An Underestimated Christmas (Underestimated 3) (20 page)

Morgan—10

Dr. Blain—Can’t do it. I can get rid of all of them for 15 right now. You in or not?

Morgan—Fine, can I meet you tomorrow around ten in the morning?

Dr. Blain—Works for me. Same place. I’ll be in a black Infinity with tinted windows.

Morgan—See you tomorrow.

I chopped up my last pill with the razorblade and smiled at my reflection. Control this, Drew… My head spun to Alicia’s sad expression. Oh my god. Really? I was ready to scream. I didn’t need Alicia playing babysitter for me. I ignored her and did it right in front of her. She leaned against the counter and watched without a word.

My eyes shifted to hers for a second while I chopped the substance into powder. The smell of money was long gone from my ten dollar bill and all I could smell was relief. I closed off one nostril and breathed in a long line of dust, instantly feeling the effects.

“What’s it do?” Alicia asked, watching me get ready for the second line.

“It’s not what you think, Alicia. I’m not a druggy. It’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like. Why, Morgan? I don’t understand.”

“It’s hard to explain. Let’s go sit on the deck,” I coaxed, hiding my stash in a small makeup bag that I knew Drew would never look in.

Alicia and I sat out on the deck, wrapped in warm blankets. I poured my heart out to her once again.

“I used to hate this feeling. Whenever I was in the hospital, I would endure the pain for as long as I could until I couldn’t take it for one more second.”

“But now you like it?” Alicia asked, trying to understand.

“It’s not like that. Drew and I were constantly fighting, I hardly ever took them. One day when we were trying to potty train Tadpole, I had a migraine from Drew and Tad. I took two and realized I not only had more patience with my kids, but also Drew. We went to bed and had amazing sex that night. I did it again the next day, and the next, and the next, until I was up to six and eight pills again,” I explained, sipping tepid hot cocoa.

“And now you’re snorting it? Why?”

“This is something different. This isn’t my prescription.”

“Morgan, what are you doing?” Alicia asked, concerned.

I took a long breath of sea salt air, and replied honestly. “I don’t know, Alicia. I’m not sure how much more I can take. Don’t worry, I’m going to stop once we get through the holidays.”

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“For the holidays?” I questioned. “I’m not sure yet. Do you know?” I asked, turning to Alicia. She did. She knew something I didn’t know. I could see it when she turned away from me.

“No, I don’t know. All I know is Drew has the movers packing your things in California.”

“When?” I asked, instantly feeling anger. If he was moving us out without so much as one word, I was going to punch him right between his dumb eyes.

“Now, I think. That’s all I know and I never found that out until I talked to Celeste earlier. I swear.”

“I have to go call Drew,” I said, standing. Alicia grabbed my arm and pulled me back to my chair.

“Don’t, Morgan. Just wait until tomorrow. There’s nothing you can do about it tonight. You’re just going to argue and be upset.”

“So you just want me to brush it under the rug, too? That’s what’s wrong with Drew, Alicia. Everyone gives him what he wants. Don’t say anything to upset Drew,” I whined. “I’m going to bed.” Alicia let me go with a heavy sigh. She knew as well as I did that I was going to call Drew.

That is exactly what I did. I removed my flannel pants and sat on my side of the bed with my legs crossed.

“Hi, love,” Drew answered.

“Are you packing up the house, Drew?” I pounced.

“Alicia?”

“Are you?”

“I just figured it was best for me to do it.”

“Of course you did. What about Nicholas? Although you’re too busy sneaking around and doing shit behind my back, I’m still the mother. The one concerned about how he’s going to accept the change you just keep deciding for us.”

“Morgan. Stop. I’m not even going to do this with you. I’m trying my best to make things right for you, for the boys. You won’t let me. You belong to me for the entire month of December. If you still hate me after that than you can go. I’m flying to LA in the morning to see things through, and then I’ll be home. Pack what you need from the beach house. You’re not going to be back there until the first of the year.”

“I’m not following you anywhere, Drew. I’ve already told you that.”

“Fine, Morgan, but the boys are. We’re flying to New York on the first with or without you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.”

My eyes shifted to the blinking numbers on my phone. Shit. Stupid fucker. Now what.

“Want company?” Alicia asked from the door. She never gave me time to answer before she jumped in Drew’s side of the bed.

“I’m going to New York,” I announced with my hands in the air. How much more was I willing to take from this man? It’s a wonder I wasn’t an alcoholic on top of my other side addiction.

I looked down at the weather for the second time. “Morgan, I want to get going. We need to beat this storm coming in.”

“Okay, okay. I think we have everything,” Morgan said, looking around one more time. I’m not sure what happened while I was gone, but she wasn’t fighting me like I thought she would. That made me happy and a little scared at the same time. This was too easy.

“Brrr, it’s cold out here,” Morgan said, flipping up both the boys’ hoods.

“It’s hot at home,” Nicholas explained. Morgan looked back at me, and I knew she was putting this on my shoulders. He thought we were going home to California.

