outside Mrs Gow’s house again they quietly kissed and hugged, and as Shona prepared to leave him, Brett grinned. ‘Be sure to tell Mrs Gow we didn’t actually go into my bedroom, eh?’

‘As though I would say that!’

In fact, Shona had already decided not to tell Mrs Gow anything about the afternoon, except that Brett’s flat was very nice and everything had been all right.

‘Of course it was,’ said Mrs Gow easily. ‘Brett’s such a fine young man, I canna think now why I was fussing.’

It was March and work was going ahead fast to complete the new fittings for the Morningside shop. Brigid, who seemed already like a different, brighter person after her appointment as manageress, spent a lot of time over on the south side, along with Fraser, while Shona, as usual, ran the George Street shop with the welcome help of Willa.

Yes, Willa had returned to work and gladly, even if only part time, telling everyone how bored she’d been at home, how it would all have been different if she’d had a baby, but there’d been no luck there.