Angels at War (15 page)

‘Of course not!’ But her voice sounded weak and unconvincing, even to her own ears, and laughing softly Matthew cupped her face with his hands and tenderly peppered her face with kisses.

‘What about now?’ he teased.

‘Stop it!’ Oh, but she didn’t want him to stop, not at all.

He feigned a sigh. ‘Then I must continue with my efforts until I have brought you to your senses. You can do so much better than Jack Flint, Livvy. Haven’t you realised that yet?’ He wanted this woman, just how much he didn’t care to consider too deeply at present. More than he should, perhaps.

Livia knew she should push him away, order him to stop this nonsense at once, but his kiss this time was neither teasing nor tender. It was powerful and deep, stirring a need in her that was quite startling in its intensity. She wanted it to go on for ever but all too soon he was putting her from him, that wry smile of supreme confidence back on his face.

‘You should know, sweet Livia, that I’m not a man who gives up easily.’

They were both strangely silent as they sailed back up the lake to his private jetty, where they found Mrs Grayson waiting on the shore for them. As Matthew tended to the yacht, putting down the
awning and stowing everything safely away, Livia picked up the tea tray and went to join her.

‘That was delightful,’ Livia said, smiling. ‘Such a treat.’ She’d done everything possible in recent months to befriend this woman, so far with little success.

‘Indeed, I’m sure it was,’ Imelda Grayson drily replied. ‘I too had a delightful outing, walking around the shoreline of the lake. It’s amazing what sights one can see in some of these quieter bays.’

And as she turned her shrewd gaze full upon her, Livia knew with a sudden chill that the woman wasn’t referring to ducks and wild fowl. Their embrace had been seen. Pink cheeked, she searched desperately for something sensible to say, some excuse to offer for her behaviour, but was too filled with shame and guilt to find any words at all.

‘Does your husband not object to your cruising unchaperoned with my son? Ah, but I was forgetting, he isn’t your husband, is he? You’re a woman who believes in free love and libertarian thinking, wasn’t that how you described it? How very convenient for you.’

Matthew’s mother was implying she was a shameless hussy, a wanton who played with men’s affections and had no morals. And right now Livia felt quite unable to refute it. Perhaps that’s exactly what she was.

What was she doing with her life? Livia kept asking herself this question, filled with shame. Was she indeed a wanton, a loose woman? Following that Sunday in the steam launch, to all outward appearances her relationship with Matthew Grayson continued as normal, on a strictly business footing. In reality they met frequently, in secret, to enjoy more of those delicious, exciting kisses. She would take a stroll in her dinner hour by the river and he would follow her, catching her hand and holding it in his, and she would do nothing to withdraw it. Then he’d pull her behind a tree, gather her in his arms and kiss her till she was breathless. The very touch of his hands upon her made her knees buckle. Livia never allowed their love making to go too far, keeping very
strict boundaries; nevertheless, she knew she was cheating on Jack.

It wasn’t as if Matthew made her any promises. He hadn’t even told her that he loved her, yet somehow Livia couldn’t bring herself to give him up. She needed him, wanted him, could barely concentrate on her work or think of anything else but when next she could be alone with him.

‘We can’t go on like this,’ she said one morning as he drew her behind a group of mannequins in the stock room to steal a few more passionate kisses; a place where Miss Caraway could walk in upon them at any moment.

‘Whyever not? We’re both free and single. Who are we hurting?’

‘You know full well.’ The answer was so obvious Livia daren’t even speak Jack’s name, not out loud. ‘This has to stop. He’s a good man and deserves better from me than this.’

‘Then leave him. Tell him it’s all over,’ Grayson urged, kissing her with such passion that Livia could barely think let alone come to any sensible decision. Why was this happening to her just when she’d imagined she had control of her life again? Wasn’t that all she wanted, a quiet life? Not for this man to turn everything on its head by creating emotional turmoil. 

When she could breathe again she continued with her argument. ‘I can’t do that to Jack. He needs me.’

‘I need you, and you need me. I’m quite sure you don’t respond to his kisses with such passion.’

There was that same teasing note in his voice, a glimmer of triumph in his eyes, an arrogance, almost, that she had so easily succumbed to his charms.

‘Don’t say such things, Matthew.’

‘I love it when you use my proper name.’

‘And don’t look at me with those devastating eyes of yours.’

‘Are they?’

‘What?

‘Devastating.’

‘Stop that!’ She stepped away from him, distancing herself so that she might better be able to control the situation. ‘Jack wants to marry me so badly that he’s pulled himself together at last. He’s got a good job back at the stocking factory. He’s stopped drinking, and even helps about the house. He’s a changed man, really trying hard to make things work between us. How can I tell him to leave when it would destroy him?’

