An Ever Fixéd Mark (33 page)

“It’s nice wallpaper.”

“Yes, but it’s not as essential as the ozone
layer,” Oliver remarked. “Do you remember any of those things?”

“Nothing as specific as that. I once dreamt
I was watching a string quartet play in the great room. But I was
wearing jeans in the dream… so… I don’t even know what she looked
like.”

Oliver let his eyes rest on Lizzie for a few
silent moments. She felt the latent fear rise up in her throat. She
glanced at the fire irons and wondered if necessary, could she use
them to defend herself? She looked away from the fireplace as she
heard the noise of Donna’s small tour come down the main staircase.
Their footsteps and voices quickly faded towards the gift shop. The
silence set once more in the kitchen. Lizzie could hear the hum of
the traffic outside the windows. “We should probably move our tour
upstairs right now.”

“Let’s go,” Oliver took himself up the
servant steps into the master bedroom. Lizzie slowly followed him
into the room. She saw him stand against the sun of the west facing
window. She saw the outline of his strong build as he stared down
to the parking lot. “Has Ben told you anything about Lily?” he
asked the window.

“
I know you killed her.
And Eloise Hutchins. And Melissa Benson,” Lizzie spat out, wishing
she had taken that fire iron from the kitchen. She scanned the
bedroom, but doubted the hairbrush on the vanity would be an
effective tool of protection. She could break the washbasin on the
nightstand.

“
That’s what he told you?”
Oliver continued to ask the window.

“Some of it,” Lizzie said weakly. “I figured
some of it out on my own.”

Oliver shifted his gaze to another direction
of Brattle Street. “I loved Lily,” he swallowed a memory Lizzie
could tell was still painful.

“
Ben said
that.”

“Lizzie, I’m not going to hurt you,” Oliver
turned to face her.

“Why are you here?”

“To see you.”

“Are you going to see Ben?”

“I doubt it.”

“You came to Boston just to see me?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I really do have
some professional work in the city. But while I was here… I wanted
to see you.”

“Why?”

“I found out about you and Ben.”

“How?”

“There are pictures of you two all over the
internet. At your friend’s wedding. At parties and outings…”

“Right,” Lizzie looked down. “What do you
feel you need to tell me about Ben?”

“I…” Oliver looked back to the window. “Just
be careful, Lizzie.”

“What?”

“I can see that you are in love with him,”
Oliver clenched his jaw. “It’s obvious in those pictures. It’s
obvious right now.”

“You don’t think I should love him?”

“I think you should be careful. You need to
ask yourself how honest he has been with you.”

“He has told me…” Lizzie wanted him to look
at her. He kept staring out that stupid window. Brattle Street
couldn’t be that fascinating on the last day of October. All the
foliage was gone. There was hardly any foot traffic this far down
the street. “He hasn’t told me everything. I haven’t told him
everything about my life – and I’ve only been on this planet for 34
years.”

“
He tells you that he is
protecting you from me?” Oliver looked at her directly.

“Yes,” Lizzie couldn’t meet the eyes she
wanted to turn.

“Do you think he should?”

“You killed those girls…”

“He killed, too, Lizzie. Do you judge
him?”

“He admits that. He feels badly.”

“You don’t think I feel
badly? I
loved
Lily.”

“I’m not Lily.”

“No, you are not. But what does Ben
think?”

“I…” Lizzie lost her words in the look of
his eyes. There was something familiar and warm about his stare,
something she wanted to trust even as all the information of the
past several months echoed in her brain.

Oliver approached her and touched her cheek
softly. “Lizzie, I’m sorry. This isn’t fair to you. There is bad
blood, if you’ll pardon the expression, between Ben and me. You
needn’t get caught in the middle of it,” he focused his eyes on
her, as if searching for a trace of Lily. Lizzie didn’t feel as
though he saw what he was looking for. He dropped his hand and
breathed out. “I think I’ve said enough for now. I’m a little
overwhelmed being in this house again. I will be in town for a
while. Please… let’s talk some more.”

“You don’t want to see Ben?”

“I think it would be best if I didn’t. But
if you think I should, then by all means, let’s all have a chat,”
Oliver walked towards the door and smiled at her.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Lizzie
suddenly looked towards the guest room, as if fearing someone might
come in to John and Margaret’s bedroom to disturb their
conversation.

