Anchor of Hope (21 page)

“It was a mistake,” she said, clenching her jaw in an effort to steady herself.

His eyes widened and he stood, defeated.

Ashley knew she was breaking his heart all over again, but it was for the best. They had no future together. He was perfect, a saint. What kind of man uses his annual vacation to build houses for the homeless?
Good guy Jay
. She was a mess. She’d never even donated a single cent to charity. She passed homeless people every single day on her commute to work without even looking twice.

They were too different. Sure, they shared a connection and they both were attracted to each other but that’s not what a relationship was built on.

“Do you love him?” Jay asked as he clenched his jaw.

Ashley looked around. “It’s not like that. We’re compatible, we have all the same goals . . .”

“What is it, a business partnership? You didn’t answer my question—do you love him? tell me that you love him, and I’ll move on. If you
truly
love him, then that’s all I need to know. Because then I’ll know that is what you want.”

Ashley sighed, impatient with Jay’s questions. “Love is just an emotion. It doesn’t last, it’s not real. Hard work and dedication—that's what lasts. Sharing the same goals.”

“If that’s what you think love is, you’ve never truly experienced love,” Jay said, a look of disappointment on his face.

How dare he? He didn’t know that. Just because they had different ideas of what love is didn’t make her version of love any less real.

“You know what, I don’t even know what I’m doing here.” She raised her hands and looked around.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you. This is pointless, and frankly, a waste of time. I know what it takes to succeed in life and I’m going to do that. I should have never come back here.”

              She stood there, waiting for his next move. Waiting for him to try to stop her. But he didn’t. He stared at her, brow creased, clenching his jaw and making that little muscle along his jawline move in and out. She couldn’t tell what was going on his mind, and if past behaviour was anything to go by, he wouldn’t tell her anyway. She saw him flinch as though he were about to reach out for her, but then something held him back and he slid his hands into his pockets and dropped his head. He nodded twice and turned back towards his shed where he had been loading his work tools.

Away from Ashley.

Letting her go.

The views out over the city from the new apartment were breathtaking, and the apartment itself was fabulous. Steven hadn’t done it justice when he had described it to her on the phone. It was spacious—the living area alone was larger than the entire apartment she had shared with Hallie. Floor to ceiling windows made it feel even larger.

They had arrived home late on Sunday night and Steven couldn’t wait to give her a tour of their new home. She was exhausted and felt emotionally drained, but as soon as she stepped foot through the door, she began to feel much better.

It had two bedrooms, one for them, and one to be used as an office for storing all of Steven’s files. His office at work was large, but it seemed that his work life was spilling over into his private life more and more often.

The bathroom had a sunken spa bath in the centre of the room, as well as a two-head shower to one side and even a small steam room to the rear. The kitchen was a sophisticated black and white, with all the modern appliances she would expect in a full chef’s kitchen. She wondered if they'd ever get to use it much—with their hectic work schedules and long hours, they never had much time for cooking.

It was everything she had ever hoped for. Finally all of her hard work over the past eight years had paid off and she had hit the jackpot, big time. She folded her arms and stared out the window at the city lights below. Steven was walking around rattling off all of the features of the apartment and planning where the furniture would go. Now that she was here, now that she had finally made it, she should be happy. But she wasn’t. Something welled up inside her, and she tried to force it down.

Don’t be stupid. Don’t be ungrateful. You’re tired—it’s been a long day. You’ve spent far too long back in that hellhole, and it’s messing with your mind.

Steven approached her from behind and she felt his hands on her shoulders.

“Wouldn't you agree?” he asked.

“Huh?” She turned to face him—she hadn’t been listening. “Sorry, I missed that last part.”

He laughed and hugged her.

“I was saying that this is perfect for the two of us. There’s even a gym downstairs so we don’t have to exercise outside in the heat or the rain. I’ll tell you something: those cicadas at your mom’s house were driving me
insane
when I went for that run.”

Ashley smiled. “I love the sound of cicadas.”

“Really? They're irritating. The grass is itchy, the ground is uneven. Birds flapping and fluttering around.” He shuddered. “I prefer this any day.”

He gestured out the window.

There was that unsettling feeling again.

Once you get back to work tomorrow you'll feel better. Just wait and see.

Ashley arrived at work a few minutes early. As she stepped out of the elevator she was greeted by Tania who hugged her tightly, swaying from side to side.

