And You Call Yourself A Christian (9 page)

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Authors: E. N. Joy

BOOK: And You Call Yourself A Christian
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Chapter Fifteen
“Mommy!” Unique exclaimed when she saw Korica being escorted by the deputy over to her.
“Oh, my baby girl,” Korica said. Korica was the woman who had raised Unique as her daughter, even though technically, or legally, she wasn't. She'd always treated Unique like she was blood. Nobody could tell her that Unique hadn't grown in her belly and she'd given birth to her herself. Unique even looked like her other four children, who somehow managed to look exactly like her, and like each other, even though they all had different fathers.
“They're dead, Mommy. The boys are dead,” Unique began to cry. This was the first family member Unique had been afforded the opportunity of sharing the deaths of her sons with.
Korica went and flung her arms around Unique for an embrace. She couldn't hold her the way she wanted to, though, because of Unique's hands being cuffed in front of her.
Korica went on a cursing rage to get the cuffs taken off of Unique. “Can y'all at least take these things off of her while her momma is here to see her? Y'all got her chained up like she's an animal. My daughter is not an animal. She's a human being. She's a mother whose children just died yesterday, for Christ's sake.”
“Ma'am, if you don't calm down, you're going to be chained up next,” a deputy threatened Korica. “So I'd advise you to sit on down and take this visit.”
After rattling off a couple more expletives under her breath, Korica followed the advice of the officer. The last thing she needed was for her kids to be trying to rustle up money to bail her out of jail.
Sitting down, tears streamed down Unique's face. “Mommy, I killed my boys. I left 'em in that car to die, Mommy.”
“No no no, baby.” Korica shook her head as she sat down in a chair next to Unique. “I know you. I know how much you love them boys. That would never happen. You would never do something like that. There's got to be a mistake or some explanation.”
“There's no mistake. I let this happen; their mother, who was suppose to protect them. This is my fault, and for what? Some child support money?”
Korica placed her free hands on top of Unique's cuffed ones. “Baby girl, is that why you were in that house? Just to get child support money from one of them sorry behind baby's daddies?” Korica sounded relieved and expressed it with the hot wind she let loose from her mouth. “Thank God.”
“Why else did you think I was in there, Mommy? Why else would I be up in a crack house?” Unique questioned.
“Well ... I ... the television said ... and—”
“What? What is the television saying about me?” Unique was starting to get agitated in a bad way.
“Nothing, baby, nothing. Just calm down.”
“No, Mommy, I need to know what the world is thinking. What these people are telling the world.”
Giving in, Korica replied. “They just saying that you left the boys in the car while you went in to get some crack, that's all.” Korica tried to downplay it as much as she could.
“That's all? That's all?” Unique was outraged. “But that's not what happened. You know I don't do drugs, Mommy.”
“Yeah, I know, I know.” Korica felt guilty for almost believing what the media was saying.
“Then why did you think—” Unique shooed her hand. “... never mind. It doesn't even matter anymore. It doesn't even matter why I was in that house. All that matters was that I left my babies in that car, and now they're dead.” Unique broke down in tears. “I deserve to be in here. That's what I just told that attorney guy that was just in here. I told him that he doesn't even need to bother wasting the taxpayers' money on this one. It's my fault my boys are dead, and I deserved to be punished, even if it's being in here the rest of my life.”
“Unique Emerald Gray, I will not listen to such trash talk,” Korica spat. “You have to stop thinking like that, baby.” Korica rubbed Unique's cheek. “What's that you're always telling me about if Jesus sets you free, then you are free indeed?”
“John, chapter eight, verse thirty-six,” Unique mumbled.
“Then be free, baby girl. Because otherwise, whether you're in this here jail or not, you're not going to be free. You are going to be a prisoner in your own mind. A prisoner of guilt and shame and every other negative emotion. What you are going to do to yourself is going to be more confining than a jail cell could ever be.” Straightening up, Korica concluded, “And I know that little skinny white boy with long hair with that piece of napkin stapled to him while hanging on a tree didn't go through all that for you to make yourself a prisoner, did he?”
Unique looked up to see Korica looking as serious as a heart attack. She'd acted like she had just recited the scene at Calvary straight from the Bible. Suddenly, Unique did something she hadn't done in a long time; her lips cracked a smile. She covered her mouth with her hands, but then the smile turned into a chuckle. Then she just all-out began to roar in laughter.
Although confused regarding what her daughter was laughing about, it became contagious nonetheless. Korica started chuckling too, in between asking Unique, “What? What's so funny?”
