An Affair in Winter (Seasons Book 1) (19 page)

And if she was, well, that would certainly reveal a great deal about the character she claimed to possess.

So as uncomfortable as the prospect was, Gray nodded slowly. “I suppose it is not out of the ordinary that you would wish to speak to me about your sister. After all, I believe she spoke to you about how…
close
we have become.”

“She told you that, did she?” she asked, her tone carefully neutral.

He pursed his lips at the memory. “She was very upset.”

“She would be,” Celia whispered, and her voice broke slightly. “I was harsh when I heard the truth. Did you comfort her, then?”

He wrinkled his brow. “Are you asking if I…if we…”

“No!” Celia’s pale cheeks suddenly flooded with dark pink color. “Good Lord, no! I have no interest in the details of your…your…whatever you would like to call this affair between you. I am only trying to determine what exactly your intentions are. You say you came upon my sister upset and I am asking if you reached out to her.”

“Yes,” he said, thinking of Rosalinde’s confessions in the dark garden the night before. Thinking of the sparkle of tears on her cheeks in the moonlight. Thinking of how she had stepped into his arms and it felt like she belonged there.

“Yes,” he repeated. “I spoke to her and tried to ease her as best I could. To reassure her that she was not nearly so vile as she believed herself to be. Or perhaps what you wanted her to think she was.”

Celia’s lips parted. “Mr. Danford, you may accuse me of a great many things, you may decide that I am mercenary and cold. But please do not make the mistake of believing that I do not love and respect my sister. I have
never
wanted to hurt her, nor do I think she has ever purposefully hurt me.”

“Then why be angry when you found out she and I had been together?” he asked.

“Beyond the obvious scandal that could be created by your indiscretion? Beyond the fact that you have made it clear that you will go to
any
and
every
length to destroy my engagement to Stenfax?” she asked. “My truest concern was for Rosalinde’s well-being.”

“How noble of you,” Gray murmured.

Celia’s eyes flashed, and for a moment he was put to mind of Rosalinde. To his surprise, that made him actually
like
Celia more.

“You have known my sister for less than a fortnight. I have watched her all my life. I know what a risk she is at when it comes to such things.”

“A risk from me?” he asked, laughing, though he knew her words were true. “How so?”

“Not just from you,” she said. “My sister leads with her heart. She is entirely open, no matter how many times the world punishes her for it. She somehow still believes in the best in others, in a possibility for some kind of bright, happy future. And that makes her remarkable. It also leaves her vulnerable to the pain that will inevitably come when her hopes are dashed.”

Gray hesitated, for Celia had just struck upon exactly what he’d thought of Rosalinde from nearly the moment he’d met her. What he’d thought, but never been able to fully label in his mind. Celia had now summed Rosalinde up five sentences and he would never be able to forget each one.

“Why do you think her hopes will be inevitably dashed?” he asked.

Celia shrugged and looked away from him. “Bitter experience tells me they will. My mother died when I was young, taking my sister and me away from whatever life she had hoped for us and to my grandfather, who is…”

“A bastard,” Gray supplied.

She let her eyes slide to him. “Yes. That is as good a term as any. Any time we wanted anything, it was denied us. Oh, we were given food and shelter, education and opportunity, but never love or affection. We sought that from each other and were denied it any other place we looked. I learned to stop looking. Rosalinde decided to look all the harder.”

“Why is that a negative thing?” Gray asked.

“Because sometimes she found it where it didn’t truly exist,” Celia all but hissed.

Gray stiffened. “You are referring to her marriage.”

Celia’s eyes narrowed, and she couldn’t hide her surprise that he had brought up that delicate subject. “She told you about her marriage?”

“A little,” he admitted through clenched teeth. “Enough.”

She stared at him, silent for what felt like an eternity. Finally, she whispered, “She is more trusting of you than I thought if she would tell you about Martin Wilde.”

“I’m glad she did,” he admitted for the first time out loud. “And I wish I could take away that terrible time in her life.”

Celia’s expression softened slightly. “As do I, more than anything. But it is proof of what I said earlier. Rosalinde was easily swayed by what that man pretended to be, pretended to offer. She grabbed on to the possibility of love so tightly that she refused to see anything else. She suffered greatly for it. And though I think she is wiser for the experience, I also know she remains vulnerable to lies.”

Gray arched a brow. “And you think I am lying to her?”

“I don’t know what you are doing,” Celia admitted. “I don’t know what bond you’ve formed with her, if any at all. I hope you wouldn’t be so cruel as to use her, to hurt her, in order to lash out at me somehow. But I cannot rule that out.”

“And that is what you wished to speak to me about here today,” he said.

She shrugged. “I am not certain that my speaking to you will change anything you plan to do. As I said, I am unaware of a great many things when it comes to you and Rosalinde and how true you are. But I do know one thing: my sister
is
true. And if you cut her, she will bleed. I love her, Mr. Danford. I love her with all my heart. And I ask that if what you share with her is only about this war you wish to wage with me, that you not allow her to be a casualty. It would be too cruel.”

She got to her feet, and Gray was forced to do the same out of propriety.

“You have said quite a lot,” Gray said, surprised that his voice shook slightly. He cleared his throat and settled himself before he continued, “And I will think about all of it, I assure you.”

“Good,” she said. “And now I must excuse myself to ready for the arrival of the other guests.”

She inclined her head and moved to the door, but there she stopped and faced him once more. “I do understand your position, you know. I too am the younger sibling, yet driven to protect the elder after seeing them go through pain. The impulse is one I respect. I hope you will
always
protect Stenfax, as I will always protect Rosalinde. And I also hope that perhaps one day you will understand that I am no threat to him. Or to you. Good day.”

