An Heir to Bind Them (9 page)

But one thing she knew she wanted in any marriage proposal was for love to form the underpinning of it.

“Probably,” she answered, forcing herself to reply honestly, but the word choked her. She had to sip at her coffee to clear her voice into working order. Eyes on the sleeping cherubs, she added, “But my country is full of women who married because they felt they had no other choice. I do have a choice and I’m not interested.”

Another thick silence.

He had to be relieved, but she didn’t glance over to interpret what he might be thinking. Her insides ached too much, especially near her heart. If he saw it, he’d know how much she longed for something deeper from him and that could send him running again, making Zephyr suffer for her foolishness.

For such a powerful, confident man, he was awfully gun-shy about being close to people. Given what she’d learned about him, she could see how he’d fear betrayal of the worst kind lurked behind the slightest show of warmth. His warnings against trying to fix him burned bright in her mind. It added up to a hopeless basis for a marriage so she felt compelled to douse any spark of that talk.

“I should answer some emails while I have the chance,” she murmured, pushing herself into motion. “I won’t have much chance to work through the rest of the day.”

Theo watched her walk away, his tired body stirred by the graceful way she moved while the rest of him throbbed with rejection. Funny how he’d got used to women at least wanting to marry him for his money.

Not that he’d asked Jaya to marry him. He’d been careful to phrase his question as a broad request for information, not sure why he’d brought it up when she’d said last night that she wasn’t looking for money or a ring.

Still, the fact she wasn’t even nibbling at the possibility of sharing her life with him was quite a slap.

But why would she want to tie herself to him? What did he offer besides money? He circled the globe every quarter, could barely change a diaper and was incapable of love. She was right to dismiss the mention of marriage.

It still left him hollow and empty.

Which was probably exaggerated by the fact he hadn’t slept. As Jaya disappeared into her room, he moved to stand over the sleeping babies. They looked pretty zonked, but he couldn’t take the chance of lying down on the sofa and failing to wake if they stirred. Androu was sprawled like a starfish, but Zephyr had rolled himself close to Evie.

Stealing a cushion from the sofa as a pillow, Theo settled on his side behind Zephyr then gently rested his arm across Evie’s legs and settled one hand on Androu’s knee. Reassured he’d hear and feel them if they woke, he let himself doze.

CHAPTER EIGHT

F
EED
,
PLAY
,
CHANGE
,
swim, nap, change, read, play, change... The day was eaten up quickly with the wash, rinse, spin cycle of baby-wrangling.

“How do parents of twins manage?” he asked when Jaya returned from taking a phone call in her room. Technically he was on vacation, although his boss would definitely get an earful over how relaxing this particular one had been, but Jaya was putting out fires from downstairs at the rate of two or three an hour while minding children at the same time. “What if they have triplets? Or more? How do
you
manage?”

He’d given so many horsey-rides on his ankle, he would need a knee replacement, but Zephyr showed no sign of tiring.

Jaya smiled. “I wasn’t working when I first left Bali. Saranya needed me and so did her daughter. Saranya tried to hang on until I delivered, but...”

She ducked her head, taking a moment. Obviously talking about it was difficult and he had an unexpected urge to physically reach out to her. It hurt him to see her hurting, but he had his hands full and had never been one to act on impulses, especially touchy-feely ones.

Still, he was sorry he couldn’t somehow comfort her when he saw how she struggled to lift a brave face.

“By the time she passed, I was so pregnant there was no point in applying for a job. I landed this one about six months ago, but I still live with Quentin. He and I pay a neighbor to watch Bina and Zeph and spell each other off if she’s not available. Quentin’s been home for most of the year, doing research, so his schedule has been flexible. He’ll be starting a new film soon, though. He makes documentaries and the next one will take him to South America. Bina is pressing me to go with them. Saranya and Bina always lived on location with him. I’m pleased with my life here, though, and Quentin doesn’t need the money. I wish he’d stay, but he keeps saying work will take his mind off his grief.” She shrugged and added in a pained tone, “They loved each other very much.”

Theo had never wanted to fall in love and she’d just showcased another reason why it was a bad idea. Quentin’s barely suppressed rage came back to him and he felt damned sorry for the bastard.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t quit thinking about marriage.

“I’m surprised you’re not plugged into the mother ship,” Jaya teased, obviously trying to deflect from her own pain and lighten the mood. “I’ve never seen you go so long without at least one electronic device in hand.”

“Haven’t you?” he asked, taking a less than subtle stab at testing their shared memory. He was still raw from her rejection and wanted to remind her there had been something really good between them once. He wanted to know if this attraction was still burning as brightly on her side as it was on his.

She stalled in swiping across her tablet. Her cheeks, tanned to semi-sweet chocolate by their hour in the pool, seemed to darken. Her tongue flicked along her bottom lip in a betrayal of discomfiture that otherwise remained hidden behind her impassive expression and lowered lashes.

