An Old-Fashioned Education (9 page)

“I tried to get her to stay,” he said finally. “When she left anyway, I was so angry. I suppose I still am, but it’s easier for me to be angry with her than it is to be angry with myself.” He turned back to her. “I’m the leader here. These people depend on me. Despite what you may think, not everyone here started out as homesteaders. They’ve come to Pepper’s Hollow from suburban and even urban areas. Everyone has skills useful to the community—a community that I started, a community that was my idea.

“I told Melissa it would be hard, and I told her that she’d have to be generous with me. I knew what demands I’d face. But I don’t think she was prepared to share me with everyone, especially not after Kerry came along.”

“I’m sure getting spanked didn’t help matters,” Polly said.

He laughed bitterly. “That’s where you’re wrong. We built our relationship on the principles of domestic discipline. Melissa wanted a strong leader as her husband, a man she could submit to. She was a smart, beautiful, brave. Her submission to me was an incredible gift. But I threw it back in her face. She was hungry for guidance, for direction, for the comfort that the limits I imposed had always given her. And there I was, giving them to everyone else in the community. I moderated disputes and the community let me be judge and jury. I counseled other men who lived the way we lived, but Melissa told me when they came to her for guidance she felt like she couldn’t give it because we were—as she put it—living a lie. She said we were frauds.”

“Because everyone else was living the life you were supposed to be living by example?” Polly asked.

He nodded. “Yeah, exactly. And me … well, rather than admit I was failing with my own wife I scolded her for being selfish. It was the dumbest thing I’d ever done in my life. She all but pleaded with me to make things right, to do what you suggested and hand over control of the community. But I wouldn’t do it.”

“Why not?”

He sighed. “It’s not an easy thing for me, Polly.”

“You mean handing over control?”

He nodded.

“But if you lose control of something that matters in the process, like your relationship or your kids, then is it worth it?”

“I have responsibilities,” he said.

“Yeah.” Polly looked around. “You do, Walt. But you seem determined to ignore the ones that matter most, even now.”

He looked up at her. “Polly...”

“No,” she said. “You have a choice. You can let the adults here handle some of the responsibility and take time to help your kids, or you can place more value on your reputation as a leader. You seem to think that the former is what is more important, and as a teacher who loves children, I will not stay another second in your house and watch you ignore Aidan and Kerry.”

“So you’re just going to leave them?”

Now she took an aggressive step forward. “No. I’m doing what Melissa did. I’m leaving you. Until you figure out what matters, I cannot respect you. You say you moved me in to protect me, but now I suspect you wanted someone in the house to fill a void in your kids life you were too busy to bother with.”

“Don’t say that,” he said, closing the small distance between them. He was opening and closing his hand.

“Or what? You’ll spank me?” She shook her head. “That’s something else Melissa and I would agree on. How can a man discipline his woman if he’s not man enough to care for his kids? You’d better believe that if you ever put me over your knee again, I’ll die before I’ll take a spanking from the likes of you. Before, when you spanked me over the radio, I deserved it. But I also thought you were a different man.”

“Polly!” he called after her, but she had turned away.

“Have my stuff brought back to my cabin,” she said, looking back as she walked. “If anyone asks, I’ll just tell them that I thought this was a better move for me.” She paused. “For now. But if I hear that you’ve lied about me, I will tell the truth about you.”

And with that, Polly walked away leaving the head of Pepper’s Hollow feeling more lost than he’d felt since his wife had departed from his life.

The hardest thing about leaving Walt’s cabin was saying goodbye to Kerry. The little girl was distraught, and being told that her teacher’s little stuffed dog was now hers did nothing to assuage the child’s distress.

Polly told her that her father would explain everything. She did not elaborate, or try to explain herself. It was time that Walt Springer stopped avoiding his kids’ needs. It was time for him to face up to the most important task of his life.

It was snowing again when she reached the new cabin. It felt quiet and lonely after her time at the Springers. Even with a couple of her older male students on hand to help her move and to build a fire, Polly had never felt colder or more alone in her life.

Threatening Walt Springer had put in the catbird seat. It was powerful leverage, her threat to go to the community with the truth of what had actually happened. If it was revealed that their leader had lied to the town’s teacher by stating they were the ones who wanted her to move in with him when the opposite was true, he may be overthrown. Would she have done it, if he’d not let her leave? The idea of throwing Pepper’s Hollow into turmoil during the height of the hardest winter in fifty years was not something she relished. She was glad that she’d not had to make that choice.

Polly wondered why having leverage over Walt Springer did not feel better. By society’s standards, he was a bully and a chauvinist. But then she thought of Melissa Springer and what had drawn her to him before he’d been drawn away from her by the demands of the community. He’d told her that spanking had been part of their dynamic, had been what they’d both wanted and that his no longer being an attentive disciplinarian had been part of the problem.