“Nothing, Mommy, just please ... pretty please, if I'm out of here by the time we have Friends and Family Day again at church, will you please come with me?” Unique laughed harder. “Even if I'm not out, go without me, Mommy, please. Go to Bible Study or something.”
Picking up on why Unique was laughing, Korica nodded and rolled her eyes in her head. “Okay, so I'm not the best at telling Bible stories, but you know what I was saying.”
“Yes, Mommy, I know what you're saying.” Even though Korica hadn't relayed the scene at Calvary as though she were some Bible scholar, Unique still got it. She got the fact that Jesus had died for her and had suffered for her. Unique thanked God that her mommy had been there to remind her of it. A few more hours and Unique might have given up completely, not just on herself, but perhaps on God. But she'd never know, because right now she had to focus on getting free, both mentally and physically free from rotting in that jail. Unique stared into her mother's eyes. “I'm free, Mommy; I'm free.”
“Yes, you are, baby girl. Yes, you are,” a teary-eyed Korica replied.
Unique let out a long breath as she sat looking as though she were a mountain climber about to tackle the climb of her largest mountain yet.
“What's the matter, baby?” Korica could see a look of defeat on her daughter's face already.
“Well, I may know that I'm free, but now all I have to do is get the penal system to jump on board.” Unique shook her head. “That's not going to be easy, not with a case that involves the death of children. It's going to be a hard mountain to climb.”
“Hmmm.” Korica thought for a minute. “Yeah, you're right, but I got another idea on how you can bypass that.”
“Really?” Unique lit up, sounding hopeful again.
“Yes, I do,” Korica said like she was some know-it-all.
“What is it, Mommy? Tell me what I've got to do and I'll do it.”
“Okay, first, you stand up. You stand up straight like the judge, the jury, the news media aka that mountain is standing right in front of you.” Korica stood up to demonstrate for Unique. Unique followed suit. “Okay, then, you close your eyes. You concentrate real hard on that mountain, and then you open your mouth and say, ‘Move, Mountain!' And if you really believe that your words have the power that the Bible says they do, then when you open your eyes, that mountain will be moved. Now it might not be gone, but at least it will be moved so it will make it a little easier to get around it, you know what I'm saying?”
Once again, Unique started laughing.
“What?” Korica threw her hands on her hips. “What's so funny now?—because you the one who told me that story. You know I don't be reading no Bible. So unless you were lying to your poor mother about being able to say stuff and it happens and all that mess, then you should be able to do it.”
“Yes, Mommy, you're right. I did say that, didn't I?”
“Yes, you did. Now put your money where your mouth is. You've been going to church for all these years, serving on ministries, paying tithes and whatnot. Were you doing all that for nothing? Were you doing it for show, or do you believe all that stuff?”
Unique thought for a minute. “I believe, Mommy. I really do believe.” The expression on her face showed that she really did believe.
“Good, then do it,” Korica ordered. “Stand there and do it.”
With every ounce of faith, hope, and prayer Unique had in the world, she stood erect, shoulders up, head held high, and closed her eyes. She meditated for a few seconds, and then, with all the authority she had, yelled out, “Move, Mountain!” She yelled it over and over again, believing that once she opened her eyes, that mountain would indeed be moved.
Chapter Sixteen
Lorain honestly didn't know how to feel as she sat out in the waiting area to see Unique. She didn't know if she should feel hurt that Unique opted to see Korica before seeing her. She didn't know if she should feel jealous that Unique felt Korica was more of her mother than she was, even though Lorain was the one who had given birth to Unique. Lorain may not have known exactly how she should feel about the situation, but she did know that the feeling she did have inside didn't feel good at all.
It's not about me. It's not about how I feel,
Lorain kept telling herself as if she were doing some type of mental exercise. She had to be selfless for Unique's sake. Unique was the one locked up in jail while her boys lay in a hospital morgue dead. Lorain could only imagine. She didn't want to imagine. She brushed the visual of the three lifeless bodies out of her mind and tried to focus on being strong for Unique.
“Unique Emerald Gray's
other
mother.” The deputy still had jokes. “You can come back and see her now.”
Lorain stood up and walked over to the deputy who wore a smirk on his face. “I'm Unique's mother, but I think you know that already.” Lorain's tone was sharp. She didn't care what those deputies thought about her or how funny they thought this entire thing was. It wasn't a laughing matter to Lorain. Through it all, she would stand her ground as Unique's mother. She didn't care who had raised her.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it,” the deputy said, a sign that the joke was over and that he could get serious and take Lorain to see her daughter. “Come right this way.”
