Angel Dust (24 page)

I think I lost my temper. I'd been under a lot of stress. It was either that or burst into tears. And angels don't cry. They don't need to. Not when they can command. Marcus was deliberately ignoring me. Did he think he could give me the silent treatment? After everything I'd been through just to be with him? A fury started to burn inside me. I wasn't having it.

I got rid of the sunbeam and the rainbow, brought back the grey clouds and grasped his shoulders with a tornado. I
made
him turn.

Almost as if he too were fighting himself, he turned. He looked up.

In a flash I switched to his side of the cemetery, took up a new pose, apparitioned, like a blaze of lightning – right beside the statue of a stone angel. Just for a second. There I was, visible, in a pillar of light.

And our eyes met.

Jasmine grabbed his arm, as if she was concerned about him. ‘We all need to go in now,' she whispered.

But I held him with the hand of the hurricane.
He would see me. He would talk to me. I would not be ignored.

‘They'll start the service soon,' she urged.

I drove the wind hard at his back and forced him to step towards me.

‘You're still not well,' she added.

‘Sort the others out,' he sighed wearily. ‘Man's received a summons. There's someone I need to talk to.'

I sent a sudden gust of wind. Jasmine's hat sailed off. She looked confused. She didn't know whether to chase it or stay with Marcus.

‘Is it her?' she whispered. ‘Is she here?'

I lifted the hat off the ground and bowled it away.

Marcus smiled at her, gently released his arm from hers.

‘Don't worry, I'll be in soon,' he said.

He gestured towards me. His shrug seemed to say,
You don't need to drive the wind at my back. I'll come, if it's that important to you.

Jasmine looked even more puzzled. She peered around. I stood there trembling by the tombstones, quivering with the force of the cyclone.

‘Well, hurry,' she said and went to chase the hat.

She chose well. For delightful as she was, she couldn't stand in my way. Heaven nor Hell nor anything that lies between can stop the divine might of an angel when she's doing God's work. And I was. I knew I was. How dare he be angry at me. I'd save his soul by force if that's what it took. I held the wind steady. I would tell him to repent. And then I would see with the help of thunderbolts what
he
chose to do.

Marcus moved forward. When he reached near, I apparitioned seamlessly. He held out his hand, palm facing out in a please-stop-this-nonsense gesture.

‘Ho! Angel,' he said. ‘Are you
that
desperate?'

‘I am,' I said.

He sighed in a most hurtful way. But I paid no attention to it. I put aside all pain, all thought of self. ‘Marcus,' I said in a voice like the End of Days. ‘
You may choose to pretend I don't exist. You may believe that there is no God. But I say unto you, repent
.
I exhort it in the name of the Lord.
'

‘Tried it already. Long story. Didn't work out. Not doing it again,' he said.

I gulped a bit, knowing full well just how hard he
had
tried and just how seriously it
hadn't
worked out. I nearly stopped right there. But I forced myself to think of Styx, to remember Joey's eyes and the terrifying screams that echoed out of Hell.

‘You don't understand,
' I thundered.
‘You have to repent. I command it!'

‘Actually you've got a nerve,' he said back, ‘showing up here, ordering me about.'

With a massive effort I conjured the clouds to roll down, to contort themselves into Joey's pleading face. Behind the terror in his eyes I let the sun glow red-hot like the fires of Hell.

There, let him see it for himself.

He raised his head, took one look at it, went grey, then seemed to settle into a cold fury.

‘Hello,' he said icily, ‘that's not very nice.'

‘Let it be a warning to you!'

‘And this is a funeral, in case you haven't noticed. Not just another opportunity for you to show off.'

Show off!

‘Appearing in sunbursts, all that boring birdsong, animating stone angels – now
Joey's face
–
that's sick. This is his funeral, for fuck's sake! What're you thinking of?'

I looked at him, stunned.

‘So disrespectful. You should know better. For God's sake, you're an angel!'

