Anne Douglas (33 page)

‘Lindy!’

‘Oh, Rod!’ she managed to speak at last as they went into a locked embrace, oblivious of everyone around them. ‘Rod, you’re here. It doesn’t seem true.’ She was running her fingers down his face. ‘I hadn’t heard, I thought you might be –’

‘Dead? No, I’m not dead. Oh, God, Lindy, is it really you? Or am I dreaming?’

‘It’s me,’ she said softly. ‘And you’re no’ dreaming. But Rod, can you come with me? Can you come straight home? I’ve got tickets for the Edinburgh train.’

‘The Edinburgh train? Lindy, how wonderful that sounds! There is some sort of welcoming party laid on, but I needn’t go –’ His eyes went over the faces of the waiting crowd and he smiled a little. ‘I can see these people anyway – they’re welcoming enough, I think. They know why we went, what we tried to do.’ He grasped Lindy’s hand. ‘But I want to come home, Lindy, to be with you – if you’ve any money?’

‘Money?’

‘I’ve a confession to make. I’ve none till I can get back to Edinburgh. We only got paid three pesos a day, and I spent what I’d taken with me in the first couple of weeks.’

‘No need to worry, I’ve got money,’ she told him gladly. ‘I’ve no’ been doing too badly lately. So, let’s take a taxi, eh? To King’s Cross.’

‘To King’s Cross,’ he said, taking a deep breath as he picked up his bag. ‘And home.’

It was late evening when they arrived back at Waverley after the long journey north, during which Lindy gave Rod all the news he’d never received in her letters. How his dad was well – everyone was well, Struan and Jemima were engaged, Neil had written a very successful novel and Lindy herself had passed her exams at evening class and was planning to try for new work soon. Though he listened with the greatest interest and was delighted to hear of Lindy’s plans, he said nothing of his own experiences in Spain and she did not question him. Best to leave it till he was ready, she decided, as they arrived in Edinburgh to take another taxi, this time to Rod’s house.

‘I’ve got it all ready for you,’ she told him. ‘There’s a steak pie waiting, the boiler’s on and Struan’s left your car at the gate.’

‘He’s let me have it back?’ Rod laughed, and it seemed to her that he was looking better, even since he first arrived. And walking round his house again he was like a boy, exclaiming over Christmas presents.

‘All still here,’ he whispered. ‘Just as I remember it. And I used to think about it so often – when I wasn’t thinking about you, Lindy.’

He gazed at her before turning away suddenly, putting his hand to his eyes.

‘Sorry, I’m just being a fool. Look, I can’t wait to get out of these clothes and take a bath. God knows what you must think of me!’

‘You know what I think of you! But I’ll go down, eh, and get our supper ready.’

‘This is good,’ he commented later, beginning to eat the steak pie Lindy had served. ‘Can’t tell you what it means to me to get some British food again.’

Fresh from his bath, wearing clean clothes, with his damp hair combed, he looked so much his old self that Lindy’s heart beat with joy. Whatever had happened in Spain, however long he took to return to his old life, he was back, her Rod, and she couldn’t be more grateful.

‘I’m glad it’s OK. I thought you might be too tired to eat.’

‘No. After that bath I feel fine.’

He hesitated. ‘You won’t mind, though, if I don’t talk yet – about Spain.’

‘Oh, no, I wasn’t expecting you to.’

‘There was the fighting – obviously, I came through, but . . . Look, all I’ll just say is I don’t regret what I did. None of us do. We did our best and if we lost to the Fascists it wasn’t due to any lack of spirit on our part.’ His eyes on her were shadowed in grief. ‘You know five hundred of us died?’

She turned pale and leaned over to kiss his cheek. ‘I don’t like to think about it. And are you saying that the Fascists are going to win?’

‘Sure, they are. General Franco’s pretty well in control. He’s going to run Spain like a dictator, and there’s going to be nothing anyone can do.’ Rod put his knife and fork together. ‘But, as I say, we did our best, those of us there.’

‘You did, Rod, you did! You had to go; you had to try to help the government, the one the people wanted.’

‘Yes, I can think of that.’ Rod, rising, drew Lindy to her feet. ‘That was lovely, Lindy, but I think I’d better get you home. Has Struan left me the car keys?’

