An Inconvenient Trilogy (38 page)

“You are forgiven, tiger,” Stephen said and without a backward glance he left the hallway.

Charlotte stood frozen to the spot, frowning at the empty space that Lord Halkyn had filled. It was many moments before she shook herself and returned to the drawing room. She was distracted all afternoon, but was left to mull over her thoughts, as everyone hoped her distraction was a sign that she was remembering.

Chapter 21

Stephen avoided Charlotte as much as he could over the following few days. He cursed the fact that he was making himself miserable by staying, but he kept negotiating with himself as to how long he should remain. It had initially been until Charlotte was settled, then it was until her colour returned. He knew that once that happened, there would be another reason he could not go. He could not leave her, yet he could not bear to be near her either.

He ignored the puzzled looks he received from Michael and Elizabeth, but he could not change his actions. Seeing her look at him as if he was a stranger twisted his insides as much as if he had been stabbed. When she spoke to him so formally, he wanted to shake her until she remembered, so he avoided her.

Charlotte knew Lord Halkyn was not happy in her company, and it puzzled her. The move to Dunham House was working in some respects, it was feeling more familiar and some things were coming back to her. Very often it was just feelings, or a fleeting remembrance of something, but she felt sure that what she was remembering were true memories, which made his behaviour all the more confusing.

She walked the grounds every morning, trying to put the things she felt in some sort of order. At times she did feel as if she was trying to process too much information, but somehow it was important that she did not just let memories come back naturally.

One morning she walked through the rose garden deep in thought. She did not notice Stephen was walking towards her as he was obscured by a hedge of roses. She turned and let out a little cry, startled at his sudden appearance.

“I did not mean to frighten you,” Stephen apologised. He had not known she was there, or else he would have walked in the opposite direction. He did not like to put himself under her scrutiny.

“You do not frighten me my Lord,” Charlotte responded. “I was startled out of my thoughts, that’s all.”

“You are probably the only schoolroom miss who isn’t frightened of me,” Stephen responded coldly.

“I’m no longer a schoolroom miss and apparently haven’t been for some time. Although I can’t remember it happening, I’ve been told that while I have been staying at Dunham House, I celebrated my eighteenth birthday,” Charlotte responded tartly, but then she calmed down. “I’ve never been frightened of you. I have always felt safe with you, haven’t I?”

Stephen paused before answering. At first he thought she may be remembering something, but he came to the conclusion that she was purely fishing for clues and her memory was not returning. He decided that he was not going to indulge her. “Have you? I can’t understand why.”

“Because you protected me,” Charlotte said with a frown. “I just can’t remember why.”

“Oh well, never mind, I’m sure it wasn’t important,” Stephen said with disdain. “If you will excuse me, Miss Webster, as much as your company is delightful, I must continue my walk.”

Stephen turned and moved away from Charlotte. She was not aware of it, and would never be unless she eventually remembered the circumstances, but she would have the unlooked for privilege of being the only person who he had ever protected now and in the future. He would certainly reject any similar situations, it had caused him nothing but heartache, which grieved and annoyed him, especially since he could not put it all behind him and walk away.

Charlotte looked at his retreating back with a frown. Something was not right. This was not how they were with each other. She could not quite grasp the memory and she almost screamed with frustration. She stomped after Stephen, determined that he would not speak to her in such a way, she knew he had not done so in the past.

Charlotte caught up with Stephen by picking up the hem of her dress and running. It was not a dignified way to conduct herself, let alone that she was seeking out a man, but she was determined to speak to him. Stephen had heard her approach, she was sure of it, but he did not stop. Charlotte reached out and grabbed his arm, later she would be mortified about her forward behaviour, but for now she just reacted.

“Yes Miss Webster?” Stephen said, in a bored tone, finally admitting defeat and halting.

Charlotte was a little breathless and gasped to catch her breath. “Why are you doing this?” she asked.

“Doing what?” came the bored response. Stephen was a master at making people uncomfortable if he chose and for some reason he could not help himself with Charlotte.

Charlotte glowered at him. “This is not you!” she snapped. “You have never spoken to me in the way you do since I have returned.”

“Has your memory returned Miss Webster?” Stephen asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No,” Charlotte said honestly. “I just know that this wasn’t how we spoke in the past. Why are you being so unreasonable now?”

“Because I don’t know how else to be around you,” Stephen said the words before he could stop himself. The look of pain on his face went a long way to confirm the truth of his speech.