“Oh, I missed you! How was your mom’s wedding?” She moved back to look at Ashley’s face.

“It was good, so pretty.”

“Were there any cute single cowboys?” Before Ashley even had a chance to respond, Tania flapped her hand through the air. “I’m kidding. You know I prefer a man with a brain and an education.” Tania flicked her hair over her shoulder and laughed.

Ashley smiled, although Tania’s comment had been  inappropriate and inaccurate, and more than a little rude. However, it was only a week ago that she would be laughing right along with Tania at such a comment.

“I haven’t seen Stephanie about this morning. Thank God. With the amount of sucking up she was doing to Dianne, I’m worried she might have stolen your job.”

Ashley began to feel nervous. She didn’t need this on her first day back at work.

Dianne opened her office door and looked around.

“Ashley, can I have a word with you please?” It was more of a demand than a question.

Tania remained quiet but her eyes widened and she frowned at Ashley.

Ashley smoothed her top and walked to Dianne's office, trying to remain confident and calm. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen, so she might as well face the music. She closed the door behind her. Dianne was sitting behind her desk and smiled as she looked up at Ashley.

“Ashley, glad to have you back. How was your mother’s wedding?”

“It was lovely, thank you. It was nice to spend a bit of time with the family.”

Ashley smiled and folded her hands on her lap.

Dianne smiled briefly then looked down over the paperwork on the desk in front of her.

“You’re probably wondering why I called you in.” Dianne lifted her face to make eye contact with Ashley.

Ashley shifted in her seat.

Here goes. Say goodbye to your career.

“I’m sure Tania has filled you in on the little mix-up we endured last week?”

Ashley knew she was referring to the missing file. “Yes.”

“I say ’little’ but it was actually a pretty big deal. We almost missed the deadline because of it.” Dianne stared at Ashley. Her face was blank, unreadable.

“As you know Ashley, we pride ourselves on organisation. When one part of the team fails, the whole team fails.”

Here it comes. Get it over with already.

“I cannot have anyone working here who is not on-board and willing to work as part of the team. You understand that, don't you Ashley?”

Ashley nodded. She could feel her forehead beginning to perspire.

“I’ve had to let Stephanie go.”

What?

Ashley’s eyes widened—this was unexpected.

“She let the team down, then tried to shift the blame onto you.”

Dianne smiled clasping her hands together on the desk.

“But how did you know?” It was as though a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

“Do you remember when you were first employed here, Ashley? You had to sign some paperwork. Most people don’t read through it all, and I don’t blame you—it’s tedious. But one of those conditions you signed was agreeing to have your work emails scanned and accessible to me. Stephanie signed the same paperwork.
Everyone
has signed the same paperwork. I knew you emailed the file to Stephanie last Friday. I saw the email. I knew Stephanie had deleted it deliberately, because she kept saying you’d never sent it. I wanted to give her the chance to admit to her actions and be honest. I gave her the whole week and she still chose to lie to my face. We don’t build our careers on the backs of others, Ashley. We build our careers together—as a team.” Dianne sat back in her chair and smiled.

“So I’m not fired then?” Ashley asked, checking.

Dianne laughed.

“No, Ashely. In fact, I’d like to know if you would be interested in taking over the role of one of our columnists. Madeleine is taking an extended maternity leave soon and I’m going to need someone I can trust to fill in for her. With your keen eye for detail, and I know you love fashion—just like Madeleine. I think you will be perfect.”

Ashley couldn’t believe her good fortune. This was the role she had always wanted. It was her chance to show the world what she had, and she was going to give it her best.

“Can I assume by the smile on your face that you’ll take it?” Dianne’s mouth curled up on one side.

Ashley nodded. “Absolutely., Thank you so much, Dianne. I won’t let you down.”

“I know.” Dianne straightened in her chair and picked up the phone. “You may have to work longer hours. You’ll need to attend catwalk shows and fashion shoots for some of the stories. Some of the shoots go longer than planned, and some location shoots can only be done at night for certain location shoots. That won’t be a problem, will it?”

“No,” Ashley replied. It wouldn't be a problem. Steven didn’t get home until late most nights anyway, and it sure beat sitting around all alone in that enormous apartment.

“Great, I’ll have Madeleine show you the ropes on Thursday. Mostly you’ll be observing, taking notes, with a little interview here and there. I know it doesn't sound glamorous at the moment, but there is room for growth if you play your cards right.” Dianne smiled and Ashley began to feel like the events from yesterday were beginning to fade into the distance.