‘But your soul?' I said. ‘I've heard what you plan to do. Do you think that will bring Joey back? You must not take another human life. I command you not to. It's wrong. It's wicked. You will pay for it with your immortal soul.'

‘Oh pul-lease,' he said, rolling his eyes. ‘Marcus do this, Marcus do that. Get real. You don't control me.'

‘But do you not tremble at the thought of Hell Fire and Brimstone?' I was astonished.

‘You're so predictable, Angel. So one-dimensional. And frankly, I don't give a shit if you're real or not. You're bang out of order,' he muttered.

‘One-dimensional?' I gasped.

‘OK, half a dimension.' He made a gesture with his hand that upset me.

I couldn't stop myself. The feelings all boiled over. Before I knew it I'd raised a storm cloud, a dark cumulonimbus. It rolled over Marcus's face and hovered ominously above his head. ‘Have a care how you address God's messenger,' I threatened.

He looked up. ‘Go on,' he said, ‘do your worst.' And he set his jaw tight and met my eye. ‘Nobody tells me what to do.'

I couldn't help it.
Something inside snapped.
I felt my full powers return. I let the thunder crash, the rain pelt.
I couldn't stand the contempt in his eyes.
I made the trees shake.
Together we'd been going to work everything out.

‘Amen,' he said. ‘Very supportive.'

He was mocking me. This time I meant it. I sent lightning lancing down upon the ancient yew tree by the cemetery wall. For a good two minutes the tree writhed in flame, danced in fire, split, crashed, fell. There. He better damn well get the message. Then I raised a gale that howled through the tombstones and moaned at the graves like a disembodied spirit.

All the mourners hurried into the crematorium.

Marcus shook his head. ‘And you reckon I need to worry about the Devil?' he said.

I made the earth shake. ‘
If you don't repent,
' I screamed, ‘
I'll crack open the very tombs of the dead and make their ashes swirl before you.
'

He must see. He must understand. He must realise.

‘With Guardian Angels like you, who needs demons?' he answered.

I stopped. Dead. The wind dropped. The rain ceased. The clouds broke.

‘Hello, Angel? Now can you guess why I don't want to talk to you?' He looked at me steadily. He seemed to be debating with himself. At last he spoke. ‘Apart from your gentle, comforting presence – you did something that really hurt me.'

I did something that really hurt him
.

‘Why didn't you tell me?' He stopped. He seemed to be unable to carry on.
‘Why didn't you?'
he whispered, his voice suddenly cracking.
‘I thought you cared . . .'
He hesitated. ‘
I asked you about Joey – you made me believe he was OK.
' He looked at me. ‘
Do you know what that feels like – to believe and then . . .
'

Men like Marcus don't cry. Their eyes just become set like obsidian. Their grief destroys everything around them. ‘
You made me believe you . . . when you should have told me.
'

My jaw dropped.

‘And all the time he was dead.
And you knew
.'

I dared not look at him.

‘And even after that, I still tried to do what you wanted. Not just because I owed you – but because I wanted to believe . . . because I gave my word and I don't lie.'

He waited for me to say something. But I couldn't.
I just couldn't.
He shook his head in disbelief. ‘You don't give a toss about me, do you?'

I had to speak. I opened my mouth. I tried to defend myself. ‘You were too unwell . . .' I started to explain.

His face grew dark. ‘You don't care about Joey, either.' He narrowed up his eyes. ‘Oh, just push off back to Heaven and leave me to show some respect.'

‘But your soul?' I whispered.

‘Christ!' he yelled. Then he stopped. He looked up at the sky. He shook his head. ‘What is the fucking point! You girls are all the same. You've got only one thing on your minds.'

I blinked. I did care about Joey. And I felt guilty. And ashamed. And I didn't want to talk about it.
I should have told him.
I was a coward. I wanted to think some good could come out of it.
I should be telling him now . . .
about Joey's death . . . but if I could save him . . . I could make it OK . . .

‘Girls!' he snorted. ‘And I thought you were different.'

