Angels of Humility: A Novel (32 page)

At least I have regular food, not that ground-up mush
, she thought, groping for something positive. Several aides were already beginning to feed the other residents. Unwilling to admit that she belonged with this group, she picked up her glass of milk, but it slipped from her hand and spilled across the table. The aide frowned, but forced a cheery voice as she jumped to wipe the spill dripping off the table on to another resident’s lap.

“Now Ms. Sarah, you know you’re here ‘cause you can’t feed yourself. I have to help you. You just wait till I get over there.”

She felt her face flush. She wanted to run, but that was certainly not an option. She tucked her chin and did her best to hide. Finally the aide arrived, “OK Sarah, open your mouth. Doesn’t this meatloaf smell good this evening?”

“Umm, meatloaf,” mocked Despair. “You get to be patronized and humiliated like this three times a day until you die. You’ve outlived your usefulness, and now you’re just a burden.”

Later, lying in bed, physically weak and in pain, a tear trickled down Sarah’s cheek.
My life is coming to an end. I can’t take care of myself. I don’t know if I’ll ever walk again or leave this horrid place
.

“Sarah, you must praise Him through your trials and tribulations,” said Malta. The music that came forth at creation has never ceased. But like a human’s inability to hear a high-pitched dog’s whistle, you lack the spiritual senses necessary to hear the rocks, hills, and trees constantly cry out praises to God. When a human sings praises, heavenly residents immediately join in. A full heavenly orchestra accompanies you, once again, unheard by human ears.

At this encouragement, she began by an act of her will to praise Him in song.

“Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise….” Thousands in Heaven joined in. “And when the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, ‘Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your name.’”

Unbeknownst to her, a celestial orchestra was accompanying her praise, and eight other worship angels had joined her in the bedroom. They carried absorbed glory from constant worship around the throne and radiated that brilliant light. Their voices harmonized with hers in other-worldly beauty. The music ascended to the throne room where heavenly residents danced with angels and sang the next line, “Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your glorious name.”
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Sarah stopped singing and massaged her hip under the covers. “Oh, what’s the use? What difference does this make anyway? I’m just not into worship today.” All the angels abruptly stopped singing and faced her.

“Don’t stop. Press through.”

“Sing; praise Him!”

“The sacrifice of praise offered from a place of discouragement is the highest and sweetest praise of all,” said one of the worshiping angels, bending low over Sarah’s bed.

One of the angels started humming the “Hallelujah Chorus.” The angels around the bed immediately lifted their hands and faces toward Heaven. Sarah half-heartedly joined in, humming and stumbling over the words.

The heavenly voices gained momentum. She felt energy come over her, which she could not explain. She sang, “And He shall reign for ever and ever.,” and tried to flail her feeble arms as if she was directing a choir, bringing in singers, beckoning others to sing softer. The unseen angel choir gathered around her bed and followed her musical cues. Their voices, directed by Sarah, came once again rolling tumultuously into the throne room like a tidal wave of pure joy. Handel, along with thousands of others, bowed low, worshiping and weeping softly in front of the throne.

After singing the song several times, Sarah fell asleep exhausted, as the shining globe rotated quietly on her side table. The angels continue singing, dancing, rejoicing in Jesus, and rejoicing in Sarah’s decision to press through in praise.

“They just don’t realize that when they praise, they’re never alone,” Joel said to his heavenly companions.

A huge, glimmering worship angel played his flute by her bed, and Sarah’s tense body relaxed slightly. His cohort spoke over her, “Sarah, you don’t realize that all of nature constantly sings praises to our God. The roar of the sea, the ‘caw, caw, caw’ of the crow all ascend to the throne as ‘Holy, Holy, Holy.’ It resounds in the throne room as praise from creature to Creator. The flowers, the hills, and even the rocks cry out day and night, ‘Holy, Holy, Holy.’ Your praises ascend to the throne room, filling it, echoing off the walls, vibrating through the crystal river flowing from Father’s throne. Your praises are heard in the throne room, and your praises make a difference.”

“I wish Sarah could see that whenever she chooses to praise, she’s connected to the unending, global-celestial worship cycle,” said the flute playing angel, stopping to gently run his large hand across Sarah’s cheek.

“Her time on earth is coming to an end,” said Malta. This announcement sent the angels back into a fit of frenzied activity—dancing, singing, cheering, leaping, laughing, worshiping—angelic pandemonium!

“I can’t wait,” said Malta, “to carry her to her eternal home. I wish it were tonight—”

“Yes,” interrupted Joel, “the end. It’s my favorite part of the job. I love to see the faithful ones when they run into the waiting, open arms of Jesus.”