“It isn’t fair to you, Lizzie. He should
have let you be,” Oliver sighed.

“No,” she let anger overcome her. “I can
take care of myself. I made a choice to be with him. He makes me
happy.”

“He thinks you’re…” Oliver closed his mouth
over his words. “Don’t you have to go home and get ready for a
party?”

“Did you want to see the rest of the
house?’

Oliver gazed towards the door and the
direction of the other bedrooms. “Some other time.”

“Let me walk you out,” Lizzie led him back
towards the hallway and the main staircase. She heard Paula start
her tour in the great room.

Oliver laughed and whispered to her as they
went down the stairs. “I used to sneak in and out of this house…
and now you have to walk me out.”

Lizzie looked at him curiously at the bottom
of the staircase. She wanted to know what he meant by that, but
wouldn’t let herself ask. “It’s the museum policy,” she uttered
plainly and led him back into the gift shop.

*****

Lizzie saw Ben’s car in front of the house
and panicked. Had she really taken that long with Oliver? No, it
was hardly ten minutes past noon when she said goodbye to Donna.
She stopped at the grocery store on the way home. She glanced at
the clock before turning off her engine. It was only 1:30.

She pulled the bags from the back of her
car, debating what to tell Ben about her morning. She didn’t have
to say anything. She knew… she knew almost completely that it was
the better option. He was just another visitor. Except that she
agreed to see him again.

She hadn’t processed all of their
conversation. What did Oliver mean by suggesting Ben hadn’t told
her everything? Lizzie meant what she said. She didn’t expect that
she would have known everything about Ben by that point. Really, it
had only been six months. In those six months she learned a great
deal of truth about Ben… and about herself. Was his version of the
story about Oliver the truth? Or was it as jaded as her opinion of
Sara?

“Hi,” Ben grinned down from a ladder at the
top of the staircase. Lizzie smiled back and went into the
kitchen.

“Lizzie! You are off cobweb duty. Ben got
here early and has been stringing them,” Meg explained as she
emptied a dust pan into the trash. “Did you have any ghostly
encounters at the museum?”

Lizzie set the bags on the counter and
started pulling out the things for the fridge. “Not really,” she
felt Ben enter the room.

“
The hallway is all set,
Meg. What’s next?” Ben asked, though Lizzie knew he was watching
her.

“Ask Lizzie if she needs help setting up the
dining room. I’m going to leave that to her. She has a better eye
for food arrangement,” Meg took the dust pan out of the room.

“You got here early,” Lizzie shut the
refrigerator door.

“My appointment was canceled,” he let her
see the hungry look in his eyes. “There wasn’t a backup available…
so I just came here earlier.”

“It… it’s only been six weeks,” she said in
a low voice, not knowing if Meg was still in the dining room.

“I just wanted to see you,” he pulled her
close to him. “I forgot you were working.”

She let him kiss her. She could tell he was
hungry. Fortunately there would be a lot of alcohol at the party.
Fortunately, he was too driven by instinct to be sensitive to the
fact she was somewhere else. She wanted to give in to his desire,
to lead him upstairs and push out everything troubling her brain
since she saw Oliver exit the gift shop. But the reality of the
dwindling afternoon overpowered her weakness. “I have to make
artichoke dip,” she loosed from his embrace. She got the pan from
the cupboard and stopped suddenly. “Is Jackie home?”

“I haven’t seen her,” Ben shrugged.
“Why?”

“So you were alone with Meg?”

“Elizabeth.”

“You didn’t eat.”

“I helped your friend move furniture in the
living room. Then I got up on a ladder and hung cotton that’s
supposed to look like a spider wove it. I wasn’t… I didn’t come
here to feed.”

“Yes, but, Meg,” Lizzie opened another
cupboard.

“What do you think of me?” he was irritated.
“I wouldn’t do that to you. Never mind Meghan.”

Lizzie didn’t like the fact he used her full
name. She went back to the refrigerator and pulled out some more
ingredients. Ben stopped her and forced her to look at him.
“There’s something else,” he tightened his grip on her wrist. She
didn’t know what, if any, part of her could show she was with
Oliver. Could Ben smell him?

