Angel of Redemption (82 page)

“Hey,
Kayla. It’s Emily. Look, I just got a visit from Dean. He’s a mess. I know it’s
not any of my business, but he’s my brother-in-law and you’re my friend, and I
know he screwed up, but please listen to him—”
I hit
END CALL
before she finishes because I don’t want
to hear it right now. I need to be allowed to be mad for a little while.

The stuffy court prep room is busy, but my
brother finds me anyway. I think he has homing radar or something when I’m
upset.

“Hey, buttercup.” Andy opens his arms, and I walk
right into them. “Sara told me. You okay?” I nod against his chest. “Did you
talk to him?”

“Yes.”

He puts his hands on my shoulders and pushes me
away enough so that he can look into my eyes. “Really?”

“Sort of.” I shrug. He continues to look at me
until I fold. “I didn’t want to talk to him. I’m pissed.”

“You have to talk to him, Kayla. Dean
’s
not the kind of guy who does shit like that without an explanation.”

“He lied to me, Andy.”

“Eh.”

“Don’t
‘eh’ me. Why is it that men don’t
seem to see omission as a lie?”

“I’m just saying let the man explain himself. If
you can’t live with the answer, then move on, but don’t run away from a good
thing over a stupid misunderstanding.”

“Leave me alone,” I grumble. He kisses my
forehead and smiles. It’s one of those
you know I’m right
smiles. Fucker.

“Look. Sara told me what she saw, but
…I
don’t know. I’m a freaking clueless guy and even I can see that the man would
die for you. Talk to him. Find out what happened. If he really did step over
the line, I’ll fuck him up for you.”

This makes me laugh. Andy’s a big guy, but I’m
pretty sure he couldn’t take Dean in a fight. Regardless, I appreciate his
support.

“Thanks, Andy.”

* * *

After three hours of
waiting at court for a ten minute progress hearing, I grab some sushi from the
Asian Bistro and head into my office to prepare for my one o’clock termination
of parental rights board. I’m presenting the case of Garrett Turkins—the
case I got from Dana. She’s done all the work, so I just need to provide an
update. I haven’t met with Lizzie yet, but if it goes through, I’ll be the one
who has to inform her that once her rights are severed, we’ll no longer be
working with her toward reunification. I’m not worried. It’ll go through. She’s
played with the system far too often in the last few years and Garrett’s the
one suffering. His foster mother says he has nightmares for a month after every
visit. We think it’s due to the fact that his mother keeps telling him he’s
coming home to her. He’s confused and scared because he doesn’t even really
know who she is. The nail in her coffin was her dirty urine last week. She’s
been on methadone, but apparently she needed a booster and didn’t think she’d
get called in. She was wrong. She’ll get one final visit and that’s it. Then
Garrett’s foster parents will be allowed to file for adoption.

As I’m standing in the hallway waiting to go into
the board, my phone buzzes with a text.

I swallow the lump in my throat. I’m
about to answer him when the door opens and another caseworker comes out. She
smiles and holds the door for me as I shove my phone back in my pocket and grab
my files from the floor.

“Thanks,” I mumble. Dean’s going to have to wait.

Kayla

“So?” Dana asks when I
walk back into our office.

“We got it,” I answer.

She smiles lightly and nods. “I hate to give up
on her, but this is what’s best for Garrett.”

“You’ve spent ten years trying to straighten her
out, Dana. There’s only so much we can do for her.”

“I know,” she sighs. “I’d like to do the final
visit with you if that’s okay.”

I nod. “Sure.”

“Oh, and by the way, Jasmine stopped by looking
for you. She said to call her.”

“Thanks,” I say, sitting down and picking up my
phone. I’m eager to find out what Jasmine has to say. I know she’s been working
on Claire’s case.

“Hey, it’s Kayla. What’s going on?” I greet when
she picks up the phone.

She groans into the receiver. “This has been a
long week. I wanted to give you an update on Claire’s case.”

“Fantastic. Shoot.”

“Okay. I sat down with Celia a couple of days
ago. I thought if I could get her alone, I could work on getting her some help,
but
…”

“No-go?”

“No. I told her I could return Claire to her if
Richard moved out and had no unsupervised contact.”

I snort. “No way.”

“She refused. I tried to talk to her about the
abuse, but she wouldn’t admit any of it. She’s like a brick wall, that one.”

“Did you
…see any signs that he’s hurt
her?” I ask in a whisper.

