An Eye for an Eye: Zach and Katie's Story (Redwood Falls) (22 page)

"Not particularly. I wouldn't mind it. But I don't expect it. So what's the answer? Are you a virgin?" His tone was becoming impatient.

"We've been through this before, Zach."

"Three
goddamn
years ago. I didn't get an answer then and three years is a long time. Let's do this again. But this time, you're going to give me an answer."

"It's not your business."

"
Jesus Christ
, Katie, are you a virgin or were you raped? Your reactions aren't normal for a twenty-three year old woman."

Katie blanched and looked across at him with such an expression of pain and hostility that the sudden, horrendous truth kicked him in his gut. In that moment, he realized sharply and irrevocably that she'd been traumatized in the past. And he knew, because of her previous experience, that what he had just pulled on her had very nearly traumatized her again.

Horror at what she'd gone through and a need to kill somebody bled through his veins. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." Guilt coursed through him like a cold douche of water in the face, but it wasn't the overriding emotion he was feeling. He was appalled that anyone could have hurt her; he was so pissed he felt an overwhelming desire to commit murder.

But right at this moment, he needed to force his own feelings aside and fix what he'd just done. She was scared and upset and damn near traumatized again and he needed to soothe her, now.

He stood in one motion and the water sluiced down his body as he climbed from the spa. Grabbing a towel, he wrapped it around his hips and brought the other towel to her and laid it down beside her.

As Zach watched Katie sitting in the water so quietly, his shock was replaced by primal emotions. He wanted to protect her and comfort her, keep her safe from himself and any other man or animal that tried to hurt her. And the need to know the story was not going to go away,
he needed to
know the story
, so he could inflict pain or even death on the man who had hurt her.

He ruthlessly put his volatile emotions on the back burner. Getting himself under control, he managed to speak in a level voice. "Here's a towel, sweetheart. I'm going to put on some dry clothes. I'll give you some space and privacy while you do the same."

He turned to go back inside. Then he stopped, and spelled out his demands, even as he tried to temper his voice. "I want you meet me in the living room in thirty minutes, okay?

His words stopped abruptly when she looked up at him, her wounded heart glistening in her eyes, her lashes sparkling wet from her tears. "Is it always about what you want, Zach?"

The look in her eyes almost decimated him on the spot and the need to hold her in his arms was like a tangible thing. "No, baby, it's not. Not ever again. Just meet me in the living room, sweetheart."

He turned and disappeared through the French doors.

Chapter Twelve

A Promise Renewed

When the door shut behind him, Katie closed her eyes and leaned her head against the tile coping. The last thing she wanted to do was tell Zach anything, because she didn't want to have to bring the memory to the surface. But he was going to want to know the story. Could she placate him with just the basic, simple truth? The details weren't something she wanted to dwell on. Already, she was aghast that she had reacted with such emotion. Had she really thought he would hurt her? Or had the shock of him trying it on with her, coming on the heels of his declaration that she was safe for now, set off the panic inside? Whatever, it had happened. And now he knew her deepest secret. And she was kind of glad he knew now. Maybe he'd understand why she'd always acted like she had toward him.
Would he understand?
Her stomach sank. She stood up, before the stress of the situation began to eat her alive.

Zach was standing by the fireplace mantel, a glass of bourbon in his hand, when she walked into the living room forty minutes later dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He lifted his head when he heard her approach and looked into her eyes, as if searching for a clue to her state of mind. And she knew what he would see. She was still upset, but much better than she had been in the spa. The mascara was gone and she had washed away all signs of recent tears. She stood in the doorway and waited.

He ushered her in with a wave of his arm. She hesitated, and then came to the single chair flanking the couch. She sat down, and waited for him to start his inquisition. When he offered her a drink and she turned it down, he wasted no time in speaking.

"I want to apologize again for scaring you. It was never my intention." He stood erect, his posture held in stiff lines. It was more than obvious to Katie that he was upset to find out she'd been hurt, and he seemed sincerely contrite for alarming her. But nevertheless, if he hadn't forced her to come here with him, none of this would have happened.

She stood up, plucked a small pillow off the couch and moved back to her chair and fell into it. She wanted to move past all of this, get as much of it as she could out in the open. But she was still mad at him for his machinations. She held the pillow in front of her as if it were armor, and cut her eyes up to his and blasted him with words that were spoken softly but heatedly.
"Sure.
Scaring me wasn't part of your plan of revenge, control, and sexual manipulation." Her words faltering at the flinch of pain she saw on his face, she lost some of her anger and ended on a miserable whisper, "bonus points for that, Zach."

His features grimacing from her pointed barb, he set his glass down on the brick mantelpiece behind him and turned back, determination written across the strong planes of his face. Katie stifled a sigh. It didn't look as if belligerence could distract him from his goal.

"Tell me, Katie."

Katie screwed up her courage. She really wanted to be able to get through this. But what had happened to her was so private. Still so horrendous when she was forced to think about it. And he had upset her so badly tonight her nerves were shattered into tiny pieces.

She took a shuddering breath and tried, "It was in high school, I--I--"

Her words came to a painful stop and she looked up from her hands folded in her lap. Against her will, her eyes flooded with tears again and she shook her head. Her gaze landed on him, and she sat quivering on the chair, shaking her head. "I can't. Please, Zach--I can't. Don't make--"

Her voice came to a sudden halt as he left the wall and crossed the room toward her. The look on his face was equally pained, and as upset as she was, it never crossed her mind to think he meant to hurt her.

He dropped to his haunches in front of where she sat. "It's okay. Don't say anymore. I've upset you enough for one night."