One of the unique things about Jaya was her subtlety. Where other women threw themselves at his money and position, she’d always seemed unimpressed. Not repelled or disgusted, but not moved, either. From things she’d said, he’d deduced that her cousin’s husband had supported her to a degree, but she supported herself now and sent money to her family in India. She’d started at the bottom in Makricosta’s, changing bedding and scrubbing toilets. She knew what it was to make do on a limited income, but she’d never tried to flirt or use her body to lift her circumstances or gain financial favors.

When it came to her womanly wiles, she didn’t project any of her hidden depths of passion. Despite being pretty and keeping herself well-groomed, she made no effort to lure a man. Her sexuality was understated, not obvious at all.

He appreciated that about her, not because he was a man who thought women should hide their sexuality, but because he was a circumspect man all around. He admired anyone capable of controlling his or her basic, animal urges.

On the other hand, being one of the few people who knew firsthand her capacity for passion was an erotic secret that strained his control. Every time the word
marriage
whispered through his mind, the most masculine parts of him relived holding her. There’d been a couple of women since—he’d been convinced he’d never see her again and had almost been trying to inoculate himself against going after her. It hadn’t worked and seeing her again was inducing the opposite: he kept imagining a lifetime of stroking smooth, warm skin, licking dark nipples that only grew more taut and firm against his tongue, pushing naked into hot, tight depths so wet and welcoming he’d nearly died on the first thrust.

“I, um, just wondered if your sister gave you the day off so you could watch her son,” she finally said, not looking at him.

No outward acknowledgment of his leading comment. He’d pretend that wasn’t a sharp kick in the ego, even though they were long past pretending Bali hadn’t happened. Hell, he was holding the proof.

“The cruise was supposed to be a family reunion of sorts,” he explained. “Adara’s idea. All the siblings were together at my mother’s funeral, but it was hardly the time to catch up after not seeing Nic for twenty years. The cruise liner is a Makricosta hotel on a Vozaras ship so it would have been a working vacation, which is probably why Demitri was dragging his heels about showing up.”

“He’s quite the black sheep at times, isn’t he?”

“And yet our father liked him. Which is why he gets away with what he does, I suppose. No one ever told him he couldn’t.”

“He didn’t...I mean, your father never—?”

“Took a swing at him? No, I told you. Adara and I protected him. Kept him quiet when they were fighting, snuck food for him. Turned him into a spoiled brat, I suppose, but that’s better than what we went through.”

“You don’t resent him?”

“Why would I? He was a kid. It wasn’t his fault our father was a bastard.”

“No,” she agreed, eyes so liquid and dark he had to look away. “Only...”

Don’t say it,
he thought, giving all his attention to where Zephyr was now using his belly as a trampoline. Being able to see that a grown man ought to have more control over his actions than a little boy didn’t make him empathetic. Being happy his brother hadn’t been knocked around didn’t make him paternal. It was common decency, that’s all.

She came into his periphery, but only to stroke a soft hand over her son’s head.

“He’s having fun. Would it be an imposition to leave him with you while I do a bit more work, just while the other two are sleeping?”

An imposition?
He was truly pathetic if that’s how she thought he regarded holding a happy baby.

“It’s fine,” he said, disgusted with himself for giving off such an impression, but having a child was still a shock. And he was still so worried about damaging him he preferred to keep her close. If she wasn’t hovering, how would he know he was doing everything right?

She must have read something in his tone. She glanced toward her laptop with indecision.

“Go ahead,” he insisted, refusing to be frightened of a kid who couldn’t even stand up on his own. “From what I’ve overheard, this place is still transitioning from good to excellent. You’re doing a stellar job in pushing them gently, by the way. Obviously in your element. They’re lucky to have you.”

She checked and looked back at him. “Do you mean that?”

“Of course. I’m not surprised, either. Your knack with this kind of work was obvious to me the first time we met.”

She cleared her throat. “Thank you. You’re not just anyone. You know what it takes, what the pressures are. Your saying that means a lot.” She gave a tiny sniff and wiped under one eye as she scooped up her laptop and moved into the bedroom.

Women.
He’d like to see a male manager get all soupy from a pat on the back.

Of course, he was just as bad, still basking in her praise that he was giving his son some enjoyment. The boy had spring-loaded legs, seemingly incapable of tiring.

His son.

His chest walls gave an internal shudder as he faced a grinning countenance that seemed both foreign yet familiar. All the babies were crawling their way under his skin, but Zephyr was different. With the other two, it was easier to let himself develop some affection. There wasn’t the same depth of responsibility. He imagined he’d be a fallback for the rest of their lives, attached by bonds that nature cast like a spell for exactly this circumstance: to keep little ones alive if their primary caregiver was absent, but he wouldn’t have to worry about Evie and Androu 24/7 the way he’d worry about Zephyr.

