Angelfire (31 page)

“Gabriel,” the creature said again, his voice smooth as fine wine. “You must not let the wicked seize the Beast. Lucifer must not gain control. There is no price too great to pay to prevent that.”

It took me ages to get my voice to work. “Who are you speaking to?”

His beautiful, determined face watched me for moment. He gave a slow nod toward me. “To you.”

I shook my head in confusion. “That's not my name. I'm Ellie.”

“You are Gabriel,” he said. “The left hand and power of God. The Preliator.”

I stared up at him. His wings did not move but remained spread wide in all their luminous glory as he floated above me. The revelation of what the mysterious creature said to me hit me like a flood. I couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. I didn't want to believe him, but I knew…. Something deep inside me stirred, something bright, something frightening.

He was no reaper. He was an archangel. Like me.

“Who are you?” I asked him at last.

“I am Michael, and I am here to guide you, Gabriel, my sister.”

Heaviness settled on me, and I felt my body sag—this frail human body that didn't belong to me. I found myself resenting it, longing for something different, something truly mine and without limitations.

Michael came forward, his wings folding back, and he
reached out a phantom hand to mine. I stared into his face and could almost see right through him. His body was like a sheer veil hung over a summer dawn, his skin glowing from a source of light unseen. I laid my hand on his and felt the magnetic pull between us. On contact, I felt the tremors of electricity; he seemed to be made of pure energy instead of flesh. He helped me stand without touching me. Somehow I felt my body pull forward onto my feet.

“You have work to do, Gabriel. The wicked will retrieve the Beast from the belly of the sea, and you must be there to prevent the awakening. All will be lost if you fail. The Second War is nigh.”

“The Beast is the Enshi, isn't it?”

Michael nodded. “Guardian,” he boomed, and looked to my right.

I followed his gaze to find Will standing there, gaping at us both in disbelief.

“Guardian,” Michael said again.

Finally Will tore his eyes away from mine to stare at the archangel.

“I gave you my sword so that you could protect my sister,” Michael said, his face hard as stone. “Nothing more. She is not yours. You belong to her.”

Will opened his mouth but said nothing. His eyes shone even brighter than Michael in all his glory.

“Michael!” I called and the archangel turned toward me again. “If you're supposed to guide me, then why don't you
speak to me anymore? A long time ago you used to give me orders, tell me where to go. Why did you stop helping me? Did I do something wrong?”

“You've forgotten how to listen.”

I rose to my feet, unsure if I fully understood what he said. “Are you the one who keeps sending me here? Every time I die, are you the one who brings me back?”

“You are reborn by your own power,” he said. “Our prophets foresaw the coming of the Beast, and you remained in Heaven to train and gain strength for the trials ahead.”

“Why do I feel this way?” I asked. “Why do I feel so much anger in battle? How can I be Gabriel if I feel so evil?”

His expression was kind, his sympathy infinite. “The divine were never meant to be mortal, my sister. The emotions you're feeling now are something you were never meant to feel. You have not fallen from grace, for your grace is with you always. You must stay strong, vigilant, and do not forget yourself, or you will never understand your power. Humans are amazing creations, but their ability to hate is as great as their ability to love. Let your humanity become a strength, not a weakness.”

“If I spent all that time in Heaven training, then why am I not stronger than before? Why am I not laying waste all my enemies? I will fail if I'm not strong enough!”

His glory wrapped around me in a veil of light and warmth. “God has faith in you. Do not lose your faith in Him.”

He vanished, and I was momentarily blinded by the
sudden absence of light. When I could see again, Will's gaze met mine, his eyes wide with disbelief. He reached for me and touched my hair, his gaze falling over every inch of my face. And he fell to his knees before me.

“What have I done?” He closed his eyes and bent his head.

“Will,” I pleaded. “Don't—”

“I've touched you in ways I shouldn't have, and I've wanted you—”

“Will.” I knelt in front of him and lifted his chin with my hand. His eyes were red and raw. “Hey. It's me, Ellie. I'm still me!”

“But I—”

“Hey! I need you. Don't freak out on me.”

“What have I—?”

“Will! I'm Ellie, not some archangel. Not God's left hand, or whatever Michael called me. I'm just me and you're just you.”

