Angel of the Apocalypse

Angel
of the Apocalypse

by
Magnus Hansen

This
is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places,
events, and incidents are either products of the author's imagination
or are used fictitiously.

Text
copyright
©
2015 Magnus Hansen

All
rights reserved.

No
part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system,
or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written
permission of the publisher.

Cover
design purchased from: depositphotos.com

The
Devil sat behind a large mahogany desk, watching the nightly news on
his cell phone. The desk was littered with scattered notes, a cup of
day-old coffee, and a bobblehead of Gary Busey. “Ugh, I barely
get any reception down here,” scowled the Devil, as he watched
the progress bar on his cell phone interrupt yet another news story.

After
watching the progress bar for a full ten seconds, the Devil slammed
his phone down on the desk in disgust, causing Busey's head to bobble
in agitation. “That's it, I can't take anymore. Orville!”
the Devil shouted. “Get my limo ready, were going on a trip.”

“
Where
to, boss?” croaked Orville; a short, foul-smelling demon.

“
I'll
let you know when we're in the car. Put on your best suit, and meet
me out front in five minutes,” ordered the Devil.

The
Devil pushed away from the mahogany desk, stood up, and straightened
his gray pin-stripped business suit. He walked across the room and
looked at himself in a full length mirror. He caught a brief glimpse
of his devilishly handsome features before the mirror started to
crack in protest, then shattered into a thousand pieces.
Unfortunately, no mirror had the power to reflect such a powerful
image. The Devil wondered why he bothered with mirrors at all.

“
Vanity,”
he whispered to himself, looking at the shattered glass. He let out a
long sigh, then walked out the front door.

Orville
was waiting for him in the driveway, holding the door of the limo
open. “All set, boss?” asked the little fiend.

“
Yes,
yes. All set,” replied the Devil. He sat in the back seat, and
proceeded to pour himself a whiskey from the limo's bar.

The
diminutive demon gingerly shut the door and scampered around to the
drivers side, got in, and started the limo. “OK, where are we
going today, boss?” asked Orville.

The
Devil held his glass of whiskey with his right hand, and dropped a
few ice cubes into the glass. He then began stirring the drink with a
long pointed fingernail. “Today is a special day, Orville, for
it is the day of the Rapture.”

Orville
clenched the steering wheel. “Boss? You're joking, right?”

“Afraid
not, old chum. Today is the day. We're going to see the man
upstairs.”

Beads
of sweat now forming on his bald head, Orville started the limo and
put it in gear. He drove to the end of the long, winding driveway and
made a right hand turn onto the main road. Too afraid to speak, the
chauffeur furtively glanced at the Devil in the rear view mirror.

“
Oh,
don't be such a worry wart,” scowled the Devil. “The
Apocalypse was going to happen some time. Might as well be today. Put
on some music. You know what I like.”

With
one hand still on the wheel, Orville sorted through a pile of
cassette tapes that were scattered on the front passenger seat. He
picked out one cassette, labeled 'Smashin' Rap Hits of the 80's' and
inserted it into the Limo's cassette player.

The
speakers blared, “Goin' to the dealer's to get my fix, Banging'
chix, and snortin' blow, yo!” The Devil's lips creased into a
slight grin as he took another sip of whiskey. It's going to be a
good day, he thought to himself.

The
long black limo pulled up to the pearly gates and skidded to a stop.
A short, fat demon got out of the car and scampered over to the back
door and opened it with a grunt. A tall, foreboding figure in a
pinstriped suit climbed out of the limo and approached the gates of
Heaven. He staggered slightly, as if he had too much to drink.
Eighty's rap music was blaring from the limo. The diminutive demon
closed the car door, then stood in front of the limo with his arms
folded across his chest.

Before
the pearly gates stood a large cherry-wood podium. Behind the podium
was a slender man with long hair. He was wearing a brightly colored
tie-dyed shirt. “Can I help you, sir?” asked the
attendant nervously.

“
Where's
St. Peter?” asked the Devil.

The
man, who looked like a hippy straight out of the 70's replied, “He's
on vacation this week. I can take a message if you like.”

The
Devil, realizing he was still holding the glass of whiskey, placed it
on the podium and stared at the hippy with bloodshot eyes. “Don't
bother, just get the big guy for me.”

As
a spark of recognition flashed across his eyes, the slender hippy
took a step back from the podium. “Dude! I know who you are! Oh
man, like, you're totally not allowed to be here, dude.”

“
Cut
the shit, and get Jehovah for me,” barked the Devil.

The
hippy looked at the gate, then back at the Devil. "I don't know,
man."

“
Oh
Christ, I don't have time for this crap.” The Devil picked up
the whiskey glass from the podium, and threw it at the hippy –
hitting him right between the eyes. The hippy's head snapped back
from the impact. He then slumped to the ground, unconscious.

An
awkward moment passed, as the Devil stood before the gates of Heaven.
Muffled 80's music could be heard in the background. “What now,
boss?” yelled Orville. “Should we go?”

