Angelic Avenger (27 page)

Wouldn’t I? Why was something digging in the back of my mind that sounded like doubt?

“You’re not going to have a hangover, honey.” Tony’s voice cut through my fantasy. It was full of an emotion I couldn’t place, so I didn’t want to even waste the effort to try. “But it’s going to leave one hell of a kick.”

“What does he mean?” My question went to Gray instead of the normal outlet of Gavreel. Why didn’t I ask my boss? He knew everything.

Gray’s face closed to me and some of the warm buzz faded a touch. It was enough to let the sudden fear wash into me. I stumbled back a step to find the dresser solid against my back. Reaching back to grasp the edge with my hands, I echoed the prominent question of the moment.

“Gray, what did you do to me?”

He didn’t answer, stared at me for a heartbeat. I tried to understand the rush of conflicting emotions on his face, but his words were simple and even more confusing. “You were going to leave me.”

I cocked my head as I tried to make sense of that. Exactly how did that answer my question in the grand scheme of things?

“Yeah. We both knew this wasn’t going to be a permanent arrangement. A little bit of playing house to keep Lizzy safe and a little bit of gratuitous sex, right? That’s what we agreed to. I’m still on the battle plan…”

“Which just changed. Welcome to the family. We’ll wait for you downstairs.”

I felt the door close as Tony stepped back into the hallway and then the wizard and the angel walked away, leaving us alone.

“What’s going on? What did you do to me?” Panic was beginning to set in and something hurt next to my heart. Anxiety? Since when did I suffer from anxiety? I hadn’t had an attack since I died. I liked it that way. It was one of the fringe benefits of being dead.

“You have to understand.” There was a desperate edge to his tone and he took a step toward me. “I can’t bear to have found you and then watch you walk away from me. I love you.”

“Don’t. You stay over there. I can’t think if you get too close.”

He moved back in the direction I waved him off to and stared at me with wide eyes. The knot in my chest closed into a fist and I was having trouble breathing. Wait…I didn’t need to breathe. I tried to shut it down and realized that I couldn’t. Somehow, I was alive. Not well and truly alive, but a hell of a lot more living than I’d been an hour ago.

“How?” I fought the panic as it threatened to set in, struggling to stay in control of my body and not let the fear have it.

“I shared my soul with you.”

“
You did what?
That’s impossible…it can’t be done.”

Yep, true panic at this point. I hated anxiety and fear and had liked the shadowed version of them I’d had as a soulless.

“Bella, honey, haven’t you ever wondered why weddings were celebrated? They didn’t start out as commonplace like they are, now. Weddings were special…”

Weddings? Wait, wait…I was so lost. I snagged on the first flaw I could find to his logic.

“You both have to agree to marriage, Gray. I didn’t agree to any such thing.”

“A modern custom. Marriages were originally set up so that only the most powerful of the couple had to recite the vows. Have you really ever considered them?”

He took a deep breath and recited them off the top of his head as if he’d been waiting for the opportunity.

“I take thee to be my lawfully wedded wife,

knowing in my heart that you will be

my constant friend,

my faithful partner in life,

and my one true love.

On this special and holy day,

I give to you in the presence of God

my pledge to stay by your side as your faithful husband

in sickness and in health,

in joy and in sorrow, as well as

through the good times and the bad.

I further promise to love you without reservation,

honour and respect you,

provide for your needs as best I can,

protect you from harm,

comfort you in times of distress,

grow with you in mind and spirit,

always be open and honest with you,

and cherish you until death do we part.”

Something clicked inside me with an audible snap to my mind even as the panic settled. True fear like I’d never known swelled up to replace it as his gaze locked on mine and the world crystallized in a way that had nothing to do with being punch-drunk on angelic magic. The rush was gone, now, but the side effects were still very much in evidence.

“And it always ends with a kiss?” He finished with a step toward me. Something in my face must have registered because he took the one step and stopped.

Trapped. I looked at him with wide eyes and tried to find my reason.

