Anchored (23 page)

“We need to tell the police. It could be connected”

“I hope not.” Standing, Jonathan began to pace.

“Who would do such a thing? I can’t imagine Maggie having an enemy, and Mia wouldn’t hurt anyone deliberately.” A worried frown drew Robert’s eyes together.

Jonathan stopped pacing. Why had he played it down? He’d thought it was Judy—he’d wanted to cover his tracks. She wouldn’t be capable of murder. Maybe the eggs, but this?

He gripped his stomach as his muscles tensed. Moving back to his seat he sat down and looked across the lounge at Robert. He needed to tell him.

“Robert, there’s no easy way to say this and it may not be connected—but if it is I need to tell the police.”

“What? Tell them what?” he asked wearily.

“I got involved with—I had an affair.” Keeping his eyes on Robert to gauge his reaction, Jonathan waited.

“You had an affair?” Robert hissed out a breath. “Is there no end to what you’ve done?”

The sound of Robert slamming his hand on the table made Jonathan jump. Bile rose in his throat as he acknowledged his sin.

“How could you!” Robert scampered out of his chair and paced around the room.

Jonathan could hear him taking deep breaths and was stunned to see Robert’s lips moving silently. The man was praying. Jonathan’s eyes flooded and he looked away. A tight knot settled between his shoulder blades. He glanced up as he heard Robert move.

“Can you tell me about it?” Robert asked.

Tears escaped Jonathan’s eyes. Guilt surrounded him, spoke to him, told him he was the worst kind of man.

“I can’t tell Maggie I’m sorry.” He gulped for air. “I can’t tell her I loved her and regret every minute. I got trapped with this other woman. She wouldn’t let me go.”

“What do you mean, she wouldn’t let you go? If that’s the case then she’d still be around, wouldn’t she?” Robert shivered and shouted. “Are you still seeing her?”

“No, I’m not. But it wasn’t long ago I told her it was over. Every time I tried to break up with her she would threaten to tell Margaret. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing Maggie so I played her games.”

“How long, Jonathan?” Robert asked in a sad tone.

“Since before Mia was born, to after Margaret died.” He did nothing to stop the flow of tears.

Robert slumped. His hand rubbed over his chin and he gave a deep sigh. “Did Margaret ever suspect?”

“There were times when she must have. When she stayed with your parents after Mia was born she knew I’d been seeing another woman. She made me promise it was over. I promised, but—it—got complicated.”

“Do you think this woman could be the person who slashed Mia’s tires?” Robert said through clenched teeth.

“I don’t know. I told her it was over and I haven’t seen her since.”

“Has she phoned or tried to make contact with you?”

“No.” Physical pain pulsed through Jonathan’s chest and he pushed his hand at the ache over his heart.

“Do you think she could have killed Margaret?”

“No, I can’t believe she’d do that. I’m going to the police to tell them everything I know about her. I have to go right now.”

“I’ll come with you.” Standing, Robert placed his hand on Jonathan’s shoulder. “I forgive you. I can’t say I understand any of this. God loves you, man. You have to accept this.”

Chapter 34

Jonathan felt tension coil down his spine. The detectives had relentlessly pummeled him with question after question. His shoulders slumped and he dragged his feet heavily down the corridor towards Robert. He didn’t believe Judy was the one threatening Mia. Sure she was angry with him, but to kill Margaret? No way.

His face scorched with shame and his head dropped further as he recalled the disgust on their faces when he’d blurted out that he’d sexually abused Mia.

They’d acted immediately on his confession, leaving him in a secure room while they visited Mia. He’d waited four agonizing hours until they returned to release him.

Mia hadn’t pressed charges and Robert had waited for him.

He felt baffled by their response. A thick lump swelled in his throat as Robert walked beside him to the car. Jonathan expected a barrage of questions from Robert and turned towards him.

“How do you feel?” Robert asked.

Jonathan’s eyes closed briefly. “Guilty.”

Robert nodded. “You’ll get over it. Come on, I’ll drop you home.”

When they pulled up outside his house Jonathan turned to Robert. “You okay?”

“No.” Robert slammed his hand on the steering wheel. “I can’t stop thinking about Maggie and how you betrayed my sister. Just get out of the car, Jonathan.”