She departed before he could respond, and Gray found himself staring at the door for a long time after he had been left alone. He’d spent so much time building Celia up to a monster in his head, he hadn’t allowed any other possibility to shine through. Now her passionate defense of her sister changed his thoughts on her. Whatever else she might be, he believed she truly loved Rosalinde.

And her parting words about younger siblings protecting the elder gave them a connection he hadn’t expected. Celia knew what he felt, perhaps more than anyone else he’d ever met.

So either she was very good at manipulation, or she wasn’t exactly the ogre he had made her out to be in his mind. Either way, he was left uneasy.

He turned and poured himself a cup of the tea she had left behind. He sipped the warm brew as he stared out the window at the rolling hills of his family estate. Even dead as they were, even with the trees empty of their leaves, the sight was still beautiful. Stenfax wanted to protect all this.

And Rosalinde wanted to protect Celia. He shut his eyes and could see her before him, bright eyes flashing, slender body trembling, chin lifted in defiance. She was passionate. She was lovely.

And goddamn, but he wanted her to be his. He had never imagined that would be true when he realized who she was that terrible morning he’d found her in the breakfast room with his family. He’d not allowed himself to want more of her than whatever passion declared he must take.

But when he thought of Celia’s words…

She leads with her heart.

Rosalinde did do that. He’d seen it. He’d felt it. He’d benefitted from it. She was unlike anyone he’d ever known. And he…

No, he wouldn’t finish that thought. The fact was there were so many complications that would keep them apart. His own schemes alone were enough to break her heart the way Celia had warned him not to. And he didn’t want to hurt her any more than he had to.

“You have to let her go,” he whispered to himself.

The cup in his hand began to shake, and he set it aside so he wouldn’t slosh liquid all over himself. He stared at the desolate landscape once more and realized it was the same as his heart. Empty.

“You
have
to let her go,” he repeated, stronger now, knowing it was true. Hating it was true.

But how could he do it without breaking her heart? How could he do it without destroying himself in the process?

He didn’t know. But he’d have to do it soon. Because plans would be in motion in the next few days that would not be able to be undone. Plans that would change everything.

Gray stepped from the house onto the stone steps and watched as the next carriage in a seemingly endless line of them pulled up. But as he caught the symbol on the door, his boredom with performing host duties faded and his pleasure increased.

He leaned over to Lucien and elbowed him. “Folly,” he said.

Stenfax responded with a wide grin and they headed down the steps together to greet their newest visitors. The footman held open the door and a tall, wiry man stepped out. He turned back to help a beautiful redheaded lady down before the two stepped forward. Both were smiling as they caught a glimpse of the two brothers.

“Stenfax, Gray!” the Marquess of Folworth said, releasing his wife, Marina, and coming up to exchange a slap on the back with each. “Great God, it’s good to see you.”

“Folly, you old—” Stenfax began, then cut off whatever salty name he was going to call his friend. He glanced behind them where the rest of the family, Celia, Rosalinde and their grandfather stood, and shrugged. “Well, you know what you are.”

“He does,” Marina said, slipping up to press a kiss first to Gray’s cheek, then Lucien’s. As she stepped back, Gray saw her watching Stenfax carefully. He just barely held back a flinch at her obvious concern.

“Come on, then, meet my future bride and say hello to the rest,” Stenfax said, guiding them up.

The couple said their hellos to Felicity and Lady Stenfax and went through the introductions with the others. Once again, Gray felt them both watching Celia carefully, judging her, he supposed. He wondered what they thought, with all they knew and had witnessed. After all, it had been their terrace Stenfax had nearly thrown himself from after Elise’s ultimate betrayal.

They were all four of them bound together by the horror and terror of that awful night. It had solidified a friendship that had already been strong.

“Oh, here comes the next carriage already,” Stenfax said, casting his head toward the drive as they stood chatting about unimportant things. “I hate to be rude.”

Gray shot a glance to their friends and said, “Why don’t you let me see to them getting settled, Stenfax? You don’t need me for a few moments.”

“As long as no one minds us stealing you,” Marina said, “I’d love to catch up.”

The rest nodded, though Gray caught Rosalinde watching him carefully. She had sent several curious glances to Marina since her arrival. And of course she was always finding him, analyzing him. Making it hard to think or breathe.

“Come then,” Gray said, both relieved and sorry to walk away from Rosalinde. “We’ll get you tea while Taylor makes sure your chambers are ready.”

The three entered the house together and Gray guided them down the winding halls to the parlor. Once they were settled, he wrapped an arm around Folly’s shoulders once more.

“Damn, I am pleased to see you both! Alone as I am in the wilds of the North Country, I miss our gatherings.”

“We miss you, as well,” Marina said, pouring tea like she was the hostess. “The next few days promise to be rich with opportunities to spend time together, though I assume Stenfax will be busy with the wedding plans.”

Folly nodded, his gaze even on Gray. “Unless you still intend to break the match.”

Gray shifted. Folly had not approved of his desire when he’d first shared his plans over a month ago. His disapproving tone said he still didn’t.

“I simply don’t want to watch Lucien endure any more unnecessary pain thanks to someone bent on only taking a title,” he said.

Marina bent her head. “I don’t think any of us want to see him in pain given all he’s been through. But Miss Fitzgilbert seemed nice enough when we just met her.”

“So did Elise,” Gray said, his tone hard as stone. He might soften to Celia, yes, but no one would ever convince him to do anything but despite Elise to her core.

Now Folly shifted in the discomfort. “Well, if you are determined, I
did
pick up the information you asked me to retrieve from your investigator before we left London.” His friend reached into his jacked and pulled out a thick packet of papers, bound together by a heavy ribbon.