“She was covered,” Jasmine says. “I’m sure I’m
not supposed to be discussing this with you, but if she were my mother, I’d
want to know, so I’m going to extend you the professional courtesy. I worked in
a DV shelter for a few years back in college and saw a lot of battered women.
She’s not the stereotypical case, but I absolutely think she needs to get out
of that house.” I look down and start chewing on my thumbnail before realizing
that I’ve been doing it so much recently, I’m down to the skin. “In any case,”
Jasmine continues, “I then met with the two of them together to go over a
service plan for reunification. He wouldn’t sign.”

I feel my mouth drop open. I shouldn’t be
surprised that Richard is too much of an arrogant bastard to cooperate, but I
am.

“Is he going to?”

“I don’t know. He said he would consult his
attorney, and that was it.”

“So what’s the plan?”

“Right now, the plan is for her to stay in your
care. My hands are tied. I tried to talk to him about what he thought was
appropriate for the plan, but
…I’m not sure he wants to work toward
reunification.”

This surprises me as well. Claire was always his
golden child. But then again, maybe he doesn’t want another symbol of his
failure anywhere near him.

“There’s something else, and you didn’t hear this
from me.”

“Okay.”

“I think something is going on at his work. I don’t
know what, but he was on the phone before he realized I was waiting for him,
and he was yelling something about being put on probation. That’s all I know.”

“Thanks, Jasmine. I really appreciate it.”

“My pleasure. I’ll let you know if anything
changes. And you’ll let me know if you find out anything?” I agree and hang up.
The second I do, my cell buzzes with a text.

I gaze down at it, then text back.

Within seconds, he responds.

His text reminds me that I did actually ignore
Emily. I begrudgingly hit her number and wait for her to pick up.

“Hey!”

“Hi.”

“Can you hold on a minute?”

“Uh
…”

I can hear her cover the phone with her hand and
talk to someone. Then she’s back.

“Sorry. I’m at work ,and I had a very distressed,
tattooed man in my office,
” she sighs. “For such a tough guy, he sure
does look defeated.” I don’t respond because I’m not sure what to say. “Honey,
I know he fucked up.”

“How long have you known about her?” I interrupt.

“I just found out. He told me yesterday as he was
heading over to the apartment. I know you think he was hiding it, but I really
don’t think that was the case. He swore to me he was going to tell you last
night. He said he was going to get closure.” I feel a little of the tension
release as she tells me this. A very tiny bit. “How did you find out, anyway?”
she asks hesitantly.

“I know Stephanie’s worker,” I respond vaguely.
“She was in the hallway as he was leaving. She saw them
…in an intimate
position.” There’s silence on the other end, and then I can hear her take a
breath.

“Kayla, Dean told me everything that happened
while he was there. I’m not sure what the social worker saw, but whatever it
was, he certainly didn’t see it as intimate.”

I don’t want to talk about this, especially not
while I’m at work. “Okay, well. He and I are going to talk about it tomorrow,
so
… Hey, what happened with Simon?”

“Oh my God
!” she groans, allowing me to
change the subject. “That asshole was making Matty steal shit!”

“What?” I screech, making Dana look up at me.

“Okay, you know all the stuff that’s turned up
missing lately?
”

“Yeah.”

“Well, Matty had a panic attack yesterday. Dean
was able to calm him down, and he admitted to the thefts. He said Simon was
blackmailing him with the knowledge of Claire and Logan’s relationship. I think
Matty was afraid that if we found out, you’d find out, and you’d wash your
hands of Logan for good.”

“Oh, God,” I groan, rubbing my fingers against my
temple.

“When I talked to Matty this morning, he said he
thought it was done with when you found out anyway, but then Simon came back
and told him he’d made sure that everything could be pinned on Logan and he’d
have him arrested if Matty didn’t keep stealing. He didn’t think he had a
choice.”

I cannot believe what I’m hearing. My gut hurts.
“Why?” I cry. “Why would Simon do that?”

“Matty’s the most vulnerable in the house,” Emily
says quietly. “Simon pegged him as the easiest target.”

“But why? What the hell did he need so badly that
he’d put a child in that position?”

“The boys said they heard him talking about
gambling debts a few weeks ago. I don’t know. I honestly don’t care what his
reasoning was. It’s fucked up. Dean wasn
’t going to report it, but Joe
told me to. So I did.”

I try to let it all soak into my already-fried
brain. “Was Dean really able to calm Matty down?” I ask after a second.

“I wasn’t here, but yeah, from everything I hear,
he did exactly what you told him to do and was able to bring Matty back down
pretty quickly.”

I smile. “I’m glad. Jesus Christ, Emily. How the
hell did that man get a job working with vulnerable kids?”

“I don’t know,
” she says sadly. “I feel
horrible that we were the ones who hired him. Dean knew there was something off
about him. I called his references to tell them. Hopefully, he won’t ever be
able to get a job again. You’d be proud of Logan, though. When I told him what
happened, he nearly went out after the asshole, but we reminded him that it was
much harder to be a good father from prison, so he went to town on the heavy
bag instead.”