Opening the door Jonathan wearily pulled himself out of the car. He bent down and looked in at Robert. “I understand. I’m sorry.”

~~~

Jonathan’s body felt heavy and tired as he sunk into a lounge chair and shut his eyes tight.

“Lord, can you tell Maggie I’m sorry. I wish I could turn the clock back. How can a man like me—” He felt choked and unable to continue.

Breathing heavily, he allowed his thoughts to move where words were too difficult.

God, I’m so worthless, yet you love me. I know it’s true but it’s so hard to let go of what I’ve done. I deserve to be dead instead of Maggie. I deserve to be punished for what I did to Mia. How do I live with this guilt, this shame?

Jonathan moved to the window. Who did he think he was anyway? Had he just once thought of Margaret when he was with Judy? He didn’t deserve a second chance. His hands spread out on the glass and he leaned his forehead between them. The cold seeped into his skin and he shuddered and moved to pull the curtain.

Face the fact Jonathan—you’ve earned the right to be called a creep!

He could see the faces of his wife and daughter beseeching him to love them. Why hadn’t he been able to accept what they offered?

“Lord, I can’t do this.”

Son, my blood has freed you from condemnation.

“
What do you mean? I don’t understand.”

Jonathan waited for an answer but silence filled the room. He needed to know what this meant.

Looking at his watch he saw it was 10:00 p.m., was it too late to phone Robert? There was no way he could sleep with this question running through his mind.

Going into the kitchen he picked up the portable phone and went back into the lounge and sat down.

~~~

Robert absently rubbed his leg and rested his head on the back of the chair. He was acutely aware of his anger as he tensed and released his fists.

How could Maggie have loved Jonathan? She deserved better. His fingers drummed the top of his unopened Bible. He didn’t want to open it. How could he look past everything Jonathan had done, and love him? This question pounded his head and heart.

Robert jumped when his mobile phone vibrated on the table beside him. He picked it up and saw Jonathan’s number. His thumb quivered over the stop button and he frowned.

Shaking his head, he answered. “Jonathan.”

“Sorry to call so late. Can I ask you something?”

“Yes.” Robert knew his voice sounded abrupt, but he was listening, wasn’t he?

“I know Jesus has forgiven me and I accept this. I was talking to Jesus and he said,  ‘Son, my blood has freed you from condemnation.’ What does this mean?”

“You’ve been talking to Jesus?” Robert hunched forward and flexed his jaw.

“Arr—sorry. I was going to tell you, but thought I’d wait until things settled down a bit.”

Robert’s eyes well up and his head lowered in shame. Jonathan had received salvation and he felt nothing. Had he even prayed for him?

“Have you told Mia?”

“No. I will. I want to come to grips with it somehow. I don’t feel I deserve to be forgiven. It’s like Jesus says I’m forgiven, yet I feel so ashamed.”

“And you say God said His blood has freed you from condemnation?”

“Yeah. What does that mean?”

“Hang on while I look something up.” Robert thumbed through the pages of his Bible until he found what he was looking for. He started to read the words, then stopped. “Go get your Bible so we can read it together.”

“Right.” Robert heard the phone clank and waited.

“I have it.”

“Open it to the book of Romans.”

“Where’s that?”

“It’s after Acts. Go to the index and look up the page number, that’ll be easier.”

The sound of ruffling pages brought the beginning of a smile to Robert’s face.

“Romans, now where?” Jonathan asked urgently.

“Turn until you get to Romans 8. There will be an eight on the page.”

“Yes, got that.”

“Can you read me what it says, Jon?” Robert heard Jonathan clear his throat and felt his shoulders relax.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”

“Do you understand what that means?”

“Just tell me, will you? I can see what it says—no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus and I know that means me. But I can say it, read it. But I don’t feel it.”

“Brother it’s like this; Jesus died for you, his blood was shed for the forgiveness of your sins. This verse tells us that his blood also offers us protection from any form of condemnation!”

“Protection?” Jonathan marveled at the words.

“Yeah. As I see it, you have been forgiven and that’s it! You are forgiven. Who tells you you’re not good enough?”