“Please be as you were previously,” Charlotte said gently.

“I cannot!” Stephen said with derision, quickly getting himself under control.

“I don’t understand why,” Charlotte said, almost pleading for some information.

“I suggest you ask Elizabeth, she is always keen to talk,” Stephen said harshly. “Now if you will excuse me once more.” He bowed his head slightly and started to walk away.

Charlotte spoke without thinking. “I miss you Stephen. I have missed you from the day you left me in the hallway and returned to London.”

Stephen swung around and faced her. “What did you say?” he asked quietly.

Charlotte was frowning, “I don’t know where that came from, but I remembered something. Your given name is Stephen; I called you by your given name!”

“Anyone could have told you that,” Stephen said dismissively. “What did you mean by the rest of it?”

Charlotte tried to explain, “I get feelings and the occasional image. It is hard to make it all clear, but I just had a moment then. I was in the hallway and you were leaving me. Why were you leaving me?” she asked.

“Because it was the best thing to do for the both of us,” Stephen replied. He had been filled with hope when she had said his name, but then a sickening realisation had struck. If she started to remember, she would remember refusing his marriage proposal and they would be no better off. He had been a fool. He needed to leave. “It looks as if your memory will come back after all. I am happy for you Miss Webster.” He turned and walked away.

This time Charlotte did not try to stop him. Instead she watched his retreating back with a small smile in her face. Her memory was finally returning.

*

Stephen almost walked into Michael in the hallway, when he entered the house.

“Halkyn?” Michael said at the troubled expression on Stephen’s face.

“I shall return to London later today,” Stephen said shortly, not appreciating being brought out of his reverie.

“Would you join me in the study for a moment?” Michael asked, not waiting for an answer, but leading the way out of earshot of the footmen on duty.

Stephen groaned, but followed. “What’s wrong Dunham, afraid you will miss me?” he said sarcastically.

“I’m just wondering why the sudden change of heart,” Michael said ignoring Stephen’s tone.

“I am tired of the country,” Stephen lied.

“What has happened with Charlotte to make you want to leave?” Michael asked patiently. He knew he had been as annoying when he was in denial about his feelings for Elizabeth, so he could not criticise the man in front of him who was so obviously suffering.

“Why does it have to have anything to do with Charlotte?” Stephen responded.

“Because I see the way you look at her, as if the fact that she does not remember you causes you acute pain,” Michael replied truthfully.

Stephen sighed, “Her memory appears to be returning.”

“And that is a bad thing?” Michael asked in confusion. He would have expected Stephen to be desperate for Charlotte to return to her old self.

“Her memory is returning, so she will remember what delights your darling wife told her about me, she will also remember refusing my offer for her. It suddenly struck me that it would be best if I left now,” Stephen responded with a shrug. “I’m not prepared to watch her withdraw from me a second time.”

Michael thought for a few moments. Halkyn was not the most noble of men, but since Charlotte had come into their lives he had seen a change in his acquaintance. He was convinced that Halkyn was in love with Charlotte and he had also seen what a good effect she had had on him. He had wondered if there was hope for Stephen after all, her affection softening his bitterness.

“Convince her that her memories are wrong,” he finally said.

“What?” Stephen asked wondering if his host had lost his mind.

“Convince her that you are worth more than the rumours and tittle-tattle say. Woo her,” Michael said with a shrug.

“I’ve never chased anyone in my life!” Stephen snorted.

“I would wager that you have never looked at anyone as you look at Charlotte, or had your sides turned inside out when you think about leaving her, either,” Michael said calmly.

Stephen flopped into a chair. “Dammit, I must be getting soft in my old age; am I so transparent?” he asked, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

Michael laughed, “Unfortunately I think I recognise the signs because it wasn’t too long ago that I was in a similar situation. Different reasons, but the same outcome.”

“Curse women. I have fought this since I reached maturity,” Stephen muttered.

“Why fight it? Isn’t she worth it?” Michael asked surprised.

Stephen looked at the man before him. Dunham had been an acquaintance and then a rival of sorts, but Stephen had never expected for him to become the friend and confidante he appeared to be now.

“She is worth ten of me and it is only when I forget myself that I imagine a life with her. When I am being truthful with myself I do acknowledge that she would be better off without me,” he said quietly.

“She could do a lot worse than you,” Michael responded truthfully.

