AnguiSH (11 page)

             
“No, I showed him such a good time that he was exhausted.”

             
I heard him huff his disbelief from the couch.

             
I pulled off my heels and sat next to him. I wanted to be near him after sitting next to the floppy, silent fish for so long. He was watching Gone In 60 Seconds.  “Ugh, I love Memphis Raines.  So hot. And the English guy, the one who doesn’t talk?  Double hot.”

             
“I have to ask you something, Ash.” He turned to face me on the couch.

             
“What?”  I thought this was a setup for something rude.

             
He looked around the room once and then pegged me in a dead stare.

             
“Did he tell you how beautiful you look tonight?  Did he tell you that this red,” he worked a piece of my shirt between his thumb and his finger “really sets off your eyes?  Did he hold your hand?  Did he bring you to the door and make you wish you were the kind of girl that would invite him in?”

             
I swallowed and looked back at his fingers, still on my shirt, “No.”

             
“No to which question?” He moved his hand to my hair and twirled a strand around his hand.

             
“No to all of them.”  I was almost ashamed of my answer.  It wasn’t my fault, but I didn’t like admitting it. 

             
“What a shame.  I owe you an apology.”

             
“Do you?” I looked down at my jeans. 

             
“Yes, I’ve been a jerk to you.  I thought maybe you were just helping me because you felt sorry for me. So I took it out on you.  And I had to force myself not to talk to you and to be really rude.  I’m so sorry.  I wish you’d been with me tonight.  I would’ve made sure I said all those things to you.  I would’ve made sure you knew how beautiful you are.”

             
“And now?  What do you think now?”

             
He shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest like he was helping his skeleton keep himself together.

             
“Now I don’t care.  I really could care less if you’re helping me because you want to or because you pity me.  Either way, I’ve got a great girl living in my house, trying to help me break out of here.  Either way, I’ll take it.  If you still want to, that is.  I’d completely understand if you don’t.  I was an ass.”

             
“Yes, you were an ass. But I really want to help you.  And I hate pity parties, so I’m not throwing one.  But I’m starving to death.  Ozark just passed up the snack bar like popcorn isn’t the greatest thing about the movies.”

             
“Wow, Ozark is a really, um, unique name.  He didn’t buy you popcorn or anything.  What in the hell possessed you to go out with him?” 

             
I chuckled and figured since he was being all upstanding and honest, I’d better join in.

             
“Well, I was so pissed at you for being an ass and then asking me to spend time with you that I made it up.  But then I called him and he agreed to go out.  It was easier than admitting that I’d lied.  But damn, no popcorn and he wouldn’t talk to me in the movie.  He was like the movie police or one of those guys with the flash light that busts you for using your phone.  It was insane.”

             
“I would’ve bought you popcorn.” And it was the first time I’d ever seen Breaker James act sheepish.

             
I stood up and replaced my shoes, to my toes’ protest.  “You still have a chance, let’s go.  And throw a shirt over,” I pointed up and down towards his abs, “those so I won’t be distracted.”

             
“Wait, where are we going?”

             
I put my hands on my hips, “We are going to get something to eat.  Drive-thru only this time around.  But you are going with me.”

             
He looked like he might say no, so I tested the waters. “Come on Breaker James, make this night better for me.  Show me what you would’ve done differently.”

             
He blew out a violent breath and ran upstairs.  It worked. 

             
He got into the car, no hesitation this time.  “You wanna drive?” I asked him, swinging my keys back and forth.

             
“No, but I hope to get my bike back soon.”

             
“You’re gonna ride a bike?  Is Toto going to ride in the front basket?  Or is it gonna be E.T.?”

             
At least he cracked a half smile.  “A motorcycle.  A big, bad, very manly, no dogs or aliens in the basket, motorcycle.”

             
“Oh, well excuse me.  What’s in the basket then?  Cookies?  Strippers?”

             
“You are so strange in the best way.” He said.  Halfway towards the drive in burger place I was tapping on the shifter to match the beat of the music when he linked his fingers through mine.  Something in me unlocked every time he touched me.  Like I was stiff, incredibly tense, and he released it.

             
“Much better,” I remarked and he squeezed my fingers in response.  The drive in burger joint was packed and his hand tensed when I parked in a space. 

             
“You alright?” I asked him.

             
“Yeah, do we have to eat here, or can we just go?”

             
“I really wanted to parade you around in front of all these people and get the full effect, but I guess we can go.”

             
“Ha. Ha.”

             
We ordered tons of food and he was fine.  He kept looking around but he didn’t panic, he took it a lot better than I thought he would. 

             
We went back to the house and he threw off his shirt and I ran to my room to change into some shorts and a tank top.  I took the first bite of my double bacon, double grease burger and looked up to see him watching me.

