Anita Blake 23 - Jason (5 page)

The topic change was too abrupt for me. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Envy,” Domino said.

“No, Domino, we agreed to talk on Jade’s behalf, so let’s talk about it.”

“Talk about what?” I asked.

“Jade is your lover, your only female lover.”

“I’m aware of that.” I tried not to hunch my shoulders or get embarrassed; I still wasn’t completely comfortable with having a woman in my life like a man. Yes, I had metaphysical powers that I didn’t have complete control over, and the power that had attracted Jade to me, and me to her, had been a great icebreaker, but it didn’t help me deal with the fact that I’d never been attracted to women before, or that when I was most into the sex with her, I kept forgetting I wasn’t male. I had centuries of memories in my head from Jean-Claude of the women and men he’d seduced, or who had seduced him, but I didn’t have the equipment to act on those memories.

“She needs sex so good she forgets everything.”

“She hasn’t complained to me,” I said, and tried not to sound as grumpy as I felt.

“She wouldn’t, would she? She’s so happy to be free from the master vampire that tormented her for centuries that anything is a step up.”

“He was an evil bastard to her.”

“She’s happy, Anita. She loves being with you and she’s beginning to trust men again thanks to Domino, Nathaniel, and Jean-Claude, but she still prefers women, and you’re her only woman.”

“I’ve offered that she should find another woman if she wants to.”

“Neither Domino nor Jade has found other lovers. Of all the tigers that are bound to you, they’re two of the few that haven’t gone elsewhere.”

“Is that like a black tiger clan culture thing?” I asked, and looked at Domino as I said it.

“I don’t know. I was raised by the white tigers. Crispin and I were raised together, but he’s found other lovers,” Domino said. He’d been a foundling taken in by the white tigers, and had actually never been with another black tiger until Jade. We’d all believed the entire clan had been wiped out.

“So why haven’t you?” I asked.

“Jade and I both believe that if we find other people, you’ll see it as delegating us to them. You won’t feel you have to date us, because we’ll be dating other people. We’ve seen you do it with others, Crispin included.”

I thought about that for a moment. Was that true? Was my encouraging them to find other lovers a way of getting them out of my bed, if not my life?

“I hadn’t realized I was doing that, but no one person, not even me, can truly date this many people. I can fuck, but I can’t do the emotional stuff, the cute stuff, the things that really make it a relationship; there just isn’t enough of me to go around like that. I’m feeling pressured by everyone to take care of them, and I’ve reached a limit. I can’t take care of this many people as intimately as most of you want me to, I just don’t know how to do that. I asked Jean-Claude and even he didn’t know how to have real relationships with this many people, and he’s been a ladies’ man, and a gentlemen’s man, for centuries.”

“I hadn’t really thought about it from that perspective. I don’t think . . . no, I know I couldn’t date this many people, but they’re all metaphysically tied to you and Jean-Claude and Micah, and there’s no untying those bindings except by death,” Envy said.

“Anita cut the tie between Jade and her first vampire master,” Domino said.

“Yes, but Anita is the Mother of the Dawn, the Queen of Tigers; she breaks servant from master the way that the old Queen of All Darkness did. Even the Queen never broke bonds between herself and any of her own servants,” she said.

“So short of death or a metaphysical miracle, the bonds between Anita and all of us are immobile, unbreakable,” Jason said.

“Yes,” Envy said.

“I’m saying here out loud today that I can’t cope with this many people, not and do a good job of dating them, caring for all their needs. Hell, if I hadn’t been metaphysically screwed over, I wouldn’t have chosen most of the people I’m having sex with, not that it’s not great sex,” I said, kissing Domino on the cheek, “but it’s like I’m suddenly insanely attracted to people I don’t have much in common with, so the sex is mind-blowing, but the conversation in between not so much.”

“The
ardeur
is like a date-rape drug that doesn’t go away,” Envy said.

“Not my favorite analogy, but yeah,” I said.

“But this drug affects both parties,” Jason said.

“Not always. I talked about it with Jean-Claude, and the originator of the
ardeur
as a vampire ability, Belle Morte, was never affected by it; she was more like a contagion.”

“Beautiful Death,” I said, “making people sick with desire.”