Stephen laughed, “Yes, I could offer her money and a title, but what if I got sick of her, Dunham? What if I broke her heart?” he asked seriously.

“The fact that you are asking those questions probably means that you wouldn’t,” Michael responded reasonably.

“Probably isn’t good enough,” Stephen said, standing. He needed to get away.

“Don’t leave today, think about it for a day or two, and then make a decision. Give yourself the chance to think before dashing off, you could regret it for a long time,” Michael said.

“Your children will hate you,” Stephen responded with a grimace.

“What on earth has this to do with any future children I may have?” Michael asked in confusion.

“Reasoned arguments are a dead bore. You will bore them senseless. At least they will be able to turn to me to bring some excitement into their lives and allow them to be devils,” Stephen drawled. “I will give your advice some thought, although the fact that it looks like rain may have more to do with my decision than your persuasion.”

“As you wish,” Michael responded amused. Pride would not let Stephen act in any other way than he was used to people seeing, but Michael had seen a glimpse of the man underneath, and was no longer worried about his young guest.

Chapter 22

Stephen hid himself in the billiard room. He needed to mull over Michael’s words and try to come to terms with his own feelings. He was not necessarily ready to declare his undying love to Charlotte, or to even recognise that love was what he was feeling. He was aware though that he had never had before, the feelings he experienced while being with Charlotte. No other woman he had ever met previously moved him in the way she had. He had only kissed her twice, but both kisses were burned into his memory, unlike the hundreds, possibly thousands of kisses he had experienced prior to meeting Charlotte.

He had no idea why his feelings had developed. He had met far more sophisticated women in his time, who could banter with him enough to have him roar with laughter. He had experienced women who were expert in satisfying him in bed. Innocence had always bored him, it was too much like hard work to show them his preferred way of doing things, and he had therefore never dallied with someone as innocent as Charlotte. There was also the risk of being forced into a marriage he did not want if he dallied with an innocent, another reason why he should have avoided Charlotte.

He slammed the ball into the opposite corner pocket. Perhaps he was turning into the type of low character that was attracted to Baron Kersal’s more immoral schemes. He snorted with disgust, he might have a colourful background, but he would never sink so low as forcing himself on an innocent.

Forcing himself on an innocent. He could not stop the smile spreading across his face when he thought of the first words that Charlotte had uttered to him. He had never been begged for a kiss in such a way before. He had had women throw themselves at him, but that had never stirred anything in him apart from contempt for the marital state, because they were usually married. No, Charlotte had been different from the start. Her unique mix of innocence, fire, and helplessness had been a mix he had been unable to resist.

Another ball was slammed into the pocket, it was not just that. She had looked to him for help and had been sure he was capable of giving it to her. She had trusted him and had been confident in his ability. Her courage had remained steady while she was in his company, and it had been because of his ability that she had felt that way. No one had ever relied on him before; no one had ever wanted his protection in such a way. No one had ever rejected him because although she cared for him, she had believed that he did not care enough about her, and was not going to settle for his indifference.

He still smarted from her rejection of the marriage proposal. Her uncle had been quite rightly over the moon at the proposal, but not Charlotte. Oh no, she had wanted his love not his proposal. Another ball was rocketed into the waiting pocket. She had turned down the most eligible offer she was ever likely to get, and yet he could not condemn her for it. She had principles and even at her young age, had the courage to stand by them.

“Should I warn Lord Dunham that he may need to purchase a new billiard table?” Charlotte asked from the doorway. “I’m not sure that his current one can take such harsh play.” She smiled with amusement at Stephen’s startled expression. She had watched him for a few moments before speaking, unable to take her eyes off his face.

“Are you following me, Miss Webster?” Stephen asked, overcoming his surprise quickly and returning to his usual uninterested manner.

“Perish the thought that such an action would have on my reputation, if the company suspected such behaviour,” Charlotte responded easily. “I was merely attracted to the sound of a billiard table in pain.”

Stephen smiled slightly, “I wasn’t aware billiard tables were susceptible to pain. I would have been less brutal if I had realised.”

“I would have expected no less; you are not a cruel man,” Charlotte replied, entering the room. “Now, are you going to teach me the rules, or am I going to have to stand and watch you play alone all day?”

Stephen’s eyes narrowed. “Billiards isn’t a pastime for a respectable young lady,” he said shortly, wary of what Charlotte was trying to achieve.

