An Illicit Pursuit (15 page)

He pulls his hips back and crawls down to
take his favorite position between my legs. “You say you’re
ready?”

I nod, staring at his beautiful eyes that
will soon dilate with orgasm. Parking the tip of his cock at my
entrance, he rubs it around the wet area teasingly, making me
writhe. My feet caress the back of his thighs up to his buttocks. I
want to pray to God so he won’t touch another woman the way he
touches me, but that’s the whole point of my plans to leave him. So
he can be happy with a Jewish girl, making a family of his own as
he deserves.

“So, you have no feelings for that Adam?” he
asks, catching me in complete shock. Where did that come from? His
voice isn’t anymore playful, and the pain that took occupation in
his eyes is back in full power. Here I’ve been feeling jealous of
some woman in Zach’s future; he’s deservingly reminding me of my
current mistake with another man.

“He’s nothing to me. I love you. Just
you.”

“Has he touched you?”

“Oh, no. For god’s sake. I’ve been yours
only. Don’t do this now.”

He nods, considering something for a moment,
then thrusts his cock into me. I gasp with the swift feeling of
fullness and wrap my legs around his hips. Just then, I realize his
cock is bare inside me, without a condom, for the third time in a
row. Did he ask me about Adam because he wanted to make sure I
hadn’t had sex with him, before taking me unprotected? Does he
think so little of me? I’d start a fight about it if I wasn’t
already planning on ending our relationship.

I place my hands on his shoulders cautiously,
suddenly uncomfortable about his perception of me, while he rocks
me back and forth with his thrusts. I shouldn’t let it get to me,
not during our last sex. Still, I can’t help but feel myself
drifting away from him.

I watch the sweat drops above his lips
growing larger with each thrust. He leans down to kiss me, but,
seeing my lips remaining unmoved by his touch, he slows his pace
and just stares at me. His eyes are darting around my face,
searching for a clue.

“Sorry, baby. I know you wouldn’t let another
man touch you, but I can’t stop thinking about his texts. I have no
doubt he wants to get into your pants.”

Oh, God! What did Adam write? I should have
checked my phone to see the content of his texts. For all I know,
Adam may endanger my relationship with Zach by sending some
insinuating words way out of line, knowing Zach may read them.

“Pat,” he says, snapping me back from the
troubling thoughts. “I have no doubt about your love for me, though
I know it’s only a fraction of what I feel for you. I just can’t
stay sane thinking you may be interested in someone else.” With
that, he drops all his weight on me, slips his arms beneath my
torso, cupping the back of my head between his hands, and corners
me into a claiming kiss. His tongue pushes in the second I part my
lips and begins caressing my own tongue, while his cock massages my
insides with slow yet arousing strokes.

A slight panic overtakes me when I realize
he’s about to come and I’m nowhere near it. I’ll be damned if I let
our last sex slip out of my hands without a mind-blowing climax, so
I pull my lips away from his and shove his torso gently.

“Take me from behind.” I slither out of his
grip, flip, and lie flat on my stomach, running my hand down to my
pelvis. When my index and middle fingers slide between my wet
folds, rubbing the entrance with furious strokes, Zach growls and
places his hand across my buttocks, his fingers reaching down to my
own fingers, dipping inside of me. I sway my hips back and forth to
the rhythm of our fingers, and soon I’m there where I should be,
only a brink away from a threatening release.

“Come on,” I urge him and spread my legs to
facilitate his position between them. I feel his cock brushing on
my buttocks, grab it with my other hand, and guide it into my
entrance, needy to feel the fullness his manhood gives me and to
complete the missing piece toward my orgasm.

He eases into me all the way to the hilt and
picks up the speed to where he left off. I come hard and
unexpectedly with only two strokes, my fingers still pressed
between my folds, brushing his cock whenever he slides out between
thrusts.