             
“What?” I motioned with my shoulders and my hands, since my mouth was full.

             
“He didn’t know what he was missing by not buying you anything to eat.  You should see your face when you’re eating,  It’s like you’re—well, you’re really enjoying yourself.”

             
“I can’t help it.  I eat and then I’m immediately thinking about the next meal.  I swear when I’m going to sleep I’m thinking about what I’m gonna eat for breakfast.”

             
“Huh,” he commented and his cheeks sunk in as he attempted to drink his milkshake through the tiny straw.

             
“Huh, what?” I said.

             
“When I go to sleep I’m not thinking about breakfast.”

             
“Oh yeah,” I chunked a fry at him, hitting him in the head. “What’s the somber guy think about when he’s going to sleep?”

             
“You don’t really want to know Ash.  You
really
don’t want to know.”

             
We spent the rest of the night and into the morning just talking, well, mostly me talking.  I remembered listening to him talk about some prank he pulled in high school and before I knew it, I was asleep.

Breaker

             
She totally snored.  Only one time and it fueled her drift into a deeper sleep.  If I hadn’t become this lump of a human, I would pick her up and carry her to her bed.  But I’d become quite the weakling, a product of too much sitting around chatting on the computer. 

             
I hurried to her room and got a pillow and a blanket and brought it back into the living room.  I laid her down on her pillow and covered her with the blanket.  I chuckled to myself as I picked up our trash from the junk fest.  I had done more cleaning since the maid came to work here than ever before.  But for her I didn’t mind.  She made everything seem not so bad.

             
I remembered once Holly fell asleep on the couch after watching an all night Sex and the City marathon.  I hated that show.  When I put a blanket over her she kicked it off and when I kissed her on the forehead she instantly woke up and told me how gross I was for getting spit on her forehead.  It seemed she hated everything I did. 

             
It made me think about how Ash would react to the same thing.  So I did it.  I kissed her on her forehead.  She opened her eyes halfway and smiled.  “Thanks Breaker.”  She rolled over, facing the couch, and went back to sleep. 

             
I turned off the TV and all the lights and hesitantly went to bed.  Halfway up the stairs I realized what had really happened.  I’d gotten out of this house and gone somewhere with actual people around.  And I hadn’t wigged out.  Sure, my chest got a little constricted, but holding her hand, I was ok. 

             
I got into bed and my last thoughts were not of what I was going to have for breakfast—they were of her.

~~~

              I woke up the next morning to the sound of the side gate being opened and shut over and over.  It seemed like every time I got back to sleep the damned thing slammed again.  And I knew it was the side gate.  It was so rickety that the metal locks didn’t quite meet up and it clanked.  I just knew it was Ash, up way too early.

             
“She’s too industrious for her own good.” I thought and dragged myself into the bathroom for a shower. 

             
I walked downstairs and she was at the bottom, bouncing in her sneakers.

             
“So, do you need to eat first or are you ready to work.  Because I took all those branches and crap to the front for pick up and now there’s just one side to finish.  And then I wanna go to the hardware store and get some lumber to make some new shelves, those are falling apart.  And then we have to pick out some flowers but I have no idea which ones.  What are you standing there for?”

             
God, the girl could talk.  But I just loved it.

             
“Coffee.”  That was the only word I could form at seven in the morning. 

             
“In the pot, grumpy butt.” She bounced off somewhere and I made myself a cup and leaned against the counter.  The hot, liquid energy poured down my throat and I instantly felt more awake. 

             
“Do you know anything about plants or are we just going to wing it?

             
“I know a lot about plants.  I can tell you which ones to get.”

             
She looked in the air and then sauntered over to me, closer than she’d ever been. “Or, you can come with me.” 

             
“That’s a little fast, don’t you think.  I barely composed myself last night.”

             
She slapped my arm, “You are so full of shit.  You did amazing last night.  You barely squirmed.”

             
“Ok, ok, you are so damned energetic in the morning.  How about today we finish cleaning up the greenhouse and tomorrow we hit the hardware store and the nursery.”

             
She sighed, “Ok Collins, you win.  Are you ready yet or does that coffee need more babysitting?”

             
“I’m ready, I’m ready.” I so wasn’t ready.

             
We worked the rest of the day stripping the place of vines and branches, making it new.  She even pulled out paper towels and huge bottles of vinegar and we washed every single pane we could reach and then she found the ladder and I did the rest.  I’d never worked so hard in my life and it felt good. 

             
“These shelves need to come down but I guess we can do that tomorrow.  I’m beat and I’m pretty sure I stink.” She wafted her shirt away from her chest and looked around.