She thought back to the spankings he’d given her. In both cases she’d been so angry, but afterwards felt almost … Was grateful the word? In the case of the radio, it had been a very well-deserved punishment and now as she reflected on Walt Springer’s dilemma she began to see how in what he called a “domestic discipline” relationship, the man was under a certain pressure to maintain a moral standard if he were going to be the kind of leader a woman would submit to.

She sensed in him a man who desired to be worth of leadership—both of his family and of his community—but also a flawed man who’d yet to come to terms with his own limitations. The pressure he put on himself to be all things to everyone had been too much and he’d lost control of the one thing that had mattered and now he was at risk of alienating the community just as he’d alienated his wife.

Polly was already rehearsing the speech she was preparing to give him and the other members of Pepper’s Hollow when she left. Yes, technology had its downside. And no, experts didn’t know everything. But there was a place for both. A community could not just remove itself to some isolated location and deny problems when they cropped up. It was another way that Walt Springer was letting them down, even if he didn’t realize it.

She tried not to think on it too much. A cup of tea, she told herself, would take her mind off of things. The kettle was just beginning to whistle when she heard a knock at the door. She could see Walt Springer through the frosted glass.

With a sigh, she opened the door.

“Yes?” she asked curtly.

“Can I come in?”

She hesitated but then stepped out of the way when she saw his face. He looked positively tortured.

“Thank you,” he said as he stepped out of the way.

“Your welcome,” she said, shutting the door and turned to him. She wanted to be compassionate, but at the same time was angered by his visit. “You should be with your kids, Walt. They need you.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here,” he said. “Noni’s watching them. I asked her to so I could talk.”

“I don’t have anything to say,” she said.

“Well I do.” He paused. “First of all, I want to say I’m sorry. Again. There’s no excuse or justification for what I did. I was my pride that caused all this.”

“Go on,” she said.

“Second, I want to say that I was wrong. I thought I could do this alone. But I need … I need help. You’re right. I do know my kids are hurting. But I’m scared to death because I don’t know how to help them.”

“Are you asking for my help?”

He pulled off his cap and turned it over and over in his hand.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” he said.

“Then go back to your house and bring me the computer and iPad you confiscated when I moved it. I’ve got some good articles you can read on helping children deal with loss and separation. They’re written by experts and some of what they say may conflict with what you believe, or what you want to believe. You’ll need to keep an open mind.” She walked over and laid her hands on his fidgety ones. “Can you do that, Walt?”

“I can do anything I have to do to help Kerry and Aidan,” he said. “And I’m going to start by stepping down as leader of Pepper’s Hollow.”

Polly had not expected this. “Now? I thought you were worried about how it would affect the community if you changed things in the middle of winter.”

“I’m more worried about how it will affect my kids if I wait until spring,” he said. “I’ve caused enough hurt. I’ve assembled a meeting for tonight. I’d like you to be there.”

Polly nodded. “Of course I will be,” she said. She offered him a warm smile of encouragement. “I know this isn’t easy for you, Walt.”

“No, but it’s necessary. I’ll never forgive myself for letting Melissa down. I’ve lost my chance with her. I realize that. She’s gone and she’s never coming back. Life outside Pepper’s Hollow will change her. When she comes back for the kids, and at some point she will, she’ll be a different person and I won’t try to change her.” He paused. “But I miss having someone to guide, someone to care for, someone who trusts and respects me enough to want my leadership. Maybe someday I can find someone like that again. Until I do, I’m just going to be the best father that I can and take things a day at a time, starting today.”

He turned away. “The meeting is in an hour at the community hall.”

Polly watched him go and stood there pondering with no small amount of amazement Walt Springer’s capacity to evolve. She knew he had to be very sad. His wife was gone and it was his fault. His kids were a wreck. It was his fault. And now he was about to lose control of the community he’d founded and led since its inception.

The hour passed all too quickly. Part of Polly did not want to attend the meeting; she knew that some residents were still suspicious of her. They’d not forgiven her for breaking the radio or were resentful of her moving in with Walt in the first place. She’d not been established at the cabin long enough for anyone to yet realize her living arrangement with him had changed.

The snowdrifts were deep as she left. Other residents were trudging out of their cabins towards the main hall, their bundled children in tow. It impressed Polly that the community—every resident—always turned out for these meetings.

She took her place in the back of the room. It was clear that the assembled residents did not know why the meeting was being called, and some of the faces bore worried expressions.

Walt was the last to enter. His kids were with him. Kerry still looked bereft, but when she caught sight of Polly she cried out and ran to her. The little stuffed dog her teacher had given her was still in her arms. Aidan hung back, trying to look disinterested as his father took the podium.

“Thanks for coming,” Walt said to the assembly. “The weather is bad and it’s going to get worse, but spring is coming. I’d hoped to delay this announcement until then, but I’m afraid for the sake of my family that I’m not going to be able to wait.” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “As you all know, Melissa left last year. It’s been hard on me. It’s been harder on the kids.”