‘So what am I supposed to do? Be satisfied with a few left-over crumbs of your affection? I want more than that, Livvy.’ She could have
walked away but she let him reach for her, leant against him and made no protest when he slid his arms about her. He tenderly stroked her hair and cheek with the backs of his fingers. ‘I want us to be together openly, Livvy, not in this hole-
and-corner
way. I want to shout to the heavens that you’re my girl.’

His voice rose slightly and she quickly silenced him. ‘Hush, someone will hear. Oh, I don’t know what to do, I really don’t.’ Her desire for him was undeniable, all-consuming.

‘Yes, you do. Send Jack Flint packing. You and I belong together.’

‘You want me in your bed. That’s what you said.’

‘I don’t deny it. I believe you want me too.’

Livia groaned as he pulled the pins from her hair and began to kiss the smooth line of her throat. She could do nothing to prevent herself from responding.

Imelda Grayson glared at her son across the breakfast table. ‘Is it serious then, this fancy you have for that Bohemian girl?’

Matthew stifled a sigh. ‘She isn’t Bohemian.’

‘You know perfectly well what I mean.
Free-thinking
, a libertarian, and a suffragette judging from her praise of that Pankhurst woman. A gel with absolutely no morals. I saw you with her, 
by the way, in the steam yacht.
Kissing
!
’

Matthew calmly buttered his toast, took a bite before he answered. ‘Were you in need of a cup of tea following your walk, Mother? You should have tapped on the door, I would gladly have poured one for you.’

‘Don’t be facetious. Well, are you?’

‘Am I what? Ah, serious, was that the word you used? As you know, dearest Mama, I’m not known for being a particularly serious person. Perhaps I take after my father in that respect.’

‘Do not speak of that man in my presence. Like him, you are an arrogant fool who ignores all good advice by insisting on going your own way in life. And look at the mess you have got yourself into. Going into trade quite runs against all common sense and decency. I trust you don’t intend making yet another foolish mistake.’

Matthew poured himself a fresh cup of coffee while he thought about this for a moment. ‘And what mistake would that be, exactly?’

The maid appeared at the breakfast room door, possibly about to ask if more tea or coffee was needed. Her mistress forestalled the question. ‘When I want you, girl, I’ll ring for you. Get out!’ As the maid fled, Imelda Grayson barked at her son, ‘Well? Answer my question. Are you or are you not considering installing that gel as mistress of this beautiful house?’ 

‘She has declined the dubious honour of being my mistress, I’m sorry to say. Not quite without morals then, eh?’

‘You surely aren’t intending to marry the chit?’

‘I haven’t quite decided yet, though I doubt she’d have me. She’s rather taken against marriage for some reason. Why do you ask, Mother? Is it imperative that I choose a wife quickly for some reason?’ Matthew quipped.

‘Is she right for you? That is the question you should be asking yourself. And why is the little trollop taking such an interest in you?’

‘You don’t think she’s bowled over by my charm and good looks then?’ Matthew joked, reaching for a second slice of toast.

Imelda plonked the marmalade jar down in front of him with a sharp click. ‘That madam clearly has her eye on the main chance, and has decided you are a much better catch. That is what motivates the little hussy. Money.’

‘I think you’re being a little hard on her. Livia is a very determined young woman, full of good ideas. She is a woman of principle, most affectionate towards her sisters, and caring of the staff. And she has worked as hard as anyone to get Angel’s Department Store back into the black.’

‘Exactly, and it would be so much easier to 
marry money, wouldn’t it, rather than earn it? Didn’t her father go bankrupt?’

Matthew pushed the toast aside, suddenly losing his appetite. Why was a quiet breakfast so impossible in this house? He was beginning to feel increasing sympathy for his own father, who’d strived so hard to please his over-critical wife that he’d tried anything, taken any risk, in order to make the fortune his wife had so desperately craved. And had then proved himself a failure in her eyes by losing most of it. The woman had a sad knack of bringing out the worst in a man.

‘A young gel so wanton as to refuse the blessing of holy matrimony, and yet come here quite freely, alone, without the company of her fiancé, and flirt outrageously with you, her employer, can hardly be considered to have an exemplary character. It would be very foolish of you, Matthew, and quite against my best advice, to involve yourself too closely with her.’

Matthew finished his coffee in one swallow and got to his feet, his smile somewhat strained. ‘Thank you, Mother dear, for those words of wisdom. I shall bear them in mind.’

Her stentorian tones rang out as he reached the door. ‘Your flippancy, son, does you no credit. For once in your foolish life listen to common sense. She could be the ruin of you.’ 

Matthew paused, his hand curved about the polished knob of the breakfast room door, an image of Livia as she had looked when he’d kissed her, her hair all tousled, her cheeks pink and her eyes aflame with desire, sharp in his mind. ‘Thank you for those choice words of confidence, Mother. It’s good to know that you have complete faith in my judgement. Oh, and just one more thing. I’m not her employer. As a matter of fact, she’s mine.’