“Sarah will be so astonished when she experiences His unfiltered, unconditional love. Imagine her amazement of His joy over her.”

“Make it soon, Lord! Make it soon!” shouted Joel. This petition set off another round of celestial pandemonium.

Paul also felt like his whole life was coming to an end. He and Kathy had been discussing the vote for three days. His demons of Pride, Respectability, and Selfish Ambition were working overtime. Also, being taunted by Fear and Rejection caused his moods to vary wildly at a moment’s notice.

“Like I’ve said before honey, if you are voted out, then the Lord has something else for you. There is no one on earth who can stop His plans for your life. No one can thwart His plans.”

“Even if they vote in my favor” said Paul, jumping up from the chair to pace in front of the mantle, “how can I minister effectively knowing that slightly less than half the congregation is in favor of me leaving? How can I proceed with my five-year plan if they are so dramatically opposed?”

“I’m so sorry that this plan that you’re so excited about isn’t working out, I know this is emotionally grueling for you. But try to put it in perspective; God is not up in Heaven wringing His hands over tonight’s vote.” She stood and held out her arms offering a hug, “OK?”

“How can you be so calm? Don’t you know what’s riding on this vote?” He turned his back to pace again.

“I know what’s not riding on it—God’s will for our lives. Whatever happens, whichever way it goes, God’s hands are not tied.”

Paul nodded, running his fingers through his hair, but he remained unconvinced. “It’s 6:45, time to go,” he said curtly.

While Kathy was protective of her husband and his feelings, she was not as emotionally invested in the church as Paul. As they drove, Kathy prayed silently,
Lord may Your will be done in our lives and for this church. I pray for unity of Spirit, and I ask that the enemy will not be able to use this event for his purposes
.

Paul prayed,
Lord let them keep me
.

As they walked together to the front pew, Paul remembered what Mike had said, “You can expect to see some new faces tonight. They are older members who rarely attend any more, but when something happens that’s controversial, they run back and make their opinions known. Since they’re still members, there’s nothing we can do.” Paul scanned the congregation to see how many reinforcements had been brought in. The church was packed.
Oh my gosh, it seems like I’ve never even met half these people
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Mike called the meeting to order. He explained the reason for the assembly and what the voting procedure would be.

“The vote will be decided by a simple majority rule.” After several questions from the members it was time.

“Paul, I need you to wait in your office please, until I call you.”
Dead man walking
, whispered Discouragement to Paul as he self-consciously exited the sanctuary. Of course, Saldu was with him doing his best to encourage Paul in the Lord, but Paul wasn’t listening. His ears were tuned to the deceptive spirits that regularly accompanied him.

“Who do these older members think they are? Do they run the church? Why can’t they just cooperate?” spouted Self-Righteousness.

“Who will hire you if you get fired from your first church after just a few months?” asked the spirit of Fear.

“What a loser that would make you!” added Criticism.

The baskets were passed and each member took a pre-printed ballot. They merely needed to check the box next to “RETAIN PAUL REYNOLDS AS PASTOR” or
“
DISMISS PAUL REYNOLDS AS PASTOR.”

The mood was somber, both sides were convinced that they alone knew the Lord’s will on this issue and that those opposed were hypocrites and sinners. The spirits of Faultfinding, Unforgiveness, Self-Righteousness, Selfish Ambition, Judgment, and Treachery were divided equally between both groups and circling the sanctuary like it was a choice buffet.

Sarah was in bed for the evening, but she wasn’t sleeping. She knew the vote was starting, and she had purposed in her heart to pray for the Lord’s will to be done. In fact, she’d been praying off and on since she heard about it. Her prayer was always the same,
“Jesus, I pray that Your perfect will would be done for the church and for Pastor Paul and his wonderful family. I pray against division, divisiveness, and strife between church members. I pray that You would transition Paul to the position as chaplain and bring the new person that You have for the church.”
After praying for 20 minutes, she dozed off. The Parkinson’s, plus the demands of physical therapy, had sapped what little energy she had.

The baskets were passed again, the ballots were collected, and the elders retreated to the fellowship hall to count the votes. Kathy had purposed in her heart that whatever happened, God’s will for their lives would not be thwarted. She had made a decision that however the vote went, she would praise Him.
“God, our lives are in Your hands, and You may do with them what You want. I will trust You no matter how the decision comes back. God, please comfort Paul and let him have confidence in Your leadership, not his own.”
Because of her attitude, she was able to receive the comfort that Valoe was imparting to her. That prayer enabled Valoe to easily dispose of a spirit of Fear trying to infiltrate Kathy’s thoughts. Even though she was aware that half the congregation was staring at the back of her head thinking negative thoughts, she was truly experiencing God’s peace that passes all understanding.
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