‘Oh, yes, and he’s filled up with petrol. It was so good of you to lend him the car, Rod. He’s taken such care of it.’

‘I’m very grateful to him.’

They had moved into the hall and were standing at the foot of the stairs when Lindy put her arms tightly round Rod. Now she was with him again, the misery of their parting over, she felt a sudden, overriding passion to be one with him, to have what had been denied to her these past two years, to be married as she should have been. Once she had been afraid of marriage, reluctant to take it on. Now she sought it as her right.

‘I don’t want to go,’ she whispered.

‘I don’t want you to, but your folks will be wondering where you are.’

‘They know I’ll be late, coming back with you from London.’

‘Still, I don’t want them to be worried.’

‘I tell you they won’t be.’

For some time they gazed into each other’s faces, then Lindy turned to look up the staircase.

‘We are engaged, Rod.’

‘I know,’ he said huskily.

‘We’re as good as married, really. I mean, we might have been married two years already.’

‘We’ll arrange another wedding, as soon as possible.’

‘What I’m saying is . . .’ She hesitated. ‘Maybe you can guess, eh? What I’m saying?’

‘No, Lindy, no. I couldn’t ask it.’

‘I’m the one who’s asking.’ She began to draw him up the stairs. ‘I know you’d never have asked me, Rod, so it had to be me.’ Halting at the top of the stairs, she looked back, her hand on the banister, trembling. ‘It will be like the honeymoon we should have had.’

‘My room’s there,’ Rod said, his voice a whisper.

‘I know where your room is. You remember, I’ve been checking the house for you? Yesterday I made your bed.’

Slowly, gently, they moved into his room, not looking at his old books and model ships made long ago, or even the family photographs and one of Lindy herself on his chest of drawers. All that drew them was his bed, so neatly made by Lindy, and it was there that they lay, exchanging long, deep glances before undressing and sinking into each other’s arms.

‘Oh, Lindy!’ Rod gasped. ‘Lindy!’

‘It’s all right, don’t worry about me. I told you – this is our honeymoon. The one we should have had.’

And then for a while there was no more talking, and Rod stopped worrying while Lindy gave herself up to the joy that was new, yet all she’d come to imagine.

‘It will be better next time,’ Rod murmured as later they dressed, eyeing each other as though they’d passed through some something unbelievable. ‘That’s what’s always said.’

‘I liked it this time,’ she told him. ‘I told you no’ to worry, didn’t I?’

Downstairs, putting on coats, they wonderfully felt themselves to be married, but of course they weren’t. Lindy had to go home, tell her folks something of her momentous day, but not all of it. Would they see that she was different? She hoped all they would see was her excitement over Rod’s return; after all, that was real enough.

In the car, Rod tried to speak of his feelings, without much success. ‘I just feel – hell, I don’t know what I feel. Not guilty, anyway, as maybe I should be feeling. Remember how I worried about bringing you to my home alone? And you said I could be trusted?’

‘Rod, times have changed. We weren’t engaged then. There’s nothing to feel guilty about now.’

‘OK, I’ll believe you. But let’s organize our wedding as soon as possible, then I’ll feel better.’

‘Me, too,’ said Lindy.

Outside number nineteen he stopped the car and took her hand. ‘It’s been wonderful, Lindy, my homecoming,’ he told her. ‘Better even than I could have imagined, thanks to you. Whatever happens in the future – and it doesn’t look promising – we’ll be together, won’t we? We’ll have each other, and that’s what matters?’

‘All that matters.’

‘Wish me luck tomorrow,’ he said lightly. ‘When I go job hunting at the council.’

‘I’ll always wish you luck, wherever you go,’ she answered seriously. ‘Because your luck’s my luck.’

‘And it will always be good, Lindy. We’ll make it so.’

‘Do you want to come in and see them?’ she asked, after they’d exchanged a long, quiet kiss. ‘My folks?’

‘Just for a minute. If they’d like to see me.’

‘Of course they’d like to see you! They’ve come round to understanding why you went. I knew they would.’

‘All right, then.’

Holding hands, they went together into number nineteen, a place so familiar, with familiar people waiting, yet both feeling ready to face a life that would be new. Full of challenge, maybe, but as they had said, they would face it together. And that was all that mattered.