He took a moment to examine that nagging, anxious sensation. For all his concern that he’d crush this boy’s confidence, the what-ifs about his future were worse. What if he was wet and this neighbor lady didn’t notice? What if Quentin talked Jaya into taking the boy to some third-world country with exotic parasites and deadly spiders? What if something happened to Jaya?

The way Zephyr chewed a finger and thumb while staring deeply into his eyes—much the same disconcerting way his mother had, as if he trusted him implicitly—was a heart punch. It was as if the little guy was already relying on Theo to make sure all the what-ifs were mitigated. Who else would do it? Theo had a lot of faults, but shirking responsibility was not one of them.

His guts wobbled, like he’d taken a misstep on a high wire.

No, he didn’t shirk responsibility. If Jaya had said
that
to him last night, rather than trying to prod him into admitting an emotional connection to the boy, she might have had him.

But who
would
look after Zephyr if something happened to Jaya? He’d seen what babies were like when Mama wasn’t near. They were distressed. He wouldn’t want Zephyr to go through that. Hell,
he
didn’t want to go through missing Jaya again and he was a full-grown man.

Swearing under his breath, he tried to take back that thought, but it was acknowledged now. Was that why he was stressing out about Zephyr’s future, he asked himself? Because the tyke was his best excuse to hang on to the mother?

No.
He did not just see Zephyr as a means to an end. When he contemplated walking away from Jaya
or
Zephyr, everything in him went bleak and gray. His sense of responsibility toward the boy was quickly shifting beyond the desire to provide food and shelter. Quentin might be the better father figure, but Theo couldn’t shake Jaya’s comment that maybe he’d never developed any deep relationships because he didn’t cultivate them.

It wasn’t fair to Zephyr to not even
try,
was it?

Zephyr stopped bouncing and gave an exhausted sigh, like he’d finished chopping a cord of wood. Theo found himself grinning in amusement.

“Finally worn out?” He settled the boy against his chest where Zephyr let his head droop, fingers still in his mouth and eyelids heavy.

He wasn’t a man who cuddled, preferring his own space unless he was busy with a woman between the sheets, but there was an addictive quality to a baby’s snuggled warmth against his shoulder. It was a sense of all-powerfulness. Success at creating a moment of contentment for another human being. After a childhood of being found wanting, he wallowed in Zephyr’s unconditional appreciation of having his simplest needs met.

It’s just Mother Nature’s plan, he tried to dismiss, but a very tiny voice—feminine and lilting with an Indian accent—whispered that maybe it was a father’s nature to be happy when his child was happy.

Stunned, he swallowed a lump of emotion, hands cradling his son tenderly as the connection between them wound through him like a creeping vine, hooking into his vital organs in such a way there’d be damage to both of them if they were pulled apart.

Jaya’s quiet voice grew louder, speaking to Evie as she appeared with the girl. Her eyes went soft when she saw him holding Zephyr so close, making Theo feel as though he was out on that high wire again, a brisk gale cutting up the canyon toward him.

He lowered his gaze. This was too personal a moment to have even Jaya witness.

“Trade?” he asked in a voice like sandpaper, reluctant to let the boy go, but he was so shaken by his flood of primal instinct to protect and nurture, he let her steal the sleepy baby and tried to distract himself by coaxing a smile from Evie with a promise of a swim later.

It was soon back to chaos, Androu waking shortly after Evie and both of them hungry. He was washing mashed banana out of Androu’s hair, using the wet cloth to spike it into a Mohawk, wondering if he was getting the hang of this parenting thing after all, when a knock at the door interrupted them.

Jaya was in her room, answering emails while Zephyr napped in there with her. He sidled to the peephole and saw Nic, Rowan and Adara distorted by the fisheye lens.

Never one to appreciate unexpected visitors, he snapped open the door. “Why didn’t you call?”

“Are they okay? Where are they?” The women rushed past him like fans into a rock concert, invading his space.

Nic entered at a more laconic pace, scanning the suite in the way of someone who made his living by sharp observations.

Theo suppressed a prickle of irritability. The place was littered in toys and dirty dishes. Much as he didn’t really care about being judged over something like that, he also made it a habit to keep from providing opportunities to be judged.

“They were anxious so I chartered a helicopter,” Nic said. “Gideon had to stay with the ship. Everyone is okay, but what a mess. I don’t envy him. There’s my girl.” He broke into a wide smile as he caught Evie reaching from Rowan’s arms into his.

“It’s not that we didn’t trust you, Theo. We just missed them so much,” Rowan said, her light touch on his arm apologetic.

He gave a jerky shrug, subtly removing himself from her uninvited touch even though he didn’t hate it. She was nice enough and being sincere. It was just he wasn’t at his best, accosted by a lot right now with their unexpected visit and a distant, illogical disappointment he didn’t want to examine. He didn’t need her standing too close, sensing his tension, reading his vibe for him.