“I never want to end this,” he roars into my
ear, making me wonder whether he’s talking about the sex or our
relationship. Whichever it is, both have an expiration date, his
release being the first. He pounds a couple more times and thrusts
his own release deep into me, while my muscles are clenching hard
around him. Still inside me, he crashes down on me and gives me a
long, sideways kiss.

When he slides out of me, ending our
connection for the last time, the emotions I’ve been trying to
repress start running havoc again, followed by a sharp pain
throbbing at my chest. He collapses beside me on the bed and rolls
me over to his chest with him.

That was it, our last union.

The last time I will have his manhood inside
of me. The last time we will give each other an orgasm. The last
time we physically show our love to one another.

Our five-year relationship is about to come
to an end, and I don’t have the slightest idea as to how to do it,
never mind when. My heart won’t be able to take it. The longer I
drag it, the more painful it will be for me.

“Will you stay?” I ask, though I know he
won’t, and he confirms my assumption.

“I don’t want to leave my mother alone.”

His mother, his people, his identity, his
religion, he can’t leave any of them alone; he’s bound to them by
birth and more so with the promise he gave to his father. This
means these are our last minutes as lovers, and he’s not even aware
of it. Would he let me go if he knew my intent, or would he insist
on his firm belief of me being the love of his life?

As soon as he catches his breath, he gets out
the bed and sets about putting on his now-wrinkled clothes. I
straighten up on my knees and pull him for a last hug, rubbing my
nude body on his own body through his clothes, as he puts on his
yarmulke.

He looks down at me quizzically, licking his
lips, and places his hands on my buttocks. “Are you trying to trick
me into a second round?”

“Will you be tricked?” I perk my breasts up
to his attention and draw circles with my hips beneath his
hands.

Please, please, please!

“I didn’t sleep at all last night. If I come
one more time, that’ll be it. I won’t have the energy to drive back
home. And I’m afraid my mother will come here, looking for me, and
smash down your front door without a second thought.”

I smile bitterly at the image of his mother,
alerting everyone on her way to my bedroom.

“I’ll come back tomorrow again. Until then—”
he leans down to suck each of my breasts, “—rest well, my
beauties.”

Before he can leave the room, I jump out of
the bed, smash him against the door, and press my body against his.
My mouth finds his quickly, and we lick and suck each other’s lips
for long minutes until I get too hot to let him go anywhere.

“I really shouldn’t,” he mumbles, but I
continue kissing him, feeling triumphant at his growing erection.
He slaps gently at my hands when I try to slip them through the
waistband of his pants, then gives up, and flips me face first
against the wall, while keeping me in place with his hand on my
shoulder.

I hear him unzip his pants, and soon his cock
brushes my bare skin, glides between my legs, forces its way into
me for the third time since my plane landed last night. I arch my
hips back and rise onto my toes to meet his mad thrusts. I slip a
hand between us to touch his balls and another hand to rub my clit.
The sight of my breasts squashed between my torso and the door, the
cold texture of the wooden on my sweaty, bare skin, and Zach’s
speeding thrusts conspire against my composure and trick the second
orgasm to come faster but all the more shuddering.

He grinds up into me, roughly pounding me
against the door over and over again, and I couldn’t care less
about the sounds that must be reaching my parents’ bedroom. My only
wish is that he’ll keep on pumping into me ’til the sun comes out,
and some more. His hand leaves my shoulder and, together with the
other hand, lands on my chest. Both hands cover my breasts like a
bra, only trapping my nipples between his fingers, while he drives
into me with a furious pace. I come apart again, just seconds
before he stiffens and spurts his release in me.

Now that’s an intercourse to remember, both
of us coming together with the unruly passion we have for each
other. My sex is still clenching when he slides out of me. Both of
us are panting, hot, and sweaty. He flips me back so we’re face to
face and places a small peck on my nose.

“I really have to go now. I love you, baby.”
With that, he opens the door and disappears behind it.

Thank god my body is too tired to register
anything. I throw myself on my bed, slip under the covers, and dive
into a deep sleep.

