Anathema (25 page)

I take a deep, shaky breath. “So that’s it? I
don’t have to worry about it anymore?”

“No. And my work here is done.” He
stands.

“You knew that had happened, didn’t you?
That’s why you went looking for my spirit.”

He nods. “Yes. I was only trying to give back
what you lost through no fault of your own.” He heads to the
door.

“Thank you, Atmir,” I say, finally smiling as
though the weight of the world has been lifted from me.

He nods. “You are welcome. Use the gift
wisely, my child.”

I watch him vanish from the room, amazed by
the sudden shift of things again. I want to believe him, but it’s
so hard after everything I’ve witnessed. So I close my eyes and
search for the bright glowing energy which has been a part of me
for so many months. Yet as hard and long as I search, I can’t find
it. Atmir must be right. The power is gone, and I am free at
last.

Chapter Nineteen

“How are you feeling, Elizabeth?”

I turn toward the door to find Evan standing
there, a vase filled with daisies in hand. “I’m okay,” I manage. I
know it really doesn’t matter what I say. He’s going to know the
truth, that I’m forever thinking of Lev. It’s been a day since I
woke up, and Jimmie still really doesn’t want me getting up and
around. Once again, he thinks I’m made of glass, but I don’t mind.
If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that Jimmie really is
trying to look after me. I can’t fault him for that.

“How’s Lev?”

“He’s holding his own.” He walks in and sets
the vase on the table. Then he sits in the chair by the bed.
“Where’s Jimmie?”

“Down at the cafeteria getting some lunch.
Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon. Where’s Celia?”

He nods toward the hallway. “Sitting with
Lev. She chased me out, thinking I’d take a break from this place,
but I don’t feel much like leaving, if you want the truth. Mind me
sitting with you for a while? He offers a slight smile, but it
doesn’t take much for me to realize he’s distracted, probably
worried about Lev, too.

“Go ahead.” I watch him sink into the chair.
“Can I ask you something?” I brush the bangs from my face.

Evan shrugs. “I’ll give you an answer if I
have one.” He clasps his hands together and stares at the floor,
waiting.

“Why can’t you just heal Lev? He’s not
exactly human, so it’s not like you’re breaking any rules by doing
that.”

“It’s gotten a little more complicated than
that, Elizabeth.”

Anger simmers just beneath the surface, and I
grit my teeth, trying to keep my patience, but once again, it all
seems so unfair and stacked against both Lev and me. “He’s an
angel, Evan. What’s complicated about that? ”

Evan shakes his head. “No, Elizabeth, he’s
not. Not anymore.”

A chill slides down my back, and I clench the
blanket with weak hands. “What do you mean?” I know I’m hearing all
wrong; I have to be. Lev is an angel. He’s been an angel since I’ve
known him--six lifetimes.

“You heard me. Lev is no longer one of us.”
He rakes his fingers through his hair and shakes his head. “Which
would be good in a way because all he really wants is to love you,
Elizabeth. The problem is that his body is damaged beyond belief,
and it’s going to take a miracle for him to pull through.”

I start to get out of bed. “So heal him. I
know you can. Lev did that for me once. You could do it for
him.”

Evan shakes his head. “I can’t.”

I get up on shaky legs, intending to traipse
down the hall, even if I have to drag this damned IV pole with me.
“You mean you won’t. Lev is dying, and you won’t save him, right?”
My voice is thick with the tears gathering in my eyes, and it’s
really a good thing I don’t have any powers because I’m so not sure
I could control them if I did.

Evan jumps to his feet. “No, Elizabeth. I
said I can’t and I meant it. I tried. Right after I stopped him
from falling. I tried everything to muster the power he used on
you—power that should have come easily. Except it didn’t. His body
remained broken. So I did what I could. I called 911, hoping
someone else could save him.” He shakes his head. “Now get back
into that bed before I put you there myself. Maybe I can’t heal
anyone, but I can make sure you don’t do anything to endanger
yourself.”

Stunned, I sit back on the bed and pull the
covers over my body. Suddenly the pain inside my heart overwhelms
me, and I start crying as what Evan is really saying finally makes
sense. Lev could die. Permanently. I never thought he could become
mortal. Then again, after he took a bullet for me and still came
back, I never believed he could die, either.