He looked out at his children. Aidan was to the side of the room, expressionless. Kerry had climbed in Polly’s lap and was sucking her thumb. It was the first time Polly had seen her do that and she recognized that the child knew something was very wrong.

“I want to tell my kids that I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m doing the same thing to them now that I did to Melissa. When she needed me the most I was too busy taking care of business here to see to their needs. But it’s become apparent–” He looked out at Polly. “–that I was overlooking some things I should have been noticing and I need to focus on them now. So, effective immediately I’m turning things over to Paul as interim leader until the committee can vote on installing a new one.”

Polly held her breath. Save for the sound of a crying baby and a coughing toddler, the whole hall had gone into stunned silence.

Finally, Paul stood.

“Look, Walt,” he said. “I know it’s been hard. But this is kind of...sudden. And as your best friends, Noni and I would have been happy to help. If someone else has influenced your decision–” His eyes fell squarely and obviously on Polly. “–then please reconsider. Because, you know, families fall on hard times and they still do what they have to do. A man can’t quit just because there’s stuff going on at home. What’s that teaching our kids? The pioneers didn’t just stop farming when someone died. They kept going and their families were expected to bear up, kids included.”

There were murmurs filling the room now. Polly shifted in her chair and as all eyes turned in her direction Kerry, who was still sitting on her lap, snuggled closer and whimpered.

“If you’re implying this has something to do with Ms. Perkins, it does.” Walt Springer’s voice rose above the murmurs. “And it doesn’t. She’s helped me see that there are problems with my children—serious problems. But she knew nothing about my decision to step down until right before the meeting. Sometimes it takes someone from outside a situation to clarify it for you. In Ms. Perkins’ case, she’d spent a lot of time with the kids.”

“I guess so with her moving in like she did.”

Voices were raised again. Angry voices. Polly couldn’t tell if they were directed at her or Paul.

“That wasn’t by her choice,” Walt said. “And just so you are all perfectly clear, that’s another reason why I’m stepping down.”

The room grew quiet again.

“The only reason Ms. Perkins moved in with me was because I lied to her to make it happen.” Walt looked down as the room fell silent again. “She didn’t want to, but I told her the community, all of you, had voted for it to happen. I told her that they didn’t trust her to be in her own house after the incident with the radio.”

“Why?” Noni stood. “Why would you do that?”

“I don’t know.” Walt ran his hand through his sandy hair. It was clear that he was embarrassed. “Maybe it’s because I know those kids needed a more stable force. Maybe it’s because–because I’m lonely. Maybe it’s because...” His eyes fell on Polly. “Maybe it’s because I developed feelings I had no right to develop, feelings Ms. Perkins never encouraged through flirtation or innuendo or any other action. She’s been nothing short of a professional, despite her mistakes.”

Paul walked to the podium. He reached out.

“You’re right,” he said, his face stony. “You don’t deserve to lead us.” He held out his hand and Walt silently handed over the gavel he usually used to call meetings to order. The gavel had been handmade in the shop by Paul, who’d given it to Walt at the first official meeting of Pepper’s Hollow.

Walt stepped down. As he did, he held out his hand to shake Paul’s, but his friend ignored the gesture.

“Come on.” Walt stopped at Polly’s side and held out his hands to Kerry, who just clung harder to her teacher. Aidan was already trailing at his father’s heels. He looked concerned now, and shaken by the announcement.

Kerry shook her head.

“Kerry, come on.”

“I want Ms. Polly!”

“I’ll take her.” Polly stood. The little girl was heavy, but she carried her anyway. She did not look at the residents of Pepper’s Hollow as she trailed out after Walt and Aidan, who kept his head down. His father’s walk of shame was also his.

They trudged through the snow. Twice Walt turned and offered to take Kerry from her arms, and both times she shook her head. The child was clinging to Polly with a death grip. By the time they were back in Walt’s cabin her feet felt like blocks of ice even through her boots and her back and arms were weary from the strain of carrying the child. But Polly did not regret it.

She wordlessly deposited the little girl on the couch and went to the kitchen to make hot cocoa for all of them.

“You’re not the leader anymore?” Aidan was removing his coat and moving over to his father, his face hurt and angry. “You’ve always been the leader. Why did you go and quit? Mr. Paul’s mad at us now!”

“He’s not mad at you,” Walt said. “He’s mad at me. But he’ll understand.”

“It’s her fault.” Aidan pointed at Polly. “It’s her fault! She moved here and messed everything up. She thought she could come here and teach like Mom and be like Mom and she’s not! I hate her!”

“Aidan!” Walt boomed at his son, and on the couch Kerry began to cry.

“We’re going to have a little talk, son. Get to your room. Now.”

Aidan stormed off and as his father followed, Polly reached out and took his arm.

“Don’t...” she said.

“Don’t worry,” he replied. “I’m not going to punish him. He’s got a right to his anger.”