“Good. It’s about time he started thinking about
someone other than himself,
” I grumble.

“Dean got in a good hit, though. He had a really
rough day yesterday.”

I sense that she’s going to start defending him
again, so I put an end to our conversation. “I’ve got to go. I’ll let Dana know
about the thefts. I told Matty I’d bring her to meet him soon. I’ll call and
let you know.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later.
”

I hang up and spend the next few minutes updating
Dana. It feels weird to push it onto her, but I have to get used to the idea
that Matty isn’t mine anymore.

* * *

“Are you sure you don’t
want me to stick around? I’ll go in my room and put in my earbuds so I won’t
hear anything.”

I smile at my sister. She’s going to a barbecue
at Caitlynn’s house, but she’s hesitant to leave. Dean is supposed to be here
in less than an hour.

“Go! Have fun. I’ll be fine.” I hear Logan’s horn
honk outside.

“I’ve got my phone.”

“Okay,” I laugh, wondering exactly when we
switched roles.

After she leaves, I change into some yoga pants
and a T-shirt and pull my hair back into a ponytail. While I’m waiting, I go
through bills. Andy’s right, there’s no way I could afford all of this myself.
I sigh, tossing the statements into a pile.

I can hear when Dean pulls up outside, but
several minutes later, he still hasn’t come in. Getting up, I head toward the
front door and open it, jumping back in surprise because he’s right in front of
me.

“Hi,” he says, scratching the back of his neck.

“What are you doing?”

“I didn’t know if I should knock or just walk
in,” he says quietly.

“Oh. Uh, yeah, just come on in.” He follows me
down the hallway. I haven’t even looked him in the eye, and yet the tension in
the air is palpable. “Do you want something to drink?” I ask without facing
him.

“No.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Kayla.”

I shove my thumbnail into my mouth and turn,
lifting my gaze. His eyes are dark green and pleading. I sit down. He does,
too. This is painful.

“Okay, explain.”

“She showed up at my apartment a little over a
month ago. She was fucked up, high as a kite. Said she’d been trying to call me
because the state took her kids.”

“Why would she go to you? I thought you hadn’t
seen her since the divorce.”

“I hadn’t. She said I was the only one she knew
who would help her. I threw her out. She gave me her number, but I never called
it. I was hoping she’d go away.”

“But she didn’t.”

He shakes his head. “She showed up again two
weeks later, clean, enrolled in NA. I wasn’t going to do it, but Jesus Christ,
how do you turn away someone begging for help?”

“So you let her stay with you?” I say,
disbelieving. “After everything she did to you, you thought that was a good
idea?”

“No. I was sending her away, but then
…I
just couldn’t. I took all my shit and left. There’s nothing left of mine at the
apartment. Nothing I wanted.”

“Why couldn’t you send her away?” I ask flatly.

He shakes his head. “At first it was because of
the kids. At least, I thought it was. You know what it’s like in the system,
especially for kids of hookers and addicts. They bounce around for years.
Sometimes they end up in homes worse than where they started out. It’s hard
enough for the seasoned kids to survive, but those kids had never been in the
system. I didn’t want that for them.”

I nod in understanding. “And then?”

He takes a deep breath and rubs his hands over
his thighs. “I’ve spent almost half my life trying to figure out how to be a
better person. Trying to fight the belief that I am a criminal and a murderer
and that women like Steph were the best I could do. And even she didn’t want
me,
” he admits. I swallow, watching him fight any sort of emotion trying
to escape. “And then I met you. I don’t know how to be good enough for you
because, in the back of my head, she is always there. The Wildes are always
there. I thought if I could help her, if I could contribute in even a small way
to her finding peace in her life, then I could finally forgive myself. I could
finally let go and move on. With you.” My head is starting to pound, my eyes
ache, and I can’t stop the tears from escaping and rolling down my cheeks.
“Kayla, I never saw or talked to her. I gave her an apartment that didn’t feel
like home anyway.”

“What about the other day?”

“She called to ask me to fix something. The super
tried to get her to blow him to do the job.”

I wrinkle my nose, remembering the slimy little
man hovering in the doorway when I showed up at Dean’s all those months ago.

“You remember when I mentioned I had things to
tell you, but I was working with Colin to figure out how?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s been helping me work through this. He said
I needed to stop basing my self-worth on other people.”

“He’s right,” I agree.

“I know. I just
…I needed to let go.”

“And Zachary?”

“What about him?”

“Is he yours?”

Dean looks shocked.
“No. That isn’t even
possible. I haven’t… Why would you think that?”