Livia spent yet another sleepless night with despair and guilt eating at her soul. Was she a woman with no conscience? No, if she were, she could readily allow herself to fall in love with Matthew Grayson and not care a fig how it might affect Jack. She did indeed have a conscience, which was tearing her in two.

Had she allowed Matthew Grayson to think that because she was living with Jack without the benefit of marriage, she was a woman of easy virtue? Was that how he saw her? Someone to flirt with, make love to, but not take too seriously? Had she besmirched her own character, ruined any hope of happiness for herself? Not for the world would she dare ask how he felt about her. Matthew said he wanted more than a few crumbs but didn’t say where he thought their relationship might lead, except to admit that he 
wanted her in his bed. He’d made no mention of marriage. But then why would he, when she’d made it very clear that such niceties were of no interest to her?

At least, that was how she used to think.

Jack, on the other hand, was keen to marry and make an honest woman of her. Which might well prove of vital importance. Livia had checked her calendar only that morning and to her horror had realised that her courses were not only late this month, but that she’d missed her last one completely. Was that why she’d felt so tired of late? Did that mean she was pregnant or could it just be that she’d overworked? If only Ella were here to advise her. She’d been so involved with her new job at the store, and with the WSPU, that she’d failed to pay proper attention.

Oh, what a mess!

She was even having trouble with the other shop girls, her so-called friends. Connie was more friendly now in an off-hand sort of way, Stella as cocky as ever but Dolly was frequently late for meetings, or not at her counter when she was supposed to be. Her mind was clearly elsewhere and would jump at the slightest thing as if suffering from some guilty secret or bad conscience. Livia suspected her of being involved with a young man, and when she’d challenged her on the subject, Dolly had furiously denied 
it while blushing almost as red as her hair.

Why are we women so foolish? Livia thought as she wearily turned over and tried to go back to sleep.

One morning Grayson surprised Livia by saying he needed to visit Yorkshire. ‘There’s some crisis at the mill in Halifax and I really must check up on what’s happening.’

Matthew had come to the decision that distancing himself from Livia for a week or two would allow him some space to think through what he was getting himself into. It wasn’t that he agreed with his mother’s summation, rather the opposite. The depth of his feelings for Livia Angel had startled him, and Matthew wanted to be sure they were genuine before taking things any further. He had no right to ruin her relationship with Jack Flint unless he were sincere.

‘I’ve been neglecting my other business interests lately, but now that you are perfectly capable of running this store without me, it wouldn’t be a problem, would it?’

‘Oh, but I couldn’t possibly manage on my own.’ Livia was devastated. The last thing she wanted was for him to go away just when she was in this state of total confusion.

He planted a kiss upon her nose, laughing. 
‘What’s this? Surely not insecurity from a woman fighting for equal rights? Your strength shows in your face, did you know that? Beautiful,
fine-boned
, but strong.’

Yet he made her feel all weak and feeble. Livia did her best to rally. ‘When do you go?’

‘Today. I’m catching the two o’clock train. Don’t worry, I won’t be away long, a week or two at most.’

‘A week or two!’ Livia swallowed, desperately damping down a growing feeling of panic.

He pulled a face. ‘A month at most. Will you miss me?’

A month could well be too late. But how could she tell him of her suspicions? If what she feared turned out to be true, it wouldn’t be his responsibility. Livia certainly wasn’t about to foist another man’s child upon him.

‘Can’t it wait till next month?’ she begged, but he only chuckled at her apparent neediness, enveloping her in his arms in a crushing embrace that filled Livia with a sad ache, as if she knew instinctively this would be the last time he held her in this way.

‘I’m delighted to see that you will indeed miss me, but maybe a week or two apart will give us both the space and time we need to think things through with regards to these other commitments of yours.’ 

He meant Jack, of course, but it was more than time and space she needed. It was a miracle.

It proved to be the longest two weeks Livia had ever experienced in her life as she waited daily for some sign that her fears were unfounded, for her normal courses to start again. She longed for Matthew to write and tell her how much he missed her and needed to make her his own. But wouldn’t that put her in a worse quandary? She couldn’t possibly accept him now, even if he did ask her to marry him.

How could this have happened to her? She and Jack hadn’t even been particularly close of late. And then Livia recalled the day they’d moved into the cottage and Jack had announced that he’d lost his job. He’d frightened her with his temper, they’d rowed, and then she’d felt so sorry for him she’d let him make love to her even though she hadn’t been in the mood. Nor properly prepared, obviously.

How very careless of her!

When a letter finally came from Matthew, it told her only that he’d been delayed and couldn’t rightly say when he might be returning. He was sorry but it might not be for a month or more as there were unexpected problems to be dealt with at the mill in Halifax.