After going through a search, Lorain was finally led into a room where Unique sat at a table waiting. The door to the room had a huge glass window block that Lorain could see through. She could see Unique even before they got to the door. She was surprised to see Unique sitting up, with almost a smile on her face. She was tapping her fingers on the table, waiting for her next visitor.
Lorain had to admit, this isn't the sight she expected to see from a mother who had just lost her three boys. She'd expected to see a more drained, worn-out, and defeated version. Distraught even. Lorain felt as though she herself had shown more emotion back at the hospital with Nicholas than Unique was showing now. She knew that through the strength of Christ Jesus, Unique could stand strong through this trial and tribulation. But she had no idea she'd be standing so strong ... and this soon. She hated the next thought that came into her mind; the thought that if this is how Unique displayed herself in the courtroom, she was doomed. What jury in their right mind would have sympathy for a grieving mother who didn't appear to be grieving at all?
“You've got fifteen minutes,” the deputy said to Lorain before opening the door and allowing her inside.
“Thank you.” Lorain walked inside the room. Her eyes met Unique's. No words were spoken. All of a sudden, Unique didn't look so much like the strong individual Lorain had peered at through the glass window. Now she looked like someone who was trying very hard to be strong on the outside, but on the inside, she could crumble at any minute.
“Ma, Lorain,” Unique smiled with trembling lips and eyes that became moist.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Lorain walked over and embraced Unique. She held her for a moment while rubbing her back. “You okay, baby? How are you holding up?”
“Better than I could have ever thought,” Unique replied. “Thanks to Mommy. She helped me realize some things that I, as a Christian, should have never forgotten.”
Lorain released Unique as a tinge of jealousy ran through her body. “Oh, is that so?” she questioned. What had this woman her daughter called Mommy told her? What words had she used to comfort Unique? Is that why Unique had chosen for her to come back and visit her first? She knew that she would do a better job at comforting her than her own natural mother? And why did Unique have to call her Mommy? That was such an endearing term. The word
Mommy
stood for so much. It stood for the woman who loved, cared for, and nurtured a child. It stood for the woman who was deserving of the best Mother's Day card on the shelf. It stood for the woman who cooked and cleaned for the child, who nursed the child back to health in times of sickness and so much more. Lorain wanted to be—Mommy.
While all these thoughts and emotions fluttered through Lorain's being, she managed to ask Unique, “So what did Mo—” She cleared her throat and started over. “What did your mother say?” Referring to someone else as Unique's mother was difficult for Lorain. Yes, she knew this woman had existed in Unique's life all along, but she'd never met her before. She'd never even been the topic of any of their conversations. The only thing Lorain had ever asked Unique about the woman was whether Unique had told her that she'd found her birth mother. Once Unique told her that she, in fact, had, Lorain then asked her how she handled it.
“She wasn't really fazed one way or the other,” Unique had replied.
Lorain had left things at that. So far it had all worked out just fine. Lorain had never requested to meet Korica, and Korica had never requested to meet Lorain. Why did the two women need to meet anyway? Their common denominator, Unique, was a grown woman. She didn't need the approval or representation by either one of the women. Anything Lorain needed to know about Unique, Unique was well and able to tell her herself. So as far as Lorain had been concerned, her getting together with the woman who raised her child was of no benefit ... the woman who Unique so lovingly referred to as Mommy.
“Mommy reminded me of what Jesus did for me at Calvary.”
Is that it?
Lorain thought.
I could have done that.
“Oh well, that was nice. Good for her.” Lorain sat down. “I didn't know she was a churchgoing woman. But then again, why would I? You never talk about her.” Lorain let out a forced chuckle. “Heck, I forgot all about her until the guards called for your mother to come back and visit you and we both stood up.”
“That must have been an awkward moment,” Unique replied. “I'm sure the guards didn't know what to think.”
“I don't think either myself or ... your ... uh ... mother,” Lorain stammered. “Korica, is it?”
“Yes, Korica Sherod.”
“Sherod, that's right,” Lorain recalled. “I remember you telling me that because it's the name of that huge hotel and suites over off of the 70 Exit, Sherod Hotel and Suites.”
Unique nodded her confirmation.
“Anyway, baby, I'm not here to talk about her. How are you feeling?”