“What does this mean in the long run for me?” Logic. Logic would save me from the quagmire of emotion that threatened to suck me down.

“We’re bound together. Two become one in a very literal sense of the word. Two bodies, one soul. You carry a piece of my soul and a piece of my magic. If you were mortal, you’d be bound to me forever. Since you’re not, I’m not sure exactly how firm the attachment is. All the supernatural races have some version of it even though very few choose to do the binding, anymore. It makes the stronger, weaker, since he gives away a part of what makes him strong to mark his mate. It makes that mate stronger for the extra boost of the magic.”

“What happens when you die?” I ignored the pain the thought brought with it, finally managing to distance myself from the emotional rollercoaster. See? Logic helps.

“If you were mortal, you’d die with me. Since you’re not, I’m assuming my little bit of soul will simply follow me to my afterlife.”

“And if I were to die? We know that’s possible, now.” Breathing was easier, now. My natural defenses were coming to my rescue at long last.

“Again, you’re the exception to the rule. If you were mortal, my magic would return to me. Since you’re not, I suppose it would depend on how you die. Turel’s spell would have eaten it as surely as he tried to eat the magic that animates you, and it would have been lost to me forever or…”

He stopped and looked away. My eyes widened more at what he didn’t say rather than what he did.

“Or it would have followed the thread to you and eaten your magic, too.”

He shrugged and smiled at me.

“I don’t care. I’d rather die with you than live without you. I love you.”

Fear is an ugly thing, but it wasn’t fear of what he had done, anymore…it was fear I’d get him killed. One more responsibility, one more soul on my head.

Great, just great.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I wasn’t really sure how to take any of it. Staring at him from across the room, the first thing that popped out of my mouth was a question.

“Is it permanent?”

Gray’s jaw clenched and he looked away. That was answer enough. Turning on my heel, I strode out of the room. I could hear the general conversation from the dining room and followed it down. Everyone stopped to stare at me when I walked in. None of the looks were particularly friendly. Craig stood up and glanced over at Lizzy.

“Come on, bug, let’s go find a board game or something and let the big people fight amongst themselves.”

“Are they going to fight, Mr. Craig?”

“I’m thinking yeah, but they’ll get over it. In the meantime, let’s find something to do and work up an appetite for a snack that’s totally out of the norm. Guilt is a wonderful weapon after big people fights. We can use it to our advantage.”

“Craig!”

I couldn’t resist chastising him even as I fought back a smile. He was right and it would work very well to get Lizzy out of the way for the discussion and give her something to look forward to.

“What kind of snack?” Our girl wasn’t a fool. Her gaze was on me when she asked the question.

“Whatever you want, Lizzy. We do need to talk, though. I don’t think we’re going to fight, but it’s not a conversation for little ears.”

She nodded sagely and suddenly looked much older than five as she took his hand. “Let’s go outside and play Stalk. I like that game.”

Craig’s sigh was long, but there was a smile in his eyes as he looked to Gavreel for permission. Since when was I not good enough to make that type of call? Gav nodded and Craig led the child away, grumbling good-naturedly. When this was over, I was going to owe that cat a hell of a lot more than I was going to want to pay.

Ben handed me a cup of coffee, made the way I liked it, and I sat at the table so that I was facing the door when Gray came into the room. Right that moment, I didn’t want him at my back. Sad, but true. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, exactly; it was that my world still wasn’t secure under my feet, yet.

Tony and Gavreel were both sitting at the table like they knew each other better than I suspected. Tony was eating a stack of pancakes as if it were his last meal. After the first look, he pointedly didn’t look at me again. I smiled as Ben set a plate in front of me even before I looked down at it. He’d taken syrup and drawn a smiley face on the top. He glowered at Gray as he sat down and made no effort to get his breakfast.

Call it petty, but it made me feel better. Without offending anyone, Ben had let me know he was firmly in my corner. Sometimes, I really love the men in my life.