Evan quickly scoops me into his arms and
holds me together as the dark thoughts play themselves out in my
mind. He whispers things like “It’s okay” and “You need to focus on
getting better.” I want to argue with him and tell him that if Lev
dies, it will never get any better, but I know there’s no point.
Besides, I’m sure he probably knows how I feel. So I let him hold
me until the tears pass. He gradually sits back down and watches
me, concern filling his features.

“I never thought it would turn out like
this,” I whisper, staring at my hands as they toy with the
blankets.

“I know. Me, either.” Evan shakes his head.
“You wouldn’t believe the grudge he used to bear against humans.
For him to have learned to love one more than himself is quite a
feat. You do understand that, don’t you, Elizabeth?”

I nod . “Yes.” I keep shaking, even though I
hate showing my weaknesses. “I can’t stand the thought of losing
him, Evan. I don’t know what I’m going to do if he dies.” I stare
at the blanket, but I don’t know what I’m looking for, really.
There are no answers written anywhere, certainly not on the bed or
Evan’s face.

“It’s not over, Elizabeth. You have to
remember that.” He touches my face and stands. “I’m going to go
back down the hall and check on Lev.”

I sit up higher. “I want to go with you.”

“You’re not strong enough to be moving
around, Elizabeth.” Evan heads to the door.

“What if he dies and I don’t get to say
goodbye?”

Evan abruptly stops and looks back at me. For
a moment, he just stands and stares. Finally, he nods. “All right.
I’ll take you to him—for a couple of minutes.”

“Thank you.” He grabs the robe from my
dresser. “Here, put this on.” I nod and stand up so I can slip the
robe on. Evan hovers close and unplugs the IV pole. Once I draw the
ties into a knot, he wraps his arm around me in support as I nudge
the IV pole along. More than once, I have to stop and lean against
him. I’m exhausted by the time I reach Lev’s room, and Evan is
pretty much supporting me.

“You want to go back to your room? You look
pale and weak.”

I stubbornly shake my head and lean against
him until I can catch my breath. “No, I want to see him. It’s
important.”

“All right,” Evan reluctantly agrees,
tightening his hold. “But just for a minute. You look like you’re
going to pass out, and that’s the last thing you need. Jimmie will
have my head.”

“I’m okay. I’m just a little weak, that’s
all.”

We turn the corner, and he helps me into the
room. When I look at the bed and see Lev lying there, so still and
pale, my knees give out and Evan holds me that much more
firmly.

“Easy, Elizabeth. The chair is right there by
the bed. Just hang on.” He leads me to it and gently sets me into
it. The abrupt movement jars the pain deep in my body, and I inhale
sharply.

“You okay?”

I nod and look at Lev. He’s so pale, and no
matter how hard I look, I can’t see the aura of his wings, which
frightens me all the more. “Can I have a few moments alone with
him, please?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to just leave
you sitting here.”

I swallow hard. “I’ll be fine. I
promise..”

Evan looks from me to Lev and finally nods.
“Okay. I’ll give you five minutes. Don’t push for more. I’ll be
right outside, if you need me.” He squeezes my shoulder
reassuringly.

“Thank you.”

I wait until I hear the door close before I
reach for Lev’s hand, carefully avoiding the spot where the IV has
been inserted in the top of his hand. Even though tape covers the
clear tube, I don’t want to hurt him accidentally, and the only way
to avoid that is to watch where I touch and avoid the mottled area
of his bruised skin. Even looking at it makes me cringe from
imagining how much it hurts

An oxygen tube rests under his nostrils, and
his eyes are still. His chest barely rises and falls with each
breath, and it seems like he’s barely even here. That’s my fault.
If he hadn’t fallen in love with me, he would have gone on with his
supernatural existence. All my fault.

“Lev,” I whisper. “Can you hear me?” I brush
the hair back from my face. I keep trembling, and force myself not
to look at my hands. It just reminds me of all the things I can’t
change that hurt. I keep watching his face, hoping his expression
will break, but it doesn’t. He lies there, barely breathing.

“Lev, please.” My voice is breaking, and I
know if he doesn’t move, I’m going to lose it. I stroke his face,
so sure that once he feels my touch, he’ll stir. He has to.

Nothing.