“Nothing,” she shook her head quickly.
Lizzie knew he wouldn’t believe her denial, but she released his
grip and went back to the counter.

“Did you remember something at the house
today?” he asked, almost hopefully.

Lizzie swallowed. “I… was giving a tour and
thought it was strange the kitchen table was so clean.”

Ben laughed. “Did that bother you?”

“Kind of,” Lizzie sighed as she opened the
can of artichokes. “I don’t like to think about things that make no
sense to me… but are coming from some place else. Especially
today.”

“Halloween?”

“Well, it is strange,” Lizzie lifted the lid
of the can, thinking again how it was odd that Oliver showed
up.

“It’s just another day, Elizabeth,” he
rubbed the back of her shoulders. She looked at him and figured if
anyone would know that, he would. It was also a Saturday… and if
Oliver wanted to see her when he was in town that would be the
reason he showed up at the house.

“
I need to start running
again. It would make me less grumpy.”

“If you…” Ben began but stopped as Meg came
back into the kitchen.

“Ben, can you help me move the sofa again?
I’ve decided I don’t like where we put it.”

“Sure,” he followed Meg out of the room.
Lizzie took in a breath to stop from screaming after him to not
indulge Meg. She knew the anger was irrational. She knew it wasn’t
about Ben. And she had food to make.

*****

Lizzie wended her way through the crowd of
guests back into the kitchen. She traded one dirty platter for the
next round of appetizers from the oven. “Hey lovely,” Andrew beamed
as she set down the tray on the dining room table. “That was a
phenomenal spread. What was it? Cranberries and Swiss?”

“And a little bit of OJ.”

“Where’s Ben?”

“In the living room… somewhere,” Lizzie lost
track of Ben in the constant serving of food and greeting of
friends. She knew he struck up a conversation with Meg’s friends an
hour before and assumed he was still convincing them he was
drinking and eating like everyone else.

“Are you okay?” Andrew touched her
shoulder.

“Of course,” she tried to summon the energy
for a smile, but skirted around the table to neaten the arrangement
of dishes.

“
You look upset about
something,” Andrew set down his martini glass while she wiped some
crumbs off the table.

“I’m just tired.”

“Something wrong with Ben?”

“No,” Lizzie shook her head. “He’s perfect.
There’s just… it’s been a long day.”

“I don’t know why you went into the house
today. I would have taken your shift,” Andrew took up his glass.
“Well, I’m glad there’s nothing wrong with him. I like him too much
to let him go if you split.”

“I would have the same problem,” she
fingered a cracker and covered it with cheese. “Did you say your
business trip starts tomorrow?”

“Yes. Davis and I are going to be early
birds tonight so I can get up and be at the airport for six.”

“LA again?” Lizzie remembered the location
of Andrew’s company’s headquarters.

“Yes,” Andrew rolled his eyes.

“Ben goes back to Chicago next week.”

“Why don’t you go with him?”

“November is busy at the office,” Lizzie
shook her head. Not that Ben extended the offer. Even though this
time it was only a couple days. A couple days every week for the
whole month of November.

“Well, I’m home on Thursday. We’ll cook
dinner for Davis.”

“I’d like that,” Lizzie managed a smile even
though she didn’t feel it. She didn’t like to think about the fact
Ben was going away. Because in spite of her protest, it wasn’t
perfect. He was going away for several days to Chicago. She was
irritated that he helped Meg. And now on top of everything else,
there was Oliver.

*****

Lizzie released a deep sigh as she let down
her hair. Her reflection looked tired. There was possibly another
ten pounds on her frame. The reflection looked unfamiliar, but
maybe that was the makeup. She would start running… on Monday.

She heard a peel of laughter from downstairs
as she wiped off the mascara. She wasn’t interested in returning to
the party, even without her costume. She could reasonably
disappear. No one would notice. She was invisible for so much of
the party, serving food and cleaning up. Andrew and Davis made
their earlier exit. Even Ben seemed okay with her absence. She was
glad to focus on a purpose and not have the idleness to let her
mind fill with the thoughts that were tempting her now that her
hair was down and her guests were gone.