“More like addicts,” Jason said.

Nathaniel and I nodded. “
Addicted to love
isn’t just a song lyric,” I said.

I turned to Domino. “Do you crave me like that? I mean, do the others who have found other lovers jones after sex with me like a junkie?”

“Sometimes.”

I felt terrible then.

“Wait, but Anita doesn’t crave them the same way, or she wouldn’t have to ask that question.”

“When the
ardeur
first came for me I had almost no control over it, so I was bound as tight as the people I fed on, but I got more control of it and I could protect myself from falling in love.”

“I got here too late,” Domino said, and kissed me again to take some of the sting out of the words.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

Nathaniel leaned in from the other side and kissed my cheek. “I’m glad I got here early.”

“It’s not just the
ardeur
, Anita. I’ve known you longer than Nathaniel, and I was around when the
ardeur
rose, but we’re not in love, or addicted to each other,” Jason said.

“You were terrified of being consumed by love, and when you became my wolf to call, I sort of incorporated that into the mix, so we were both more free of the emotional stuff, or that’s what Jean-Claude thinks made the difference.”

Jason nodded. “Makes sense. You get some personality traits that seem to switch bodies when you make someone your wereanimal or vampire to call. Jean-Claude has talked about that; he’s more ruthless since he merged with you, and Richard got your anger for a while, so I’m glad you learned to take that back. Our wolf king would have killed someone if he hadn’t learned to give up the fits of rage.”

“I got Jean-Claude’s
ardeur
, his ability and need to feed off lust, and Richard’s craving for flesh, and both their cravings for blood.”

Envy shuddered. “You don’t get to pick and choose, do you?”

“Not at all,” I said.

She shivered again. “That could go so badly.”

“I’ve thought of that. It’s one of the reasons that I’ve decided my dance card is full. We’ve been lucky so far, but eventually I could get a piece of somebody who is really bad and then our happy little poly tribe could go to hell in a big way.”

“Is it a happy poly tribe? Are you happy?” Domino asked.

I turned and looked up into those eyes the color of fires and spectacular sunsets. “Yes. Yes, I am happy, happier than I’ve ever been before.”

He smiled a little. “Good, I’m glad.”

“I won’t ask if you’re happy, because I know you want more of me than I have to give, and I’m sorry for that, Domino. I would set you free if I could.”

“If he were just addicted to the
ardeur
, you could, or he could sort of detox the way Requiem did, but I know what it’s like to be your wolf to call, and he’s your tiger, and we’re yours forever. Even if we move across the country you can still call us to your side,” Jason said.

“Are you thinking about moving across the country?” I asked.

He gave a little shrug. “If J.J. and Freda and I could work things out, maybe, and if Jean-Claude and you would allow it.”

“I don’t like the ‘allow’ part,” I said.

“Jean-Claude is the vampire king of the United States,” Envy said. “Jason is his
pomme de sang
, his apple of blood, and he’s your wolf to call; he has to have permission from both of you to move. Anyway, who is Freda?”

“Jean-Claude has enough wereanimals to donate blood now. It’s not like in the old days when him having this little werewolf to feed off of was important for his power base. And Freda is J.J.’s girlfriend.”

“So if you, J.J., and Freda can work this out, you’ll move to New York?”

“Maybe. I mean, she’s in one of the top dance troupes in the country; I can’t force her to give that up.”

“I love that you’re willing to relocate for your girlfriend,” Envy said. “Most men expect the woman to do the career compromising.”

“I’m an exotic dancer, it’s not a career.”

“You’re very good at your job,” I said, “and you manage the club most of the time.”

“J.J. is talking to the dance company she’s in about Jason maybe trying out for them,” Nathaniel said.

I looked from one to the other. “Wow, Jason, just wow, that’s awesome; would you be the first lycanthrope allowed in an all-human dance company?”

He nodded.

“That would really help lycanthropes be more accepted,” Envy said.

“It’s a great opportunity,” I said. “I’ll miss you like hell, but I’ve never seen you as happy as you are with J.J., so what can I do to help?”

He smiled at me, not his usual teasing smile, but the one that was just him, just our friendship. “First, we all think if you maybe had more experience with women, or could talk to someone about having female lovers, you might be able to help Jade feel more a part of things.”