“Lev!” My voice is louder, more shrill. I
stand though I know I’m too weak. I should be in bed. “Lev!” I lean
over and rest my head on his chest. For the first time, I can hear
a real heartbeat, but it’s slow and weak. I close my eyes and focus
on it.

“Elizabeth. It’s time to return you to bed.”
Evan rests his hand on my shoulder and gently tries to pull me
away.

“I don’t want to go.” I fight him at every
turn, wanting to stay with Lev forever. He’s where I belong.

“I know you do. But you need to rest.”

No matter how hard I try to cling to Lev, I
feel Evan taking me away. I can’t bear that thought, so I begin to
struggle. Evan keeps speaking to me in that slow, patient tone, but
I don’t listen. There are no words that will make this acceptable.
None. I keep struggling until I hear him say, “Sleep, Elizabeth.
Sleep.”

Then blackness comes for me, and I
unwillingly surrender to it.

“Lizzie? Can you hear me?”

I flinch as the voice comes to me. It’s deep
and diluted by unconsciousness, and it takes me a few seconds to
even have a clue who’s speaking.

“Lizzie?” Someone lightly pats my face.

The voice speeds up to a regular pace.
Jimmie’s voice. I open my eyes and blink to clear the haze.

“Good to see you awake.”

Jimmie sits in the chair beside my bed.
Although he definitely looks more comfortable than the last time I
saw him, all sleep and shower deprived, but I’m pretty sure he’s
been there most of the time I’ve been out, however long that’s
been.

Lev.

I start to sit up when Jimmie shakes his
head. “Hey, take it easy, Lizzie. You’re still weak, you know?”

“How’s Lev?” I reach for the cup beside the
bed and drink. Even though it’s lukewarm, it still tastes good,
which tells me how thirsty I am.

“The same.” He averts his gaze, pretending to
watch me set the cup back on the nightstand so I don’t spill any of
it.

“Has he come around yet?” I push the button
to raise my head. Although I still feel weak, it’s not as bad,
which gives me hope. I have to believe that something is going to
change with Lev.

“No, Lizzie. He hasn’t.”

I cringe. “How long has it been?” I should
know, but things have been so hazy between the exhaustion and the
meds I’ve been given, not much is clear, really. I look down at my
hand and see the IV is still there.

“A week.” He points to the tray. “There’s a
breakfast tray. Eggs and bacon. You should be hungry by now.”

I shake my head. Yes, my stomach is growling,
but the last thing I feel like doing is eating. “No, I’m still not
hungry.”

Jimmie shakes his head. “Damn it, Lizzie--you
can’t stop living because of Lev. He wouldn’t want that, and you
know it.”

I grip the covers in my fists. “You talk like
he’s already dead, Jimmie. Is there something you aren’t telling
me?”

“No, of course not.”

I look at the stupid blue blanket draped
around my body, and I loathe it. “Where’s Evan?”

“In Lev’s room. Has hardly left.”

I slide to the side of the bed and sling my
legs over it.

“What are you doing, Elizabeth?”

“Going to see Lev and Evan.” I grab the robe
from the other chair and quickly drape it around my body. I’m not
particularly fond of the nice air vents in the back.

“Maybe you shouldn’t get up so quick,” Jimmie
argues, standing like I’m going to fall down. Although before I
might have wondered if I could make it, today I feel stronger; I
don’t think that’s going to be an issue.

“I’m okay, Jimmie. I’m not made of glass, and
I feel better today.”

He frowns and stands there, hovering as
usual. I can tell he wants to help me as I slip the robe over the
shoulder with the IV, but I move so quickly he doesn’t have time,
which leaves him awkwardly standing there, looking on without any
idea how to help. “I just want you to be okay, Lizzie. I know
you’re worried.”

I tie the robe closed and grab the IV pole so
I can brush past him. “Yeah, Jimmie, I am worried—and right now the
only thing that’s going to make me feel any better is walking down
that hall and looking in on Lev.”

“You want me to come?” he asks softly, still
standing there awkwardly.

I shake my head. “No.” I want a few minutes
alone with him, okay?”

“Sure.”

As I leave, Jimmie sinks back into one of the
most uncomfortable- looking chairs I have ever seen. It has so
little padding, and the angle of the back is sharp, which means
nobody probably wants to sit there for long. Yet Jimmie will
because I’m coming back.