“
Not
yet,” answered the Devil. “He knows I'm here.”

After
a few moments, the gates of Heaven ominously opened and God walked
out. He was a tall, stout man who appeared to be in his late 50's.
Steely blue eyes fell upon the Devil. “It's been a while, Lucy.
What brings
you
here?”

“
You
know I hate it when you call me Lucy,” said the Devil. “Call
me the Devil, Lucifer, the Beast, Father of Lies...anything but
Lucy.”

“
Look,
you know the rules. I can't have you coming up here and poking
around. It makes the Christians nervous,” God said.

“
Don't
worry, I won't be long,” replied the Devil. “I just came
up here to give you a courtesy call. I thought it would be best to
notify you in person, as a professional courtesy.”

“
What
are you talking about?” asked God, stroking his short-cropped
beard with one hand.

“
I'm
talking about the Apocalypse,” answered the Devil. “I
think it's about time we got this shindig started.” The Devil
carefully observed God. He had been waiting for this moment for eons,
and wanted to soak in every detail. God appeared distracted for a
moment, then amused.

“
You've
got to be kidding,” laughed God. “I wasn't planning on
the Apocalypse for a few hundred more years, at least.”

“
Well,
it's not entirely up to you, is it?” retorted the Devil.
“Besides, most of the prophecies have been fulfilled. Humanity
is the most secular it's ever been, and well, I'm bored.”

God
genuinely looked surprised. “You're bored?” He replied.
“You don't just kill off two-thirds of humanity just because
you're bored.”

A
smirk crossed the Devil's face. “Look who you're talking to. I
am the Destroyer. It's what I do.”

“
I
don't know about this,” said God. “We should talk more
later, after you've had time to rethink things.”

“
No.
The time is now. I've made up my mind. The only reason I'm giving you
a heads-up, is so you can carry out the Rapture, and call up all
you're precious little Christians before the Tribulation causes Hell
on Earth.”

“
Now
wait just a minute.” God pointed a stern finger at the Devil's
face. “There are rules here. More prophecies need to be
fulfilled-”

“
Do
I look like a person who follows the rules?” interrupted the
Devil. “Get your people ready for the Rapture, because the
Tribulation is coming whether you like it or not. And as an added
bonus, I'm going to take your most precious servant, and turn him
into the Antichrist."

With
that, the Devil turned around and walked back towards the limo,
leaving a thoroughly befuddled God behind.

Orville
opened the door to the limo. “Good one, boss. You showed him.”
The Devil climbed into the limo. Orville scampered over to the
driver's side door, got in, and started the ignition. The Devil
headed back to Hell with the sound of electric guitars, synthesizers,
and funky beats from the limo's cassette player fading into the
distance.

God
heard a slight moan from the ground. The hippy finally regained
consciousness and got back up to his feet, rubbing his forehead.
“Dude, what happened?” he asked God.

“
I
think the Apocalypse just started,” answered God.

It
was a warm Sunday morning in Littleton, Colorado. A small church made
out of brick and stone was sitting under the morning shade of huge
maple trees. A large blue and white sign by the road read
Covenant
Church of Jesus Christ
. Pastor Justin D. Abrams was just
finishing up his sermon about Revelations.

“
To
recap, Revelations will begin with the Rapture, where all of God's
children will be taken up to the Kingdom of Heaven. Then a censer
will be thrown down, and the Tribulation will start. Seven angels
will play their trumpets. Each sound of the trumpet will signify a
different calamity to befall mankind – fire, blood, and hail
will rain from the skies. The oceans and rivers will turn to blood,
locusts will sting and torment unbelievers. Then the seven angels
will pour seven bowls of God's wrath onto the Earth, signifying the
last seven great plagues. Then God will reign in Zion and-” A
hand shot up from the front of the congregation. “Yes, Fred?”

Fred,
a twenty-something student at the local community college, looked
puzzled. “That's unbelievably confusing. Trumpets? Bowls?
Censers? I don't get it.”

Pastor
Abrams smiled. “Well, Revelations is rather heavy-handed in its
use of symbols. Remember that the book of Revelations was written by
the Apostle John in 95AD. These instructions were given to him by an
angel. Imagine trying to describe an event that was to happen nearly
two thousand years in the future. It would be nearly impossible for a
person who didn't know about electricity, radio, computers, the
internet, cell phones...Think about all of the technology that was
beyond the scope of understanding for the Apostles. They were given
visions of future events in terms they could understand.”

“
Like
what?” asked Fred.

“
Well,
for instance - Revelations chapter eight, verse seven states that
when the first angel blew his trumpet, hail and fire rained down on
earth. One-third of all the trees were burnt up. Of course, back in
John's day, they didn't have nuclear weapons, or even the technology
of flight. But today, it is very possible that nuclear weapons could
burn up those trees in such a fashion. In another example, when the
fourth angel blew his trumpet, a third of the sun was blighted and
darkened. This might be explained by nuclear winter.”