I was different. And I did care about him. I loved him so much. More than God or Heaven or anything I'd ever known. I'd have frozen suns, melted rocks. I'd have even gone into the heart of Hell if he'd asked me to.

Marcus shook his head. ‘Always telling a guy to fucking fix up. You're just the same as all the rest.'

But as for us ‘girls' being all the same . . . I raised a column of fire before his eyes. I stepped into its burning heart. We. Were. Not. All. The. Same.

That made him smile. ‘Except you're very Old Testament.'

My jaw dropped. Old Testament? Me?

‘Two little words,' he said.

I looked at him amazed. Earthquake, fire, flood wouldn't shake him. ‘Old Testament?' I whispered.

‘No, those aren't the words you need to learn.'

‘What are they?' I said, bewildered.

‘My. Life.'

I snapped my mouth shut.

‘I don't want to be saved any more. Get it? Savvy? Capisce?'

‘But,' I said.

‘I tried it and it's a joke. So I don't want salvation. I don't want Heaven. And I don't want you telling me what to do.'

‘Then what do you want?' I said in a confused half-strangled squeak.

‘I wanted Joey to be alive,
'
said Marcus, his voice suddenly dangerously soft. ‘I wanted Melly to be alive. But they're not, and so now I don't care about anything except getting even.'

‘No!'
I cried.
‘You mustn't give up. I'll stay by you. I'll be there!'

‘Like you were there when I needed you?' said Marcus. ‘When Melly was bleeding out, and I was trying to do what you told me?' His voice was breaking but he stood firm, looking me straight in the eyes. ‘Nah,' he said. ‘Repentance, what crap. What about justice, Angel?
What about that?
What is salvation, Heaven, everything
– without justice?
' He flung the words at me with such force that I stepped back.

‘But,' I said again. ‘You don't understand.'

‘No.
You
don't understand,' he said. ‘Joey was my friend.' Marcus spoke slowly, sadly. ‘I don't know how it works up in Heaven, but down here your mate is your mate.'

He looked at me to make sure I understood. ‘He puts up with you when everyone else walks away. He's there when you're down, when you ain't got a dollar to your name. He shares his crummy cheap burger with you
–
when neither of you've got nothing he makes a joke to cheer you up. He opens his crib to you, when you're out in the cold, alone, drunk and in trouble. He don't have to be smart, or kind, or clever, or good. Joey wasn't any of that shit. He was a joke. A crazy bastard. But he was
my
friend. Understand? He was my friend. My friend.'

I tried to understand.

‘So Angel, I know you're good. Maybe you care, but if you really care, you'll start showing it, and respecting my decisions. Heaven and Hell don't matter if you can't protect the ones you love – and when your best friend gets murdered, and his killer is still out there, you‘ve got just one mission in life and until you finish it, you're only half a man.'

For a split second I saw.
I saw what he meant.
But this was madness. He didn't understand.

‘Joey would've died for me,' said Marcus.

‘Wait,' I said.

‘And I'm ready to die for him.'

‘Please, Marcus.'

‘Wait for what?' he said. ‘I've waited long enough, waited until I was well enough to walk out of the hospital, waited for the police to sort it, waited while the Crow murdered Joey's girlfriend
–
waited right up until now
–
until we've given him his send-off. But do you think Joey'll rest in peace? His soul will
never
rest in peace until his murder is avenged.'

‘But there's something you don't know,' I said. My voice breaking.

‘I know everything I need to,' he returned. ‘The Crow's got it coming. He better sit up and enjoy his last few days, because this man's going to kill him or die trying.'

‘Won't you at least
listen
to me?' I pleaded. ‘
You must listen.
It's not as clear-cut as you think
–
'

But Marcus stepped away from me. ‘I've got a funeral to go to.' He turned his back. ‘And I'd appreciate your support.' He shrugged.

He stepped away from me.

He turned his back.

I don't know what happened. A feeling possessed me.
I had to make him listen. I had to tell him. I had to take the blame. I had to stop him. I leaned out.