Once we were in the air, I explained to both boys that we were going to stay somewhere else for a little while, that we were going to spend Christmas in New York. Tadpole wanted to stay at the North Pole for Christmas and Nicholas didn’t want to stay there. He insisted that we should go to our own home. I was just getting ready to explain it when Morgan gasped. I looked over to her and she shook her head, trying to hide something from the boys.

My head nodded toward the back of the plane. Giving both boys a long beef jerky stick, Morgan glared at me. She hated when I brought the boys beef jerky. Pulling a stick of jerky from my pocket was like Christmas for both of them.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered to Morgan. Damn she smelled nice.

“Please tell me you got blanky out of the dryer.”

“No, did you tell me, too?”

“Oh my god, Drew. What the hell are we going to do now? We have to go back.”

“We’re not going back. We’ll tell your mom to mail it,” I countered. Center Station was about to get dumped on again with eight inches of snow. I wasn’t about to turn around, nor was I interested in getting my family stranded like I had myself.

“That could take days. He’s never going to sleep without it. You’re taking him to a strange place and he doesn’t have his blanket.”

“We can’t go back, Morgan.”

“Drew, this is not going to go well. This is so bad,” Morgan worried, walking away. She was right. Nicholas would never go to bed without that blanket.

Nicholas sat on my lap and stared quietly out the window until we started descending. Morgan held a sleeping Tadpole and stared out the window on the other side of the plane. What was she thinking about? Was she going to hate it here, or do what I prayed and love it?

“Snow!” Nicky exclaimed, sitting up. I watched Morgan stretch her neck a little and look, too. The distasteful expression on her face assured me she wasn’t impressed. The glance and eye roll solidified it. She already hated it.

I rushed my family to our parked car, wanting to get to the house before any more snow fell. “You already got our cars here?” she asked, seeing the lights on my SUV blink and beep.

“Yes, everything’s here,” I said, lifting Tadpole to his car seat. Morgan helped Nicholas, trying to settle him down.

“But we’re not going to stay here at night time, right Mom?” he asked.

“Yes, baby. We’re going to stay the night,” she explained, getting in the passenger side. I tossed our bags to the back and set out on an hour drive in the falling snow.

“Drew, I don’t like this. You don’t know how to drive in this weather.”

“Do you? You want to drive?” I teased, feeling the same apprehension. This wasn’t just me this time. At least I didn’t have to worry about it getting dark this time.

“I can’t believe you’re making us do this. Have I ever told you how much I hated winter in the mountains?”

“Yes, you have.”

“Dad, I don’t want to stay here at nighttime, okay?” Nicholas pleaded with me from the back.

“Me do, I can build a noman,” Tadpole excitedly explained. At least they didn’t all hate me.

“We’re going to stay here for a long time, Nicky. A lot of nights. Wait until you see your new room. You’re going to love it,” I said, trying to revert a meltdown.

“I get a new room, too?” Tad asked.

“Yup, you’re going to love yours, too, and tomorrow starts a whole month of Christmas activities.”

“Oh god,” Morgan mumbled, turning her attention out the window. I didn’t reply. I continued to talk to the boys, easing their little minds from change as much as I could.

“Where are you going?” Morgan asked once we were out of the city.

“Home.” I smiled.

“This is not my home,” she assured me mater-of-factly. “Should we be getting this far off the highway? I feel like you’re taking me back to my roots.”

“It’s not quite that bad.”

Morgan was worse than the boys. The snow extended our hour trip by another forty minutes. She asked if we were almost there ten times before we finally pulled down the long lane.

Solomon and his oldest son, Adam, met us in the graveled driveway. I got out and shook both their hands while taking Tadpole from the back. Morgan sat there until I told her to get out. I could tell she thought we were at his house and not ours. She helped Nicholas, and Sole shook her hand.

“Hello, I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s finally nice to meet you. This is my son, Adam. Adam and I came over to light the fireplaces for you. House is nice and toasty,” Sole warmly spoke. Adam shook her hand next while Sole shook Nicholas’s hand.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, too, young man. I hear you’re the guy to talk to about building a bridge.”

“Uh-huh, I can tell you if you want,” Nicholas assured him.

“You bet. I’ll see you tomorrow at the barn.”

I watched Morgan’s bewildered expressions, wondering what the hell was going on. Sole and Adam took off on a quad and I walked my family up the massive porch, wrapping around the entire house.

“Hey, this a mote,” Tadpole said, running around the complete rectangle of the house. I laughed at his imagination and unlocked the door.

“What is this place, Drew?” Morgan asked, looking around the country property, now covered in about five inches of snow. I pushed the door and stepped aside for her. Her eyes grew larger when she saw all of our belongings. I knew this part was probably going to piss her off, but I also knew it was the only way. I had guys working all week on getting our things here and put away before I brought them.

“Is anything back at the house?”

“No, well, there’s a bunch of boxes out in the garage. Things that I wasn’t sure what you wanted me to do with. Like the boys’ comforters and things like that.”

“I just bought those,” she said, looking around the house. “I don’t understand this, Drew. What are we doing here?”

“You can still use their things, love. Hey, get in here before you freeze your peckers off,” I urged, grabbing both boys with the second lap around the house.