Zach reached across and wiped a single tear from her cheek.
He'd upset her enough for one night? Hell, he'd upset her enough for a lifetime.
Guilt lacerated him and he wanted to kick his ass for forcing that damn kiss on her tonight.

And then what she'd said pierced through the fog in his brain.
High school
. High school meant Redwood Falls. Who the hell would have hurt her from their hometown? The idea was almost ludicrous, but he never doubted her for a minute. Rage filled him, and he knew he would find out the truth and someone would pay. They'd pay, and then they'd pay some more and then they'd pay for the rest of their life.

And then an even darker thought came to his mind. A memory. The very first time he'd kissed Katie.
Forced
a kiss on Katie. The memory of that night long ago, a night when Katie had been there for his sister. After Hannah had fallen asleep that night, Zach had forced Katie into the study and interrogated her. Interrogated her, scared the crap out of her, and forced a kiss on her.

Guilt stabbed him in the gut. She'd only been eighteen.

And now he had to know
.
Had the attack already happened? Had he abused her that night so soon after she'd been truly traumatized?

He sucked in a cleansing breath and attempted to speak steadily. "When you were eighteen, when you used to visit Hannah--the night in the study, do you remember that night? That night when I was so pissed off, when I kissed you--" He cleared his throat. "Had it already happened?" He waited for her answer, already hating himself. He hadn't been gentle with her that night. He'd been angry, and she'd been an easy target.

"Yes," her answer was damning in its simplicity and Zach felt such a rush of self-loathing that he didn't think he'd recover from it. That long ago night . . . she'd only recently been through hell and then he'd forced her into that room and terrorized her even more by kissing her, holding her against her will.

And still more damning . . . she was here now against her will.

Katie watched as he dropped his head, but not before she saw the pain that radiated from his eyes. A masculine hand reached out and gripped the arm of the chair she sat in as his other hand reached out and entwined long fingers through hers, gripping her tightly until she saw his knuckles turn white.

His head stayed down, and she heard his harsh, ragged breathing as he tried to work through whatever new anxieties were rolling through him.

His shoulders slumped in a dejected pose and a heavy lump rose in her throat as she realized the agony he was feeling because of his past actions toward her.

Of its own volition, her hand came up and sank into his hair. She tightened her palm over the top of his head and tried to transmit whatever strength or comfort she could.

Zach felt it the moment her hand came to rest on his head. The small act of forgiveness or concession or acceptance or whatever she meant it to be pierced the armor surrounding his anguished soul and he raised his head and looked into the green eyes still bright from recent tears.

"I didn't know," he said.

Her lips lifted in a tiny, mirthless quirk. "I know you didn't," she agreed softly.

His fingers tightened around hers. "Thank you for that."

"I'm sorry if I overreacted. Earlier, outside." Her words were softly spoken and quiet, and she'd never seemed quite as feminine to him as she did in that moment.

He shook his head. "You didn't. Your reaction was perfectly understandable now that I know." A new comprehension of the world Katie had been living in sank into his psyche and he suddenly had a new grasp on the entire dynamics of their interactions from the past. His understanding had always been skewed and he'd never even known what he'd been up against.

Zach's stomach clenched as he forced himself to say the next words; the words that had to be said if he wanted to remain a decent human being. "I'm going to take you home tomorrow."

Her eyes widened, and a tear slipped down her cheek, but she remained silent, studying him intently.

He tried to explain through the conflict roiling around in his gut. "I have no words for the way I'm feeling right now. All I've really ever wanted was you-- you know that, right?" Her eyes were bottomless pools of dark-green liquid as she listened to him and he continued, "I'm going to have to come to the understanding that it's my due in life to suffer . . . suffer without you. I want to kill the person who hurt you, yet I've probably hurt you more. There's no excuse for the way I've treated you, but if it makes you feel any better, God is punishing me for it now. I want to keep you forever, but I have to take you home tomorrow. I'm sorry for the way I've treated you. I know you probably can't believe that, but it's true. Katie, please believe me when I tell you that I never knew . . . what happened to you. I've been rough on you, and there's no justification for that, even if you hadn't gone through . . . what you went through."

"Zach--" she began, with her heart in her eyes.

"Don't say anything. I don't deserve anything from you, unless you want to scream and hit me. That, I deserve."

She shook her head softly, denying that he was speaking the truth.

"I'm taking you home tomorrow, and I'll do just what you said. Your parents will get a new loan agreement, and trust me; they'll find the payment schedule easy to maintain. That's the least I can do. You can go back to Redwood Falls for the summer, or Dallas, if that's where you want to be. And then you'll be able to go back to teaching in the fall and I'll stop hounding you. I swear to God, I'll stop harassing you." At the look in her eyes, another slice of guilt and pain ripped through him. "I swear to God, I'll never hurt you again."

She held his eyes as a conduit of emotions vibrated between them. He leaned in and placed a soft, gentle kiss on her forehead and lifted his lips away from hers before she had time to react. His voice was low and controlled, "Go up to bed, baby. You need some sleep and I . . . I need to get drunk."

She looked as if she wanted to say something but she didn't; she stood to her feet, unconsciously graceful, and walked to the door. She paused and looked back at him for just a second, and then she left the room on silent feet. Zach slumped into the chair she had just vacated. His hand scrubbed over his face in agitation and landed at his temple. He was quickly developing a stress headache. He wanted and needed the story of what had happened to her but didn't know if he'd ever get it. Being confronted with her past, her problems, her personal demons, was like a cold spray of water in the face. He had a burning ache to kill someone that would nag him for the rest of his life. He put those thoughts on the back burner and focused on Katie.