I raised eyebrows and looked across the table at Envy. “Are you volunteering to mentor me?”

“Me, no,” Envy said, shaking her blond hair hard.

“Then why are you here today? Domino is the only other black tiger in our group, so he and Jade are pals, but you’re golden tiger, which makes you a totally different clan.”

“I’m a female weretiger, and the only one you have other than Jade, so she talks to me. I’m with Jean-Claude and Richard, so she sees our positions as similar: We’re lovers, but not the beloved of our lovers.”

I tried to roll that sentence around in my head, gave up, and said, “So you’re here as Jade’s friend?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Okay. But you aren’t volunteering to teach me? Honestly, I’m not offering either; nothing personal, but Jade is confusing me enough I don’t need to add more girls. Hell, I don’t even need to add more boys.”

“I’ve never actually been with another woman, so I’m not mad at you that you’re puzzled about having a female lover, but you do have sexual contact with Jade; we just thought another woman with more experience in the area might be helpful.”

I looked at Jason. “You’re not offering some fantasy where you just add me to you and J.J. for a threesome, are you? Because if that’s it . . .” I looked at him harder.

He grinned and then laughed. “No, I’m not, though if it’s on the table, I wouldn’t say no.”

“Nothing personal to J.J., she’s beautiful, but I can’t see being with her, just the two of us.”

“You went straight to sex, didn’t you? It never occurred to you to just talk to J.J. over coffee about it, did it?” Envy said.

I blushed, a little, and shrugged. “Am I supposed to have a little bisexual coffee klatch?”

“That might help, but that wouldn’t solve my problem,” Jason said.

“Which problem?” I asked.

“You can’t make Freda hate me less, or stop being jealous of J.J., but you could help me explain rough sex to my girlfriend.”

“How?” I asked, and the one word dripped with suspicion.

He grinned, and then his face sobered, happiness gone like a switch, on/off. It hurt me to see him like that.

“Is J.J. really thinking about breaking up with you over the issue?” I asked.

“I’m breaking up with Richard because of it,” Envy said.

“No, it’s not the same. I don’t try to fuck J.J. until it hurts her. She’s sort of my version of the human women Richard dates, the ones he wants the white picket fence with, but I need the rough stuff, too. I just know I’m not going to get it with J.J.”

“Explain it to her the way you told me, that you’ll die without it.” She sounded disdainful.

“You don’t believe us, why should she?” Jason asked.

Envy opened her mouth, started to say something, stopped, and then sipped her tea; again you could watch her thinking.

“So,” I said, “what would help explain it to J.J.?”

“Seeing it,” he said.

I glared at him with no chance he’d jolly me out of it. “I’m not that much of an exhibitionist.”

“I know, and that’s not what I’m asking.”

“What exactly are you asking?”

Nathaniel took my hand in both of his, which made me gaze up into those lavender eyes. I wondered if I’d ever look up into his eyes and not be startled by how pretty they were. “We were thinking that you and I would have sex in the room with Jason and J.J. and just let the differences speak for themselves.”

I gave him wide eyes.

“It wouldn’t be the first time we’d shared a bedroom with another couple, or several, Anita.”

“That’s for feeding the
ardeur
, or when things get out of hand and we can’t control it. I’ve never agreed to anything like this while sober from the
ardeur
.”

“Maybe it’s time that you did,” he said, softly.

I opened my mouth, closed it, and didn’t know what to say. Hell, I barely knew what to think. “Well, fuck,” I said, at last.

“That’s the hope,” Jason said.

Domino said, “Sorry to put a damper on the plan, but Nathaniel and Anita alone don’t really go that rough.”

The three of us looked at each other. “How rough do you need her to see, Jason?” I asked.

He thought about it for a moment, and then sighed. “Rougher than you and Nathaniel, probably.”

“I can do rougher,” Nathaniel said.

I patted him. “You can.”

“Anita and I are rougher together than you and she alone,” Jason said.

“Add Nicky and Nathaniel co-topping me and it’s rougher,” I said.

Jason laughed. “I want to introduce J.J. to rougher sex, not scare her to death.”

“Nicky makes love, too,” I said, feeling the need to defend one of my absent lovers.