“Drew!” Morgan scolded.

I laughed and wrapped my arms around her from behind. I couldn’t help it. I was happy and I wanted her to be happy. “I fell in love with this place as soon as Solomon showed it to me. A rich banker bought it a year ago and remodeled the entire house. He wanted a quiet place to bring his family to get away from all the rat race of the city,” I explained the story as it was told to me.

“What happened?” she questioned, leaning into me. I closed my eyes, taking in her scent and the feel of her body.

“They got a divorce and he just so happened to list it a couple days before I got stranded here.”

“Oh, that’s encouraging,” she barked, pulling away. “Oh my god, Drew. Look at this kitchen,” Morgan exclaimed. I knew she would love that part. The kitchen was totally remodeled into the perfect modern day dream.

“Remember when you hated the idea of black cabinets?” I asked, reminiscing about remodeling the kitchen at the beach house.

“I don’t hate this. I love it,” she said, opening one of the doors to a walk-in pantry. “I’m trying really hard to understand what the hell is going on here. You bought this for a vacation home? Were you planning on us living at the beach house? That’s what drives me crazy, Drew. I merely mentioned the thought of moving and you go buy a house in Little House on The Prairie where it snows of all things.”

“Look at this, love,” I said, taking her hand. I saw the light in her eyes when we walked down the one step. The sun room was beautiful and she couldn’t hide her approval. The guy obviously had kids. A stone fireplace burned at the end of the room with four beanbag chairs. I could not wait to sit there and drink hot chocolate with my family, listening to five and three-year-old chatter.

Morgan looked back at the kitchen and I knew she was picturing our boys, playing here while she prepared our meals. The furniture was a puffy sectional placed in the center of the flat screen hanging from the wall.

“This is my seat,” Tadpole and Nicholas called, jumping to the two beanbags on the ends. I was fine with that. It put me closer to Morgan.

“This is like a plantation,” Morgan alleged, walking to the glass wall. The backyard was beautiful with blue lights pointing straight up at aged oak trees. A bluish tint spread across the fresh white snow, illuminating a postcard view.

“Shhh,” I warned with my finger before Morgan could blurt the clubhouse out in the back yard. “Adam’s shop class built it for me as a class project. Wait until you see the inside, Sole’s wife is an amazing decorator. I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

I walked around the house with my family, proudly showing them every room. Nicholas and Tadpole ran just ahead of us, feeling out their new surroundings.

“You don’t plan on us leaving here, do you, Drew?” Morgan asked, turning to me when the boys ran into a room I would have made into my office before a family. Not now. Now it was a room full of old library books. Books I’d bought from a closing library back in LA. I did it on a whim, knowing someday I would have a reason to use them. Morgan loved the library, always did. This was for her. This was her room.

The white trimmed glass looked over the same backyard, leading to the deck where Nicholas and Tadpole would play. Morgan turned to me, trying her best not to crack. She loved it. I could tell she loved it. What reader wouldn’t love this room? The walls were covered in an elegant historic wallpaper with a silver swirl design. I wasn’t even a reader and I could feel the homey atmosphere.

I could see lots of books being read in this room. Nicky and Tad were still little guys, but they loved to read. If Morgan had anything to do with it, they always would. Not a day went by that she didn’t read to those boys.

“You want to see where the magic happens?” I smirked.

Morgan tried like hell to fight the curl in her lip. “Shut-up,” she said, backhanding me in the chest.

“I do want to see the magic room,” Tadpole exclaimed. Both boys ran ahead of us on the beautiful restored stairway. Nicky and Tad sat on a bench against the wall. The landing broke the vertical steps into a curve. My fingers touched Morgan’s while we seriously had to stand and wait for the boys to rest. She didn’t take my hand, but at least she didn’t pull away.

“Okay, come on you little pussies,” I barked orders. “I mean pansies, not that other word,” I encouraged, seeing the death glare from my wife.

“Pussies.” Tadpole had to go and sell me out. Traitor. I got the look again and we did what we always did when that happened. We ignored it and made them think about something else.

“Which room do you think is yours, Nicky?”

“Um, I don’t need a room at this house. I’m not sleeping here. We better go to our other house,” he informed me.

“We will after Christmas. Look,” I said, opening his door first. I needed to keep him from a breakdown. Thank god his eyes lit up. Solomon helped with this, too. The train track went the whole length of the wall, up and around the door in a complete circle.

“Well it’s not done,” Nicholas informed me. I smiled, knowing exactly what he was thinking. “No, don’t touch it Tadpole, this is my room,” Nicky ordered, shoving his little brother in the chest for brushing his fingers across the shiny train. I reached over and switched off the moving train.

“Hey, you don’t have to push him. You have to tell him with words,” Morgan stepped in, kneeling to his level.

“Well, Dad said this is my room. I don’t want him to touch it,” Nicholas explained very concerned-like.

“Okay, but you can ask him not to touch it with you words, not your hands. Tell him you’re sorry and Daddy will turn it back on,” Morgan persuaded, rubbing his chest. This is why Morgan took care of the discipline. I have a hard time seeing things like she did. I would have probably shoved him, too.