“How can I ignore this?” His voice cracked with pain as he stared at me, his face full of sadness. “What I've done and felt for you is forbidden. You are—”

“Please, Will,” I begged, cutting him off. “I need to figure this out. Please, for me? I'm not really ready to deal with this.”

He squeezed his eyes shut again and took a long, labored breath. His jaw clenched tight as he drew himself together again, but he said nothing.

I turned to see Nathaniel, who stared at us, the same
shock flooding his face. “We've got to go.”

My head spun suddenly, and I collapsed from exhaustion. Will scooped me into his arms before I hit the floor. I curled into him, giving in, and suddenly all I wanted to do was sleep. Our duffel lay at his feet, much fuller than before. Nathaniel got the lifeboat ready, its stark yellow practically glowing in the moonlight, and he threw the duffel down into its belly. Will carried me down and settled us both gently in the little boat. Nathaniel revved the motor, and as we sped away, I peeked back, shivering from the ocean chill and my wet clothes, watching the
Elsa
sink farther into the Caribbean. Will reached for the duffel and pulled out a heavy, smelly blanket and wrapped it over us. Warmth and exhaustion melted over me as I leaned into him, barely feeling the wind rushing over my head and the sea mist settling on me. I imagined the ocean pressure crushing the Enshi to bits despite Michael's warning until, finally, I fell asleep.

WHEN I WOKE, DAWN WAS BREAKING OVER THE horizon and we were pulling into a little lagoon lined with small, colorful homes. Nathaniel stopped the boat at a dock, swung the duffel around his back, and climbed out. Will lifted me, still wrapped in my dusty quilt cocoon, and carried me out of the lifeboat.

A man I couldn't see spoke Spanish from somewhere nearby, and I heard Nathaniel answer him fluently. I peeked out and saw the man who had spoken. He was looking at us strangely, his eyes flickering from us to the lifeboat parked at his dock. He said something else, and that seemed to be the end of it.

Nathaniel leaned close to Will and said, “I told him he could keep the boat if he kept his mouth shut.”

I loosened my hands a little from around Will's neck and
let them slip down to my chest as he cradled me. My eyelids weighed a thousand pounds again, and soon I was asleep once more.

 

I woke again in the bed at the motel, and within moments of my opening my eyes, Will was leaning close to me. I pulled the quilt tighter and leaned toward his warmth.

“Do you want to take a shower?” he asked, brushing the hair from my face.

“No.” My voice cracked pitifully. I didn't want to bring up what had happened on the ship after Bastian had left, because I was worried that it hadn't been a dream. But even if it had really happened, what would it mean? It wasn't even conceivable. How could I be an angel?

“We have to leave in an hour for the airport. Nathaniel is returning the truck before we check out.”

I examined my blood-caked skin and clothes and decided a shower was a good idea after all. I sat up slowly, zombie-like, and staggered to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and undressed, turned on the hot water, and climbed in, pulling the curtain shut. The water washed down my body, smearing blood, dirt, and unidentifiable grime. I smelled like fish and blood. My legs gave out, and I slid down the shower wall until I sat at the bottom of the tub and the water poured over my head. I cried.

I heard a knock at the door.

A few moments later, Will called gently, “Ellie?”

I said nothing.

“Do you need anything?”

I was glad he hadn't asked if I was all right. If he had, I might have been too strongly tempted to rip out his tongue.

I heard his back slide down the door and the soft thump as he sat down. “I know how you're feeling,” he said.

I stared at the rust-colored water streaking into the drain as the shower splattered me like hot rain.

“We've both felt this a million times before,” he continued. “The helplessness, the desolation, the feeling—the
knowing
—that the end is coming. We'll get through this.”

“Bastian is still going to come for me,” I said at last, my voice empty and dry. “He won't give up.”

“Ellie,” he said, his voice firmer, “we didn't lose. Yeah, we got pretty banged up, but we won. The Enshi is at the bottom of the ocean. It would take a miracle to keep that thing intact, let alone retrieve it. As far as we know, they wouldn't even know how to open the sarcophagus and awaken it. It's destroyed and it'll never awaken.”

“But Michael said that Bastian would get it back.”

He was quiet for a moment. “He must be wrong. If he's not, then we will stop Bastian before he awakens the Enshi.”

Will's words gave me little hope. Bastian didn't have the Enshi, and we still had a long way to go. Was whatever lay sealed inside that sarcophagus really capable of destroying
my soul? I didn't want to die, but I was more afraid of not even passing on. How did Will and Nathaniel deal with knowing they would just end after death? If the Enshi got hold of me, what would it be like to have my soul eaten?