The next morning, I refuse to leave the bed
until I have a solid plan on my next move. First of all, I have to
decide where I’ll go next. As much as I want to stay in Denver to
be with Zach for a little longer, people —particularly his
relatives— may notice what’s going on between us, and that may
damage his reputation as the son of a respectable Jewish family.
Not to forget how painful it’ll be for me having him, knowing we’ll
split soon. However arousing last night with him was, it was also
heart-wrenching and emotionally draining.

Although I can go directly to Nashville and
crash at a friend’s home for some time and continue what I’ve been
doing for the past year—only harder so I can land a real
contract—the premiere of the movie is less than two months away,
and there’s also the potential phone call from the producer at
Diamond Records. Going to Los Angeles seems to be the only option
right now. The only problem is that I have no friends to crash
with, and I don’t want to stay at Zach’s apartment. I’ll have to
stay at a cheap motel for a few days until I find a sublet to
lease.

Now comes the real difficult decision; when
and how to tell Zach. Although he deserves to be told face to face,
the minute he starts crying or pleading to have me back, I won’t be
able to stay determined and may even change my mind. It’ll hurt us
both in the long run. I’ll have to break up with him through a
letter. Still, I have no doubt he’ll chase after me and demand that
I go back. That’s why I should move out of his place and move to
somewhere he can’t find me. At least for the first couple of
weeks.

Somewhat content with my plan, I get out of
the bed and go to the bathroom to have a shower and start the day.
After breakfast, I scribble down a dozen letters, none of which
come close to what I have in mind. When noon comes, I give up and
jot down the first words that come to my mind. No amount of words
will replace talking it out with him in person, anyway.

Zach, my love, my life,

You’re my best friend, my better half, and
nothing you’re about to read in this letter can change this fact.
You came into my life in my darkest moment and dragged me out with
your tender hands and loving heart. I’ve no doubt it’s your love
and devotion that has made me the person and musician I am today.
You’ve been, are, and will always be my muse and the real owner of
my broken heart. That’s why I owe you the happiness you deserve,
and we both know you won’t have it if we stay together.

I know you’ll be hurt, and it’ll feel
impossible at first, but please try to accept it, give it time, and
move on. I love you with all my heart and will never forget
you.

I’m not asking you to forget me.

I’m too selfish, too broken, too much in
love for that.

Just keep a piece of me in your heart,

A loving memory of us in your mind,

Even when you find the right girl for
you.

Your Pat

I plant a lip-gloss kiss at the bottom of the
letter and slip it into an envelope. I gather my clothes, toss them
in my duffel bag, and go down to talk to my mother. She’s cooking
lunch and chatting with Gordon. She gives me a puzzled look when
she notices me with the duffel bag in my hand. “Are you leaving so
soon? I thought you’d stay for a week at least.”

“I have to go, Mom. Something came up with
the movie, and they need me in LA, ASAP,” I lie, borrow Gordon’s
computer, and start browsing through today’s flights back to LA.
The only available one leaves at six in the evening. I buy the
ticket, though I can’t bear the idea of staying in Denver even a
minute longer, knowing Zach and I no longer belong with each
other.

After lunch, I hand the letter to my mother,
and make her promise not to open it and give it to Zach after I
leave. Although I still have a few hours, I ask my mother to drive
me to the airport. I’d rather spend the time there with total
strangers than in a house full of happy memories with Zach.

My mother and Mia keep me busy at the airport
until the flight, chatting about nonsense, snapping silly pictures
of us three, eating chocolate bars from the vending machine. I
force myself to appear normal, though more often than not I come
close to tears. That’s why I escape to the bathroom one too many
times and mentally try to convince myself that what I did is the
best for Zach.

Only, when they leave and I cross the gate, I
remember Adam’s texts and grab my phone to read them. Twelve in
total, the first ones about the basketball game and the spa and how
much the girls are looking forward to it, the other ones asking me
if I am okay and promising me that he’ll back down if that’s really
what I want, and so on. I can see how that text must have bothered
Zach. But, it doesn’t matter anymore.