“Like I said, better than I thought I'd be. I mean, I'm really trying hard not to break down. The weight of guilt is so heavy,” Unique admitted. “And you know what's so funny? I've never really known until now just how much of a toll the emotion of guilt can take on a person's body. I've never felt guilty, not like this, about anything I've ever done in life.” Unique looked to Lorain. “You know me; if I done it, I done it ... I meant to do it, and I'ma tell you I meant to do it.” She shrugged. “Now, shame, well, that's another story ... that's another emotion ... one that I can deal with better. Shame seems much easier to shake off than this guilt thing.”
“I know what you're saying. I walked around with guilt for years. And the funny thing about guilt is that it's buried so deep inside, that sometimes you forget exactly what caused the pain inside of you. But like you said, shame, on the other hand, huh, that's written all over a person's face, and it ain't so hard to fix up your facial expressions. It's darn hard to fix up what's inside though.”
“So true,” Unique agreed. “I'd trade guilt in for shame right about now.”
There was a brief moment of silence. “So ... What did happen? How did the boys end up, you know, in the car like that?”
Unique shook her head. “Because I'm stupid ... so stupid. Had I just listened to you a long time ago when you told me that I needed to get regular child support for my babies, none of this would have happened. I would have been getting a check in the mail every month instead of hunting those fools down.” Unique shook her head. “God, why didn't I listen to my mother?”
Lorain figured that Unique was referring to her, but now she couldn't be too sure. “It's okay. Never mind all that. You were doing something that you thought you had to do for your boys.”
“Yes, and while I was in there, the cops just happen to run in and bust the place. It all happened so quickly,” Unique recalled. “I remember hearing the cops yell, the door caving in, me being tackled to the ground, and that's about it. I blacked out. When the cops took me down, I hit my head on the table or something.” Unique rubbed a spot on her head that was still a little tender.
“Oh, I know how that feels.” Lorain was referring to the time she fell and hit her head, causing her temporary selective memory loss. “But the news said they found drugs on you.”
“I know, it's crazy, right? I kept telling them that I don't do drugs. They said maybe not, but with as much drugs that they found on me, they know for a fact I sell drugs.” Unique turned to Lorain with pleading eyes. “I don't sell drugs; you know that. Everybody who knows me knows that.”
“Well, the guards said your attorney was here earlier. What does your attorney think?”
“He said, according to police statements from my son's father and Two-Step, my son's father's sidekick, that it was all just some crazy mishap. My attorney said that both drugs and money were found in that freezer. What happened was that my son's father probably thought he was taking a bag of money out of the freezer and handing it to me, but instead, he handed me a bag of drugs. Of course, with my pitiful timing, the police bust in and catch me red-handed with drugs.”
“Okay, okay, then it sounds like we don't have much to worry about. That's a pretty clear-cut, convincing story. We just have to relay it to the judge.”
“I'm glad you feel that way. My lawyer is already talking plea bargain.”
Lorain banged her fist on the table. “I won't hear of such a thing.
Feeling
guilty is one thing, but actually
being
guilty is another. You are not responsible for my grandbabies' deaths, and we're not going to let some fresh-out-of-law-school kid make you admit to it. That's why pastor called me this morning and suggested the church retain a good lawyer for you.”
“Really?” Unique had a look of surprise on her face. “Pastor ... the church ... They want to help me? But do they know what the media is saying? Isn't New Day afraid that if they support me that—”
“New Day Temple of Faith and its leaders do not walk in fear. So to answer your question, no, ... No one is afraid.” Lorain rested her hand upon Unique's shoulder. “And you shouldn't be either.”
A tear fell from Unique's eye. Lorain pulled her into her shoulder and began comforting her. “It's okay, baby. It's okay. Let it out.”
That tough exterior Unique had been draped in was starting to fall off. “They're gone. Oh, God, I can't believe they're gone. My boys are gone.” Unique lifted her head and wiped her eyes. “Do you know the lawyer says I might not even get to go to the funeral? He said he's going to have to seek permission from the courts.”
“Oh no,” Lorain replied. “Speaking of the funeral, would you like me to go ahead and begin making the arrangements?”
Just hearing those words caused Unique to break down completely. “I have to bury my babies. Oh, God, I have to bury my babies. I can't believe this.”
“It's all right. I'll take care of it. I'll take care of everything.”
Eventually, Unique regained her composure and wore a serious look on her face. “I want them to wear all-white, like angels, because they were my little angels.” Not able to hold it together, Unique broke down again.
“Don't worry, I'll do everything, anything you want.”
Unique looked into Lorain's eyes. “Thanks, Mom. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem, honey.” Lorain took Unique in her arms again and held her tightly, her chin resting atop Unique's head. Unique had called her “Mom.” It still didn't mean as much as the word Mommy did though, but Lorain would keep working at it.

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