“Ellie?”

I stood up and finished washing my hair. When I stepped out and dried off, I wrapped the towel around me. I opened the door to see Will sitting on the other side, turning his head to look up at me. He stood and faced me, his gaze lingering on the damp cotton towel tucked tightly around me.

“I'm not finished fighting,” I said shakily. “I don't want that monster to destroy my soul or anyone else's. I can't let Michael down. No price is too great to pay to prevent that.”

Will smiled, and the hope that filled his eyes made the glimmer inside me a little stronger. “It'll be all right,” he said.

He edged closer to me, and my back touched the cold wall. Though I no longer felt embarrassment around him, I did tremble the closer he got to me. I wasn't simply attracted to him the way I had been a month before. I was in love with him now, and when he was this close, the thought of him touching my bare skin stirred more than just emotions within me. When his hand touched my arm, a tremor ran through me and I sank deeper into the wall just to hold myself up. I forced out the memory of Michael's warning. I did belong to Will. I loved him and I was his.

“I'll protect you,” he said softly into my cheek. “I won't let anything happen to you.”

I wanted to believe him and I tried. The horrible image of Ivar's half-torn shoulder flashed across my mind, and I looked away.

“What is it?” His face was full of pain suddenly as he sensed my apprehension in that strange way our centuries-old bond allowed.

I spoke slowly, carefully choosing my words, watching his face for a reaction. “I saw Ivar's shoulder. Did you do that?”

His eyes held mine for a moment, the pause lasting painfully long. He chewed his upper lip and let his forehead rest against the wall next to me before he answered. “Yes.”

“You almost ripped her entire arm off. How are we supposed to be things that fight for good if we can be just as terrible as the monsters we fight?”

He closed his eyes and took a breath. “A reaper's power is great. It doesn't matter who we serve, the angels or the Fallen. But it's the way we choose to use it that makes the impact. I serve
you
, my angel, my Gabriel, my Ellie. You're stronger than I am. What I've seen you do is beyond anything I could have imagined.”

My heart sank. “Don't tell me that.”

“You
will
remember.”

“I already scare the hell out of myself,” I confessed. “I don't want to scare you, too.”

He smiled but just a little. “I'm used to it.”

“
I'm
not exactly used to it.” An invisible weight pressed on my shoulders, making me tired.

“But we know what you are now, and things will be different. You're Gabriel, bound in human form, the archangel of revelation, mercy, resurrection, and death. There's nothing you can't do.”

His words ignited fear in me. I wasn't ready to fully understand what I was, or how to accept it, or what would happen once I did.

“I'm going to take a shower before we go,” he said. “In the meantime, think of plenty of imaginary stories to entertain your parents about your up-north adventures with Kate.”

I forced my own smile. “Definitely.”

I pulled on jeans and a tank top, discarding my towel on the floor. I lay back down on the bed on my side, tucked my knees to my chest, and stared at the wall. I tried my best not to think about the night before, but I felt horrible for the poor crew of the
Elsa
. Because of our task, because of me, they were all dead. José's blank face stared back at me when I closed my eyes. A flash of a different vision—one of my own body clutched in Geir's monster hands—struck me, sending shivers all the way down to my bare toes. Will had promised me that my full strength would return along with my memory, but I was afraid that it would come all at once, traumatizing me, damaging me. In that last battle, I'd been able to control the other side of myself that my power had created. But if that was only a fraction of what I was capable of, then it was
possible that I wouldn't be able to control all of it. I wasn't sure I could handle the truth about my past and what I was meant for. It seemed far too simple: kill some reapers, die, live again, kill some reapers, die—lather, rinse, repeat….

What if that wasn't
it
? What if there was something more? What if I really was an angel—Gabriel, the archangel, God's left hand?

What Mr. Meyer had said to me the last day I saw him echoed through my mind:
“Life is going to test you in ways it never has before. Don't let your future change the good person that you are or make you forget who you are.”