Ashley walked in through the open door to the apartment on Tuesday afternoon, juggling her purse and two brown paper takeout bags. The removalists were finishing up for the day.

They had done most of the work on Monday but Steven had bought a few new pieces of new furniture at the designer furniture shop that he didn’t want delivered until the older furniture was brought in. He refused to bring his old leather sofa, saying it was well past its prime. The new one was almost identical but he insisted it was far superior.

He was reclining on the sofa, flipping through a wad of paperwork. The TV was on, but he wasn’t watching it. Ashley knew it was for background noise. She dumped the bags on the counter and he looked up as he noticed her. He had his pen clenched between his teeth and looked relieved to see her.

“You’re home early.” Ashley began to pull the cartons of Chinese food out of the bags.

He put his head down, continuing to scan the papers. “Huh? Oh yeah, thought I’d come home for a bit.”

“So you have to go back to the office today?” Ashley frowned.

It was already after six. “Yes.” He nodded as he flipped the page.

She sighed. She’d been hoping they’d get to celebrate her temporary promotion at work and their new apartment, but it would have to wait.

The two removalists came walking out of the spare room.

“All done?” Steven rose to his feet.

“Yes sir, all done.”

“Great.” Steven retrieved his wallet from his back pocket,  tipped them and walked with them to the door. The sound of the TV changed as the newsreader introduced a live report about a typhoon which had swept through the Philippines overnight. Thousands of homes had been destroyed, and the locals were without food, clean drinking water and electricity. Many had been killed and still more were missing. Her hand rose to her mouth as she saw the devastation on the screen. Children crying in what was left of the streets. Elderly women lying in the ruins, and rubble everywhere.

Steven returned and sat opposite her at the kitchen counter. “Let’s eat. I’m starving, and this smells delicious.” He noticed her concern and followed her gaze to the TV. “Oh yeah, the typhoon. I heard about this this morning. Pretty, bad huh?” He turned back to Ashley.

“Those poor people.”

Steven let out a small laugh and she looked at him, puzzled.

“What?”

“Well it’s not as if they don’t know it’s a disaster-prone area, Ashley.” He opened a box of noodles and reached for the chopsticks. “If you know an area is likely to be hit by typhoons—or earthquakes, or tornadoes or whatever—you’d be pretty silly to live there, wouldn’t you think?”

He started eating.

Ashley was dumbfounded. “Steven, most of these people wouldn’t have a choice. They have no money. Where are they supposed to go?”

“Whoa, whoa,” Steven lifted his hands, palms towards her. “I’m just saying. Stuff like this happens all the time. Why so you suddenly care so much?”

She
didn’t know why.

“I feel sorry for them, I guess. Maybe we should send them some money?”

He laughed again. “Go ahead. You can send all the money you want, but I’m not. None of the money you send to these third world countries and disaster zones ends up in the hands that need it most. Most of it goes into the pockets of the fat cats who stand to benefit most from these types of things.”

He continued eating, not even bothering to elaborate further on how exactly he knew this information.

After he finished dinner he had to return to work.

“Just for a few more hours.” He stood by the door. “Get a movie and we’ll watch it when I get home later.” He winked and left.

As the door closed it echoed off the walls and Ashley felt lonely. Steven was right, about not wanting children. It wouldn’t be fair on the child, not with the responsibility he had at work. Ashley could put up with it because she was an adult and she understood that he was a busy man, but a child wouldn’t understand.

Maybe she could get a cat? Or a small dog? That way she would have some company when she was home alone. She pictured Benson and smiled. He had such a happy face and she found it hilarious the way the entire back half of his body swayed from side to side as he wiggled his tail whenever he saw her.

She sat on the sofa. The lights were dimmed except for the new studio floor lamp. She had pulled a blanket over her as she sat flicking through the TV channels, a glass of fine red wine in one hand. It was 9:30 p.m. and Steven still hadn’t returned home. She started the movie, deciding she couldn't be bothered waiting any more. A comedy. She needed a good laugh. She rested her head on the arm rest, enjoying the film.

She awoke to the sound of the fridge door closing.

Her eyes shot open and she felt disorientated. It took her a moment to realize she was still on the sofa. It was morning. She had spent all night on the sofa. Steven was in the kitchen, dressed in his running gear. The front of his shirt was wet with perspiration and he was drinking out of the milk carton.