“I have a feeling that my respectability has been hanging in the balance for some time now,” Charlotte responded with a shrug. She entered the room fully and picked up a cue, weighing it in her hands. “I feel that one game of billiards isn’t going to affect it one way or another.”

Stephen laughed, despite his reservations. This was the girl with spirit that he had seen in the beginning. “In that case Miss Webster, allow me to show you.”

Charlotte smiled at the sight of Stephen relaxing. She had sought him out, but it was for her benefit as well as his. She remembered things when she was near him, so she needed to be near him. “Prepare to be beaten, Stephen.”

Stephen ignored the change, from the formality of his title which she had used since the accident, to his given name. She was remembering, but perhaps he should enjoy her company until she remembered everything. He indicated that she should join him at the table and started to explain the rules of the game.

*

Elizabeth was attracted to the billiard room by the laughter coming from within it. She recognised that it was Charlotte’s laughter and was curious and troubled that her friend was in the room. When she entered, the surprise at the sight before her was clearly written on her face. Charlotte was fully participating in a game of billiards with Stephen. The pair were fooling around, obviously not taking the game seriously, hence Charlotte’s laughter.

The pair stopped their antics as soon as they noticed Elizabeth’s entrance, Charlotte flushing a little, and Stephen scowling at Elizabeth. “Elizabeth,” he bowed slightly at her appearance.

“Stephen. Charlotte,” Elizabeth responded, not quite coolly, but enough to express her displeasure at such a scene. She did not want to see her friend hurt by Stephen again.

“Stephen has been teaching me the fine art of billiards,” Charlotte said lightly, but her blush was evidence that she was aware of Elizabeth’s disapproval.

“I was hoping that you would accompany me on a visit to some tenants,” Elizabeth explained to her friend.

“Of course,” Charlotte responded, immediately putting the cue down. “I shall fetch my pelisse and bonnet and meet you in the hallway in a few moments,” she said quickly, dipping a quick curtsey to Stephen, before turning her back to him and hurrying out the door.

Elizabeth turned back to Stephen when they were alone. “Do you think it is wise being unchaperoned with Charlotte for such a long time? I could hear her laughter before I reached the doorway.”

“We were having a game of billiards, with the door open. It may be a sign that I may be getting old, but it’s not the most ideal location for anything untoward to happen,” Stephen drawled.

Elizabeth ignored the mocking tone that Stephen had used. “I think highly of you Stephen, but I hope you are not going to hurt Charlotte again,” she said in her usual direct way.

Stephen bristled, “I seem to recall that I offered her marriage, and I was the one who was refused. Perhaps she is the one that would hurt me?”

“Yes, but you offered marriage without love!” Elizabeth responded quietly. She knew Stephen’s cynicism where feelings of love were concerned.

“Do you know Elizabeth, I have considered you one of my friends in this fickle world we live in, but it appears I may have been mistaken. Your husband has more faith in me than you do.”

“Michael? What has he said?” Elizabeth asked.

“He suggested that I court Charlotte, that I don’t let the past hinder what we could have in the future. I seriously considered it for a moment, but with friends like you around, I haven’t got a chance, have I? You will always be the spectre of the past, reminding me what I strove to be, never allowing any of us, particularly Charlotte, to forget what a monster I was. You are in danger of sounding like the bitter, spiteful dames who frequent society all too often!” Stephen moved around the billiard table and approached the doorway.

“I think you should stop pretending to be my friend Elizabeth. If I offended you so much by my foolish marriage proposal to you that it has coloured your opinion of me, just be honest enough to say it. I don’t want to continue presuming you are my ally, when in reality you so obviously dislike me,” he finished bitterly.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to reply, but Stephen had moved past her and left the room. A movement from behind the doorway caught Elizabeth’s eye and she was mortified to see Charlotte’s pale face emerge.

“Charlotte...” Elizabeth started.

“Are you jealous that Lord Halkyn likes me?” Charlotte asked quietly.

“Jealous? No!” Elizabeth exclaimed. “I don’t want him to hurt you, that’s all.”

“Why would he hurt me?” Charlotte asked, her demeanour stiff and aloof.

“He did once before,” Elizabeth said gently. “His views are......we spoke about it in the past.”

“Of which I cannot remember, but I am remembering feelings and I know he would not intentionally hurt me,” Charlotte replied.

“I hope your confidence in him is not misplaced,” Elizabeth responded, a little defensively.

“It isn’t,” Charlotte replied firmly.