The bathroom door opened and Will stepped out, clad only in jeans. As he brushed past me, I caught his clean scent and sat up, my half-wet hair in tangles. He rummaged through his bag for a dark chocolate tee that brought out the green in his eyes and shrugged it down over his lean torso. The idea that it was forbidden for me to touch him the way I wanted to and for him to touch me was absurd. It was impossible not to want to explore every last inch of him. He sat down on the edge of the bed to tug on a pair of socks, then his shoes. He turned his head to look at me as he slipped the chain of his crucifix over his head and tucked it into his shirt.

I crawled forward and knelt beside him on the bed. I wasn't anything close to the infallible, perfect vision of the angel Will had told me about. I felt like a girl sitting next to a boy who I cared for more than anything else. Just a silly girl who liked shopping and eating ice cream. This
whole thing was too beyond me, too out of my control. A few months before, I hadn't even been sure that God existed, but now people were talking about Him as if He and I were old pals. How do archangels behave? Would I have to stop swearing? Stop watching horror movies? What else would I have to give up, if I had to give up anything at all? I kind of lied a lot. That wasn't angelic in the least. Was it possible for me to go on with my life as normal knowing what—
who
—I was? I didn't want to feel different. I didn't want anyone to treat me as if I were different. I wanted Will to look at me the same way he always had. I didn't want him to look at me as if I were more of a freak of nature than I already was. I couldn't handle it, damn it, and I sure as hell wasn't going to stop saying
damn
and
hell
.

“You about packed?” Will's breath was cool and minty from his toothpaste. The dampness of his hair brought out its maple shine, and it was tousled wildly from vigorous drying with a towel.

“Yeah,” I said. “I didn't bring much. This wasn't exactly a vacation, so…” I trailed off.

He smiled crookedly. “Sorry about that. Maybe one day.”

“Are you promising me a real vacation someday?” Hope fluttered through me, giving my words a lilt.

“Maybe,” he said with an edge to his voice.

“With horses?”

“Maybe.”

He wrapped a hand around my cheek, stroking the corner
of my lips with his thumb as softly as if a feather were brushing against them. My pulse quickened, and something fluttered through my chest.

“I told you I wouldn't let them kill you,” he whispered. Then his eyes changed suddenly and he took his hand back, turning away from me.

I frowned, climbing off the bed to walk over to the dresser, and I turned around to face him. My fingernails tapped impatiently on the cheap wood. My confusion over how Will felt about me had distracted me from the horrors of the night before and what was to come. I couldn't help thinking that it was actually Bastian who had prevented my death—but, of course, only so he could kill me later. He had had the perfect chance to finish me off in the hold of that ship, but he hadn't even tried. I knew Bastian was actually trying to figure out a way to get the Enshi back, awaken it, and destroy my soul so I could never be reborn again. I couldn't let that happen.

“What's wrong?” Will asked.

The question was funny since there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. I should have asked what was wrong with
him
. “Do you think Bastian will find more thugs to do his dirty work, since we killed most of them off?”

He nodded. “I would imagine that as word gets out among the demonic reapers of what Bastian is trying to accomplish, more will flock to him. There's no telling what sort of monsters he will find.”

“I'm afraid of Bastian,” I confessed. “But I'm prepared to fight him.”

He stood up from the bed and walked toward me. “I know you are.” He slid a tentative hand around my waist, but he didn't pull me closer, or hold me tightly. His hand was just—agonizingly—there. I wanted to wrap my hands around his neck and pull him down to kiss me, but I could see the fight in his gaze, feel it in the rigidity of his body. Was he afraid to touch me?

The front door swung open—Will and I sprang apart—and Nathaniel appeared, looking more tired than I had ever seen him. Dark circles rimmed his lower eyelids, and his face was white as a ghost. I wondered if he had eaten anything since his injuries the night before. “I've checked us out and the cab's here. Time to go.”

He gave us a nod before leaving the room again. When he shut the door, I realized I hadn't breathed since he'd opened it.

“We should get going,” Will said.

As he stepped around me, I held a hand to his chest. “Will. Was that really Michael back on the ship? Was what he said to you true?”

His gaze fluttered away for a moment. “That was the angel who came to me centuries ago. The one who told me to protect you.”

“You recognized him?”

He nodded. “Being mortal for so long must have made you
forget. You're drifting further away from who you really are.”

“Do you believe that?”

He stepped away from me and ran a hand through his hair.

“Please don't let that be a yes.” I groaned.

“We should get out to the taxi.”

“So that's it, then? You're just going to shut me out and treat me like a leper after what you found out about me?”