With a sob in his voice Jonathan answered. “Me. I’m so ashamed of what I’ve done.”

“It’s not only you, mate, it’s the accuser. Satan will want to destroy you. You need to understand that all your sins are forgiven. Jesus has restored you to himself. You can confidently go into the throne room of God because you have been made righteous through the blood of Jesus. Do you get it?”

Jonathan sniffed. “Jesus’ blood has removed my sin! Completely!”

“Yes.” Robert spoke quietly.

“Wow. When Jesus died he carried the shame of what I did? That’s not fair, it should have been me.”

“And me.” Robert said softly.

“Even though I’m forgiven it doesn’t change what I did.” Robert heard a catch in Jonathan’s voice.

“God forgives you, man, but you stuffed up big time with your family. We still have to pay the consequence of sin here. If Mia charged you for assaulting her—you’d go to prison.”

Robert waited for Jonathan’s response but only silence greeted him. “You still there, Jonathan?”

“Yes. If I went to prison I’d be getting what I deserve. I want the chance to make it up to her—to show her I love her.” His voice faded to a whisper.

Robert closed his eyes and struggled against his desire to hurt Jonathan with words. Love her? How would this loving look? Shaking his head he ended the call.

Lord, you are celebrating that a lost sheep has come home and I’m desperate for compensation for Mia.

Forgive me, help me love this man.

Chapter 35

Mia’s concern for Klara escalated. Her fingers drummed impatiently on the desk while she waited for her uncle.

Terri was taking a shower and Mia felt caged.

She opened the door as soon as she heard a noise outside. “Hi, Uncle Robert.”

“Mia, don’t open the door until you know who it is.” Robert growled.

“I knew it was you, you have a—unique step.” She smiled and kissed his face. “Do you know Klara has sent Polly to stay with her grandmother for a month?”

“Yes. I phoned Klara yesterday to see how she was and she said fine and cut me off.”

“It’s not like her.” Mia declared. “I tried to explain I wouldn’t be able to catch up this week and she lost it. I said Polly could stay with us if she needed a break, and that’s when she told me she’d sent Polly away. I’m worried she’s having a breakdown.”

“Me too.” Robert rubbed his leg and followed Mia inside.

“Polly’s thirteen so I must have been about ten when she was born. What happened to her father? I don’t remember him.” Mia squinted and her hands rubbed her forehead, trying to release the dull throb that wouldn’t let up.

“I don’t know, honey. Klara never talked about him. Just said she’d made a mistake and had to live with the consequence.”

“She’s never gone out with anyone that I know of. It can’t have been easy for her all these years.”

“Maggie and Klara had a special bond. Klara must miss Maggie.” Robert sighed. “Grief can be a slow process.”

Mia nodded. Life wasn’t the same for any of them since her mother died. “I feel I’ve let Klara down, but I’m not sure how. She sounded hurt.”

“Mia, right now you need to keep safe. You’re no good to any of us dead!” The sternness in his voice annoyed Mia.

“I need to go for a walk. Get out of the house—I feel boxed in.”

“Maggie was out walking when she—when she got hit by the car. I could not cope losing you too.”

The catch in his voice brought Mia’s gaze to his face and her teeth caught her lower lip.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered and turned and left the room.

Robert watched her go and pulled out his mobile phone.

Mia walked around the garden and sighed. The desire to feel sorry for herself lay heavy on her heart. She knew she should pray but didn’t feel like it.

A slight smile lifted her mouth as she realized she wanted to stamp her foot like a spoiled child.

Mia Grace Dawson, stop sulking and get a smile on your face or I’ll give you a job to do.
Words spoken from her mother flashed through her mind and she frowned. She was making this harder for herself.

“Mia.” Mia turned to see David standing a few feet behind her. “Want to get out of here for a while?” His smile beckoned an answering one from her and she nodded.

He extended his hand to her and she slipped her fingers into his. He pulled her after him and they snuck around the side of the house like two teenagers sneaking out after curfew.

David stopped once and held a finger to his mouth and pointed at Robert through the window. Mia put her hand over her mouth to suppress a giggle. Her eyes sparkled and she laughed when Robert waved at them giving the thumbs up signal.