Gray sat down without bothering with coffee or pancakes. I couldn’t look at the tortured look on his face, so I toyed with the pancakes instead. I enjoyed food, but hadn’t had to eat in such a long time that the faint nausea of hunger took me off-guard. I took a bite and sighed. Confusion was still the paramount emotion in my heart, so I turned to the father of all answers in my world.

“Do you have any input on any of this mess?”

Gavreel glanced at me and put down his fork. “Not really. The bonding rite hasn’t been used against one of the soulless before, to my knowledge. Having said that, it’s possible that it has and no one has brought it to the attention of the council because of the sensitivity of the consequences.”

“What kind of consequences?”

“It’s not exactly forbidden as much as frowned upon to do what Gray’s done. I’m not sure if it will weaken you as much as it does him. He doesn’t rely on his magic to survive and function like you do, so the ramifications to him will be less than they will be to you.”

He hesitated and settled a calm stare on me. “You took him as your lover, but didn’t give him permission to take it this far. Your position on the issue of how things would progress once Turel is brought to justice was quite plain. Did last night change that?”

Oh no, we were so not discussing my sex life in front of my friend and a total stranger, his brother or not. I opened my mouth to say as much, but Ben’s foot tapped me on the shin. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to set me back a step. I glared at him and he frowned as he cut his eyes to Gray.

I understood his point. Whatever I said now in the heat of the moment would haunt me later. It was good advice and I decided to take it, for once.

“Last night was wonderful, but I don’t know if it changed things between us. I’d hoped on a relationship until he showed up.”

“Why did I mess things up?”

I looked at Tony, then, and saw how upset he was. It took a moment to realize he was upset because he thought this was his fault, not necessarily upset with me.

“Could it have been your warm welcome?”

The words had more bite to them that I would have liked, but I couldn’t help it. He’d hurt my feelings when he’d been snide with me.

“You started it.”

I opened my mouth to be equally childish, but Gray cut me off.

“Tony, that’s enough. You walk in here acting like a bastard when you had no right. I don’t recall giving you permission to approve or disapprove of the women in my life. I know you have better manners than to come in here shouting obscenities and being rude.”

I blinked and turned to face my protector. I’d never had someone come to my defense before. Ever. He stared at Tony until the other man looked away. He may have broken the stare, but he wasn’t done with his point.

“So you did
this
because I don’t like her?” Tony threw down his fork and waved the hand angrily in my direction.

“No.” Gray looked past him to me and his face softened. “I did this because I love her. Last night might not have changed much for her, but it changed everything for me. After you stormed in and acted that way, I was afraid she’d leave and my shot at happily ever after would have gone with her. You’re my brother and my best friend, but I would have hated you if she’d left because you were an ass.”

Tony opened his mouth but Gray didn’t give him a chance to say anything. His words were directed to me as if our audience had ceased to exist.

“I’m sorry, Bella. I panicked and lost my head. I didn’t even know if it would work, but I had to try. The thought of waking up without you was too much for me to take. Forgive me for acting on impulse, but I couldn’t let you walk out on me.”

“I wouldn’t have stayed gone.” My assurance was hollow even to me. I doubted anyone who knew me at the table bought it, much less Tony who hid his snort under a cough.

“You might have.” Gray’s smile showed he didn’t buy the act either. “Nothing has to change. We try it and if it doesn’t work, then we go our separate ways. This doesn’t have to be as long as I live, if you don’t want it to be.”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. He’d given me part of his soul and made me live again, after a fashion, but wasn’t asking for anything in return? It was too good to be true.

“No promises.” I smiled at him almost shyly.

“No promises,” he agreed.

I turned to Tony and my smile grew colder. “You need to watch your language around the house. Little ears start repeating you, and she’s not the one who’s going to get the beating over it.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“She won’t have to.” Gray’s smile was as cold as mine and Tony sat up a little straighter. “As long as she wants to stay, this is her house. If you can’t live by the house rules, go back to Mom and tell her that we’re getting on fine and to RSVP me with a guest for the wedding.”